February 26, 2012

Reality Rundown: I Quit This Bitch: Biggest Loser Edition

New! The Amazing RaceI'M DONE The Biggest Loser
Survivor: One WorldTop Chef: Texas

New! The Amazing Race - The 20th season kicks off by including polarizing Big Brother couple Brendon and Rachel, married clowns, federal agents, twins, some gorilla juicehead guidos, and obviously more but I can't type them all. Phil leads all the teams of a bike ride before starting the race officially, and it's nice to see his personal biking passion incorporated into the show. The bikes miraculously disappear and wardrobes are changed and the teams are on a green, grassy hill ready to win the race. First clue on the race must be retrieved from a bunch of floating red and yellow balloons. The clue tells the teams to travel to LAX to try and get the best flights to Santa Barbara, Argentina. Too bad- was hoping for a psych-out where they just travel around the US via plane a lot. The first six teams that get on flight #1 have a major time advantage, putting the other 5 teams hours behind them.

In Argentina, the first task is a road block for one person to sky dive while the other person has to find them by driving around their car. Definitely an awesome first task for the person who gets to skydive. After the plunge, teams have make to empanadas to retrieve the clue to the Pit Stop. They have to make cheese and meat versions which require different folding. Let's see how many don't notice that tidbit. I must say, I can't think of a more exhilarating follow-up that falling from the sky than making empanadas.

Team #1 are married couple/military husband Rachel and Dave and they win the Express Pass, which will let them skip a task down the line. They are followed by Brendon and Rachel who are just minutes behind them.

The sisters, who pulled their car into sand, a kinda trapped. Thankfully a stranger pulls over to help them and not murder them, but maybe that's because there's a camera crew. Then they make a stupid mistake of leaving behind their bags at the empanada challenge. So they get their bags and are like 100ft away from Phil and the obvious camera crew but don't see him and turn around. This gives the Jersey boys a chance to sweep in and send the two sisters back home. Stupid sisters.

I'M DONE The Biggest Loser - The house gathers with a cake they can't eat for Mark's birthday so there's obviously more. Ali brings the losers to a temptation challenge of all their favorite foods like mozzarella sticks, Reese's, and venison steak. RIP deer. Whoever eats the most gets to switch around the teams as much as they want but the best part is that it's totally anonymous. Five people ate but Daphne pigs out because she's probably fucked by the others. She wins the temptation with 1800 calories, but the others don't know that but deep down they do know. There is only one change: siblings Jeremy and Conda are switched with Jeremy to red, Conda to black. Everyone thinks this is a dumb move. Four people admit to eating junk but Daphne keeps silent eventhough it's so obvious it was her. The losers are way overreacting though but that's because it's not Conda and Jeremy's way.

For the challenge, the teams need to work together to solve a puzzle. The puzzle pieces are 200lbs so I guess they topped Survivor on this one. Since the black team has an extra person they have to sit someone else. Instead of discussing, Daphne jumps in saying she's sitting out. Older lady Chris sits out too. The red team wins the challenge and gets two weeks at the Biggest Loser Resort.

Conda and Jeremy adapt to their new trainers and workout styles. Conda cries. Daphne tells Bob that she did it and it was personal. The house is still speculating/trying to get Daphne to admit she did the swap. Bob comes to Daphne another time to get her to admit she ate the food and did the swap. All the work from the previous week to redeem her will be gone because of this. Bob just wants her to own up to it even if she weakened the black team. This chat gets Daphne to tell the losers the truth and it's a no shit moment for them all. Bob tells his black team to put it all behind them and focus on their wellness. Their main focus is probably throwing the weigh-in because all Daphne sees is her teammates eating a lot of bread.

Weigh-in time. Jeremy's first time on the scale with a red shirt brings an 11lb loss, which is great for him. The red team comes together to loser 43lbs (3.39%). The black team has to lose more than 54lbs to be safe and c'mon, start laughing now cause you know they're going to throw the weigh-in and it'll blow up in their face. Megan's poor acting skills at her low 2lb loss would be the first tip-off. Then Chism only loses 5lbs, Cassandra 1lb... Hey morons, if you want to throw a weigh-in you need to make sure that your target doesn't win Biggest Loser of the Week or it's all for naught. Bob lets his team know he gets what's going on and Daphne claims she ate the 1800 calories to keep Bob as a trainer. He points out what we're all thinking: well what the hell did you learn by eating 1800 calories? Jeremy explains he wasn't mad that Daphne ate, because she definitely needed to, but that she chose personal reasons rather than game. Then Conda starts yelling and then Dolvett gets real angry. "This is childish!" Ain't that the truth Dolvett. So Emily gets on the scale for just 2lbs and then Conda gains 1lb and she basically says yeah but something needed to be done for the toxic team. Daphne gets on the scale and... gains 2lbs. OH SHIT FOR REAL. Looks like Daphne intentionally put on weight to get away from the house of assholes.

Bob requests his team be kind for eliminations but I don't think he's had enough time to get to know Conda to know that's a dumb request. Daphne obviously is eliminated. Daphne has no regrets about the swapping the teams and sees that she defended her brother and got revenge. Conda drops the low blow when she says she doesn't hold grudges because she's a good mother, setting Daphne off, then getting the others to jump in. Daphne gets up and leave and all I can think is Conda is such a shit-stirrer.

Time for a Biggest Loser note from me: I hate this season so much. I can't go on. I persist in watching and I say "because I recap it." Then I realized I make $0 for blogging and do this just because I enjoy writing so I can recap and drop it as I please. Peace out stupid show and if you're looking for recaps, check out @Jeffrey__Scott's recaps.

Survivor: One World - The ladies of Salani return to camp and the men are disappointed they didn't have to lose another person. Christina and Alicia make amends but it seems one-sided because Alicia is still down with her alliance of five and doesn't trust Christina. The next morning the women sit by the campfire to regroup and Sabrina is named their leader, who hopes her role can get people to listen and also assigns camp tasks so everyone has a responsibility. Older lady Nina can't deal with the young'ns.

A ginormous box is at tree mail but it has to be opened in the presence of both tribues. The boxes contain knotted ropes with a ring in the middle which they need to get to. The tribe that completes this first wins a tarp; everyone gets to keep their rope and box, so everyone's a winner! But one is going to be a soaking wet loser. I like this idea of sort of ad-hoc mini challenges at camp sans Probst. The men of Manono undo the knots first and win the tarp. The men start revamping their shelter and getting some food except Colton who instead chooses to help the women build the women's shelter and annoy them. The women are tired of being bugged by him and suddenly Sabrina realizes she gave an immunity idol to the wrong horribly annoying person on the island.

Late at night at the men's camp, after Tarzan does a tribal dance in his underwear, Colton decides to make some men alliances. He tells Troyzan (not Tarzan) that he has a hidden immunity idol and they need to use it to take out a big dude, like Matt or Michael. Colton gets Troyzan, Tarzan, Jonas and Leif in his non-alpha male alliance and I give Colton credit for flipping this game on his tribe. I thought initially Sabrina made an awful move giving Colton the idol since it would show her cards, but now it really worked to her advantage and Colton's.

The immunity challenge is for the tribes to line up and traverse a balance beam, crossing in front of their tribemates. Leif is the first to get across the platform and the men seem to get the idea. Kat is really slow for the women and makes a lot of blunders, and then the team starts making errors. The men are holding steady and the women keep plopping into the water and getting hand penalties and Kat keeps jumping into the water for no reason except that she's dumb. The men completely slaughter the women in the challenge.

Time for the women to tear each other apart again and it is likely down to dumb Kat and old lady Nina. Kat's got the safety net of being in that girl alliance of five. The team discusses their challenge performance and Sabrina, the leader, loves her spirit but explains she needs to tone down her rah rah energy to listen to strategy. Nina and Monica know they will be picked off along with Christina soon enough and pitching Kat's elimination to the five is nearly impossible. Nina keeps calling them the "witless" tribe. Chelsea hears Nina's argument and discusses the possibility of Kat being voted out tonight with Kim, eventhough this would diminish the five alliance.

Tribal time. Jeff compares the tribe to six year olds and then makes a lot of sexist, condescending remarks. Nina explains it's a tribe of five vs. three and gives her prior cop background up and calls out Kat's lack of life experience. Nina doesn't think Kat is even very athletic since she's not too clever and can't hold up to pressure. Some women admit that if they could go back they might make different alliances. Jeff gets all therapistsy with Kat who admits sure, maybe she should be voted out, then throws Christina under the bus about her not being there for the right reasons. The tribe has spoken and Nina's torch is snuffed. Eventhough I don't care for Kat, I didn't like abrasive Nina either. Bye.

Top Chef: Texas - The longest season ever continues and it's still not the finale despite a final three. The three meet Padma and Emeril in Chinatown for the Quickfire. Into the kitchen comes three Top Chef Masters of the Asian culinary world and through a knife draw are partnered up. It's to make an Asian inspired dish in sort of a tag-team swap off with no discussion, like that awesome Supermarket Sweep Round Robin game. Everyone assumes Paul will win since he's Asian, but he in facts does not. Sarah wins $20,000 with pan-seared code with coconut curry and a crab salad.

Elimination challenge: create one dish and one cocktail for a "Fire and Ice" themed cocktail party. The winner of this challenge doesn't just go to the finale: they get a trip to Costa Rica. Paul's dish is king crab with lobster broth and lemon snow. His cocktail is called the "Pan Am" which is rum, kaffir lime and Thai chilies. Sarah prepares five greens chilled pasta with garlic, chili and spiced sformato. To wash it down, gin, kumquats and mango which is called "Agrumi." Lindsey, hell bent on proving to the judges she can cook halibut, makes it for I believe a third time with fiery celery root salad. Her drank is right up my alley: vodka, tomato and horseradish which is dubbed "Encendido" but I swear it's a Bloody Mary. Whatevs.

Judges' table. The judges like Paul's concept for the dish, broth, but don't like the arugula being there since it was unnecessary. Sarah's pasta is very well made but the mousse was overly frozen. Emeril loved the cocktail and wanted a pitcher of it. Lindsey's cocktail was bland on its own especially when it separated. There were also some cooking issues with some fish hot, some cold. Sarah and Paul proceed to the finale and Lindsey packs her knives and goes.

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