October 23, 2011

Reality Rundown: South Pacific Ass Sliding

The Amazing RaceThe Biggest Loser
Survivor: South Pacific

The Amazing Race - Teams leave Indonesia to head to Phuket, Thailand. The snowboarders want to pay it to forward to the father/son since their blunder of last week's orphanage clue won the snowboarders a sweet-ass first place trip. This doesn't help them much because these two teams end up on a flight arriving to Phuket close to an hour after all the other teams. This doesn't matter because an equalizer occurs when the place to retrieve the clue isn't open until 8am.

The Detour's goal is to help out Thailand, which still is pretty messed up from the tsunami. Teams can either place coral into an underwater nursery or set-up beach umbrellas and chairs. Oh yeah, setting up a beach club is toooootally making a difference (oh wait, just the coral is the help the economy thing). Half of the teams do the coral, half the beach chairs. The twins struggle at the beach chair challenge, having a hard time opening chairs and keeping umbrellas from blowing away. The locals laugh at their suffering. Over at the coral challenge, the PVC pipe nursery falls apart of people and the water proves to be tiring. This leads Amani/Marcus and some dating couple (Jeremy and Sandy) to switch tasks.

After the Detour, teams take a boat to Soap Island which I'd like to think is the cleanest place on earth. I love that to identify the island they need to use a rock with two holes to identify it- like the one in Goonies. The Road Block is for one team member to climb a rock wall which is really scaling the side of a Soap Island cliff. The clues are in a bird's nest so let's hope a bitter mother bird doesn't attach racers for stealing her clue babies.

The snowboarders, and my picks to win might I remind you, finish the climb first and head to the Pit Stop of Koh Panyi, a floating village. Andy and Tommy are team #1 again and win $5,000 each. Could I actually have an accurate winner prediction? Everyone else is not so lucky and seems to get lost trying to navigate their boats from the Roadblock to the Pit Stop. The twins are so far but are spared thanks to another damn non-elimination. Ughh.

The Biggest Loser - Through a game on Plinko, one person gets to go home for the entire week with their trainer. They get immunity too which sounds awesome until they learn their while they are safe, their weight in the only one that counts this week for their entire team. Sunny of the black team gets to bring Bob home and she's cheering and so excited like she won a trip to Frisco, Texas. Hey dumbass, you have to work really hard or else you're effing your team. Bob chastises her for thinking this is a cake week and wishes she wouldn't see anyone at home. He also warns the rest of the team to not slack. I love mean Bob.

The black team misses Bob in the gym. The blue team (well Bonnie) is annoyed with Anna's shitty training. Sunny returns home to hugs and kisses but they are far more excited to see Bob. They have a family therapy session where Sunny vows to not go back to the fatty that held them back, the kicks her ass at the local gym. Sunny has a breakdown at the gym remembering a time she came to the gym and people laughed at her for being obese. Aw sad. Of course she remembers the donut shop fondly and instead brings her song on a trip to Subway. Worst. lunch. ever. Bob later ruins the fun at a BBQ restaurant and points out Sunn will never get to have this delicious stuff again. But at least we get to see Bob ride a mechanical bull. The fun is short-lived when he calls the ranch and realizes Jennifer is lone wolf and a total outcast.

There's a challenge for teams to make it through a rubber band maze (a la Guts) with cups of soda to fill a jug. The winning team gets to help someone they know get fit by sending them to the Biggest Loser lodge. Some dude admits pre-show he drank 8-10 cans of soda a day which is pretty repulsive and I wonder how it's possible. Old lady Bonnie is at first comical then has an "I've fallen and I can't get up" moment which is really her just being over-dramatic. Red team wins a challenge, finally dethroning the black team.

Donning a cowboy hat, Bob and Sunny return for the weigh-in. Bonnie admits Anna brings an anger out of her she's never had aka she hates her and Anna doesn't get it. The red team has a good week and loses 2.52%. Becky and Bonnie beat the red team, which I'd hope two people could do it, but crushes my dreams of seeing Bonnie the lone member of the blue team forced to train with Anna. The black team weighs in, eventhough it doesn't matter for anyone except Sunny. Too bad no one played the game and threw their weigh-in so they'd have big numbers next week (though Antone only lost 4, so maaaaybe he played the game?) Sunny makes the walk up to the scale and she must lose more than 6lbs to maintain the black team's undefeated status. Sunny loses an astonishing 14lbs and has a good happy cry.

The red team has to head to elimination and I wonder if Vinny's creepy character that originates from his obese belly button will come back to haunt him. The team has a meeting to sob about why they should stay on the ranch. So much for girl power when Jessica votes to eliminate Courtney, as does the rest of the team after some really long rambling from Vinny about why he voted for her.
Survivor: South Pacific - Elyse and Christine prepare to face off at Redemption Island. Christine is "unfortunately" still there and miserable being alone. The challenge itself is a game of Survivor shuffleboard which we've seen maybe nine times on this show before. Unlike the exciting editing of last week, this is dullsville. Christine wins her fourth duel, making a Matt-like run on Redemption Island minus the god stuff. She also flips off her former tribemates when Rick tries to cheer her on. Such a happy woman!

Ozzy begins his whining phase, pissy at camp that Keith and Whitney betrayed him. He claims he's a free agent and now alliance free. He thinks this was a personal move and when Dawn challenges him about holding back, Ozzy announces he has the idol. Kind of a sore loser for someone who has played the game three times. Cochran sums it up best: "He's just behaving like a stupid bitch." Eventually Ozzy realizes he was a whiny bitch and apologizes to his tribe and claims declaring the idol was just so everyone would trust him.

Coach hopes no one learns of the idol he found with Sophie and Albert. Brandon doesn't know about the idol so he finds the third clue and then starts hunting for the idol, giving everyone flashbacks of the troll that shall not be named. Coach initially has some guilt about not letting Brandon into the know, once he seems that idol badger digging around camp feverishly, he's glad. Edna, knowing she's potentially still on the outs, continues to kiss up to Coach. Coach tells Edna that she's safe for now as Mikayla is next to go.

This week's Immunity Challenge is to assemble a wheel barrel through an obstacle course while filling it with coconuts, then use the same parts to assemble a slingshot which they'll use to sling coconuts at targets. Confusing to example, but it's a cool challenge. The winning tribe gets reward in the form a trip to the Sliding Rocks, a natural waterslide, and get a picnic lunch. Awesome! Mikayla pisses off her tribe but continuing to such at shooting targets, ignoring their advice. Savaii comes from way behind and thanks to their target skills (and Mikayla's lack their of on Upolu) wins immunity and reward.

Savaii bonds as a group at reward, stuffing their faces with their yummy picnic. Ozzy feels like the Savaii 6 are the ones he'd like to win, even if it's not him (though he's like it to be him). Cochran overcomes his nerdiness and does the rock slide and the rest of the tribe joins in. It looks so fun. I want to go there!

Upolu's bummed but Coach is all ready to send Mikayla home since she didn't listen to his orders, I mean coaching, at the challenge. Albert tells Mikayla about Coach's plan and she can't believe their claims of wanting strength yet keeping Edna around. He doesn't go straight to Coach with this and instead goes to Sophie and mustache Rick. Brandon also seems OK with the plan to get rid of Edna, thinking Edna is playing everyone with that brain of hers, but he gave his word and won't break it. Lame! Knowing that talking to Brandon is useless, Albert and Sophie approach Coach to plead weak Edna's case. Coach doesn't like Mikayla not listening to him and would rather have Edna who does all his bidding. Rick, who we have seem maybe four minutes this season, is suddenly the swing vote.

Tribal Council time. The topic of discussion is loyalty vs. strength. Brandon and Coach are team loyalty, while Sophie and Albert are about strength because they need numbers. Brandon gets pissed that Sophie and Albert seem to be swaying for their pact to have six people and said Mikayla has to go. Brandon says to vote him out today if they are not playing on loyalty and dear god, I hope they make a miraculous switch. Brandon does say that he'd prefer to keep Mikayla but gave his word to Edna. Despite Brandon's ballsy declaration, the votes are for Mikayla and Edna. Rick's loyalty ends up on Team BENJAMIN NOT COACH and Mikayla is eliminated. Oh fuck my pick to win.