December 31, 2011

Charity of the Month for December 2011: American Cancer Society

12/31/2011 Posted by Mel Got Served
I can't believe 2011 is over and we're moving into 2012. For the first time ever I truly made a new year's resolution and actually seeing it through has felt great. I've learned about so many new charities this year and I am sure my contributions will help do great things in this world.

For my final charity of 2011, I decided to donate to the American Cancer Society. This holiday season someone close to me lost someone to cancer. It saddens me this for disease to continue in this world and I hope that my contribution can help in taking the steps forward to curing cancer as well as providing help for those currently battling. I encourage you on this final day of 2011 to make a donation, just a little one, to a charity that means something to you. Trust me, it feels good.

December 26, 2011

Reality Rundown: The New Dragon Slayer

12/26/2011 Posted by Mel Got Served , , , No comments
Finale! Survivor: South PacificTop Chef: Texas

Finale! Survivor: South Pacific - The final duel is the most Ozzy-est of challenges: hang on a pole as long as you can. Brandon does a decent job staying up for a while but of course Ozzy prevails. So Ozzy returns to the game and becomes the prime target. Ozzy of course wins individual immunity in the form of stacking blocks like a card house. Sophie, who for some reason owns a card stacking book, throws a hissy fit for Albert to help her. Albert tries to use this as leverage as to why Sophie should be the next to go, though Rick is really the top one to go. Ozzy reveals to everyone at Tribal Council that he made a final three deal with Coach, making him livid, and then says Sophie is a brat, leading to her having a breakdown. It's silent mustached Rick whose torch is snuffed.

In the last immunity challenge, there's one of those big obstacle course jungle gym things to retrieve puzzle pieces and then assemble them. Ozzy takes the early lead and gets all his bags first, but he's a puzzle failure and Sophie wins immunity. Coach declares Sophie the new Dragon Slayer for finally taking Ozzy out. Despite reassurance from Coach that the deal is still on and begging for a fire challenge tie breaker, Ozzy is eliminated for good.

At the jury, Albert keeps pretending he was BFF with all the jury members and insists he was the puppetmaster. Sophie makes logical explanations as to what she did to stay in the game: strategy, alliances, and winning challenges. Coach feels this is his redemption story and he played with "honor and integrity" and because he keeps saying this phrase over and over, it rubs the jury the wrong way. Coach eventually admits he had to play shitty sometimes. Albert still gets the most ripping by the jury because they believe he knew Brandon was going home and Rick thinks Albert used god to get ahead. The best part of the whole jury questioning is when Sophie reveals they staged the whole Upolu "We found the idol!" moment since Sophie/Albert/Coach found it early and kept it a secret from Rick and Brandon. They jury votes and we come to the present day set and the winner of Survivor: South Pacific is.... SOPHIE!

At the reunion, Sophie gets like four minutes of airtime before Probst only speaks to the male contestants. He gives Ozzy so much credit and Ozzy wins fan favorite by a landslide margin. The worst moment of all time goes to Probst suggesting a Brandon vs Russell Battle of the Hantz season and I will tell you know if that happens, get your recaps elsewhere.

Now, most importantly, at the beginning of each season of Survivor I predict who I think will win based on questionnaires, pre-show interviews, etc. Obviously I was totally wrong with Mikayla, BUT this season we have a winner! Everyone please congratulate Phil Robinson who chose Sophie before the game started. Kudos to him because truth be told, I figured she'd be one of the first out.

Top Chef: Texas - The Quickfire is interactive this week, taking suggestions straight off of Twitter. This includes having to cook something with bacon in it (snooze), make a hash (hashtag challenge, har har puns), and use a random ingredient picked by another cheftestant. Paul is declared the winner for getting bacon, blueberry, asparagus and clams to not taste like shit. He wins $10,000 but no immunity.

The elimination challenge is to create a dish inspired by the person who taught you to cook. Here's where you get a lot of clips about their moms and grandmothers. Alleged new judge of the entire season Emeril finally returns to collect a paycheck and is joined by celebrity guest judge, Patti LaBelle. The winner of the challenge is Sarah who was inspired by the stuffed cabbage her grandparents made. The bottom three are attractive Chris, Grayson, and Heather. I figured Grayson was the shoo-in to go after making a literal copy of her inspiration dish and having horrible portions. Turns out karma's a bitch for nasty-ass Heather who is eliminated for overcooked, tough, dry meat.

December 15, 2011

Reality Rundown: Hmm I'm Gonna Go Smell the Pizza

Finale! The Amazing RaceFinale! The Biggest Loser
Survivor: South PacificTop Chef: Texas

Finale! The Amazing Race - The final destination on the race around the world is Atlanta, Georgia and man I would like a Phaedra Parks cameo. Amani and Marcus are from Atlanta so lucky break for them. Their route info sends them to a flight simulator which would be puke city for me. Marcus has a fear of flying so has trouble not really flying on the ground. Amani and Marcus takes ace to succeed at fake flying.

Next, teams go to "The Dump" which is the residence of the dude who wrote Gone With the Wind. Since they have to figure it out themselves, they're lost. Jeremy and Sandy end up in a furniture store, frantically searching. Ernie and Cindy are able to make a call to find the right location. At The Dump is a "who gives a damn?" Roadblock to type out their next clue on an old typewriter, but there's no 1 key so they need to use lowercase L. What an exciting finale task. Ernie and Cindy complete the task before Jeremy and Sandy even arrive.

The next clue is at Turner Field based on Hank Aaron's stats. At the field, there's a big ass map that one team member has to climb up and use a rope and carabiners to plot out the race course. This is a better challenge as it requires brains and brawn. Cindy really remembers the race course so her only challenge is maneuvering up on a harness. They receive the clue to head to Swan House, the final pit stop in the race. Then they hover over their cab driver's GPS cursing the "Recalculating" voice. Smart editing makes it seem like Jeremy and Sandy are close but I'm doubtful. Ernie and Cindy make it through the cheering crowd of losing racers and become the winners of The Amazing Race: Worst Season ever. Seriously, what an unchallenging, uninteresting, piece of shit season. Of the remaining three teams, I guess I was pulling for Ernie/Cindy or at least I remembered who they are (sorry, Jeremy and Sandy).

Finale! The Biggest Loser - If you're looking for two hours of filler with periodic weigh-ins, have I got the finale for you! Anna even puts on a pleasant face for someone who was fired for being unlikable and intolerable. While we get some silhouettes of the final three, until then it's the other losers competing for the at-home prize of $100,000. The "huge difference" in this finale is that all the losers have already weighed in and the top three will get on the giant fake scale for the final at-home prize weigh-in. I don't love the way they display the weight loss as it doesn't make it as clear as to their starting weight and ending weight. The at-home prize contenders are Vinny, Patrick, and Jennifer. Yeah I don't really remember two of those people either. The big fake scale is rolled out and Jennifer wins the at-home prize after losing 43.94% of her body weight (145lbs).

The final three, Ramon, John, and Antone, come strutting out to reveal their new skinnier looks next to their fatass holograms. The show then fills and immense amount of time and I'm not kidding about this: I started watching the episode at 9:50PM and completely caught up at 10:21 PM. We get a sneak peak of Biggest Loser 13 which premieres in only three fucking weeks and the twist is they arrive as pairs but the pairs are split: one family member with Bob, one with Dolvett. John loses 225lbs to win The Biggest Loser and gets the confetti in his hair he dreamed about.

Survivor: South Pacific - Ozzy and Edna battle in the latest duel: slide puzzle, hatchet to cut puzzle pieces, than a stackable puzzle of cubes. Ozzy has an early lead but hey, the commercial shows Edna's possible upset. Even Upolu is giving her help from the sidelines to take on Ozzy. No upset at all: Ozzy wins.

It's time for the five to start eating each other alive and Albert can't wait to pull of the biggest blindside yet: Sophie. Are you fucking kidding me? GET RID OF COACH. He even begs Coach to listen to his Sophie pleas, but Coach isn't listening and sees the paranoia. Albert sees Sophie as a threat now so wants to adapt his gameplay to work with Rick and Brandon better. Albert realizes Rick would be ideal for final three because he's a total follower that has done exactly nothing. What Albert isn't considering is how fucking obvious it is that Coach will win. Well until Ozzy inevitably comes back into the game and gets all the Savaii jury votes. Sophie suggests to Coach that Brandon should be sent to Redemption as their best chance to maybe eliminate Ozzy permanently, or at least eliminate his god-loving chances of winning. Coach starts to get Russell flashbacks with Brandon, who is bossy and a butt-inski.

The immunity challenge is to climb a wall to collect puzzle pieces which have to be sorted into pairs, but the extras will make a number code to unlock a box. Gahhh could they make challenges easier for recaps? Winner gets immunity and pizza, soda, and garlic bread. Since the entire pre-immunity strategy talk was to get rid of Brandon, he of course wins immunity and thanks Jesus. He gets to pick one other person to enjoy pizza with him, so Brandon picks Rick to join him while they eat pizza in front of them.

Since Brandon's safe, Coach and Sophie agree it's Albert's time to go since he thinks he's better than everyone. Sophie goes to "smell the pizza" and lets Brandon/Rick know the plan is Albert and he's got a final three with everyone. Brandon doesn't like liars cause the bible hates liars. Rick even speaks saying that Albert checked him with him re: a final three as well. Sophie loves seeing Albert squirm. Albert knows he's screwed but tries one last time to get Brandon to open his heart to him and Brandon forgives him and announces he won't vote for him. Brandon even says if he has to he will give Albert his immunity necklace. Brandon knows he's safe with Coach and even tells Coach said plan. Well this puts Coach in an awkward position.

Tribal Council time! 4 seconds into Tribal, Brandon announces he'd like to give his immunity necklace up and puts it around Albert's neck. Brandon is willing to give his space up for others to show his alliance dedication. Brandon is fucking crazy and dumb. Jeff asks Albert if he would in turn re-give the necklace to Brandon if he were in trouble; Albert says yes, Sophie's not so sure. The realization begins to hit Brandon his time could be up but Albert hopes Brandon has faith in himself and Coach to keep him alive. No shit he keeps the necklace. The votes are cast and, a-duh, Brandon is eliminated.

Top Chef: Texas - Quickfire: make a dish that pairs well with the product placement tequila. Tasting time- shots, shots, shots, shots-shots-shots! Best dig: Heather's dish tasting like the dish of the week at a chain restaurant. The winner is Ty-Lor who made steam clams in a That style fish caramel sauce, a good spicy contrast to the tequila.

Elimination challenge: pair up with the person next to you to cook game meats for their assigned famous chefs, who each come with their meat request. Other catch: all the cheftestants will be judges too and there's double elimination. Winners split $10k so that's a positive. Heather gets paired with Beverly, who she hates. This will not work out well for the bitch. Chris Jones is also in the partner shitter by messing up the sweet potatoes and his partner, Grayson, gets pissed when he admits the flaw. Ed and Ty-Lor are named the winning dish for their quail.

The cheftestants have to vote the three worst pairs to send for elimination. To the judge's table go Heather/Bev, Chris Jones/Grayson, an Nyesha/Dakota. Nyesha/Dakota made a great dish (gratin success!) but the meat was too rare. Grayson/Chris cooked the meat well but the dumb chain linked fence of sweet potato was dumb. Beverly/Heather could've been rendered more but didn't feel like a finished dish. Heather throws Bev under the bus as fast as she can, questioning her work ethics. Dakota comes to Bev's defense because Heather's just being a bully, though her argument is that Bev just doesn't have enough self confidence and over-questions. The pair eliminated is Dakota and Nyesha which I think is kinda bullshit but I guess you have to cook meat right in a meat challenge.

December 11, 2011

Reality Rundown: I Won't Be Happy 'Til the Confetti Falls

The Amazing RaceThe Biggest Loser
Survivor: South PacificTop Chef: Texas

The Amazing Race - After sleeping in the Atomium and shoving more Ford product placement in, the teams have to dress as detectives from the Tintin comics, realize who they are, and find a Tintin mural. What's funny is they didn't attempt to make this a movie product placement yet shove Fords down our fucking throats. The snowboarders get a good idea and Google what they look like, but fail when they think they're Charlie Chaplin. Others have the good fortune of finding people that know the comic and characters.

Teams cross the Atlantic to Panama City, Panama and I pray they never have to go to the cesspool of Panama City Beach, Florida the week of spring break. Horrible! Once there, the teams take cabs, then boats in the dark to sign-up for tattoo appointments. It's not real, thankfully, but just paint and it is actually their next clue: San Francisco Bay Towers. It's a Roadblock to cross a tightrope, round-trip, 35 stories high above Panama City. Sandy has to do it, based on the rule that at the end the Road Blocks must be evenly split, and she's afraid of heights.

Teams then have to find a statue to their Detour clue. The Detour this time is to deliver assorted seafood to vendors or make a pair of sandals. All the teams completely misinterpret the next clue on the dancers for the Pit Stop and end up in a totally wrong location. This is a fail on the race's behalf because they made the clue completely horrible and difficult to find. Here's a hint: next time you want to send them to a location and hide it on the dress, don't let them wear other pieces that say another location all over them. Lucky for most teams, Jeremy/Sandy's cab driver gives their cabbies all the correct location. Jeremy and Sandy are team #1 and win a trip to Turks and Caicos. Last place are the snowboarders Andy and Tommy, who drove way to far to a wrong possible Pit Stop. They are last to check in and eliminated from the race. I can never pick a fucking winner.

The Biggest Loser - The final four head home to be greeted by their families and townsfolk where they show off their new bods. They receive DVDs from their trainers that also include the pre-show interviews with their fat selves. This is 30 minutes of filler before we get to the only interesting part: Vinny proposes to his girlfriend at the Grand Ole' Opry. I went there once! Then Antone benches his kids. The trainers eventually visit the losers back at home to make sure they are fucking up their progress. John is still a dick even to his wife. Becky is the only person who goes back to work afterwards, making this a more accurate representation.

Then, the final four return to campus (well the desert) to run their season-ending marathon. Then all the loser losers get off a bus because as you recall, everyone will run the marathon and whoever wins gets a guaranteed spot in the finale. BUT, there's more: Walgreen's is going to give money to the top 5 finishers ranging from $2,500 to $25,000 (for the winner). Big stakes! Old lady Bonnie isn't running which I know surprises us all. Annoying old man Johnny walks the marathon while wearing a barbershop quartet hat or something. Courtney, who went home week three, is the early leader; Ramon passes her at like mile 9 but Courtney is still close. Dr. Huizenga thinks a lot of the losers are looking horrible which is like duh, these people are not trained marathon runners. He pulls Joe from the race eventhough Joe wants to finish his last 5 miles; he refuses. Smart move for that torn ACL. Ramon wins the marathon, gets $25k, and a spot in the finale. Rounding out the top five are Courtney, John, Jessica, and Patrick.

Final on-campus weigh-in! The final four are duking it out for the remaining two spots in the finale since Ramon snagged the first slot. No America's vote- yay! John gets all dickish and says he won't be happy til he's pulling confetti out of his hair. Bob admires John's competitive nature. Joining Ramon in the finals are... John and Antone. Vinny and Becky are eliminated which is a bummer cause I guess I liked them. I didn't really care; I had no one I was routing for this season.

Survivor: South Pacific - Cochran realizes he got used and abused by Upolu. Ozzy is confident he's going back into the game. Their duel is to retrieve balls in bags, which will then by used for a table maze. Cochran comes so close but fucking Ozzy wins again. Cochran's not totally bitter because he lived and breathed Survivor now and all the moments he's seen on TV he's now experienced. It brings him to tears.

More tears come rolling because after a tree mail cell phone pre-game, the loved ones are on the island to visit. Instead of a competition, Ozzy gets to choose whose loved one sticks around for the day. Ozzy chooses Albert, Coach, and Brandon to get family time. Do we have to give Coach fucking everything? The families will head to Redemption Island with Ozzy, and the cameraphone, to takes pics. Best moment: Coach says being on Survivor is a once in a lifetime opportunity. Says the guy whose been on THREE TIMES. Also, Coach proposes a secret final three deal with Ozzy when he likely returns to the game. Brandon's dad is like, screw the god stuff and play for the million. Brandon's dad decides his son's game sucks so much that HE tries to get Coach to bring Brandon to the end.

The immunity challenge is to flip puzzle pieces to make a path and not step on the same tile twice. The best part is the big ass puzzle is shaped like a pineapple which reminds me on Psych. Jeff makes some metaphor about it being like the game of making big moves early to get the biggest piece. Edna tries her damndest since she knows she's the outsider without immunity this is her last day. It's pretty clear she knows she's next too since Brandon tells her everyone is gunning for her elimination. Well Coach wins immunity so Edna is fucked.

Edna feels like a second-class citizen on the tribe, excluding herself from prayer circle since she knows Brandon doesn't want her in the tribe. The tribe doesn't like Brandon's big mouth and wishes he had some tact, but I guess they forget he's a Hantz. Edna tries to campaign against Brandon to Coach, Sophie and Albert and uses Brandon's horrible, inconsistent actions regarding honor and integrity to help defend herself. Edna even tries to get Coach to play his idol, but he declines. All the scrambling doesn't matter because at Tribal Council the core group of five vote off Edna.

Top Chef: Texas - This week's Quickfire is a saucier test where the chefs draw knives of different types of "mother sauces" and make a dish with a personal spin on the sauce. I enjoy seeing the judges scoff at when someone doesn't use a roux. The winner of the Quickfire is Grayson's ravioli and beschamel.

The Elimination Challenge is to work as one big team to make a four-course steak dinner for 200 people, in which two courses must include steak and must be cooked medium rare. The challenge winner gets some Toyota car too because we need more product placement so badly. During prep, Ty-Lor cuts his hand up all nasty and bleeds on his marrow bones. As if they weren't gross enough. He's in charge of steak cooking though so he's very nervous. No one else is willing to step into the grill leadership role since no one wants to get eliminated. Meanwhile, fat Texan Heather won't STFU about Beverly's shrimp prep and taking a long time.

The Cattle Baron's Ball is being held at Southfork Ranch, so add in lots of dated references to Dallas. Since it's a charity event I love that it's a steak event with a bunch of women who are like "oh, red meat!" and look startled. First course: tomato-watermelon summer gazpacho, which is deemed safe. Second course: grilled New York Strip carpaccia with a tomato and grilled asparagus salad. The steak is great, but the salad is a clunker. Third course gets delayed which means cold, ugly steak. The dish itself a grilled rib eye, braised brussel sprouts, and creamy potato gratin. The steak is overcooked and the gratin sucks. The final course is dessert and they serve up a "right-side up" peach cake, which the judges love but diners aren't so keen on. The dinner is deemed just fine, so I look forward to a hostile judge's table.

The group wonders in the stew room what excuses they should pull out and Heather gets pissy about the shrimp... again. Chris J, Nyesha and Heather are the best this week. Nyesha made an excellent compound butter and sauce that saved the dish. Heather's cake was tasty but the original cake base wasn't hers (it's Ed's). Chris' steak was perfectly cooked and flavorful. The winner is Heather, which delights Ed so much. Ty-Lor, Whitney and Ed are the bottom of the pack. Ty-Lor knows his steaks were overcooked and takes responsibility. Whitney's potato gratin was not ideal given the climate, plus it was undercooked and borderline raw in spots. Ed's asparagus and cherry tomato salad was safe, lazy, and didn't compliment the steak on the plate with it. Tom says tonight was so easy and Whitney is eliminated..

December 4, 2011

Reality Rundown: The Pagonging is Complete

The Amazing RaceThe Biggest Loser
Survivor: South PacificTop Chef: Texas

The Amazing Race - The To Be Continued leg goes on, sending teams to the Ford Proving Grounds (still in Belgium). Ford is THE Ford as in the cars and this Road Block is a giant product placement to drive an "America icon" in tests of speed, slalom, and donut... in Belgium.

Afterwards teams drive to the city of Gent for their Detour: build a floatable raft or assemble a waffle stand and make/decorate perfect waffles. If you get to eat the waffles, I'm all in. The teams are split between the Detours which is good cause I hate when all the teams to one obvious option. The trick of the float is the clue is split in half so you have to retrieve both pieces, which the snowboarders didn't notice. Jeremy and Sandy suck at waffle making and this is the first time I remember their names. If they win this race it would be the least memorable team ever.

At De Muur they have to pigeon race and let a bunch of pigeons free and find the address. I'm totally birdphobic so I fast forward. At the address they get a teeny picture of this Atomium sculpture which teams have to find to check in to the Pit Stop. Andy and Tommy are team #1 and win new Mustangs which they can customize themselves. Last place is Bill and Cathi which I knew since on Sunday night my mom was like "Bill and Sandi..." and I'm like "STOP I haven't watched" and she said "Well you don't know if I was going to say they went home" and I was like "Then why would you bring them up?" Then it took me seven days to watch cause this season is lame.

The Biggest Loser - The losers meet Ali out in the mountains and it's a put the weigh back on challenge, which they do ever year. They strap on weights and drop them as they reach check-in points. Everyone realizes what fatties they once were and they never want to be in that state again. A-hole John is the winner, narrowly beating out Antone, and receives a 1lb advantage.

This boring-ass race just leads to their Progresso Soup sponsored makeovers (plus $5,000) so that they'll look "soup-er." UGH. They get the Pretty Woman hooker treatment on Rodeo Drive, new 'dos with Ken Paves set to annoying music, and get pampered at a spa (gold facial, whaddup). Their looks are revealed on a red carpet to a crowd of extas. Inside the theater? Their families, of course. The losers and their loved ones, some who have slimmed down at home as well, take in a private showing of Cirque du Soleil's Iris. The families also get to stick around the ranch for a bit and meet/get lectured by the trainers. There's one last chance workout which is the last time in the Biggest Loser gym.

Sunny kicks off the weigh-in losing only 1lb, which sets Bob off a bit. John loses 9lbs and gets his 1lb advantage; Dolvett is cheering because he's not getting kicked to the curb yet. Also, hot red blazer on Dolvett. Vinny loses 10lbs, getting him into the final four as well. Below the yellow line are Sunny and Antone, who even though he lost 8lbs it's not a big percentage. Sunny is eliminated which surprises me since I figured John would take the easy way out. Now, everyone goes home and returns for one last weigh-in on campus before the big finale.

Survivor: South Pacific - There's another truel because producers don't understand the word origin of "duel." Ozzy, Whitney, and Dawn balance ceramic dishes on a wobbly arm. It's a mix of bowls and saucers as usual. Dawn, the mom who should be better with dishes, drops first. Whitney drops next which means stupid Ozzy is still in this game. If another three-timers wins this season. Ugh, just no words.

The tribe is cracking now that they have to pick each other apart. Sophie is over Cochran, who really aced prank phone calls as a kid ("I'd like to trade sperm with you.") Cochran notices the tribe is a Manson-like cult, weird prayers and suppressing evil urges. Cochran pleas his case to stay and Albert/Cochran do feel like the owe Coach but Sophie definitely doesn't. Albert is earning the rep of "Prince Albert" for sitting around and doing nothing, though he thinks the people who do laundry and forage are useless too. Edna is just desperate to not be eliminated right after Cochran. Still no one dares consider kicking off Coach. LEMMINGS.

The immunity challenge is a narrow-down sort of thing. Toss sandbacks, then sling coconuts at targets. Whatever, it's lame since it's all rehashed shit. Albert, Rick (who?), and Sophie finish the sandbags in the first three positions so they move onto coconuts. Albert wins immunity, a shower and a massage; he picks Coach to bring along with him but gives his massage up to Cochran as a birthday gift (Lie! His birthday was six months ago!). Hope it has a happy ending.

Back at camp, Cochran and Coach see their shower, massage table, and two unlucky women who will be caressing their creepy bods. Coach and Cochran bond more as Coach sees Cochran as a little warrior. Post-massage, Cochran and Albert talk strategy and Cochran is sure Coach would flip on Rick. Cochran even tells Albert about the new nickname around camp. Edna is down with voting out Rick, anything to give her another three days. Finally Cochran approves a lei-clad Coach to give all the deets about Rick and where the votes could lie at Tribal.

Oh mysterious Tribal, what will happen? Coach feels the game is pretty open-ended and there aren't final deals in place yet. Cochran says he's likely 7th out and hopes Upolu will give him a mercy three days for helping them get to this point. Brandon can't ever keep a secret and blabs that it's either Edna or Cochran, no one else. Then he starts having some ethical dilemma about wanting to do bad things but stopping himself. Uhh, awkward. Sophie talks but then Cochran interjects that basically all that matters now each week is the immunity winner. So is it Cochran or Rick- which side will Coach choose? The Pagonging is complete and Cochran joins the rest of Savaii on the jury.

Top Chef: Texas - Still at the Tejas Rodeo, Padma tells the cheftestants the next morning they'll be departing for Dallas. So long, Alamo references! Into the product placements they go and crank up their "Life is a Highway" (or so I'd assume). But the "highway", which is a completely closed off street, has a cop pulling them over. Of course it's a setup and Padma and famous chef John Besh are standing in the fields for a Quickfire. The task ahead: create a dish using the survival kits packed in the trunks of their cars. So there should've been a tip off when the show was like "Hey, don't put your luggage in the car." Lots of canned goods, no knives, hardly any equipment; what fun. The winning dish is Lindsay's vienna sausage soup and a sandwich made with saltines. Sounds... interesting?

When the cheftestants get to Dallas, they will create a course for a "progressive dinner party" which means they eat one course at each house and then move along. The teams are split randomly by Padma based on where they are standing and eventhough it's teams, they are judged and creating dishes as individuals. Lucky for them, the couples hosting these dinner parties are total richers and have super nice kitchens. The cheftestants are appalled when dessert house guy expresses a passion for gummy bears. SNOBS! Won't lie, I kinda like this progressive dinner party thing. It's like a key party of houses with food. The judges join the party hosts, including some lady who classes it up with some Henna tattoos, and go house to house hatin' on the food (and sometimes liking it). Best part: these richers have no palettes and Tom Coliccio hates everything they like.

Sarah, Grayson, Paul and Dakota are brought into the judges' table first with the best dishes of the night. Two desserts, two apps. Dakota's bread pudding seemed like a large portion, but was a favorite across the board. Grayson made a delicious chocolate dessert. Sarah, I forget what she made. Paul's brussel sprouts were executed well and he wins the challenge. Bottom group: Chris Jones, Ty-Lor, hot Chris, and Chuy. Hot Chris' cupcake was awful- chocolate, strawberry, banana and mint. Too much! Ty-lor's plate was out of proportion and too much food that looked bad. Chuy's salmon was overcooked and the goat cheese developed a weird texture. Chris Jones knew he took a risk making his dish look like a cigar but it wasn't the best use of ingredients. Chuy is the dinner party fail and eliminated.