September 30, 2011

Charity of the Month for September 2011: Boys & Girls Club of Brockton

9/30/2011 Posted by Mel Got Served
I've slacked a bit this month, but it's really better late than never (sorry for the cliche). Truth is I was a bit stumped of where to donate to this month. Then I got busy with work and life so I got distracted. So now on September 30, right before I almost break my resolution, I am making sure to get my donation in.

This month I'll be donating to the Boys & Girls Club of Brockton, my hometown in the city of Massachusetts. Brockton is a city south of Boston and while it's produced plenty to be proud of, the bad rep ofter overshadows the good. The Boys & Girls Club are about beginning while kids are young to offer them a place to hang out, play, learn, grow, and be nurtured. It provides safety in an urban area where sometimes kids drift to the bad stuff. Donating to the Boys & Girls Club will help kids get a jump start on a great future. I may be donation to my local Boys & Girls club, but you can donate to yours too.

September 22, 2011

Reality Rundown: This Is Not A Picnic

9/22/2011 Posted by Mel Got Served , 1 comment
New! The Biggest LoserSurvivor: South Pacific

New! The Biggest Loser - A bus full of fatties wearing gray t-shirts with a big number on them arrives in the middle of the desert. In rides a humvee and out of it comes Alison Sweeney aka Samantha Gene Brady. Alison has everyone line up in order of their shirt number; those numbers are their age. Gone are stupid pairs (thank god!) and in this season the losers will be split into three teams based on age: under 30 (young), over 50 (old), and the in-betweens (middle). Rejoicing all around! Then, holy Marine H.R.E.A.M., the trainers arrive via CH-46s. The trainers are returning Bob Harper, tennis player Anna Kournikova, and trainer to the stars (aka Biebs) Dolvett Quince. BTW, Dolvett is hot.

The teams will get to pick their trainer but it's obviously a challenge. The teams will need to trek a mile across the desert holding a metal bar together to pick Bob, I mean a trainer. Yes, everyone wants Bob- quelle surprise. The old people quickly realize they just want to finish so they'll obviously be training with Anna because who the hell is going to pick her? It's the middle aged folks who pass the young'ns and pick Bob, the tried and true trainer (so middle is now black team). The young group reaches the finish line and head to Dolvett's team triangle (young is now red team). The old folks get stuck with the mediocre professional tennis player who shows solidarity by running out to her team, with the other teams joining, to help the oldies finish (the old folks are now blue team).

Alison gives a teaser that in 3 months, regardless of whether you are still in the game or got eliminated, they'll return to compete in a marathon in the desert. Huge twist alert: winner of that marathon automatically makes the finals. Holy shit, that is major. Like epic. Wow.

The losers and trainers head into the gym. Gone are those dumb quotes of trainers and in are pictures of the past winners looking svelte and healthy. Dolvett rules as he's like kinda of friendly and then screaming. Anna is what you would expect: calm, sage advice, but at least she doesn't let her oldies quit everytime they request. There is whining, tears, people asking for a lot of breaks, and some old dude Johnny quits his workout. Bob's "pet project" in Antone, a big ol' former NFL offensive lineman who cries quite a bit for a grown man on day one. He's our first inspirational Bob speech.

At 3:15AM, Becky receives a call from home and finds out her father passed away. Instead of sobbing into some Ben and Jerry's, she heads to the gym and hops on the elliptical. She walks out the emotions and makes a vow to control her weight so she doesn't end up letting the obesity kill her too. The team comes together to support her because a lot of them have lost parents too. Becky returns home for the funeral but she'll be back to compete, making Anna cry a whole lot. Man, she cries more than the losers.

Weigh-in time! Anna's blue team weighs in first and a couple of guys put up decent numbers, two of the three women aren't so great. I mean, the chick who left campus for a few days put up 10lbs- those other ladies are clunkers. Bob's black team slaughters Anna's oldies. I mean a dude lost 37lbs- that is insane. Dolvett's red steps to the scale and has some great numbers. Patrick, who got temporarily kicked out of the gym, cries a bunch and leads to Bonnie's completely terrifying ugly cry face. While read doesn't reach Bob levels of domination, they easily defeat the blue team.

The blue team heads to the big table for elimination. Johnny, the split-second quitter, lost the most weight on the team so can't be eliminated. The bickering is between the team's obvious weak links, Bonnie and Debbie. Being that Bonnie lost the least amount of weight (4lbs), you'd think she would go home. Turns out some dude things Debbie has enough self discipline to last at home and she's eliminated.

Survivor: South Pacific - Cochran thanks Savaii for keeping him but acknowledges what a terrible display he had at tribal trying to defend himself. His goal: be less neurotic, more of a worker, disobey mom's advice to not use a machete without supervision. Speaking of no supervision, Ozzy goes monkeying around trees and finds the hidden immunity idol. Hiding fail, again producers and production assistant. Jim, who keeps bragging about being a poker player, ends up fishin' with the boys (Keith, Ozzy) and wants to start his 3+2 alliance: those three plus Whitney, Elyse.

Coach has a solid alliance of five but feels a very tight bond with Edna, who is not part of the fave five. Brandon feels some guilt hiding his true identity from "man of integrity" Coach and reveals his Lil' Hantz tattoo and tells Coach stupid uncle secret. Coach is nervous that Brandon is more like his uncle and would betray him, but Brandon assures Coach he is keeping his word and values their alliance and trust. Brandon is also still hell bent of getting Mikayla out. Dude can't deal with a young hottie in a bikini. Christine goes off to hunt for the next immunity idol clue, which she finds in the hole in the tree.

The immunity challenge is to unwind a May Day pole of four players tied to it. The ribbons, when unwound, will release keys that unlock the other four players who have to navigate a slide puzzle of crates. There is also reward in the form of blankets, pillows, hammock and a map. Blankets please, preferably Snuggies. Old lady Dawn is so slow, leading Probst to say, "This is not a picnic!" Upolu takes a big early lead, but Savaii are fantastic at the puzzle and score the win.

Upolu heads back to camp and there's one clear target coming solely from Brandon's direction: get out Mikayla. Not my winner prediction- noooo! Coach proposes a 3-3-3 vote to try to flush out the idol if it's out there and cause he doesn't like Christine. Brandon confesses to Coach later he wants Mikayla out I guess cause he fears he can't be faithful to his wife. Um, it's a two way street rapey. His alliance thinks getting rid of Mikayla is dumb. Christine gets a stank face on when she sees Edna fraternizing with the five. Brandon tries to get the ladies on the outskirts to vote off Mikayla and Christine is like WTF? She heads to search for the idol again to maybe save herself. Coach doesn't think Mikayla should go either and worries about Brandon's pettiness. I worry about my winner prediction.

At Tribal, Coach discusses keeping the tribe strong but calls out Christine and Stacy wanting to vote out Mikayla. They are baffled. The ladies don't appreciate the accusations. Albert brings up Christine's idol hunting being her possible downfall, so Coach keeps the bus running over her. Mikayla is silent at tribal until Jeff finally addresses her; Stacy and Christine vow they aren't voting for her. Brandon admits he is the one that asked the women to vote for Mikayla. This is perhaps the most confusing tribal council ever and one where I have no idea who is getting voted for. Votes are everywhere: Sophie, Edna, Christine, Stacy. Christine and Stacy lead with a 3-3 tie, but it's Christine that is voted off of her tribe and send to duel Semhar at Redemption Island. Better hope it's not a poetry jam.

September 21, 2011

The Amazing Race 19 Pre-Show Winner Prediction

9/21/2011 Posted by Mel Got Served , 2 comments
Are you ready to watch other people travel the world while you yell at the TV screen, "The clue is right there, ya damn idiot!" The Amazing Race is back for its 19th season and has a Survivor super-couple along with some interesting teams. This means it's time for me to peruse the CBS website and make my winner prediction.


ANDY AND TOMMY will win The Amazing Race 19

Andy and Tommy remind me of one of my favorite teams ever: the hippies. Friends often do well on this race and they seem athletic and not super stressed, which is the downfall of a lot of teams. It's the married and dating couples that really get into heated arguments. It was tough because I think Ethan and Jenna, both winners of Survivor and Ethan is a cancer survivor, are top contenders too but racing is different than Survivor. Not everyone had videos, but based on bios alone I did like Amani and Marcus. He's a retired football player and she thinks he looks like Idris Elba. Can't beat that! But Andy and Tommy... I see them going far and, fingers crossed, winning.

Who do you think will win The Amazing Race? Leave your prediction in the comments. Get it right and you'll get a shout-out at the end of the season.

Photo Credit: CBS

September 19, 2011

Serving of the Week

9/19/2011 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments

Name: The Emmy-tones
SERVED: The Emmy Awards I thought was actually full of entertainment and fantastic wins (Kyle Chandler! Friday Night Lights writing! Modern Family!). Unfortunately, some morons at Fox came up with the "genius idea" to have actors and actresses from several popular shows (and Wilmer Valderrama) perform as an acapella group to announce the categories. Holy awful. It was corny beyond belief and needs to be SERVED despite the talented actors in it (sorry, not you Wilmer Valderrama). Hey Emmys, use your writers to come up with non-lesbian jokes and better winner introductions instead of stupid interlude songs.

Think someone should get SERVED? Leave your ideas in the comments section, email me, or hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

September 18, 2011

Reality Rundown: Rachel's Enchanting Laugh Wins Big Brother 13

9/18/2011 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Big Brother 13 - Finale

This horrible summer of Big Brother is finally ending!!

After an extremely long season recap, we just back into the first part of the final HOH competition. The HGs spin around in the butter pool and get splattered with paint or something. Adam falls first, of course, but lasts almost 29 minutes which is about 27 longer than I predicted. Porsche is nauseous and sadly she doesn't projectile vomit into the butter pool. At 46 minutes, Porsche leaps off in sickness meaning Rachel wins first part of the HOH.

Adam and Porsche face off in part two oh the HOH competition; the winner of this competition battles Rachel in the final HOH com. Adam and Porsche each participate separately and it's an underwater maze to slide HGs heads across paths to get to their correct HOH order. Adam, who has floated through the game, is not so buoyant in this competition. But this is definitely a hard challenge, diving up and down and gasping for air. It took Adam 6:03, but Porsche wins with a time of 3:50.

To fill more time, the jury members sit to talk about the final three, which includes Kalia and Jordan joining the gang. Jordan says Rachel is the best player and should win. Dani argues Rachel is the ultimate floater, going back and forth to the power. Kalia respects Rachel's game now and Shelly doesn't know why they'd reward some a malicious person (to which Jordan points out Shelly is a shit-talker too). Kalia redirects the conversation to discuss the other two. Kalia thinks Porsche has competed and stayed out of the drama, but Jordan starts screaming about Porsche doing nothing the whole game. Et tu, Jordan? Shelly points out Adam made no moves when offered, but JeJo don't care because he was loyal. Everyone argues and bickers.

Porsche and Rachel, hidden from each other by a divider, compete in the final HOH competition. The competition is the same as every season: guess the possible ending to a jury member's statement. The questions are a total crapshoot which explains why neither can seem to get any right. Rachel wins with 2 questions correct, a landslide victory. So based on the jury, just hand her the $500,000 now cause I'm tired of her fake tears. Rachel has to make an immediate choice of who to bring with her to the final two. Rachel keeps her final two deal with Porsche and votes to evict Adam.

The jury are brought out to the studio audience area to question the final two before they are released from the house. The jury wants to know why Rachel should be rewarded for her bratty, mean behavior but she justifies it based on gameplay. Jordan uses her sit around in a bikini hatred AGAIN. Shelly asks Porsche to explain her gameplay and big moves, which a kinda non-existent except she did well at the end of the game. In her final speech, Rachel repeats the same shit over and over and get it you: you always competed, you played hard, you deserve it. Porsche says she played social and physical and pointed out the jury are the same people who saved her week one.

The jury votes and Dani gets one last Rachel dig in "You're lucky this is not a personality contest." Adam still thinks he would've won the game and is confident he'll be on All Stars, which is the funniest thing said all season. But the votes aren't ready now as we have to sit first through the non-jury HGs recall what they've watched all summer. Dick points out that Daniele made the worst move splitting the veteran alliance so early. Cassi was surprised to see how hard Shelly played and that she fooled her. Shelly defends her game and Jeff says they have sort of made amends. Kalia defends her game again saying Daniele did not call all the shots.

Time for results- finally! Julie pulls the keys out one by one and in a 4-3 vote, Rachel wins Big Brother 13. Rachel might not be a houseguest I like, but she deserved the victory after some of the other awful gameplay her housemates had. In another unsurprising vote, Jeff wins America's Favorite.

Well another summer of Big Brother comes to an end. Thank god.

But most importantly, the week before Big Brother 13 began I made my pre-show winner prediction. While I lost, I did win in my predicting the person who would ultimately be eliminated week three. I had the biggest pre-show winner prediction turnout ever and many got close to the end. However, for the first time ever for any winner predictions we have a winner. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, zingbots and sweet-tooth sharks, our winner is.... @ChitownBB!

Reality Rundown: Jesus Hair and Shirt Dilemmas

9/18/2011 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Survivor: South Pacific - Week 1

Welcome to Survivor: South Pacific aka we've filmed here before but need a generic name. We've got a pageant queen, nerdy superfan, dude with a sweet-ass mustache, old ladies that'll be voted off quick, and Russell Hantz's nephew. After being split into two tribes, Jeff informs them that of course there are new players coming (via helicopter!!) Brandon, Russell's nephew, has a whole tribe fearing Russell returning and now he needs to keep his "Lil Hantz" tattoo covered all season. Oh that isn't me making a funny- that is true. We also have returning players Coach and Ozzy, rockin' the coif of the lord, who I know we've all begged to see again, arriving via helicopter. Superfan Johnny could care less about the returning players and asks to be called Cochran, because all of the cool dudes Probst uses last names for them. By a draw of eggs, Coach ends up on Upolu (blue) and Ozzy on Savaii (red). Ozzy is welcome with open arms, Coach... not so much. Oh and Redemption Island is back again but only duels, no truels and fouels this time.

The first challenge is a "hero" challenge with Ozzy vs. Coach, neither of which are anyone's heroes unless your hero had sex on Playboy Channel's Foursome. The challenge itself is to scale a pole, grab a wooden turtle, crawl, and move a pyramid puzzle to another table. The reward is taro (potato equivalent) and flint. Coach is a mess at the puzzle, his team having to shout directions. Ozzy's tribe is helping him but moreso cheering because he's not totally dumb. Ozzy wins reward for his tribe, making the returning castmember hero worship kick-off immediately.

Savaii makes introductions and Ozzy digs Semhar, a spoken-word poet, but also loves his tribe. They love Ozzy back and frolick in the water together instead of building a shelter (Ozzy wants to sleep under the stars like Ron Belding) but since the show didn't provide swimsuits yet it's undies time. Cochran is a pale-face like me and doesn't want to be translucent but he sucks it up and slo-mo runs into the water. Mark is an old gay cop and I hope their nickname of Papa Bear sticks cause that would be excellent for recaps. The winner of uptight old lady is Dawn who is totally anal and doesn't like the laid back attitude of "Bob Marley" Ozzy, she's tired, she's dehydrated- wahh, crying.

Upolu arrives at camp and as Coach makes an apology attempt and shows his efforts around camp. Christine claims to be searching for firewood which is code for running into the woods to find an immunity idol, which everyone notices. Hello target! Brandon doesn't like my pick to win Mikayla because of the way she "carries herself." Sounds like he's tempted by the fruits in Mikayla's tank top. Later, Coach makes a point that a strong five can last a long time and makes an alliance with Albert, Sophie, Brandon and Rick. Brandon keeps up the vow to never remove his shirt because even when he fishes he just pulls the shirt over and his and around the shoulders. No one is like "Hey, that's weird."

The first immunity challenge is to work as a tribe to navigate through an obstacle course which eventually leads to some coconut basketball. It's a little back and forth until it becomes a coconut shoot-off. Semhar starts getting tired , but she's stuck in it- no trades! Mikayla scores the last basket which gives Upolu immunity as well as a clue to the hidden immunity idol, which is hidden at their camp (they also win flint). Semhar feels "sorta bad" for making them team lose, setting Jim (the owner of medicinal marijuana stores) off.

Upolu basks in victory before everyone starts moseying around camp looking for the hidden immunity idol clue while pretending to be doing stuff. Stacey is like "I bet I've walked by it a bunch fo times and missed it" and sure enough she looked everywhere but the obvious giant hole in the base of the tree where you'd hide everything.

Semhar confronts Jim for being a dick at the challenge because she does feel awful about losing the challenge. Lesson to us all to not make eyerolls and funny faces when someone is upset and a million dollars is at stake. Papa Bear refuses to write down middle-aged crying Dawn's name down and instead would like to vote for Semhar. Ozzy thinks Semhar could be an asset where superfan Cochran is in the middle and not physical at all. Jim is suspicious of Ozzy's pleas to keep Semhar and thinks maybe Ozzy is getting something going with the ladies. Semhar begins to campaign but Jim lets Cochran know what Ozzy is up to. Cochran is neurotic, so the paranoia doesn't help, and he fears his superfan dream is a first eliminated nightmare.

Tribal council under a big thatched roof! Dawn talks about her kinda-breakdown and acknowledges she'd be screwed at Redemption Island. Semhar knows by not sitting on the sidelines she's a target but she is ready to play. Ozzy wants to play with someone who "harnesses their passion." Gag. Dawn says Cochran might be in trouble but he points out he flew like a hummingbird under the nets, eventhough he was a wall clunker. Cochran decides he needs to defend himself and makes sure it's known that Semhar just stands by a pot all day and hands out stick toothbrushes. Cochran is a learner and is mortified at the prospect of being first off. Jeff tallies and the votes and dramatically reads them off. The tribe has spoke and Semhar is sent to Redemption Island.

September 13, 2011

Bachelor Pad 2: My Perfect Rose Record is Ruined!

9/13/2011 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Bachelor Pad - Finale

The final 4 teams arrive in Las Vegas for their final competition at Cirque du Soleil's Ka. Each pair will be suspended 100ft in the air and perform a routine on that big ass Ka wall. The winning couple has a daunting task: pick the other couple to compete against in the finale. The couple who the judges deem crappiest of the four will eliminated. The routine is pretty crazy, running, dropping, rapelling, twirling. The judges are, like they always are, the only successful relationships the show has: Trista, Jason "pulling a Mesnick," and Ali. Vienna and Kasey are surprisingly good and fly super fast. Michelle and Graham kiss for bonus points, while Ella and Kirk suck. Michael dominates another challenge, but I'd kind of expect a dance instructor to excel in a wall dancing challenge; Michael and Holly win. Ella and Kirk are dubbed worst and leave Vegas unlucky. Don't worry Ella, at least you'll get some free plastic surgery to get a new face out of this.

Michael and Holly hear Kasey's plea of why him and Vienna should join them in the finale. His argument is that they are the two teams who fought the hardest while Graham and Michelle floated along. After talking Michael's ear off, Vienna tells Kasey to learn when the STFU. Kasey mopes with his beer against the wall, forcing Vienna to come outside and make peace. When Michael/Holly talk to Graham/Michelle, they express concerns that they might lose to Graham/Michelle in the end. Graham is offended because he doesn't see is as a money thing and just buds, and him and Michael have been friends for a long time. Graham's tantrum is all for nothing: Michael and Holly pick Graham and Michelle to join them in the finals, well in the most awkwardly spoken speech ever recited by Holly. Did Holly invite them to the finals or is she reading at Sunday mass? Kasey and Vienna are pissed, though Vienna's reasoning for having a perfect rose record is maybe the best thing ever spoken.

The finals serves as a reunion where we get to see all the losers vote for which couple deserves the prize money. Worst news ever for people who live under a rock: Ames and Jackie, who had a romantic departure together, aren't together anymore and there's no good reason why Ames dumped her. Housewives across America weep. The group doesn't care for Kasey and Vienna's stab-you-in-the-back gameplay. Jake and Vienna's drama is a hot topic where she claims they were amends and she wasn't that mean (she was).

Hot seat time! Jake gets called to the hot seat to discuss the drama even more. Jake doesn't like being labeled a horrible person, which is funny since it looks like the audience is still enamored with Jake and disgusted by Vienna. Jake claims he tried to make amends over the past year but she denies that. Jake is sooo upset Kasey wants to punch him for America, saying does he think that's what we want to hear. Uhhhh yeah. Kasey apologies for being a fool and talking a lot of smack. Besties! Speaking of Kasey, when he's in the hot seat he addresses the giant elephant with a Kermit the Frog voice in the room: he has a speech impediment. Kasey is ashamed of the douchebag he portrayed himself as, realizing he was being a turd when this was just a game. Then we hear about Kasey and Vienna's constant arguing and bickering- I fast forwarded because this is a 3 hour finale.

And then there's Blake, a lesson for us all to not just hit it and quit it. He doesn't apologize to Melissa for being terrible, but admits he shouldn't have led her on. Turns out Blake said he didn't want to kiss on camera, so when he did kiss Melissa on-camera, she felt like the walls were down. Melissa says her crazy came out not because she was jealous but because he chose to have a date with someone that wasn't his game partner. That date was Blake's first date with Holly, who he is madly in love with. They've been seeing each other since Bachelor Pad ended and Holly is moving to South Carolina with him. But there's more. A camera crew follows Michael and Holly on a totally spontaneous mountain-top picnic to the top of a mountain and, with a Neil Lane product placement freebie ring in hand, proposes to Holly. Holly accepts and if you turn up your speakers really high, you can hear Michael's heart snap in half backstage.

Chris Harrison brings the final 4 on stage and drops the bomb the Holly and Blake got engaged, leaving Michael dumbfounded. Michael wishes that maybe they told him before they went to a filmed television reunion show. He says he's OK and just wants Holly to be happy, even if he had to get kicked in the face on reality TV for that happiness. Graham and Michelle are still very close, especially since Graham was with her as her father passed away. They have a deep bond and I'd be happy if these two worked out.

The roseless get to ask questions or make final statements to the four. Michelle requests that no one give her pity votes because of her personal life and instead asks them to consider the social game they played: avoiding drama. Blake wants to know if Graham/Michelle hiding from drama is deserving of the money and Graham's like "I don't want your vote." HAHA love him. This leads right into the vote: Holly and Michael win with an 8-4 vote and head into the next round. In the next round, Michael and Holly are sequestered and have to choose to keep the money for themselves or share it with their partner. If both choose keep, neither of them get the money and the jilted split the loot. The show does the same psych-out as last year and has both act like they chose keep. Nope, Michael and Holly both choose share and leave with $125,000 each (and in Holly's case, an engagement ring probably worth a hefty amount).

Also, Ashley's jilted runner-up Ben in the new Bachelor. In case again you don't read the internet, news, Twitter, anything.

September 12, 2011

Serving of the Week

9/12/2011 Posted by Mel Got Served No comments

Name: Ali Lohan's new face
SERVED: WTF is that alien facade staring deeply into my soul? Oh wait, that is Ali Lohan's new "natural" face. Natural on what planet? There is no way that tan, freckly Jersey girl ditched her that faced and turned into this trainwreck by the grace of puberty. Ali was OK before, not a stunner or anything but a cute kid, and now she looks like some frightening thing that should be in Mac and Me. SERVED. SERVED for doing this kind of surgery to a CHILD, SERVED to the modeling agency who thinks this is good looking, and SERVED to Dina Lohan as usual for being a terrible parent shoving her kids into the limelight. Ali's plastic surgery is so bad itmakes Heidi Montag's look natural.

Think someone should get SERVED? Leave your ideas in the comments section, email me, or hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

Photo Credit: Dlisted

September 11, 2011

Survivor: South Pacific Pre-Show Winner Prediction

Survivor is back! The stupid twist of returning players is back too and this season we get the powerhouses of... Ozzy and Coach? And they've both felt the need to rock long manes of hair. Doesn't matter- neither of these two boneheads will win. Now comes my favorite thing to do for the shows I watch, and the bit that ALWAYS bites me in the butt: the pre-show winner prediction! I headed over to and read each contestant's bio and watched their videos and did my thinking. Compared to Redemption Island, where I saw a cast of duds, this time I really had to think.


MIKAYLA will win Survivor: South Pacific

I feel like I always gravitate towards these big male players with charisma who last a while and tank. I seem to forget that the ladies really excel in this game, often pulling off the win. While Elyse seemed like a lot of fun, Mikayla seems like the total package in terms of someone who could win the game. Mikayla is super athletic, cute (but seriously gurl, get some bikini bottoms that are a little higher), and understands the game. I really think she could pull it out and maybe, just maybe, be the first accurate winner prediction I have. But I've probably cursed her. My runner-up for winner prediction was Albert, but I worry his ego will be his downfall. I bet a group of women take him out. And please know I love superfan Johnny and if he won I'd be pleased as punch, but physically he's going to have to really step up to last.

Who do you think will win Survivor: South Pacific? Leave your prediction in the comments. Get it right and you'll get a shout-out at the end of the season.

Photo Credit: CBS

Reality Rundown: I Seriously Didn't Want to Watch This Week

9/11/2011 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Big Brother 13 - Week 9

If this recap has less photos or enthusiasm, it's because I'm powering through all 3 episodes on a Sunday because of loyalty to you 13 readers.

In the retrieve things in your mouth through goop challenge, it's no suprise that Rachel wins HOH. The least surprising news ever is that Adam plans to float back to Rachel/Jordan's side to remain safe. What an annoying person in the house. I'm not even calling Adam a player because he doesn't play. He does jack shit. Kalia knows she is in the deepest shit so begs, pleads and tries to make deals to stick around. Rachel wants to keep people who are true players in the game, which is why her nominations of Porsche and Kalia make toooooootal sense because they do nothing. Oh wait, that's Adam.

Other Sunday episode shenanigans: Rachel opens Pandora's Box and gets locked in a room with Jessie because god forbid a season go by without seeing him. Rachel's prize is a shopping spree of only Jessie "Mr. Pec-tacular" merchandise. Won't lie, I laughed when Jessie signed an autograph as "Caught ya lookin." That is allegedly the negative because the "positive" is that a pregnant Tori Spelling enters the Big Brother house while the houseguests have a shopping spree. Adam gets so excited about this because his only known characterization on this show is 90210 fan, appletini drinker, bacon lover, and terrible houseguest. Adam is soooo excited to see Tori and says if the baby is the boy she'll name it Adam. Oh fuck me. This is about the only notable thing Adam has done all season so there you go.

The show is mercifully going forward quickly and instead of a veto competition and ceremony on Tuesday, there's also an eviction. The veto competition is the same ol' Otev competition to retrieve answers to questions posed by Otev. Instead of the awesome singing clam from last year, this season there is a sweet-tooth shark and they have to retrieve a pie. Not as awesome as that creepster clam. Adam wins the veto due to his immense knowledge of remembering everything in the house since he's a physical challenge failure. Adam chooses to not use the veto, despite some encouragement from the newbies to finally make a big move in the game, and Kalia is evicted from the game.

Interesting stuff: Shelly enters the jury house and Big Jeff is glad to see her evicted. Jeff is still pissed Shelly ruined his chances to win and gets all pissy as Dani keeps trying to remind him it's just a game. Shelly and Jeff have it out: final three, who protected who, blah. After watching the week recap DVD, Shelly mentions she would've sided with Jordan again which ticks Jeff off more.

Remember when Shelly stared at the fortune teller for hours and spoke to it, begging for help? The fortune teller finally spoke this week with really stupid phrases about houseguests hypothetical future, but at least she tortured the house by spouting the nonsense at all hours. Fortune teller at least gets some zings in about Brendon's gross feet and Jeff's obsession with clown shoes. All these messages are for the HOH trivia competition: answer true/false based on the fortune teller's statements. Adam wins HOH at long last, making him one iota less useless and giving him this notion that he'd be considered an all star which is the funniest thing I've heard the whole summer.

Another eviction- hooray! Porsche pleads her case to Adam to keep her, especially since Jordan won the prize two years ago. Rachel does her campaigning but it's in Jordan's chat session that we see Adam wavering and considering getting rid of one of the vets. Jordan claims Porsche has done nothing to stay in the game which is laughable since Jordan hasn't won a competition or done anything since WEEK 2. Adam nominates Porsche and Jordan for eviction.

The veto competition has blocks with house events and houseguests and has to match them up to win the veto. This is an important veto because the winner of the veto basically decides who goes to the final three. I'm pretty surprised that of all people, Porsche wins the veto that requires brain power. Rachel cries about Adam and Porsche being in the final three, Jordan knows she's a goner. Rachel is a fighter though and campaigns to Porsche to keep her in the game and that Rachel would take her to final two. Not shown to us was Jordan "campaigning" to Porsche, which I guess is enough for Jordan to get in one last dig to point out she knows nothing about Porsche except she likes to wear bikinis and host competitions. Porsche votes to evict Jordan which is smart because I still think Jordan would've won just based on her niceness.

The end of the week is a cliffhangers for the first part of the final three part HOH competition. The HGs are strapping to "mixer blades" and spun over like a giant pool of butter or cake mix? I don't know, looks nasty but I can guarantee Adam falls in under five minutes.

September 6, 2011

Bachelor Pad 2: The Flying Squirrel Does Not Want to Bang You

9/06/2011 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Bachelor Pad - Week 5

The game this week switches from singles to partners. Everyone must pick a partner and going forward they will compete, win/lose, and be eliminated as couples. Bad news if you haven't been banging around but this house is full of couples already. Blake wants to partner with Holly, but she already promised Michael. Since the house is already 100% paired up, Erica and Blake are now partners. Erica thinks she's a total upgrade from Holly because she is prettier and smarter. I don't know, you're both pretty busted.

Chris Harrison's warning to get to know your partner makes sense when they arrive at their challenge: the Nearlywed Game. It's just like the old gameshow: answer questions about yourself or partner and match answers. The winners get immunity roses and a romantic date and the second place finishers get a date too. Things we learned: Erica's kind of a slut, Blake would like to be a flying squirrel, Blake wants to kiss Holly (cue awkward Michael look), Holly would bang Blake (and Michael gets it wrong and chooses himself), and all the guys hate Blake. Kasey and Vienna, who have dated for awhile now, know nothing about each other. It's just like the Full House where Jesse, Rebecca, DJ, and Steve are all terrible on the dating show pilot Joey hosts and Danny wins a date with a random stranger (Estelle!) because stupid Vicky was too busy hosting the news and shit. Good times! Something seems off with Graham and Michelle who have a lead and then keep picking 7 or Michael for all their answers. Turns out they had a number strategy for all types of questions and easily win they date and roses. Blake and Erica come in second place so while no immunity, they'll get a hot date. Oh awkward times coming up!

Graham and Michelle don't even get a date card riddle and are straight-up told they're getting a private screening of the movie What's Your Number? Sounds like ehh ok, except a HELICOPTER PICKS THEM UP AT THE HOUSE!! H.R.E.A.M!! Goddamn, they make an attractive couple. They arrive in downtown LA for a private rooftop pool party (!!) and then watch the movie preview from in the pool. They pay attention most of the time until they start making out and straddling in the pool.

Vienna and Kasey are having some issues. Vienna wishes they had alone time dates since Kasey has been on two dates. Vienna doesn't want to have sex with Kasey in a house full of cameras, so Kasey snatched away that promise ring. Kasey is a little annoyed Vienna mentioned having sex and now doesn't want to, and then brings up the other dudes she's banged. Then it turns into a come downstairs and cuddle ultimatum. Who knows- they are nucking futs.

Blake and Erica are the obvious choice to go home this week since everyone hates them. Michael really doesn't like Blake, for good reasons, Erica turns into the voice of reason pointing out that it takes two to tango and that maybe Michael needs to give Holly some of the blame too. Erica also warns Blake that his actions in the house are affecting both of their games. Erica has a plan though: seduce Blake away from Holly. Michael's plan: tell Holly he'll wait around for her during another mopefest. Holly is really torn between two men and worried Blake will go to the bone zone with Erica just cause he's a guy.

Erica, rocking a tiara, and Blake get into the limo for their date. As soon as they leave, the house shits all over Blake and dubs him shady and untrustworthy; Holly doesn't agree. Blake and Erica are taken to the Mission Inn hotel, which is a gorgeous example of Spanish architecture, and explore the catacombs of the hotel. As we all do on dates. After Erica regales Blake with stories of how she can feel and speak to dead spirits, they share champagne and Erica get all handsy. Blake is not DTF (well, not with Erica) and just wants to stay strategic. After touring more of the hotel, they find a romantic dinner and two roses on the table and get so excited. Not so fast suckers: you have to give these roses to another couple to save THEM from elimination. HAHAHA.

While there is some gametalk of the power they might have, Erica just wants to bang around with a really uncomfortable Blake. Blake does not want to spend the night away from the house, thinking it'll make him look like a skeezy target. Erica disagrees, thinking they'll think he's returning to be with Holly. Erica wants to spend the night together to bond and Blake's still like hell no and holds back laughing in her face. Erica gives a sex ultimatum, almost begging for it, and he is not interested, especially since he doesn't want to be a playa. Erica gets he's trying to save his reputation by hooking up with the crazy girl and girl with a boyfriend and at least she hooked up with a guy who was The Bachelor. Honestly, this is maybe the creepiest date I have ever seen on reality TV.

With their creepy date over, Blake and Erica have to make the decision of which couple to grant immunity. They tell Kirk and Ella about the roses and they hope they could use the rose since they're low on the couples totem pole too. Blake and Erica then tell Kasey and Vienna about these roses so of course promise them safety in exchange for the rose. Blake and Erica gives the roses to Kasey and Vienna, because they are dumb. Guess they forgot about all the other people Kasey gave his word to. Ella cries, Kasey and Vienna gloat.

So will it be Blake/Erica or Kirk/Ella going home this week? Blake is confident he's safe since Kasey gave his "word." Vienna says everyone has sob stories so they can't keep Ella just because of that. Blake and Holly make out on the couch and Michael sees this, though I don't see how since Holly's fug dress camouflaged with the seat cushions. Michael heads over to Graham and Michelle to express that he needs to vote off Blake. After discussions, Graham tells Blake straight-up that he'll be eliminating him and Blake is pissed Kasey didn't make an effort to save him. Holly ends up being the deciding vote of keeping or sending Blake home and ends up sending Blake and Holly home.

September 4, 2011

Reality Rundown: Clown Shoe is the new Technotronics

9/04/2011 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Big Brother 13 - Week 8

Big Brother realizes that last week's fight between Jeff and Shelly, a catalyst to a lot of shit that went down on Thursday, was too important to not show so we get a flashback to the last week. It started on Wednesday night, where Rachel asked if Jeff threw the cornhole POV and Jeff denies it and gets pissy. Jeff isn't as bad about the bickering with Rachel as he is the betrayal by Shelly. Jeff doesn't care for Shelly being besties with everyone in the house, playing all sides. Ninety minutes before eviction, Shelly asks Adam if Adam said something to Jeff about her pushing for Daniele to stay. Seventy five minutes before eviction, Jeff pulls Adam aside to make sure his allegiance is still to getting out Dani. Shelly barges into the room, pissed at the allegations to make a last minute switch. Adam points out that she did try and Shelly tattles on herself that she was working on saving Daniele. Jeff brings up all of Shelly's final 3 deals and Shelly is doing her best to say the right stuff to cover her ass.

An hour before eviction, Adam tells Jeff, Jordan and Rachel that Shelly is planning to keep Daniele. Into the room comes Shelly wonder what everyone's problem is. Shelly wants to explain the plan to Jeff but Adam yells back about her pushing to keep Dani and got caught. Once Shelly says the point of keeping Dani is because Jeff and Jordan are skating to the end, Jordan feels sad and used. Shelly ties to drag Adam along in the dirt too. Jeff insists he's playing for his group, not just himself and Jordan. Jeff is pissed and disappointed, Shelly is annoyed and knows there's a target. Good fight!

There's a very long re-do/recap of the Double Eviction night which is nothing to write home about. Only interesting part is Shelly and Jeff having another pow-wow and her swearing allegiance and then when the votes come in 2-2, Jeff initially blamed Adam. Shelly said voting out Jeff was the hardest part of the game but she had to make a big move to get into the final 2 seats.

Jordan is pissed, crying. Rachel's crying. Adam is alone. Jordan can't believe she gave up a phone call home for Shelly who betrated her so badly. Shelly feels like a total snake and is crying on her bed, so Kalia and Porsche try to let her know she made a good game choice. Shelly comes into the lounge when she hears Jordan crying, explaining she's not playing Jeff's game and feels like shit. Jordan screams back that Shelly should feel like shit. I CAN GET LOUD TOO! Jordan starts screaming about giving up the phone call home and this is how Shelly repayed her?! Jordan starts yelling that they all worship Daniele which is comical since that house majorly worshiped on the altar of JeJo. But I like angry Jordan!

Since it was a Fast Forward night, it's time to name a new HOH. The competition is to roll a ball down a wooden snake and you score based on how far the ball made it, then face off in head to head battles to see who wins. Whatever, it's confusing to type. It's the whole house vs. Rachel and Jordan (well maybe not whole house, since Adam probably threw the competition). Rachel throws a silent tantrum when Porsche eliminates her. Porsche beats Jordan in the HOH competition finals, meaning Jordan's revenge scenario of getting Shelly back will have to wait another week. Or until the producers intervene to keep America's favorite around. But they wouldn't fix the game, of course...

Porsche enters her HOH room and Pandora's Box is in her room, which of course she opens after seeing two boxes with $5,000 on it and a bottle of champagne. No one turns down champs- NO ONE. Once Porsche opens the box, she discovers that her $10,000 will be split with another houseguest but a second envelope has to be read in front of the whole house. In the most obvious fucking ploy to keep Jordan and Rachel in the house, Pandora's Box is bringing duos back for one week. You get nominated as a pair, play for veto as a pair, and one person will be evicted. For those of you keeping track, that means there's a 1 in 3 chance (doing some math herr) that Rachel/Jordan will survive the week that was obviously meant for one of them to go home. The pairs are Porsche/Kalia, Rachel/Jordan, Adam/Shelly. Hey Big Brother, next time you want to rig the game, make it slightly less obvious.

Here's my gripe about Pandora's Box and the duos at 6. So Porsche/Kalia are safe and they will obviously nominate Jordan/Rachel. Now what if Adam and Shelly won the veto and WANTED to save the pair that's on the block? There's no possible replacement nominee, so does no one get nominated? It's stupid contrived bullshit to allow "fan favorites" to stay in the house.

Rachel is so excited the twist is in their favor and there is a chance for them to stay a week since the producers interfered with the game to keep them. If Rachel or Jordan win the veto they are off the block and they can get Shelly out of the game as revenge. But hey, at least Porsche won $5,000 to give Jordan and Rachel spots in the finale (they'll make it). Kalia gets $5,000 too so she's happy. "[Porsche] has more stuffing in her chest than her head," says Shelly. Porsche then nominates Jordan and Rachel, dur, and everyone gets ready to compete in the veto competition.

Eventhough they could give a shit, Jordan and Rachel head to the HOH room to talk to Porsche and Kalia. There's a proposition by Jordan to work together and make a final four deal since since the other two (Shelly/Adam) have been relying on others to do everything for them all season. They kinda take the deal? Don't know, don't care. Is anyone else completely tired of this season?

The veto competition is called "Duo Do Over" which has a bunch of dummies with the faces of houseguests pasted on them. So lifeless and dull you'd think they were the real houseguests! Anyways, the HGs have to jump on the dummy of their original partner and hold on the longest. An endurance veto? I call some bullshit more. Rachel uses her skank legs to wrap onto fake Brendon real hard. Adam, who knows his life is on the line in this game and needs to win the veto to keep himself (and Shelly), safe drops after four and a half minutes. LOSER! Jordan falls second and for a split second you fake optimism that maybe the game will play out as it should. Nope, Rachel holds on the longest, wins veto, and her and Jordan are saved for the week just as producer Alison Grodner wanted.

Adam laments being so horrible at challenges and then pairing with the newbies for final 4. Since he's an ultimate floater, of course he'll flock back to Jordan/Rachel and be their best friends too. It doesn't really matter though because Rachel and Jordan hate Shelly and want her gone. For some reason Kalia thinks Jordan might still listen to her regarding the game and strategy, but it sounds like this is the final four they are stuck with since Adam and Shelly are challenge useless.

Speaking of Shelly, she makes amends with Jordan, while saying for the 100th time that her alliance is with Tony and Josie (her husband and daughter). Shelly said it was last week she realized that she was putting Jeff/Jordan ahead of her family and best interests. Shelly makes an excellent point that if she was final three with Jeff/Jordan, she wouldn't have made final two and she doesn't hold a grudge for that. There are tears and hugs. She later makes a deal with Jordan and Rachel for final three because she doesn't want Kalia, Adam or Porsche to win. Thankfully, Shelly explains in the diary room that she is just doing anything to stay cause seriously, stop just handing the game to these fools like the producers want.

Rachel, looking less haggard than usual, starts off the veto ceremony by saving herself and Jordan. Since there is no one else to nominate thanks to the pairs twist for the week, Shelly and Adam are nominated.

Rachel wants Shelly to grovel at her feet while Porsche, in her least rehearsed/scripted DR session ever, points out there's no reason to drink her celebratory HOH champagne. Shelly, desperate for anything to keep herself in the game, hopes the fortune teller machine in the lounge will be her savior. She talks to the machine, presses buttons, begs for HOURS- it's to no avail. That fortune teller will only spit out a twist if it benefits Rachel or Jordan. Shelly and Rachel talk and Shelly tries to argue the point that she's actually played the game unlike some giant lump. Shelly uses her fake diamond ring as leverage and a symbol of her word; god I wish she'd stay and lie. Adam, floater of all floaters, agrees to have Jordan and Rachel's back if they save him. Oh decisions.

In only-interesting-thing-of-the-week news, we get footage of Brendon of playing ping pong by himself, picking oranges to make juice, and having a solo nerdo vacation in the jury house. Brendon is happy to see Daniele based on karma. The surprise comes as Brendon makes another pitcher of fresh orange juice and Big Jeff enters the jury house. Daniele is pleased, again citing karma, and rejoicing that her former alliance finally got Jeff out. Jeff is pissy while watching especially lamenting losing the game based on retrieving clown shoes since he accidentally threw his yellow clown shoe out of the box. CLOWN SHOE IS THE NEW TECHNOTRONICS.

The show returns to the house to get the vote and duh, Shelly is evicted 2-1. No surprise at all and Jeff will be pleased. Shelly tried to make big moves but failed, and acknowledges her turning on Jeff is to blame. Julie asks why she turned so early- ummm seven isn't that early. Shelly didn't want to hurt Jeff and hopes he'll accept her apology in the jury house. At least Shelly knows she's been a terrible liar and shows her kid why lying doesn't pay.

The HOH competition is another to be continued, so prepare for the worst results. The houseguests need to traverse through donut glaze, sprinkles, and retrieve plastic donuts; whoever has the most donuts at the end of 13 minutes wins.