September 11, 2011

Reality Rundown: I Seriously Didn't Want to Watch This Week

9/11/2011 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Big Brother 13 - Week 9

If this recap has less photos or enthusiasm, it's because I'm powering through all 3 episodes on a Sunday because of loyalty to you 13 readers.

In the retrieve things in your mouth through goop challenge, it's no suprise that Rachel wins HOH. The least surprising news ever is that Adam plans to float back to Rachel/Jordan's side to remain safe. What an annoying person in the house. I'm not even calling Adam a player because he doesn't play. He does jack shit. Kalia knows she is in the deepest shit so begs, pleads and tries to make deals to stick around. Rachel wants to keep people who are true players in the game, which is why her nominations of Porsche and Kalia make toooooootal sense because they do nothing. Oh wait, that's Adam.

Other Sunday episode shenanigans: Rachel opens Pandora's Box and gets locked in a room with Jessie because god forbid a season go by without seeing him. Rachel's prize is a shopping spree of only Jessie "Mr. Pec-tacular" merchandise. Won't lie, I laughed when Jessie signed an autograph as "Caught ya lookin." That is allegedly the negative because the "positive" is that a pregnant Tori Spelling enters the Big Brother house while the houseguests have a shopping spree. Adam gets so excited about this because his only known characterization on this show is 90210 fan, appletini drinker, bacon lover, and terrible houseguest. Adam is soooo excited to see Tori and says if the baby is the boy she'll name it Adam. Oh fuck me. This is about the only notable thing Adam has done all season so there you go.

The show is mercifully going forward quickly and instead of a veto competition and ceremony on Tuesday, there's also an eviction. The veto competition is the same ol' Otev competition to retrieve answers to questions posed by Otev. Instead of the awesome singing clam from last year, this season there is a sweet-tooth shark and they have to retrieve a pie. Not as awesome as that creepster clam. Adam wins the veto due to his immense knowledge of remembering everything in the house since he's a physical challenge failure. Adam chooses to not use the veto, despite some encouragement from the newbies to finally make a big move in the game, and Kalia is evicted from the game.

Interesting stuff: Shelly enters the jury house and Big Jeff is glad to see her evicted. Jeff is still pissed Shelly ruined his chances to win and gets all pissy as Dani keeps trying to remind him it's just a game. Shelly and Jeff have it out: final three, who protected who, blah. After watching the week recap DVD, Shelly mentions she would've sided with Jordan again which ticks Jeff off more.

Remember when Shelly stared at the fortune teller for hours and spoke to it, begging for help? The fortune teller finally spoke this week with really stupid phrases about houseguests hypothetical future, but at least she tortured the house by spouting the nonsense at all hours. Fortune teller at least gets some zings in about Brendon's gross feet and Jeff's obsession with clown shoes. All these messages are for the HOH trivia competition: answer true/false based on the fortune teller's statements. Adam wins HOH at long last, making him one iota less useless and giving him this notion that he'd be considered an all star which is the funniest thing I've heard the whole summer.

Another eviction- hooray! Porsche pleads her case to Adam to keep her, especially since Jordan won the prize two years ago. Rachel does her campaigning but it's in Jordan's chat session that we see Adam wavering and considering getting rid of one of the vets. Jordan claims Porsche has done nothing to stay in the game which is laughable since Jordan hasn't won a competition or done anything since WEEK 2. Adam nominates Porsche and Jordan for eviction.

The veto competition has blocks with house events and houseguests and has to match them up to win the veto. This is an important veto because the winner of the veto basically decides who goes to the final three. I'm pretty surprised that of all people, Porsche wins the veto that requires brain power. Rachel cries about Adam and Porsche being in the final three, Jordan knows she's a goner. Rachel is a fighter though and campaigns to Porsche to keep her in the game and that Rachel would take her to final two. Not shown to us was Jordan "campaigning" to Porsche, which I guess is enough for Jordan to get in one last dig to point out she knows nothing about Porsche except she likes to wear bikinis and host competitions. Porsche votes to evict Jordan which is smart because I still think Jordan would've won just based on her niceness.

The end of the week is a cliffhangers for the first part of the final three part HOH competition. The HGs are strapping to "mixer blades" and spun over like a giant pool of butter or cake mix? I don't know, looks nasty but I can guarantee Adam falls in under five minutes.

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