October 30, 2011

Reality Rundown: And Twins!

The Amazing RaceThe Biggest Loser
Survivor: South Pacific

The Amazing Race - This week's leg kicks off still in Thailand, but with a fun task: ride elephants! It's followed by a Road Block to listen to some dude play a wooden flute while searching murky water near a waterfall for a clue. It might be the easiest task ever. The twins (Liz and Marie) depart maybe 2 hours behind the pack and have to do a Speed Bump due to their non-elimination leg check-in. Before riding the elephants they must pick up the elephant shit and bathe them (in water, not shit).

To retrieve the next clue, teams them disassemble a spirit house (Thai shrine) and bring the pieces along with them. Again, easiest task ever. Next clue is another Road Block which is to reassemble the spirit house, which can only be done by the team member who didn't do the water. While disassembling was easy, reassembling is tricky since no one really paid attention.

This leg, which never ends, then sends the team to Bangkok for another GD clue. Turns out the cab ride is a huge expense out of the $186 stipend they've been given for this leg. Cindy and Ernie's cabbie gets pissed that they pay him with American money and demands Thai bahts; they end up paying $150 and ragin'. Zac and his British/Aussie dad (what is he?) book tickets on a first class bus and after driving a bit realize it's against the rules and have to back-pedal (turns out that only pertains to planes, not buses- whoops). That means they have to wait until 8:00PM after originally getting a 4:30PM bus. Despite waiting like two and a half hours, the twins are still behind them and don't have enough money for the cab. The hold-up with the cab driver makes them miss the bus and they now have no money for another ticket, but the cabbie agrees to take the money and drive the twins to the bus. Well that's no fun.

The teams arrive in Bangkok and get into cabs, which I hope are cheap since no one has any money. The teams feed the fish in the canal to get their clue which leads to the Pit Stop. Another waste of time, kind of like the hour I waste watching this show. Amani and Marcus check in as team #1, with old folks Bill and Cathi just seconds behind them. Amani and Marcus win a trip to Bali, or maybe Phil said "Bally's" like the shitty Vegas casino or the sports club. The twins find out that walking to the fish feeding is going to take like five hours and they didn't want to beg poor people for money. The getsta walkin' but a generous cabbie ends up giving them a free lift. Post-fish, another cabbie agrees to give them a free ride to the Pit Stop. It's great editing as if the girls stood a chance but they were hours behind. The twins are eliminated from the race.

The Biggest Loser - It's Halloween week and the losers are shocked, probably because this was filmed in like April. Alison Sweeney is dressed like Bridge of Frankenstein and drops sad facts about Halloween and fattiness. Alison makes a temptation offer: for every pound of candy they eat, they get a one pound advantage. Sounds awesome until they learn it's not about the individual this week: the entire group (10 people) must lose 100lbs together. If they don't make the 100lbs, the entire group votes someone out meaning team divisions will make some big choices. Ali give one last tip: the group can eat up to 10lbs of candy. The candy will lurk in the kitchen all week.

Since it's one big ol' team this week, there's some trainer swap going out. Jennifer is really clingy to Bob, which Anna notices. It's pretty easy to notice since Jennifer cries to camera about missing Bob's shouts. In a Dolvett bonding session with John, who has adopted sons, we learn that Dolvett was adopted as well. In the kitchen, the red team skips the candy and eats (what else but) Jenni-O turkey. Jenni-O turkey also works as an aphrodisiac as Ramon and Jessica have found a love match in the house. They share a romantic picnic in the sunset and Ramon drops the love bomb. Again, The Biggest Loser has a better track record for love than The Bachelor.

The teams meet Alison at a hay maze for their latest challenge: collect as many apples as you can in a hay maze to obtain a weigh-in advantage. If they collect 150lbs of apples they get a 5lb advantage, 200lbs of apples gets 10lb advantage. The catch is that at the end of the 10 minutes if anyone is still in the maze, the advantage is lost and they instead get a 5lb disadvantage. My favorite moment is someone giving the Carla Hall "Hootie Hoo!" to have their location known. The losers work together to make sure no one gets trapped in the end. Antone won't go into the fake Styrofoam graveyard, I guess for fear of being haunted by non-recyclable materials. With a minute left, some people run in for more apples because they're close to the 10lb advantage. It's as if the Titanic sinking the way people were screaming to get out. With seconds to spare, everyone gets out of the maze in time and get over 200lbs for a 10lb advantage.

The losers decide that it would be funnier to tell Bob they got a 10lb advantage eating the candy instead of winning a challenge. Bob is livid and it is hilarious. Luckily it's a joke but they'll still pay in the gym. Bonnie screams like she's being tortured when Bob finally works with her and he even gets her to laugh. Proof that Bonnie isn't lazy, she just truly hates Anna. Dolvett and Anna really give the losers a whipping but Jennifer refuses to put her all into any workout unless Bob is leading it. Get over it, woman. John, so desperate to be in the game, fears he's a target and will go home this week. Get over it, man. We also learn Vinny gained a lot of weight as a child to look to big to abuse. Yikes, sad.

Weigh-in time. The losers 100lb drops to 90lbs since they beat the apple maze challenge and not a size bite of candy was eaten. Everything is going pretty well until Sunny gains 5lbs. The coaches encourage her to not be humiliated or discouraged but use this as a motivator. Jennifer acknowledges to the group she's Bob reliant and working to get used to the other. Old lady Bonnie only loses 1lb, crushed since she thought she had her best week yet (her blue teammate Becky only loses 1lb too). Jessica, maybe infected too much by the love bug, is happy with her 4lb loss, and Ramon only has 2lbs lost. Anna decides to interject and blame their romance on this. STFU Anna. As a team, the ten people lost only 38lbs out of the needed 90- WAMP WAMP!

John is the biggest loser of the week, making him safe. Considering how much screentime Jessica got this episode, I think it's most obvious who is getting voted off. Jennifer's attitude is a topic of discussion and black is a little torn between following Bob's orders of unity and eliminating a moper. The three red team members vote for Jennifer, and I'm assuming a black team vote block for Roman (who Jen and John vote for). Nope! Phil and Antone are tired of her distraction and Sunny's vote seals Jennifer's fate and eliminates the first black team member from the game.

Survivor: South Pacific - Christine and Mikayla prepare to duel and dear god, Mikayla win and get back in the game for my winner prediction. The challenge is to rip apart a crate made of planks and use the planks to assemble a bridge, then you have to unassemble the planks to put together a puzzle. Goddamn that's awful to type for a recap. Christine wins and the duel and Mikayla is out of the game. And there goes my winner prediction.

Ozzy lets Cochran know that Christine is dominating Redemption Island and worries if they lose they need to send someone to Redemption Island. Ozzy says that if that scenario arises, he'd like to be send to Redemption as he'd have the best shot of beating her. He would give the immunity idol to someone else on the tribe so that they'd have it later. It's a huge ballsy move and could be amazing if it transpires and works, but it's Survivor and nothing ever goes with the plan.

Coach performs his Dragonslayer Chi and babbles on about the idol and wanting to tell everyone, but still isn't going to. Brandon, Rick, and Edna want to keep searching for the idol since they aren't in the loop. The tribe goes searching for the idol, but Coach and Sophie head to tree mail and pretend they found the idol just now instead of days ago. Brandon believes prayer helped find the idol- heh.

The Immunity Challenge requires the teams to pair up and paint themselves in matching paint and rock clothes. Twin time! Along with immunity, they get a sneak peak viewing party of the horrible looking Adam Sandler movie Jack and Jill. At least they get movie snacks. Jack and Jill are twins, which leads Jeff to make the longest, most convulded explanation of how this challenge and the movie are similar. The challenge itself is one set of twins to be callers to the other pairs of twins, guiding them through an obstacle course to collect masks. Once the masks are collected, the twins have to make matches using only their sense of touch. Another fun one to type! Edna is a waste of space on Upolu but Savaii loses momentum when the team becomes tangled in their ropes. BENJAMIN starts praying to god for a challenge win. Ozzy and Whitney catch up to Albert and Sophie, but it's too little, too late: Upolu wins immunity. Ozzy is pissed, blames who hooked the ropes (Cochran), and starts kicking stuff like any child would do. Hard to take a man in braided pigtails seriously.

Upolu heads to their private screening of that torture flick. The food looks better: candy and hot dogs. The best part is Sophie trying to laugh but clearly hates it.

So Cochran knows he's kinda screwed his team and everyone's avoiding him. The group has to decide who they want to send to Redemption Island and Ozzy, who earlier said he'd go to Redemption, takes it back and says Cochran needs to go. Ozzy says it's risky to send Cochran but riskier to go himself. Everyone believes Cochran can do it and redeem himself. It would be epic if he wins against Christine but Cochran's self esteem is pretty, pretty, pretty low. Cochran doesn't want to be a Redemption Island hero, he just wants to stay in the game. Though later, Ozzy heads to his tree and grabs his hidden immunity and gives it to his team. Ozzy is here to redeem himself and while Cochran agrees he deserves to go, his confidence is low. Ozzy thinks he has good odds of winning but his tribe doesn't necessarily dig the plan.

Tribal time and I have no idea how it's going down. Cochran admits he's embarrassed by his challenge performance. The tribe discusses the optimism of Redemption Island and that whoever is eliminated tonight will defeat Christine. Ozzy has created a whole plan/story for Christine that Cochran had the idol, played it, sent Ozzy home, and now he's seeking vengeance. Jeff does his immunity idol schpiel and Ozzy gives Cochran the idol after a scary fake-out and says he better get it back when he returns. The tribe does comply with the plan and they vote out Ozzy. Now will this be an amazing move or the dumbest move ever? Will there even be a merge next week? STAY TUNED SUCKAS.

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