May 30, 2011

The Bachelorette: No Seriously Jeff, Remove the Damn Mask

The Bachelorette - Week 2

The first date card arrives at the house, via Chris Harrison putting in some overtime: William is going to "make a splash" in Vegas. Ashley picks William up at the house in her rented sportscar and drives to a private jet to whisk them away. Boo lack of helicopter. At the Bellagio, the pair are greeted like celebrities since people love her. Ashley really wants to make sure the guys are in it for marriage so uses this as a way to terrify a man on a date. They head to a pastry shop there to taste wedding cakes, like we all do on first dates. They go ring shopping and head to the hotel's wedding chapel. William thinks it's a joke, but once a minister walks in for a chat, he panics. As the "ceremony" goes in and William shows he's into it (he dropped the "I do"), but Ashley decides to not go through with it cause she wants to make out with 17 other dudes. They agree this was the best first date ever and kiss; Ashley admits she's already falling for him. William is attractive, so I'll allow it.

Ashley and William get to have dinner on the water at the Bellagio, which is a pretty sweet date, except they are really close to the wall so like everyone can cat call to them. William gets quite candid when he tells Ashley how his father passed away and his broken watch story, and since both have/had alcoholic dads, it's a bonding moment. Ashley gives William a rose and the Bellagio fountains soar as they kiss.

The second date card is a group date with too many dudes to list, but they too are going to Vegas (masked Jeff is not on the date). Ashley and her men head to the Monte Carlo Theater where the Jabawockeez, winners of the first America's Best Dance Crew are performing. Ashley dashes away, throw on a white mask, and rises onto the stage. I expect a big solo, but she does a stupid pose and removes the mask, as if none of them knew it was her. The guys are split into 2 crews to practice; the winning crew will get to appear on stage with the Jabawockeez, the other crew flies home. Team B's (aka "The Best Men") dance number stages a rose ceremony, while Team A ("No Rhythm Nation"- well, they win the name battle) does a wedding ceremony. Both routines are absolutely horrible, but the Jabawockeez select No Rhythm Nation as the "winners." The guys that get to stick around receive some real dance training so they don't look like fools on stage. Ashley's role is sort of a dancing maestro, conducting her masked men. Now I see why Jeff wasn't invited; 2 masks would look ridic. The guys all praise Ashley, but she's only OK. She wouldn't get a direct ticket to Vegas on So You Think You Can Dance if you ask me.

Post-dance debacle, Ashley and her guys have a cocktail party by the pool. The night is a lot of mini 1-on-1 dates. She has a thrilling time talking dentistry with Blake. West tells Ashley about his dead wife, which he hopes will let Ashley understand why he can be a little guarded. Bentley is competitive so wants to get the rose (and maybe get his balls tickled? the beep ruined it). Bentley is definitely not here for the right reasons as he's not interested in Ashley at all, despite liking her hot bod. Ashley is feeling something for him and urges him that if he's slightly interested, stick around. She. is. dumb. Ashley gives Bentley the group date rose but he could give a shit and would rather go play blackjack. Good pick, dummy.

The third date card arrives for Mickey and JP with a coin made out of cardboard: whatever side it lands on gets the date, because love is a gamble. No, finding love on a staged reality show is a gamble. The coin flip gives Mickey, the chef with Jersey Shore hair, the date. Their date is a coin flipping extravaganza which includes selecting win from Aureole at the Mandalay Bay and boozing in front of an aquarium tank (I've been there!). Ashley says the last time she cried was when she was re-watching the show and being judged, so great job choosing to be the star of the show. Mickey and Ashley head to a private in-suite dinner with a phenomenal view of the strip. Mickey joins the sob story crew, as he has a deceased mother. Ashley twists the rose around and says she's not sure how she's exactly feeling about Mickey so does the logical thing: flips a coin. It lands on heads so Mickey gets the rose (he was going to get one anyway). Outside at the Mandalay Bay pool they receive a private concert by Colby Caillat. Yeah that means nothing to me either, but it's par for the course for this show to do a 1-on-1 private concert date on episode 2. Oh and they kiss- get it guuuurl.

A rainstorm is brewin' outside, as tensions rise inside the house. Ashley arrives and JP pulls her aside quickly, internally raging about not having a date. JP busts out a coin get possibly get a smooch. I'm not sure what the coin exactly was (I think it was tails), but Ashley kisses him anyways. William is arrogant, does horrible impressions, and is irritating the guys. He solidifies himself as house dick by interrupting some curly haired dude's alone time, despite already having a rose. William is already so clingy and overly into Ashley, blabbing about "the best date I've ever been on," that I see shades of Jake Pavelka in him. So could this be a new Bachelor setup already?

The only thing going on in the house is shit-talking about masked Jeff. They think he's dumb for rocking the mask all the time and is hiding his true self. Maybe he should've considered shaving instead of growing some weird beard along with the mask. The guys joke about what could be under the mask, but Jeff still takes this totally serious. He takes Ashley aside, alone on a staircase, which is weird. Turns out years ago, Jeff had a brain hemorrhage, was hospitalized, got divorced. Jeff then drops the bomb: he's ready to unmask. As soon as he touches the mask, Matt (my friend's cousin, BTW- namedrop!) interrupts. Damn you Matt, we'll never see an unmasked Jeff! Good work, producers!

Matt's alone time is skipped to show Ben, who is super-into Ashley. He wishes he could've been on the dancing date and was honestly happy to see her outside of the limo. I like Ben a lot. Meanwhile, Bentley would rather swim in a pool of urine than plan a wedding with Ashley. Classy ass dude. Bentley decides he needs to amp up his game to ensure longevity, so he carries her to the fireplace and kisses her. The kiss, according to Bentley, started good and ended poorly. He's such a dick and I wonder how a person can be convinced to be such an asshole on television. It's crazy what people will do for 15 minutes of fame. Ashley totally has the best sincerity radar and she believes Bentley is legit; poor, stupid girl.

Rose ceremony: 3 guys will be eliminated. The guys raise their eyebrows when masked Jeff receives a rose. The eliminated guys are Matt (who called his mom last week, left her an elimination voicemail this week), Stephen (no idea who he was), and Ryan the impromptu photoshoot guy.

Next week: the guys shit all over Ashley in a roast.


Photo Credit: ABC.com

May 26, 2011

Reality Rundown: It Ain't Over Til the No Longer Fat Lady Sings

5/26/2011 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Finale! The Biggest LoserIt's Baaack! The Voice

Finale! The Biggest Loser - Oh thank god, the longest season in Biggest Loser history is finally ending. And that's not hyperbole; Alison Sweeney confirmed it (and she's lookin' smokin' in coral for the finale). Before the verdict of who makes the final 3, Jay or Irene, they come out on stage all skinny and shit to walk next to the creepy hologram of them as a fatso. Jay got a tattoo on himself, branding this journey into him forever. He cites Bob and Jillian with this quote, which must be a real kick in the balls to his trainer Cara. Irene comes out in what I'll say is Avril Lavigne's prom dress and is of course thin but her boobs are super weird in the dress. In not-surprising-at-all news, America votes Irene into the final 3, giving the show its first ever all-female final 3.

Alison brings out of the 4 trainers, which is bittersweet because this is Jillian's last episode of the show. Bob conquered his fear of heights, while Brett used this experience to pay it forward as a fat teen and now slim adult. Jillian receives a standing ovation and is ready to begin a new chapter to reach the next level. Generic catchphase overload. Cara gets asked NOTHING. Total burn. But more importantly, a new trainer is entering the mix and they're a "superstar." Michael Bolton?!

The losers are then brought out in their groups to show off the skinnier versions of themselves. Obviously, everyone looks great but I'm going to mention the surprising ones. Irene's mom Ana was the shocker for me, losing 109 lbs. Honestly, when she left I thought she kind of didn't give a shit so she proved me wrong. My girl Courtney lost 110 lbs during this experience, but we should point out she lost 100 lbs before coming onto the show. That's amazing, but the show doesn't acknowledge that. More surprising, Dan and Don, the quitter twins, who are pretty freaking thin. Didn't we all expect those dudes with 'tudes to be the same size? Dan lost 124 lbs and Don 130 lbs. Plus, Don's son decided that since he dad wasn't a tub of lard he could un-disown him. Ken comes very come to being a contender for the prize, but is 4 lbs short. Austin steals the at-home prize lead with an astonishing 174 lb loss, bumping Dan out of the top spot (which would've been a complete shock if that random quitter won the at-home prize). But it's not over.

The losers keep coming out and some chick named Deni that I seriously cannot remember comes out super skinny. Like wowzer, she's thin and knocks Austin out of the lead spot. Arthur is still big, but he's lost quite a lot considering he was once 650 lbs (163 lbs lost). Arthur's dad Jesse is so excited about Arthur that spit flies from his mouth. When Justin, partner to late night nacho lover Rulon, came out, I honestly didn't recognize him. Glad he ditched the nasty facial hair. Jay is the final person to weigh in and has to lose 195 lbs to dethrone random Deni from winning the at-home prize. Jay loses 181 lbs meaning Deni, aka WHO?, wins the $100,000 at home prize.

We've seen Irene, so Hannah and Olivia are brought up. Hannah's sexy red dress keeps riding up and her blond hair is looking better. Olivia is by far the best looking some there. She's super skinny, her dress is adorable, and the short hair really suits her. A finale of sexy ladies.

Speaking of sexy ladies, sexy lady and mediocre professional tennis play Anna Kournikova is named the newest trainer on The Biggest Loser. Can you imagine her pushing people to their limits? Me neither. I hate to repeat myself but I've said for weeks now the show would be smart to bring back former contestants that kept the weight off and have them be the trainers. Not only do they understand fitness, but they understand the process of the show and the lifestyle of being obese.

Time for the final weigh-in to determine the winner. In pre-weigh-in/time filling montages, we find out Hannah was actually pretty hilarious but the show decided to never show this until the end. Hannah started the show at 248 lbs and ends at 128 lbs (120 lbs, or 48.39%, lost). Irene is next on the scale: her starting weight 255 lbs. Irene ends the show at 139 lbs (a 116 lb/45.49% loss). Last on the scale is Hannah's sister Olivia, so it Sister Sister time. Olivia began The Biggest Loser weighing 261 lbs and ends the journey at... 132 lbs (129 lbs lost). Olivia, an opera singer, is overjoyed and I am quite happy. Not only does she deserve it, but her husband lost all the weight alone while she was on the ranch. They both deserve to be commended for their hard work. And finally I get a 3 month rest from this show. PHEW.

It's Baaaack! The Voice - I'm covering it again because I hate lonely posts that aren't super long. And I kind of like covering it.

Christina's team is first and her battle pairing is Raquel Castro and Julie Eason, singing Rihanna's "Only Girl in the World." I call that song "Only Song in the World" because it's on the radio all the freakin' time. Raquel, it turns out, was in the movie Jersey Girl with Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck, so try not to hold that against her. I don't care for either girl in the performance. I think there are major pitch problems throughout, poor mic skills, and shouting. For pure marketability, I'd pick Racquel. Cee-Lo calls it wonderful, so I wonder if he's deaf. Christina likes how Raquel dances and body rolls, but also likes Julia's ad-lib riffs. Christina selects Raquel to advance to the next round, the live shows.

Blake's battle is "more than entertaining" to him: Dia Frampton vs. Sarah V. The song is "You Can't Hurry Love" by the Supremes so either Blake doesn't own an album past 1967 or he's a huge fan of the movie Bye Bye Love. The good news is the girls harmonize really well on the song, even if their styles are totally different. Dia is a little more timid but a lot is based on stage fright. Dia's voice is interesting and different. Sarah V is dressed like a doofus with some flowy shirt and skirt, like a 1992 Chadwick's catalog look. She is singing like it's church, which is not praise. She is wailing and trilling and it sucks. Dia better win this. Reba prefers Dia staying calm and not getting all "rangey." Blake thinks Dia looked uncomfortable and Sarah doesn't have to hit all the notes just cause she can: he chooses Dia. YAY! I am excellent at picking winners on this show.

Adam Levine's battle pair is Rebecca Loebe and Devon Barley and they are singing Radiohead?? Radiohead signed off on this?? Devon is so out of his comfort zone (and looks like that Chicken Little guy from American Idol). In the battle, Devon kind of sings the intro to the song like standards. He really starts to get into the song, though, and improves along the way. Rebecca just has some extra passion going into the song. I hate Evanescence, but her voice reminds me of that chick. This is the toughest choice yet for me but I think I am leaning towards Rebecca. Adam is torn as to who should be his victor, but ultimately chooses Devon. Ahhh strike 1 for me.

Cee-Lo's team is all that matters to me because the preview showed Tori and Taylor Thompson, who made the final group on American Juniors are singing. Team Tori and Taylor forever! One Step Closer to Heaven!! So sisters Tori and Taylor are battling Kelsey Rey to the tune of "Unwritten." Kelsey is so glad this show gave her a chance to prove her voice and not just be based on a pretty face, since attractive people like her have such a hard time making it in showbiz. In rehearsal, the sisters struggle a bit and hit some bum notes. Battle time! It's such a cute trio; they harmonize well and have cute coordinating dance moves. I'm so routing for my American Juniors for nostalgia sake, but I think Cee-Lo will choose Kelsey. Cee-Lo takes off his shades to rub his kind of teary eyes and makes his choice: The Thompson Sisters! UPSET OF THE CENTURY!! Ok, episode.


COMING SOON:
So You Think You Can Dance (because covering auditions pre-Hollywood week is kind of lame recaps)

Photo credits: BuddyTV.com, NBC.com

May 24, 2011

The Bachelorette: I'm a Hugger- No Regrets!

The Bachelorette: Week 1

Last season on The Bachelor, Ashley was a blond dentist that could never fully express her feelings and "live in the moment" with boring Brad Womack and got dumped in Africa in the final 3. Now, Ashley is brunette, still studying to be a dentist, and taking long solo walks, hugs, and lingering glances in bright, bold colored outfits and cutoff shirts. And she dances it all out! Ashley is ready to find love, breathing in some fresh air, and plans to have no regrets.

Then we get some intros to the fellas. One is a solar energy guy who makes a lot of sun puns- next! There's a guy named Ames who went to Yale, got 2 Masters at Columbia, and a Doctorate at Harvard and has been to 70 countries. What a toolbag and he has fish eyes. There's a guy named Ben whose a winemaker and since Ashley was sloshed a large portion of last season, I predict a lovematch. Or moreso a get to hometown dates for chugging massive vats of wine. There's a divorcee here and there but even better: a widower! That is sarcasm, BTW. West is a widower whose wife drowned in a bathtub. And then one guy is bad luck, has a dead dad and a dead watch that he wears as a reminder to live life to the fullest cause time is short.

So after those downer intros, Ashley steps out of her limo in a sparkly dress, maybe a light pink, almost nude color? It's hard to tell against her spray-tanned skin. But I do like her brunette makeover. Chris Harrison gets his BFF/therapy time in to hear about Ashley's problems and hopes and dreams. I bet inside he's just psyched she doesn't have another therapist confidante to talk to like someone did last season. Ashley is open to finding love and hopes to find a great guy. I'm glad she's not like certain past shrews that feel like they have to find a husband from this experience (Deanna). Ashley mainly worries they won't like her or that they're coming her "for the right reason" (drink!) Already, Ashley received a head's up from a close friend (unnamed, but it's Michelle Money from last season) that a dude named Bentley is coming on the show for the wrong reasons and to promote his job. Good tip off, she'll definitely eliminate him. There's that sarcasm again. Ashley's motto is "no regrets" and I feel like that is her catchphrase of the season. It beats "I've changed."

Solar dude Ryan is the first guy out of the limo and he's attractive. Some guy Jon wears a funky tie and awkwardly checks her out, lifts her, and tries to take her on the honeymoon. I winced but Ashley deems it awesome. She must've had some wine already. Chef Mickey has "a gift from all of America" ala Chantal but instead tries to plant a kiss on her, which she tries to brush off. He, of course, brags about it inside. Some old face liquor distributor is at a loss for words and has an awful New York accent. Ben is a lawyer that drops some French on her and I thought it would be a lost in translation, but she does speak French. Mais oui! In corny gifts to make an impression, West gives a broken compass (stuck on West- GET IT), and she receives ballet tickets from yuppie Ames. The winner of biggest loser is Jeff who gets out of the limo in a MASK. Did this asshole think he was a contestant on Mr. Personality, hosted by Monica Lewinski? He wants Ashley to judge him and not his face, which I bet is busted. So the first batch of guys are... yeah, OK, onto the second group!

Wine guy comes prepared with glasses and a bottle of Cabernet and they have a toast. I hope he crushed those grapes with his feet. Ashley gets her second lift-off from Frank who also does a cliche spin and dance. Lame. Go away. This one guy Ryan poses like Ashley's original limo entrance, then busts out a digital camera for an impromtu photo session and hopes to get another picture with Chris Harrison later. Probably for a voodoo shrine (no, just me?). JP gets out of the limo and I'd say he's the best looking and he didn't even say or do anything crazy, he's just normal and attractive. Works for me. Blake makes the worst first impression because he's a dentist yet doesn't divulge this. Dude, common interests. And then not-here-for-the-right-reasons Bentley gets out of the limo. He's pretty fug and Ashley makes a scrunchy doubt face when he leaves. That means he'll stick around for like 6 weeks. Corny gift time again! Constantine busts out dental floss and makes a makeshift ring to remind her to come see him. Corny and clever I suppose.

After another brief chat with Chris Harrison, Ashley enters the house to give her kickoff speech and start the cocktail party. Ryan P puts Ashley at ease since he makes her realize the guys are probably interested in her and not just there for the free booze. This one dude, I don't remember or care to know his name, calls him mom (since the producers let him keep his phone for the night) to let Ashley "meet" his mom. Some dickbag has to be the guy who brings his guitar to play his shitty music. It gets Ashley's attention so it is to my sheer joy that he tosses the guitar into the pool because he doesn't play guitar, it was a ploy to get attention. Touche, dickbag! The talk of the house is Jeff the masked man, comparing him to Eyes Wide Shut sex parties and The Phantom of the Opera. Best moment: one toolbag (Tim) makes a pillow blockade to keep masked Jeff away. Because they're 7 years old.

The First Impression roses enters the room and sits ominously on a teeny tray on the table. The guys realize the game is on and start fighting for attention to hopefully get the rose. In romantic movie cliches, Ben holds cue cards up in the window to tell Ashley she's beautiful, etc. He speaks French and can write in large handwriting. Tim, hater of the masked man, is creeped out by Ashley surprising him, drunk, speechless, and 100% awkward. The liquor distributor is fucked up from the booze and the other guys frown upon his sloppiness, especially since he just wants to fight masked Jeff. This isn't Bachelor Pad, sir! One guy wonders if it's the pressure of the situation, "If you can't stand the heat, get out of the oven." Ummm, someone get this guy a book of phrases. Ashley eventually finds Tim passed out on a bench with a fur blanket with fake snoring ADR'ed in to make it sound absurd. Like in Old Dogs when they add in fart sounds for no reason. Ashley gets the nerves but finds the behavior unacceptable, so she sends him home immediately.

With his nemesis gone, masked Jeff can make his move but still wants to leave the mask on so Ashley will learn about the real him and not the stubbly face we can kinda see. And he sort of looks like Mr. Prezbo from The Wire. JP and Ashley have a real conversation about her school, their love of sweets (she likes cupcakes, his co-workers nicknamed him "Cupcake", she wants the nickname Cupcake). No one tries to trump Cupcake Brown! The big convo is to hear if Bentley is hear for the right reasons (I can't even track this- let's just track helicopter dates). Anyways Bentley is a single dad to a daughter named Cozy, and that is a doozy of a name, and explains he was married, now divorced, and ready to be in this sort of romantic position. Ashley is pleasantly surprised that Bentley isn't a heinous jerk, but there's still the doubts from the rumor-mill.

Ashley retrieves the first impression rose and then begins hunting around the house to find her man of choice: Ryan the solar energy guy. But the fellas need not wait too long, it's rose ceremony time! She keeps masked Jeff, JP, wine guy, floss guy, and some other guys. The guys who get the boot are Anthony the butcher, unmemorable Rob, and let's-get-right-to-the-honeymoon Jon.

This season on The Bachelorette: love all over the globe! But more importantly, how many helicopters will there be? Stay tuned to find out.


Photo Credits: ABC.com, Shopmania

May 23, 2011

Serving of the Week

5/23/2011 Posted by Mel Got Served No comments

Name: Arnold Schwarzenegger
SERVED: When we were on vacation 2 weeks ago a friend checked into the news on her iPhone and said "Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria null are getting divorced." We were all surprised, null, and I made a comment that they obviously stayed together until he left his governor's office. Well I guess I was wrong, because according to the news this week, Maria left Arnold for the soapiest of reasons.

It seems while married to Maria, Arnold had some null with the housekeeper. Oh and the housekeeper had his secret love child! Over 10 years ago! And, AND, it turns out that the love child was born merely days after his youngest child with Maria was born. Oh man Arnold, SERVED. SERVED for being a cheater, SERVED for cheating with someone who cleans your house for you, and SERVED for knocking her up while your wife was pregnant too. And an honorary SERVING to the media for all the "Terminator" and other Schwarzenegger movie headlines- enough you null freaks!

Think someone should get SERVED? Leave your ideas in the comments section, email me, or hit me up on Twitter or null.


Photo Credit: Hark.com

May 20, 2011

Reality Rundown: Victory Is Near and Tastes Like a Jennie-O Turkey Burger

5/20/2011 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
The Biggest LoserSpecial Edition! The Voice

The Biggest Loser - The show keeps chugging along, and despite there being no shows to recap except this, the blogging goes on. Blah. Thankfully, this is the last week on-campus so it's almost over. Now onto 2 hours of time filler with only 4 contestants left. Only 2 losers are guaranteed spots in the finals, so everyone works out like crazy and puts numbers on their arm as motivation. It only reminds me of that yearly Baywatch episode where they do the Iron Man.

There is a Jennie-O $5,000 challenge for the best turkey burger recipe. The other prize, probably better for their unhealthy family, is that Jennie-O will also send a family member of their choice to the Biggest Loser Lodge to get their own transformation. The critics for today's competition are total jerks: children. Olivia makes a green slime burger, which is Greek yogurt with green food coloring. You'd think kids would like gross stuff but it turns out food shouldn't look like Nickelodeon splooged all over it. Hannah puts honey mustard and cheese on her turkey burger. Jay forms his turkey batter into a mini volcano and fills the center with ketchup and cheese so it'll bake and overflow. Irene's burger has cheese, turkey bacon, and "fancy fry sauce." Wait, where have I heard fancy sauce before? Totally blanking, but I know it was reality TV. Jay receives the most votes from the kids and wins the $5k and the Biggest Loser Ranch prize (for his wife).

There is one last challenge to "overcome obstacles" which translates to obstacles on a golf course and preparing for the finale. Last season's winner, Patrick, comes onto the green to do nothing. The challenge itself is to carry golf bags holding all the weight they've lost since arriving on campus, bit by bit. You've seen this challenge every year so no explanation necessary. The winner of the challenge gets an at-home gym installed in their home, which is a pretty great prize considering how hard it is to motivate yourself to go to the gym sometimes. Set to motivational music, the losers emotionally drop their weights. Hannah completes the course first and wins the gym (worth $15,000). But there's one more little surprise: everybody's going home with an arc trainer, whatever that is.

There's one final last chance work-out, set to motivational music, where the losers and trainers get one last hoorah together. Cue the voiceovers that I fast forward through cause it's weigh-in time and I reeeeally want to watch The Good Wife on time. Irene loses 3 lbs, bringing her down to 144 lbs (she's lost 111 lbs on-campus). Jay gets on the scale and loses 4 lbs, making him 242 lbs (he's lost158 lbs since beginning the show). Olivia and Hannah, the sisters, hope to be the first female pair to make it to the finale together. Olivia drops 4 lbs, automatically advancing her to the finale; she has lost a total of 112 lbs and weighs 149 lbs now. To advance to the finale, Hannah needs to have lost more than 3 lbs. Beep, beep, beep, commercial break. Hannah loses 4 lbs and joins her sister in the finale (and lost 102 lbs total since being on campus). What a happy story! And so Jay and Irene fall below the yellow line, though Irene is technically the Biggest Loser On-Campus for the season. Now America will get to decide who moves onto the finale but I think it's totally obvious it will be an all-girl finale. Girl power!

The losers head home to a motivational music montage ("Cause you're amazing, just the way you are"), and the townsfolk cheer on the newly svelte ladies (and Jay). The fun and cheers end and the losers receive a Biggest Loser DVD with motivational messages from their fat selves from day 1 and a retrospective of their struggles on the ranch. What a long way they've come. But now it's up to America to decide who will join the sisters in the final: Irene or Jay. (coughIrenecough)

Special Edition! The Voice - I thought only recapping The Biggest Loser would be super lonely, so I'm doing a super-special recap of NBC's newest hit, The Voice. So while you're watching Scotty McCreery make pageant faces on Idol I'm watching some legit talent get cheered on by dwarves (Christina Aguilera, Cee Lo).

Ok, so the rules of The Voice. Judges sat in backwards chairs and selected a team of 8 people based solely on their voice. Each week, 2 singers from each team are selected by their coach compete against each other, dueting to a current pop hit, and one person moves onto the live show starting in a few weeks. The coaches are Christina Aguilera, Gnarls Barkley/solo rapper/My Super Sweet 16 party thrower Cee Lo Green, Adam Levine from Maroon 5, and some country dude named Blake Shelton who I don't like. Each coach also has a "trusted advisor" and Blake half wins me over for picking Reba "Fancy" McIntyre. Wow, easier than I thought that would be. It is now week 2- aaaaand scene.

Cee Lo pairs up afro'd, soulful Ty and bearded, bluesy Nakia to perform Neo's "Closer" (Angie and Jesse's wedding song!! Soap moment, bear with me). To better fit their vocal stylings, "Closer" is reworked to be less of a cover and a more unique rendition. After coaching from Cee Lo and advisor R&B singer Monica, the Texans enter the ring (the stage is a ring) to battle. Nakia sounds like (and looks like) Horatio Sanz singing on an SNL skit. While Ty is a good singer, nothing stood out to me so even if he sounds like Horatio Sanz, I'd vote for Nakia to move on. The coaches give feedback after and, no surprise, they like them both sooo much. However, Nakia steals the show for me, the coaches, and ultimately the one vote that matters: Cee Lo's. He moves onto the live show.

Blake's team battles next and he sets duo Elenowen against rocker Jared Blake to battle to "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" by Marvin Gaye. I think my favorite part is when Blake demonstrate and sings it as if this song is new to everyone. I'm not a fan of Blake. Jared's dance moves are hella corny and makes it weird to watch. I actually thought as a trio it would sound god awful, but it's not too bad but there are pitchy spots. I wanted to like Elenowen more, but I thought the girl had some bum notes. I don't like either singer really, but someone will stay around. What a surprise, the coaches like everyone's peformance! We get it. Reba's input really matters and she said Jared rocked it and Elenowen were uncomfortable with the song. Blake feels bad dumping Elenowen since he begged for them to join his team, but names Jared Blake the winner of the face-off.

Adam Levine's battle is Javier, that guy from all The Voice commercials pre-season, vs. Angela, who is rocking a Cherry Warnimont headband. They will perform the classic tune "Stand By Me." Adam and Maroon 5's musical advisor coach the singers to take this simple song and really make it special. Javier is pretty amazing. The voice has star power, but Angela is pretty fantastic as well. A real battle this time because it's kind of a toss-up. I've selected Javier as my pick to win for his consistent since Angela had some botched notes near the end. The coaches look blown away by the talent on Adam's team this week, but it's obvious who the coaches prefer (poor Angela). Javier easily wins the battle- no brainer.

Christina Aguilera, who is not Snooki in a platinum wig, selects Beverly with the shaved head and Justin to battle to "Baba O'Reilly." Christina and her advisor, Australian singer Sia (?), get their coach on and Beverly is super passionate when she sings. Justin has never performed this song before and doesn't know the lyrics, so I guess he never listens to classics because everybody knows this song. But his voice is gritty and goes well once he starts to get the hang of it. Beverly is just such a badass and her voice reminds me of Melissa Etheridge so I vote for her, but I give them both thumbs down for waaaaay too many vocal runs. Stop wailing! The coaches are pretty split and impressed that Justin held his own, but Beverly is a force to be reckoned with. Beverly wins the battle and heads to the live show.

So there you go: The Voice. Initially I had no desire to watch what I interpreted as an Idol rip-off and a beat-you-to-the-punch X Factor, but this show has surprised me. Good talent, the coaches are OK. Way better than this horrible, lackluster season of Idol.


Photo Credits: BuddyTV, NBC.com

May 18, 2011

Charity of the Month for May 2011: AIDS Walk Boston

5/18/2011 Posted by Mel Got Served
On June 5, 2011, AIDS Walk Boston will be happening and my co-worker and friend, J'Wynn, will be running as he does every year. All money donated goes to the AIDS Action Committee which implements programs and services to maintain health of individuals living with the disease and prevention. But the walk itself is to show that we all must work together to stop AIDS from spreading. So while we might not all be able to walk, we can easily donate a small amount to support the cause. Donate now through my friend J'Wynn's page to help make his fundraising goal a reality (he's halfway there!). He'll have sore legs afterwards but it'll be well worth it if you help him out!




May 16, 2011

Reality Rundown: Survivor Redemption Island Finale Special Edition

5/16/2011 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Survivor: Redemption Island Super Special Finale Edition

Murlonio mourns sending Grant to Redemption Island, particularly Rob who feels responsible and actually did make a friend out there. Rob worries about the target growing on him and has a gut feeling that Ashley has to go.

The Redemption Island crew receives mail that informs them that the final "duel" is now: 3 lose, 1 goes back into the game. Matt of course credits god with keeping him around all this time he's lasted (merely 7 days of actual game, 22 days of Redemption Island). The fouel is to balance a vase on a plank with their foot, so a decent endurance challenge. Grant is the first vase to fall, sending him to the jury. And then Matt, after 36 days and 10 duels, drops his vase and is out. It's down to Andrea and Mike; Mike's vase begins to teeter and then hits the ground. Andrea returns to the game and to the tribe that betrayed her.

Andrea returns to camp, knowing she's not super welcome, but immediately gets her game on. She tells Natalie and Ashley that the guys at Redemption Island called them all puppets and would give their final vote to Phillip (lie- awesome!) Rob and Phillip see the chatting and know Ashley is poison to sweet Natalie and she must go next. So of course Ashley wins immunity again, though to be fair a chimp that could count could win this challenge since it was just to place tiles in order from 1 to 100.

So it's pretty obvious that Andrea will be leaving the game sooner than she re-entered, but she also hopes maybe the girls will get smart and finally try to take out Rob. Rob is extremely confident in tonight's vote and doesn't plan to use his immunity idol, as tonight is the last night to play it. Ashley is paranoid that she's next on the chopping block so asks Natalie for a promise to vote off Phillip next time. Phillip spies this and gives Rob an update that they were chatting, right in front of Andrea. Andrea sees this as a prime opportunity to try to get the girls on her side, citing that it would be a bad move to be up against Rob in the finals and all of Redemption Island would vote Rob to win.

At Tribal Council, paranoia is the big topic of conversation. All the whispers and private convos and weird Phillip ramblings. Rob, don't be a moron and play the damn idol. But as Rob points out, Andrea is a good player and well-liked and sending her out is a smart move. Probst gives one last immunity idol reminder before everyone goes to cast their votes and huff the marker. Rob thankfully plays that idol, setting his ego to the side. The votes do come out eliminating Andrea regardless, so great work Redemption Island.

The final 4 bask in their glory, while Ashley is again proud to be a final 2 girl, and Rob and the girls pledge final 3. We'll see how that holds up at the immunity challenge, a stunning giant maze with a word phrase puzzle to end it. Rob is the first to collect his 4 bags of puzzle pieces with Ashley right behind; Phillip and Natalie are just wandering aimlessly. Rob and Ashley peer at each other's boards, but it's Rob who wins the final immunity challenge with "ONLY YOU ARE SAFE." So what move with Rob make? Well take out Ashley probably, but can he convince Natalie to turn on her BFF?

Natalie looks heartbroken when Rob informs her Ashley needs to go. Rob explains that Ashley has a lot of friends on the jury when she befriended Zapatera. Natalie isn't sure what to do because even though she didn't come here to make friends (drink!), she did. When Ashley asks Natalie if Rob's said anything to her, Natalie lies. Ohh it's getting half-interesting. At Tribal Council, Probst wonders if Ashley losing was a million dollar loss. The votes are cast and Ashley heads to the jury. Thank god. Ashley acted like she did so much and orchestrated things but she was merely Rob's puppet from the beginning. Peace out, lazybones.

Rob, Natalie and Phillip enjoy their finale feast and us viewers are spared the fallen comrade walk, though I'd rather have it and not pay attention than not have it at all. It's tradition! The best moment of the entire season is Phillip burning his creepy tighty pinkies, or saggy reddies. Phillip has no idea how happy viewers are to see him finishing this season in swimtrunks and not his skivvies.

Final Tribal. Natalie cites her social skills, alliances, and loyalty as what helped her play the best game. Phillip says he deserves to be in the finals because he revamped his whole strategy because of Rob entering the game and credits Rob with getting him to the end. Rob knows if he weren't on Ometepe the game would be different, but explains his gameplay with suballiances as well as camp work. He also brings up that it's taken 10 years for him to get there but he wants to win to bring home the bacon to his wife and daughter. More importantly, Phillip is wearing a cloak and his feathered headdress.

Andrea asks who the real Phillip is and he basically says if you've been around me 39 days and don't know me, then I don't have to explain myself. Andrea also wonders why Natalie ditched her BFF to follow Rob. Ashley demands Phillip just sit and listen so she can rip into him, but thanks him for making her more patient. Rob admits to Grant that he had to eliminate him because he thought he'd get his ass kicked against him. Rob believes his gameplay of making final 2 alliances with everyone on Ometepe was necessary to get to the end. Julie makes some rant about like what would your kids and parents think of you and hates them all. This allows Phillip to rant more, guaranteeing ZERO votes in 10 minutes. Mike says Survivor brought him closer to god and wonders what the survivors learned about themselves. Thankfully, Rob learned this is the last time he'll play this game which is good for us. David twists it up and just talks to the jury and basically points out how Rob was amazing and scared them all into following him. David calls Rob's game the best there was and Rob looks totally flattered.

The votes are cast and we at least get one last glimpse of Ralph's fantastic spelling (he voted for PHILE). Live in New York City, Probst babbles and then reads the votes. Fourth time is a charm and after 10 years off-and-on of playing Survivor (and losing The Amazing Race twice), Rob finally wins the game.

Reunion: Phillip is subdued, Natalie is moving past Julie's jury comments, and Rob was really worried early on that he'd be out quick. Rob is also sad that Grant isn't friends with him anymore, ignoring texts and calls. Grant is hurt and feels Rob's gameplay is a reflection of his real personality. Matt has a lot of records for the show, mainly because Redemption Island didn't exist before, but he many times felt lonely and miserable and collected rocks. Matt and Andrea had/have a connection but live in different states so dating for now is probably a no. Russell is still a bitter looking troll, but shakes Rob's hand and congratulates him for winning. Phillip didn't trade his integrity for a million dollars and blabs more crazy stuff and apologizes to Steve for his insane rant. It's confirmed that Phillip was a special agent by a woman who went through training with him. In a 40% to 36% vote, Rob also wins the Sprint Player of the Season for another $100,000. David, who has been dating Survivor: Tocatins castmember Carolina since leaving the show, proposes to her on the live show and she says yes. And finally, soon season 23 will start filming in Samoa and lameass Redemption Island is back and yes, ex-players will return. F THIS.


Photo Credit: CBS.com

Serving of the Week

5/16/2011 Posted by Mel Got Served 1 comment

Name: Kerry Campbell AKA Botox Mom
SERVED: I really didn't know who to SERVE this week since I've been at Disney World and SERVING the ride at the Mexico pavillion in Epcot seemed to be not-so-great. Thankfully, I caught up on my real news at Dlisted and read about Botox Mom on Good Morning America. Yes this mom injects her 8-year old daughter with Botox for pageants. This is repulsive. You need a SERVING for cruelty and stupidity. She's a child and kids are adorable as they are! Some wise viewers called child protection on Kerry for her amazing parenting skills so perhaps justice will SERVE this crazy pageant mom.

Think someone should get SERVED? Leave your ideas in the comments section, email me, or hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.


Photo Credit: Dlisted

May 15, 2011

Reality Rundown: In Your Face, Million Dollar Pee

Finale! The Amazing Race: Unfinished BusinessThe Biggest Loser
Survivor: Redemption Island

Finale! The Amazing Race: Unfinished Business - The teams live Switzerland for Rio De Janero, Brazil to find some tile with their next clue. A travel agent suggests Gary/Mallory and Jen/Kisha for a 5:30PM arrival flight, but the Globetrotters shock sort of gives away a better option so all teams go on the same flight arriving at 7:30AM.

To get to the tiles in Switzerland, the teams have to take some trolley and the Globetrotters fall behind thanks to a cabdriver that doesn't take kindly to being bossed around. The tile clue leads to another clue for a Roadblock: learn to dance the samba in a parade wearing some sweet Carnival costumes. It's like like Rio: The Movie which I didn't see since I hate birds but am assuming they go to Carnival. If you've been dreaming of seeing Zev dance awkwardly in a speedo and loin cloth, this is the episode for you. Zev can't dance at all, leading to stress for him and a side-lined Justin. His two left feet even allow the chances for the last place Globetrotters to catch up. Eventually, the judge gives him a mercy score and let him pass.

Next, teams then head to the infamous Copacabana where all racers, female and male, but undergo a Brazilian wax session. Luckily we don't need to see any ass cheeks. If you've been dreaming of seeing Gary shirtless with wax on his nipples, this is the episode for you. Zev and Justin are the best to see/hear since they are some hairy dudes. I love the idle threats of wanting to punch the waxer in the face. Dear god, this is purely amazing. Freshly waxed, the teams immediately have a Detour of learning to make some Brazilian cocktail 100 times or sell enough bikini tops on the beach to make $60. Methinks many Brazilians and crew members are getting totally fucked up on The Amazing Race dime in Rio. Zev/Justin are the only team who opt to sell the swimsuits and I can't think of two sexier dudes to convince ladies to strip down and buy a bikini and model them. They quickly learn the same lesson and go to make drinks.

Gary and Mallory are the first to check in to the Pit Stop. They are definitely racing in the final leg for a chance at a million dollars and we learn if they win, Gary would be the oldest winner in TAR history. Oh and they won a Mediterranean cruise. Kisha and Jen check in 2nd, leaving it between the Globetrotters and Zev and Justin for the final spot in the trio. As Zev and Justin bust out drinks, the Globetrotters are having a sing and dance fiesta and having a grand ol' time. The Globetrotters complete the task before Zev and Justin and advance to the finals. Zev and Justin finish the task and share a cocktail together before heading to the Pit Stop. The only team with legit unfinished business, since they lost their passports and had to forfeit, is eliminated.

FINAL LEG! Teams fly on the same flight to Miami, Florida to complete their race journey. The Globetrotters think smart and check their bags because they don't need them in the next leg, dropping the dead weight that could slow them down. Getting out of the airport, Gary and Mallory get screwed by the cab line, putting them at an immediate disadvantage. Their cab driver doesn't know where he's going and does a crummy job of getting help. Yup, they're fucked. Instead of crying in the cab, why don't you hop out and get another cab? No, OK, just a suggestion. Someone eventually hops along and gives directions to get them to the marina.

The first clue in Miami is at a marina and it's a Roadblock: transport a boat on a drydock with a forklift. Flight Time's past life as a Walmart employee using a little forklift helps, but so does the guidance from professionals. Jen and Flight Time go head-to-head (Gary and Mallory still behind) to see who can move along first. Flight Time finishes first and get the next clue sending them to Key Largo.

In Key Largo the teams arrive at an undersea lodge for another Roadblock: use a bob dive to find a treasure chest with a clue around a mermaid rock band. I don't know- it's late while I'm watching this. Jen has to do the Roadblock which allows us to flashback to her horrible swimming experience last time; at least in preparation she took some lessons. Lucky for them, the bob dive does all the work. Think of it like riding a mechanical seahorse with a bubble head. Big Easy finds the clue first and takes off with Flight Time for whatever is next. Too bad what's next is that their cab driver peaced out and they have to find another, which allows Jen and Kisha to catch up.

The clue sends the teams to mile marker 29 in Big Pine Key, which then sends them another clue on Horseshoe Island under the tallest tree, and then sends them back again via boat to a mobile park. Enough clue searching, do some damn challenges or something! At the mobile home park, the teams need to wheel a trailer into the lot and then deck it out to the white-trash nines using a brochure as reference. The wind proves to be a huge hindrance, especially when installing the tastefully hanging canopy or watching an inflatable pool fly away. At this point, Gary and Mallory actually catch up to the sisters and Globetrotters. All along I thought their catch-up was just annoying editing, but apparently the race is on. Jen and Kisha finish the challenge first after realizing their table was missing something. The clue gives them directions for the finish line. Will anyone be able to challenge them?

Maybe the Globetrotters! After getting declined, they also notice that their table is set incorrectly and get it fixed. Jen and Kisha arrive at the parking lot to retrieve their adult tricycles for the finish line: a 7 mile bridge. Right behind them are the Globetrotters, making it a real nailbiter, but at some point they acknowledge Jen and Kisha are too far ahead to catch-up. Sisters Jen and Kisha arrive at the Pit Stop first and win the million dollar prize, the second female team to do so. Betcha they're glad there was no porta potty on that bridge. Unfortunately, no one correctly predicted the winner of TAR but props to @MamaXanax who picked Gary and Mallory to win, making her the closest victor this season.

The Biggest Loser - I can't believe this show isn't over yet; it's astonishing how long NBC drags this shit out. Dubbed "final exams" week, the losers are supposed to show off their knowledge this week. They'll be given scores of 0-100 in the following courses: spinning with Bob, motivating with Jillian, boxing with Cara, and health and wellness quiz with Brett. Best grade at the end of the week wins $10,000.

In spinning, the losers have to instruct Bob how to properly operate and exercise. Hannah and Austin are like pros, while Jay is a moron who tells Bob to take off the seat. Brett puts on glasses and a suitjacket to look professional and quizzes them on exercise, food, etc. Cara is testing on fighting more than boxing so I guess this is a subjective class. Jillian's session is like reverse therapy and motivational one-liners ("at least you kicked!"). God, how boring. Finish this show already and stop the filler! The last test is a surprise one: they'll play The Biggest Loser videogame on Xbox Connect and get the highest score. Hannah, a self-proclaimed videogame aficionado, wins this challenge. Olivia ends up being the overall winner and gets the $10k and an Xbox 360.- plus she won a car a few weeks back, so sweet deal.

After workouts, and Jay being a weak old dude, there's a challenge to stack sandbags up to the top of some castle-looking thing or something. Winner gets a 1lb advantage, which is a huge bonus near the end of the game. Austin wins the challenge, but hopes he doesn't necessarily need the 1lb to stay in the game. Later, Hannah gets a $500 Subway giftcard. 100 foot longs!!

At the weigh-in, Alison gives an interesting proposition: Olivia could trade her $10k for a 1lb advantage and Austin could give up his 1lb for $10k. Olivia and Austin both keep their original prizes. Hannah and Olivia spend a lot of the episode discussing their high hopes of being the first female pair to make the final 4 together, so of course, the chance arises that they might fall below together. Lucky for them, Austin only loses 1lb, so even with his 1lb advantage he is still under the line (up against Hannah). The losers eliminate Austin, but I'd say losing 160+lbs on campus is a winning life decision.

Survivor: Redemption Island - Ashley and Natalie congratulate themselves for being the last two women standing after blindsiding Andrea, but I think they mean following. Ashley wants Natalie to stick with her to the end, but Natalie is still a bit closer to Rob so lets him know what Ashley mentioned to her.

Over at Redemption Island, Matt and Andrea have a little tiff. Matt feels betrayed by her, but she also feels Matt almost ruined her game back when he mucked it up before. Seriously, if Matt wins this game just for doing challenges at Redemption Island, I'll scream. The four-way duel (fouel?) is to complete some hand-maze and another fucking puzzle. Matt, Mike and Andrea stay alive in the game; Ralph is eliminated but don't worry: we'll get to see his horrible spelling on the jury.

Rice becomes yet another conflict at Murlonio, with Ashley really wanting to save rice, while the others wouldn't mind splurging on a little more since the end is year. This makes Ashley stick out in Rob's mind in target-land again. When Phillip approaches the girls about the calories the men need to survive, it starts another battle. WHO BURNED MY RICE?! Phillip says he's playing up his crazy, but he is a bit crazy ("crazy- not the "n-word" crazy, but crazy," says Rob). This fight makes Rob worried about the girl bond, so he makes sure to let her know he'll take her to final 2 and to not listen to Ashley's plans. He also likes Natalie's niceness and doesn't want Ashley's darkness to take her down. Ashley has a ballsy plan, which she tells Rob about, which is to take out Grant and send him to Redemption Island. Rob gives Grant his word that he will not do this.

The immunity challenge is to retrieve puzzle pieces one-handed with fish hooks and create a fish bone puzzle. Seriously, enough fucking puzzles. The winner also wins a 3 course meal delivered to them at camp, which they're calling "room service." Ashley wins immunity and reward, taking her to 90% useless instead of 100% like she has been all season. She also gets to share her reward with someone else and picks BFF Natalie.

Rob is bummed this has happened and now has to go along with Ashley's plan to get rid of Grant. Grant has to be kept in the dark, so Rob tells Grant the plan is to take out Natalie and he's so excited to blindside her. Oh poor Grant is gonna get served! Meanwhile, room service arrives for the ladies in the form of nachos, pizza, pasta, cake, and other amazing things. Hope there's a bottle of Pepto Bismal for the diarrhea that's going to come from consuming nothing to then consuming 4,000 calories of junk. Ashley's not 100% dumb because she knows her and Natalie will be targets soon, and Natalie is stuck in the middle. The big concern is that the Redemption Island victor would pair with the girls and decide the fates in the game. Rob doesn't want to take out Grant or Natalie but it has to be done.

Tribal council. The girls friendship is a topic of discussion and their bond is definitely at the forefront of the men's minds. Rob and Grant thank their women at home for giving them strength. Grant casts his vote for Natalie, but all the other votes are for a completely blind-sided Grant. Well hopefully he can master Redemption Island on Sunday's finale.


Photo Credits: CBS.com, NBC.com

May 6, 2011

Reality Rundown: Helicopters Rule Everything Around Me (H.R.E.A.M.)

The Amazing Race: Unfinished BusinessThe Biggest Loser
Survivor: Redemption Island

The Amazing Race: Unfinished Business - The teams make their way in the snow to Air Rescue Helicopter Port and I'm dying. Helicopters!! I've started the acronym H.R.E.A.M., which totally describes my life: Helicopters Rule Everything Around Me. What's weirdest is the racers only receive $1 for the entire leg so either it's a cheapo leg or they're making racers push their budget to the extreme. The helicopters are taking the teams to a mystery location and judging by all the gear, it could be dangerous. Lucky for them, it's a reality show so they won't die.

By locations unknown, what they really mean is an unnamed location with a sweet view of the Matterhorn for a Detour: use an avalanche beacon to find and retrieve a dummy or rescue a stranded mountaineer by rappelling into a crevice. Finally the detour is challenging on both sides and teams take part in both options. Jen/Kisha, Kent/Vyxsin, the Globetrotters do the rapelling; Zev/Justin, Gary/Mallory retrieve the dummy. We of course get a Kent freakout, and I wish Vxysin would like the pulley fly and send him down the crevice, just as a lesson. The 3 rappelling teams are able to complete the Detour first and head to the next clue. Turns out digging up the dummy is really difficult and stress-inducing.

The next clue is a Road Block to create a Travelocity Roaming Gnome made entirely out of chocolate. Chocolate AND gnomes? This is the best leg ever. I think my favorite part is as one teammate works hard, the other digs into all the chocolate samples. Kent ruins the experience by whining more about Vyxsin not putting her chocolate "in the oven" (it's a fridge, idiot). The refridgerating of the gnomes to harden the chocolate creates chaos, as people start grabbing the wrong gnomes. Flight Time's is missing and he knows someone took his, meaning he has to make another. Vyxsin is the main suspect of stolen-gnome-gate. Vxysin is crying that this hasn't been a dirty race and I guess she forgets when her and Kent U-Turned Cara and Jaime when they were standing right next to them. All I know is I'm having "Who burned my rice?" flashbacks.

Flight Time is able to recover and do a sexy shake the chocolate dance. It takes a half hour for the chocolate to set, which they do by placing upside down in the snow. Kent has a little tirade saying the Globetrotters hoot and "holla" when things don't go their way and this would've been the perfect moment for the editors to present a compilation of all of Kent's hissy fits. Once chilled and touched up, the teams receive their clues to head to their Pit Stop at a log cabin. Kent/Vyxsin hop in a cab to get to the Pit Stop, but the clue explicitly says to make their way "on foot." Oh karma will be amazing.

The Globetrotters are team #1, after being last place last week; they win a trip to the Cook Islands. Second place is Kisha and Jen. Kent and Vyxsin arrive third, but receive a 30 minute penalty for taking a taxi. Dear god, let Kev and Justin be closed. Gary/Mallory arrive a few minutes later to be team #3. Zev and Justin are running to make it to the Pit Stop, sliding on icy streets along the way. I have never been on the edge of my seat so much. I'm so over Kent and Vyxsin's horrible attitudes and constant fighting; keep the positivity in the race. Zev and Justin arrive at the Pit Stop, but arrive before Kent and Vyxsin's penalty has ended. They're still in the race! Kent and Vyxsin are eliminated from the race and Twitter explodes in sheer joy.

The Biggest Loser - The losers trudge outside, probably woken by the producers, only to see a horse drawn carriage coming to the house. It's Tim Gunn of Project Runway fame which means only one thing: makeovers! Tim is their fairy godfather and will deck them out with 3 gifts, the first being a makeover. The other 2 will be a surprise (and you know one of them is family visits).

The clothes are all apparently opera costumes (?) and classy evening wear, so suck it Macy's wrap dresses. Before they can dress to the nines, they get new 'dos from Ken Paves, a spooky looking fella who you might recall as being Jessica Simpson's BFF. Just please, cut Austin's horrible moptop. Time passes, hair is done and they get out of the horse drawn carriage to greet Tim, fully madeover. Hannah is blond and wearing a mermaid dress; no seriously, it's the color of a mermaid. Honestly, she looks bad- sorry! Whatever shade of blond and the blunt bang does not flatter her. Olivia is the great looking one, with a short bob-esque cut and a beautiful blue gray ballgown. Austin's rocking a tux and some shorter hair- still has some tendrils, but not as horrendous. Irene has shorter locks, highlights, and a beautiful pink dress. She wins makeover night by a landslide. Oh and Jay is just a slimmer older guy. I miss the decent looking guys of season's past.

Sure enough, surprise #2 is a family member being there because if you watch this show it always happens. Olivia's husband made a promise to do the weight-loss at home while she's gone and he's 99lbs lighter; smokin' hot couple alert. The rest of their families are all still chubby so it's not as great as Olivia's hubby. Alison Sweeney joins them at the castle and adds onto the second gift, which is a private concert by OneRepublic. Gross, fast forward.

The fancy dress time doesn't last long as the losers are at the beach back in their uniforms. Alison lets the losers know they'd look better in... a minivan? It's a Mazda 5 and looks like a van and I'd say gross. The challenge is to dig out a box from the sandcastles; inside each box is a key and there is one winning key that starts the car. Oh wait, there isn't one key, there's two: they're giving away two ugly Mazdas. Maybe it's editing, but Irene finds a winning key pretty quick and plans to give her mom the car. With only two keys remaining in the sand, Olivia finds the other winning key.

The trainers don't care much about the fancy new haircuts and push the losers for their last chance workout. Hannah, whose hair looks much better without the repulsive bangs they gave her, loses 2lbs. Jay steps up and loses 3lbs, so this weigh-in is already getting interesting. Lot of bottom feedin' this week. Austin loses 7lbs, making his season total 160 which is pretty excellent. Bitches better beware, Austin could win this thing. Irene, who I now dub Irene the Machine, loses 2lbs. She's a consistent contender and maybe Austin's main competition. Olivia steps on the scale, terrified she'll fall below with her sister, but 4lbs keeps her safe. Hannah and Jay are below the yellow line, but some uber creepy voice pipes up. Fairy godfather Tim is there with gift #3: no yellow line! No one is eliminated, probably a trade-off since they got no real clothes for their slender bodies.

Survivor: Redemption Island - The Ometepe 6 get back to camp and Natalie starts crying "hormone tears" because she misses her family and because the shit is going to hit the fan over the next 8 days. But missing loved ones shouldn't be a big deal because in Tree Mail is a SPRINT cell phone with family videos (and instructions to come to the duel). I didn't pay attention because I was too angry that it's likely we're having another auction-less season.

Redemption Island is a major sausage-fest and the guys do the math and realize Zapatera is the majority of the jury so if one of those 3 dudes re-enters the game and makes it to the finals, it's a probably a guaranteed million. The Redemption Island fellas also get Sprint cell phone home videos because it's double the product placement, I mean fair. Now I doubt it's a Johnny Fairplay move, but I'm going to pretend Ralph hearing his chickens are dead is the equivalent on this. The good news is that the winner of today's duel (Fouel? Since there's 4?) will get to spend time face-to-face with their loved one. The challenge is to smash a line of tiles, like that birthday pail toss they used to do on Bozo. Mike wins the "duel" and some in-person love from his family (his mom). Steve sucks and gets eliminated for good.

Mike is given the option to forgo time with his mom and instead let Matt and Ralph get family time to suck up to the jury or give loved ones to everyone still remaining in the game. Mike's a dumbass and gives up the loved one time to the 6 Ometepe assholes as a way to win votes. Does he realize they'll probably just laugh about this later? I wouldn't give those jerks anything because 1. the eliminated your entire tribe and 2. your tribe is the majority of the jury, so you don't need their votes. Ralph is not a fan of the move and thinks it was dumb. Turns out god decided to help Mike this week and wanted him to give a bunch of turds time with their family.

At Murlonio camp, their loved ones get to see camp, hear about the game, hear about home, cry a bunch, etc. Phillip's loved on is not a psychologist, like I hoped for his sake; it's his sister. Rob gives his sister all the deets and really feels this is the best game he's ever played. It's an extremely true statement but I wonder if this is foreshadowing an elimination? Or a total season victory? We shall see I guess.

The immunity challenge is a to collect puzzle steps to get up a big-ass flight of stairs. Like a huge exhausting flight and it's 110 degrees out. The race is between Rob, Grant, and Andrea (seriously Natalie and Ashley are a complete waste of space). Rob, rocking a shirt with a picture of Ambuh and his baby on it, wins immunity. Rob starts panting from exhaustion, cramping up and moaning. He's so weak he has to ask his tribe to help him stand up. Rob collects his immunity necklace and now it's time for the Ometepe alliance to start ripping each other apart. Well unless they just follow Rob's orders to take out Andrea.

Back at camp, JELL-O legs makes it known to his tribe Andrea ("her") is out. Andrea is a smart move to eliminate because she is strategic and knows the game, it just sucks that two lazy bums like Ashley and Natalie live on in the game. Once the declaration is made, Phillip starts to annoy the tribe again. Phillip opens up to us viewers that his strategy has been to be the annoying villain. Dear god, let's hope it's truly the act he claims it is. Phillip knows that Rob wants to take him to the final 2 as an easy win and claims he has the argument to take him out. NOW I'm intrigued.

Tribal Council. Andrea thinks she's safe (foreshadowing her doom) and Ashley doesn't think Tribal is fun tonight. Sorry, when is Tribal EVER fun? Phillip admits he sucked at the challenge but claims he's really strong. Andrea smiles upon being acknowledged for being strong and claims they still need strong people in the game to defeat the Redemption Island victor. Probst baits Phillip a little more with questions to try to get more wackiness and then the votes are cast. The votes predictably come out as Andrea and she's heading to Redemption Island to joined the BFF she scorned.



PROGRAMMING NOTE: Next week I'll be on vacation chowin' down on Dole Whips and setting a Guiness Record for number of rides on the Carousel of Progress, so next week's Reality Rundown will be super late.

Photo Credits: CBS.com, NBC.com

May 2, 2011

Serving of the Week

5/02/2011 Posted by Mel Got Served 1 comment

Name: Donald Trump
SERVED: It's amazing that a man whose been bankrupt several times, a multiple-divorcee, and has a joke of a hairstyle can be such an arrogant dick. For weeks there's been mumblings that Donald Trump, he of gaudy golden home furnishings and "You're fired!" Celebrity Apprentice fame, might run for President of the United States. Yes, the guy who can't keep a casino profitable wants to run the country. SERVED. He won't confirm or deny this, but he will go on any news channel to bitch and moan about Obama's birth certificate. Seriously, get over it. Tired of his bitching, the birth certificate was finally released by this turd still won't shut up. I'd say I could SERVE him for all the reasons, but thanks to this week's White House Correspondents Dinner, Obama was able to give this buffoon the SERVING he deserves. Oh, and Sunday's broadcast of The Celebrity Apprentice was interrupted, only to not air until over an hour later, to deliver a presidential address. (note: I wrote this post far before the press conference, so don't mind it being kiiiinda dated)

Honorary mention (but what should be the true SERVING): Osama Bin Laden. Quite frankly, he should be the main serving, but I don't want his image on my blog. I don't need that visage haunting readers, even with a SERVED over his face. The press conference came extremely late, but the news reported that Osama Bin Laden is dead and they have his body. I am glad that perhaps some rest goes out to the families and victims of 9/11. While our world always sits on some sort of unrest, it is a relief to have some resolution to one of the greatest American tragedies.

Think someone should get SERVED? Leave your ideas in the comments section, email me, or hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.


Photo Credit: Heckler Spray