September 4, 2011

Reality Rundown: Clown Shoe is the new Technotronics

9/04/2011 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Big Brother 13 - Week 8

Big Brother realizes that last week's fight between Jeff and Shelly, a catalyst to a lot of shit that went down on Thursday, was too important to not show so we get a flashback to the last week. It started on Wednesday night, where Rachel asked if Jeff threw the cornhole POV and Jeff denies it and gets pissy. Jeff isn't as bad about the bickering with Rachel as he is the betrayal by Shelly. Jeff doesn't care for Shelly being besties with everyone in the house, playing all sides. Ninety minutes before eviction, Shelly asks Adam if Adam said something to Jeff about her pushing for Daniele to stay. Seventy five minutes before eviction, Jeff pulls Adam aside to make sure his allegiance is still to getting out Dani. Shelly barges into the room, pissed at the allegations to make a last minute switch. Adam points out that she did try and Shelly tattles on herself that she was working on saving Daniele. Jeff brings up all of Shelly's final 3 deals and Shelly is doing her best to say the right stuff to cover her ass.

An hour before eviction, Adam tells Jeff, Jordan and Rachel that Shelly is planning to keep Daniele. Into the room comes Shelly wonder what everyone's problem is. Shelly wants to explain the plan to Jeff but Adam yells back about her pushing to keep Dani and got caught. Once Shelly says the point of keeping Dani is because Jeff and Jordan are skating to the end, Jordan feels sad and used. Shelly ties to drag Adam along in the dirt too. Jeff insists he's playing for his group, not just himself and Jordan. Jeff is pissed and disappointed, Shelly is annoyed and knows there's a target. Good fight!

There's a very long re-do/recap of the Double Eviction night which is nothing to write home about. Only interesting part is Shelly and Jeff having another pow-wow and her swearing allegiance and then when the votes come in 2-2, Jeff initially blamed Adam. Shelly said voting out Jeff was the hardest part of the game but she had to make a big move to get into the final 2 seats.

Jordan is pissed, crying. Rachel's crying. Adam is alone. Jordan can't believe she gave up a phone call home for Shelly who betrated her so badly. Shelly feels like a total snake and is crying on her bed, so Kalia and Porsche try to let her know she made a good game choice. Shelly comes into the lounge when she hears Jordan crying, explaining she's not playing Jeff's game and feels like shit. Jordan screams back that Shelly should feel like shit. I CAN GET LOUD TOO! Jordan starts screaming about giving up the phone call home and this is how Shelly repayed her?! Jordan starts yelling that they all worship Daniele which is comical since that house majorly worshiped on the altar of JeJo. But I like angry Jordan!

Since it was a Fast Forward night, it's time to name a new HOH. The competition is to roll a ball down a wooden snake and you score based on how far the ball made it, then face off in head to head battles to see who wins. Whatever, it's confusing to type. It's the whole house vs. Rachel and Jordan (well maybe not whole house, since Adam probably threw the competition). Rachel throws a silent tantrum when Porsche eliminates her. Porsche beats Jordan in the HOH competition finals, meaning Jordan's revenge scenario of getting Shelly back will have to wait another week. Or until the producers intervene to keep America's favorite around. But they wouldn't fix the game, of course...

Porsche enters her HOH room and Pandora's Box is in her room, which of course she opens after seeing two boxes with $5,000 on it and a bottle of champagne. No one turns down champs- NO ONE. Once Porsche opens the box, she discovers that her $10,000 will be split with another houseguest but a second envelope has to be read in front of the whole house. In the most obvious fucking ploy to keep Jordan and Rachel in the house, Pandora's Box is bringing duos back for one week. You get nominated as a pair, play for veto as a pair, and one person will be evicted. For those of you keeping track, that means there's a 1 in 3 chance (doing some math herr) that Rachel/Jordan will survive the week that was obviously meant for one of them to go home. The pairs are Porsche/Kalia, Rachel/Jordan, Adam/Shelly. Hey Big Brother, next time you want to rig the game, make it slightly less obvious.

Here's my gripe about Pandora's Box and the duos at 6. So Porsche/Kalia are safe and they will obviously nominate Jordan/Rachel. Now what if Adam and Shelly won the veto and WANTED to save the pair that's on the block? There's no possible replacement nominee, so does no one get nominated? It's stupid contrived bullshit to allow "fan favorites" to stay in the house.

Rachel is so excited the twist is in their favor and there is a chance for them to stay a week since the producers interfered with the game to keep them. If Rachel or Jordan win the veto they are off the block and they can get Shelly out of the game as revenge. But hey, at least Porsche won $5,000 to give Jordan and Rachel spots in the finale (they'll make it). Kalia gets $5,000 too so she's happy. "[Porsche] has more stuffing in her chest than her head," says Shelly. Porsche then nominates Jordan and Rachel, dur, and everyone gets ready to compete in the veto competition.

Eventhough they could give a shit, Jordan and Rachel head to the HOH room to talk to Porsche and Kalia. There's a proposition by Jordan to work together and make a final four deal since since the other two (Shelly/Adam) have been relying on others to do everything for them all season. They kinda take the deal? Don't know, don't care. Is anyone else completely tired of this season?

The veto competition is called "Duo Do Over" which has a bunch of dummies with the faces of houseguests pasted on them. So lifeless and dull you'd think they were the real houseguests! Anyways, the HGs have to jump on the dummy of their original partner and hold on the longest. An endurance veto? I call some bullshit more. Rachel uses her skank legs to wrap onto fake Brendon real hard. Adam, who knows his life is on the line in this game and needs to win the veto to keep himself (and Shelly), safe drops after four and a half minutes. LOSER! Jordan falls second and for a split second you fake optimism that maybe the game will play out as it should. Nope, Rachel holds on the longest, wins veto, and her and Jordan are saved for the week just as producer Alison Grodner wanted.

Adam laments being so horrible at challenges and then pairing with the newbies for final 4. Since he's an ultimate floater, of course he'll flock back to Jordan/Rachel and be their best friends too. It doesn't really matter though because Rachel and Jordan hate Shelly and want her gone. For some reason Kalia thinks Jordan might still listen to her regarding the game and strategy, but it sounds like this is the final four they are stuck with since Adam and Shelly are challenge useless.

Speaking of Shelly, she makes amends with Jordan, while saying for the 100th time that her alliance is with Tony and Josie (her husband and daughter). Shelly said it was last week she realized that she was putting Jeff/Jordan ahead of her family and best interests. Shelly makes an excellent point that if she was final three with Jeff/Jordan, she wouldn't have made final two and she doesn't hold a grudge for that. There are tears and hugs. She later makes a deal with Jordan and Rachel for final three because she doesn't want Kalia, Adam or Porsche to win. Thankfully, Shelly explains in the diary room that she is just doing anything to stay cause seriously, stop just handing the game to these fools like the producers want.

Rachel, looking less haggard than usual, starts off the veto ceremony by saving herself and Jordan. Since there is no one else to nominate thanks to the pairs twist for the week, Shelly and Adam are nominated.

Rachel wants Shelly to grovel at her feet while Porsche, in her least rehearsed/scripted DR session ever, points out there's no reason to drink her celebratory HOH champagne. Shelly, desperate for anything to keep herself in the game, hopes the fortune teller machine in the lounge will be her savior. She talks to the machine, presses buttons, begs for HOURS- it's to no avail. That fortune teller will only spit out a twist if it benefits Rachel or Jordan. Shelly and Rachel talk and Shelly tries to argue the point that she's actually played the game unlike some giant lump. Shelly uses her fake diamond ring as leverage and a symbol of her word; god I wish she'd stay and lie. Adam, floater of all floaters, agrees to have Jordan and Rachel's back if they save him. Oh decisions.

In only-interesting-thing-of-the-week news, we get footage of Brendon of playing ping pong by himself, picking oranges to make juice, and having a solo nerdo vacation in the jury house. Brendon is happy to see Daniele based on karma. The surprise comes as Brendon makes another pitcher of fresh orange juice and Big Jeff enters the jury house. Daniele is pleased, again citing karma, and rejoicing that her former alliance finally got Jeff out. Jeff is pissy while watching especially lamenting losing the game based on retrieving clown shoes since he accidentally threw his yellow clown shoe out of the box. CLOWN SHOE IS THE NEW TECHNOTRONICS.

The show returns to the house to get the vote and duh, Shelly is evicted 2-1. No surprise at all and Jeff will be pleased. Shelly tried to make big moves but failed, and acknowledges her turning on Jeff is to blame. Julie asks why she turned so early- ummm seven isn't that early. Shelly didn't want to hurt Jeff and hopes he'll accept her apology in the jury house. At least Shelly knows she's been a terrible liar and shows her kid why lying doesn't pay.

The HOH competition is another to be continued, so prepare for the worst results. The houseguests need to traverse through donut glaze, sprinkles, and retrieve plastic donuts; whoever has the most donuts at the end of 13 minutes wins.

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