Last week we ended on the Jake vs. Kasey elimination cliffhanger. The last rose goes to Kasey meaning that smarmy turd Jake is out, but Kasey isn't much better so isn't it all lose-lose in the end? Jake makes a goodbye speech to mourn the failed plan to get rid of Kasey and encourages those remaining to take out the power couples. He gives one last apology to Vienna and peaces out. Jake isn't sure he'd be willing to do what it takes to win the prize money which is so laughable since he's on Famous Food with Heidi Montag, Danielle Staub, and Ashley Dupres. Good riddance, famewhore.
It's time for the best, skankiest competition yet: second annual Bachelor Pad kissing contest! Kasey doesn't want to upset Vienna, but also thinks the girls are ugly. Vienna is repulsed by the contest. Michelle decides to be a good role model to her daughter and not partake. Ella is GAME. Blake can't wait to kiss Holly and neither can Michael.
Because Holly has been staked out, all the guys give nana kisses to not make Michael irate. Well except Blake who is DTF based on that kiss. But I guess he's down to get it with everybody since he's a smooch machine- tons of tongue which Ella describes as "baby makin' kisses." No one kisses Vienna either but I think that's cause they are all repulsed by her and not Kasey. Ella is the Blake of the women with a big ol' kiss, but Erica Rose is looking for affection and has some injected lips that give her a sloppy advantage. No one wants to kiss Kasey cause his breath stinks. Holly, even if she's not dating Michael, gives him one loving kiss and he is sooo excited. Michael isn't the only one getting a Holly makeout: Holly swallows Blake whole and I know he's digging it. Love triangle! The votes are in and the best kissers, by a landslide vote, are Ella and Blake. And this week the dates are instead romantic one-on-one dates. Oww oww!
Ella's "future is up in the air" when she brings Kirk along on her date. They get a sweet red Lamborghini, which Ella gets to drive and William regrets not being a manwhore to win the challenge. Ella and Kirk share wine in what appears to be the same place Ashley and JP had their first solo date. We hear a little about Ella's kid, Kirk's near death mold experience, and Ella's horrible backstory of abuse and the murder of her mother. Goddamn, this is heavy. It's too bad they are outsiders because I'd love these two to win. Ella gives Kirk the rose and they head outside to discover a hot air balloon in the backyard. Oh like this is SO unusual. They fly high in the sky, sip some champs, and kiss. Aww.
Melissa is so excited that Blake won cause she figures she's going on the date and that they're both going to survive this week. Thing is, Blake doesn't want to send mixed messages (and wants to get freaky with Holly). Blake is in high demand thisweek, so Erica makes her move via sensual massage to get herself onto that date, immunity rose, and get crazy Melissa out. Blake's date card arrives and the house can't wait to see who Blake is taking on the date. Blake chooses Holly for his date, putting a dagger through the hearts of Melissa and Michael. Melissa is livid and I love it! Batshit ca-raaaazy! Melissa goes on an angry tirade, hates Holly, hates Blake, blames Holly, confronts Holly for being a flirt, and goes on a housewide Blake hunt to bitch at him more. Michael takes a more passive approach and mopes in the pool that Holly might be moving on.
Blake and Holly leave the house, burned by the laser beams projecting from crazy Melissa's eyes. They board a private jet and end up at Mammoth for a day on the slopes. Too bad Holly can't ski, snowboard or anything. Neither can I girl. Give me hot chocolate, peppermint schnapps, and the lodge any day. Holly and Blake have a really good time falling, laughing, rolling in the snow, and bonding. In fact, Holly has had so much fun with Blake she realizes she's going to crush Michael's breakdancing heart (he, meanwhile, is staring off a balcony hoping she remembers his love for him). At night, a romantic campfire is setup for them and over wine, Blake asks where Holly and Michael currently stand. Holly was heartbroken for the past few months, is sort of weird with Michael, and doesn't know how they can return to the house. The house where Michael mopes by a fireplace. Blake gives Holly the rose and they choose not to go back to the house but spend the night at Mammoth together making out. Michael shirtlessly mopes and it is so sad to see this guy heartbroken.
Michael is heartbroken and missing Holly. Melissa's yapping on about Blake being a manwhore snake. Holly is guilty for kissing Blake but loved her date with him. I think Holly returning from Mammoth rocking about 11 pearl necklaces is a wonderful detail that makes me laugh like the immature person I am. Love triangle dilemma! Michael tells Holly that she's irreplaceable and has fallen back in love with her. Holly admits her and Blake kissed once and Michael's shocked. Umm you're not officially together? Holly's argument is that Michael said he didn't want to get back together in the house. Now Holly's confused, guilt-ridden, broken, and binging on bagel bites. It's a sad state.
The elimination rules are back to normal tonight because there's no need to rig it for Jake to last another week and Melissa has run her nucking futs course. Ella wants to lead the revolution to take apart Kasey and Vienna and needs 4 votes (it's her, Melissa, and maybe Erica). William is the other guy who's name is in the mix because he's such a non-entity that we forget is even in this game. Kasey does his usually bullying to get the women to vote his way. No one knows how Michael and Holly are voting cause they're frolicking on a backyard picnic, an attempt by Michael to woo Holly back. They are so ruining my Bachelor Pad buzz.
Melissa is the most obvious choice to eliminate of all time. Graham says if Melissa had to be his partner he'd walk out of the house; AMEN! Melissa walks around begging for votes and she is annoying everyone. Graham lies to her and says he voted for Erica and encourages Michael to do the same. She chases after Blake, who runs in quickly to vote. She whines to Kasey, so he lies that he voted for Erica to spare losing his manhood. Michael tells Melissa everyone is voting her her and she goes nutso... of course! She begs some of the guys vote for Erica to try to spare her, just so oblivious to her surroundings. Bitch is crazy, 'nuff said.
At the rose ceremony, William and crazy Melissa are eliminated. As nutso as she was, it's more fun blogging her insanity than the sadness of a crushed engagement. William cries in the limo and loves his new friends. Melissa cries more, cause that's what she does. Blake is pretty much at fault for her demise, but I'll blame her craziness too. Melissa continues to ugly cry in the limo and it's nasty.