December 4, 2011

Reality Rundown: The Pagonging is Complete

The Amazing RaceThe Biggest Loser
Survivor: South PacificTop Chef: Texas

The Amazing Race - The To Be Continued leg goes on, sending teams to the Ford Proving Grounds (still in Belgium). Ford is THE Ford as in the cars and this Road Block is a giant product placement to drive an "America icon" in tests of speed, slalom, and donut... in Belgium.

Afterwards teams drive to the city of Gent for their Detour: build a floatable raft or assemble a waffle stand and make/decorate perfect waffles. If you get to eat the waffles, I'm all in. The teams are split between the Detours which is good cause I hate when all the teams to one obvious option. The trick of the float is the clue is split in half so you have to retrieve both pieces, which the snowboarders didn't notice. Jeremy and Sandy suck at waffle making and this is the first time I remember their names. If they win this race it would be the least memorable team ever.

At De Muur they have to pigeon race and let a bunch of pigeons free and find the address. I'm totally birdphobic so I fast forward. At the address they get a teeny picture of this Atomium sculpture which teams have to find to check in to the Pit Stop. Andy and Tommy are team #1 and win new Mustangs which they can customize themselves. Last place is Bill and Cathi which I knew since on Sunday night my mom was like "Bill and Sandi..." and I'm like "STOP I haven't watched" and she said "Well you don't know if I was going to say they went home" and I was like "Then why would you bring them up?" Then it took me seven days to watch cause this season is lame.

The Biggest Loser - The losers meet Ali out in the mountains and it's a put the weigh back on challenge, which they do ever year. They strap on weights and drop them as they reach check-in points. Everyone realizes what fatties they once were and they never want to be in that state again. A-hole John is the winner, narrowly beating out Antone, and receives a 1lb advantage.

This boring-ass race just leads to their Progresso Soup sponsored makeovers (plus $5,000) so that they'll look "soup-er." UGH. They get the Pretty Woman hooker treatment on Rodeo Drive, new 'dos with Ken Paves set to annoying music, and get pampered at a spa (gold facial, whaddup). Their looks are revealed on a red carpet to a crowd of extas. Inside the theater? Their families, of course. The losers and their loved ones, some who have slimmed down at home as well, take in a private showing of Cirque du Soleil's Iris. The families also get to stick around the ranch for a bit and meet/get lectured by the trainers. There's one last chance workout which is the last time in the Biggest Loser gym.

Sunny kicks off the weigh-in losing only 1lb, which sets Bob off a bit. John loses 9lbs and gets his 1lb advantage; Dolvett is cheering because he's not getting kicked to the curb yet. Also, hot red blazer on Dolvett. Vinny loses 10lbs, getting him into the final four as well. Below the yellow line are Sunny and Antone, who even though he lost 8lbs it's not a big percentage. Sunny is eliminated which surprises me since I figured John would take the easy way out. Now, everyone goes home and returns for one last weigh-in on campus before the big finale.

Survivor: South Pacific - There's another truel because producers don't understand the word origin of "duel." Ozzy, Whitney, and Dawn balance ceramic dishes on a wobbly arm. It's a mix of bowls and saucers as usual. Dawn, the mom who should be better with dishes, drops first. Whitney drops next which means stupid Ozzy is still in this game. If another three-timers wins this season. Ugh, just no words.

The tribe is cracking now that they have to pick each other apart. Sophie is over Cochran, who really aced prank phone calls as a kid ("I'd like to trade sperm with you.") Cochran notices the tribe is a Manson-like cult, weird prayers and suppressing evil urges. Cochran pleas his case to stay and Albert/Cochran do feel like the owe Coach but Sophie definitely doesn't. Albert is earning the rep of "Prince Albert" for sitting around and doing nothing, though he thinks the people who do laundry and forage are useless too. Edna is just desperate to not be eliminated right after Cochran. Still no one dares consider kicking off Coach. LEMMINGS.

The immunity challenge is a narrow-down sort of thing. Toss sandbacks, then sling coconuts at targets. Whatever, it's lame since it's all rehashed shit. Albert, Rick (who?), and Sophie finish the sandbags in the first three positions so they move onto coconuts. Albert wins immunity, a shower and a massage; he picks Coach to bring along with him but gives his massage up to Cochran as a birthday gift (Lie! His birthday was six months ago!). Hope it has a happy ending.

Back at camp, Cochran and Coach see their shower, massage table, and two unlucky women who will be caressing their creepy bods. Coach and Cochran bond more as Coach sees Cochran as a little warrior. Post-massage, Cochran and Albert talk strategy and Cochran is sure Coach would flip on Rick. Cochran even tells Albert about the new nickname around camp. Edna is down with voting out Rick, anything to give her another three days. Finally Cochran approves a lei-clad Coach to give all the deets about Rick and where the votes could lie at Tribal.

Oh mysterious Tribal, what will happen? Coach feels the game is pretty open-ended and there aren't final deals in place yet. Cochran says he's likely 7th out and hopes Upolu will give him a mercy three days for helping them get to this point. Brandon can't ever keep a secret and blabs that it's either Edna or Cochran, no one else. Then he starts having some ethical dilemma about wanting to do bad things but stopping himself. Uhh, awkward. Sophie talks but then Cochran interjects that basically all that matters now each week is the immunity winner. So is it Cochran or Rick- which side will Coach choose? The Pagonging is complete and Cochran joins the rest of Savaii on the jury.

Top Chef: Texas - Still at the Tejas Rodeo, Padma tells the cheftestants the next morning they'll be departing for Dallas. So long, Alamo references! Into the product placements they go and crank up their "Life is a Highway" (or so I'd assume). But the "highway", which is a completely closed off street, has a cop pulling them over. Of course it's a setup and Padma and famous chef John Besh are standing in the fields for a Quickfire. The task ahead: create a dish using the survival kits packed in the trunks of their cars. So there should've been a tip off when the show was like "Hey, don't put your luggage in the car." Lots of canned goods, no knives, hardly any equipment; what fun. The winning dish is Lindsay's vienna sausage soup and a sandwich made with saltines. Sounds... interesting?

When the cheftestants get to Dallas, they will create a course for a "progressive dinner party" which means they eat one course at each house and then move along. The teams are split randomly by Padma based on where they are standing and eventhough it's teams, they are judged and creating dishes as individuals. Lucky for them, the couples hosting these dinner parties are total richers and have super nice kitchens. The cheftestants are appalled when dessert house guy expresses a passion for gummy bears. SNOBS! Won't lie, I kinda like this progressive dinner party thing. It's like a key party of houses with food. The judges join the party hosts, including some lady who classes it up with some Henna tattoos, and go house to house hatin' on the food (and sometimes liking it). Best part: these richers have no palettes and Tom Coliccio hates everything they like.

Sarah, Grayson, Paul and Dakota are brought into the judges' table first with the best dishes of the night. Two desserts, two apps. Dakota's bread pudding seemed like a large portion, but was a favorite across the board. Grayson made a delicious chocolate dessert. Sarah, I forget what she made. Paul's brussel sprouts were executed well and he wins the challenge. Bottom group: Chris Jones, Ty-Lor, hot Chris, and Chuy. Hot Chris' cupcake was awful- chocolate, strawberry, banana and mint. Too much! Ty-lor's plate was out of proportion and too much food that looked bad. Chuy's salmon was overcooked and the goat cheese developed a weird texture. Chris Jones knew he took a risk making his dish look like a cigar but it wasn't the best use of ingredients. Chuy is the dinner party fail and eliminated.

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