March 19, 2012

Reality Rundown: So Much for the One World Thing, Huh?

The Amazing RaceSurvivor: One World

The Amazing Race - The teams head to Turin, Italy so shove some Ford car product placement down our throats. Bopper and Mark directly to the airport instead of the travel agency first, which is what was supposed to happen. It isn't until booking tickets and then waiting at the airport that Bopper and Mark find out they are on a different later flight and have a failed attempt at getting on the early flight via standby. Not the only team I like!

In Turin, the teams drive their product placements to their first clue: a Fast Forward! The first team to complete the Fast Forward, piloting a remote control helicopter to land on a pad, will get to skip all tasks and go right to the Pit Stop. Art & JJ, the Border Patrol guys, are disappointed it's a remote control toy but still take the chance. And do it really slowly and poorly but eventually get it done. The other clue is a Road Block to rappel in a building within 2 minutes to get the clue. Brendon and Rachel catch an early lead because Art and JJ take a long time. Dave and Rachel, the married couple, get into a tiff because Dave is a helicopter pilot and thinks he would be awesome.

After finishing the Road Block, teams need to product placement park their car at a national automobile museum. Brenchel get it some dumb fucking fight when they get stressed and I block them out and text a friend about The Hunger Games instead. Inside the museum, the teams have to search for a Ford Model T, retrieve a penny in a clue box, and identify the building on the penny. That's where the next clue is but teams have to figure that out, and luckily there is a Santa bar crawl outside that helps teams identify the name of the building. Except Brenchel, they think the coin goes into a slot or something and get into another pissing match. STFU you two idiots.

The team arrive at the mystery building and take the elevator to the top which is awesome. It's not in an elevator shaft and just right up the middle. So cool. Anyways, there's a Detour to clean a statue or "name that salami." I think that says it all but there is no way any team is going to try to taste and name 14 different salamis. Then I get proven wrong: Brenchel choose the phallic sounding task (and later the lady BFFs). The most enjoyable part of statue cleaning is teams accidentally beheading their statues with water pressure.

Art and JJ check into the Pit Stop in first place again, as the other teams continue racing. They receive $5,000 each as a prize for their leg victory. Married Dave and Rachel, who had a tumultuous leg like the other team whose name I shall not speak, check in second. Joey "Fitness" and Danny are team #3 and it's now dark out. My dear Bopper and Mark, who are having a blast and a laugh despite how far behind they are, are the final team to check-in to the Pit Stop. Art and JJ came out onto the map and split their prize money with Bopper and Mark since Bopper's daughter has medical problems. HOWEVER, it's a non-elimination team and my favorite team remains!

Survivor: One World - The women tribe vow to stick together as the seven since the men are out of their GD minds. This is what we call "foreshadowing."

Jeff calls in the teams for a reward challenge except there's a twist: drop your buffs, tribes are shufflin'. So much for seven strong, eh ladies? The switch is a random egg grab and the paint smashed out of the egg into your body determines tribes. The new Salani is so much better than new Manano and that's mainly because Manano has Tarzan and Colton. The challenge itself is to transport water to raise a lift and the reward is peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and gets to remain at One World; loser goes to a new beach. Sooo... One World lasted three weeks? Huge mistake, in my opinion. The whole point was to have males and females separate on the same beach, mix them up, and make them stay on the beach and try to make a shitload of alliances. Now it's regular Survivor. And this epic twist lasts FIVE WEEKS. FIVE FUCKING WEEKS. Fail Survivor fail. Well Salani wins the PB&Js and keeps the One World beach.

Salani is a tribe of awesome including Sabrina, Chelsea, Kim, Kat, Mike, Jay and Troy(zan). Salani quickly comes together as a tribe and hunts chickens and a rooster. But of course there's a game going on, so Jay tries to get some intel from Kim to try to make a solid four or so to make it to the merge. Kim is looking to make some leads so she has prospects down the line and she's ability to find the hidden immunity idol, definitely helping her prospects now. Kim can't keep her mouth shut and tells Chelsea, her #1 confidant, right away but explains they cannot be viewed as a pair whatsoever. Finally a gameplayer!

New Manono is the tribe of duds: Colton, Leif, Jonas, Tarzan, Christina, Alicia and Monica. Colton tells the girls he's with them, but really he's playing everyone to get ahead. Colton doesn't like Christina and thinks she needs to go first and even Alicia, who hates her, doesn't agree with reducing the girl numbers yet. Jonas is worried that Colton is flipping though Colton insists he's still with the guys. Yup, Colton is still running the game. Oy vey. The girls also catch and then immediately lose a chicken, prompting Colton to talk about how shitty his tribe is. But Colton then changes his mind and realizes Monica is more liked by the women so he needs to get her out pre-merge; he tries to sway a reluctant Alicia.

The newly formed tribes arrive at the beach for the immunity challenge, to retrieve a ball in the water and attempt to make a basket. Expect a lot of in-water violence, shoving, toss, salt water in the eyes... and shoving little person Leif a few feet across the water. It's all pretty easy unless battle #4 which is all men shoving the shit out of each other and holding each other under water. But Michael scores the winning basket for a Salani win again.

The plan around the beach is to eliminate Monica, which Alicia tagging along with Colton because she trusts him. Christina would like to vote off Tarzan and Colton claims that's "literally" what he just said. Monica and Christina are just too dumb to even consider the guys are lying, Monica even wondering if they know the numbers. Jonas doesn't let Leif in on the real plan right away since he blabbed last time to Bill, but Colton gets them in on the plan and even tells Leif they have Alicia as a back-up for him. Colton has to tell Tarzan over and over the name "Monica" because the man cannot remember the name whatsoever. Oy vey.

Tribal council. Monica is upbeat, happy and sees the tribe as one. Then Alicia kisses her ass and points out Monica could be viewed as a threat. Monica's argument is that she is trying to help the team, not further her own game. Tarzan is a ding dong and he won't reveal his vote to the group because 1. it's a game and 2. I doubt he remembers Monica's name. He also doesn't reveal much personal information because "the game is a foot." Oh and Tarzan has some sort of affasia (sp??) where he can't remember people's names and sure enough when asked to name his tribemates, he struggles with Monica and Jonas. No surprise, Monica is voted off and it's her and Christina that are blindsided.

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