March 25, 2012

Reality Rundown: Ice Cream Sundaes for Anyone Without a Cursed Appendix!!

The Amazing RaceSurvivor: One World

The Amazing Race - Teams hop aboard a train to head to Bavaria to retrieve their next clue... a Travelocity Roaming Gnome! I hate product placement but GD I love the yearly gnome task. Art & JJ get a decent lead since they were three hours ahead departing, but Bopper and Mark leave close to 9 hours later and are definitely the last train to Bavaria. But there's a bit of an equalizer (Art/JJ, Dave/Rachel, Jersey guys) since the site for the clue doesn't open until 8:30 AM. Bopper/Mark's way-back-status changes when they catch up to all the middle teams waiting for the connecting train.

The gnome offers up a Detour of either following and picking up a gingerbread trail and decorate a gingerbread house or style a champion beard enthusiast's beard. It appears caressing and finessing a stranger's beard is appealing to most teams. The Jersey guys get one of the harder beards but remember they are a master of hair gel because they are Jersey guidos but it takes them long enough for some teams to catch up. Before their Detour, Bopper and Mark must complete a Speedbump for their non-elimination by yodeling. Oh dear god, it's fantastic to hear southern yokel guys yodel. Some teams do opt for the gingerbread house, a snowy trek picking up baggies of gingerbread. Let's hope they don't accidentally grab a doggie poo bag. Or I hope Brendon and Rachel do because they suck. The joy of Bopper and Mark decorating a gingerbread house and cackling with the evil witch brings a smile to my face. The evil witch is less of a hag than Rachel, that's for sure.

After covering a man's beard in hairspray, teams make their way to Neuschwanstein Castle, which is the inspiration for Sleeping Beauty's Castle, to get their clue out of a former king's bedroom, but I'd rather call it a boudoir. Art and JJ wisely take a horse drawn carriage up the big-ass hill and find the clue first. It's a quick stop because then they have to drive to an ice hockey rink for the Roadblock. The jog up the hill brings brings the anger out of Vanessa, tired of Ralph being kind of a dick. Dave/Rachel and Nary/Jamie go to the wrong castle and wait around for a tour, not realizing it's the other nearby castle, and waste a huge amount of time on the tour.

The Roadblock is to use their Travelocity Roaming Gnome in an old German sport called Eisstock-Schiessen. It's just like curling without the brooms, so I guess I should say shuffleboard on ice. After sliding their gnome into the bullseye, Art and JJ check into the Pit Stop in a cown barn first again. Man, they are on fire. They win a trip to Thailand. In you-deserve-to-smell-like-cowshit karma, Brendon slides and falls onto his ass on the mat- HA! Mark and Bopper, who went to the wrong castle first, are sure they are last and out of the race. However they catch up to the cousins (Kerri/Stacy) and Nary/Jamie and quickly pass them. It's a battle of the ladies who stays in the race and Kerri and Stacy are eliminated from the race. I honestly didn't even remember them on this show.

Survivor: One World - Manono returns to camp and Colton shits all over Christina to her face. Her calls her a human cockroach, she'll have no alliance, if she made the merge she'd be first out. When it comes time to sleep, Alicia refuses to make space for Christina, saying she'll be gone next. Colton and Alicia are this season's scum.

The teams head into the jungle for the reward challenge which is bounce coconuts off a trampoline to hit a target. The clue had said this was a game you'd be playing in your own backyard. Yes, I remember the ol' pasttime of throwing coconuts in my backyard at a trampoline. They know us so well. The winning tribe will be escorted away for an ice cream sundae party. Best. Reward. Ever. I would kneecap someone to win this one. The loser tribe of Manono takes an early lead but struggles, allowing Salani to catch up and make it a tie game. Jeff uses the entire challenge to berate Alicia for being terrible at bouncing coconuts. I can't stand her either but jesus Probst, simmadownnow. Troy(zan) is able to make the victory slam for Salani to get the ice cream reward at a Survivor-style ice cream parlor. Lots of ice cream flavors, toppings, and the fixins for root beer floats. I'm dying here!

Manono camp continues to be plagued by Colton's miserable existence. He wants to mock Christina for her poor challenge performance yet last time I checked, Colton and Alicia were horrible as well. They are bullies, plain and simple. Christina has no plans to quit. The others see Colton/Alicia's nasty behavior, so Christina tries swaying Jonas and Leif to get rid of Alicia because she has a girls tribe alliance. Of course Christina's timing sucks because as she says it's her or Alicia, Alicia is behind her listening to the whole thing. Alicia goes on an annoying tirade, moreso pissed at Christina outing Alicia's girl's alliance.

Now, perhaps karma is coming around. Christina massages Colton's head at night because his head is killing him. Colton of course cannot accept Christina's helpfulness as something kind, instead thinking it's a ploy to save herself. Tarzan suggests Colton is dehydrated and maybe even appendicitis. Colton ends up in the fetal position in the middle of the jungle. Christina walks Colton back to the beach and gets the medical team and Probst involved. The medics check his blood pressure and the abdominal pain he's having. It appears Tarzan's diagnosis is correct and appendicitis it likely is. Colton cries since he's out and Probst brings up the hidden immunity idol he has and I guess Colton is allowed to give it away. Jonas even gets weepy that such a superfan has to give up on his dream for his dumb appendix. Colton keeps the idol and says "thanks for the souvenir." Alicia gets pissed that he'd be spoiled enough to keep it. Double karma!

Treemail comes and informs the tribes that both tribes are going to Tribal Council tonight. I originally thought they were going to make Salani eliminate someone to even it out, but both tribes eliminating is fair. Tarzan would still like Christina to go, but now that the bullies are down, Christina, Leif, and Jonas plan to dump the last bully once and for all (bye Alicia). Leif gets begged by Tarzan to vote off Christina, so he's now torn.

Tribal council time and Salani is both excited and confused that Colton is not there. That's when it's announced Colton was medically evacuated due to acute appendictis. Kat doesn't know what it is. While everyone feels bad that a superfan is out, everyone is selfishly happy that another person is out. Alicia lets everyone know Colton's parting words and that the idol is in his hands. Salani doesn't necessarily buy it, so Jonas plays along with it. Now the big twist, and I have to give a slow clap to @lex_ariff... IT'S A MERGE. Buffs dropped and now it's 6-6 and an individual game. Didn't see this coming and I must say: awesome! The teams will return to One World beach and the game goes on. Let the scrambling begin!

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