March 7, 2012

The Bachelor: The Women Tell All About How Much They Hate Courtney

3/07/2012 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
The Bachelor - The Women Tell All

The Women Tell All is basically the most boring thing to recap ever. Here's the formula: tears are shed, bloopers are played, and some girl who got eliminated like week three gets all loud and pissy so that she can get cast on Bachelor Pad. Since this season has nothing else to cover, they bring Courtney out and she sheds some tears- real or crocodile, who the hell knows.

Before we get into this season, we see the Bachelor reunion in Vegas or as we might call it, an orgy. A whole bunch of nobody no-names that got dumped on this show get black out drunk and bang as many people as possible in hopes of making it onto Bachelor Pad 3. There's even a few non-dumped people there like Bachelorette Ali, former Bachelor winner Ed, and Frank the guy who basically dumped Bachelorette Ali for his ex. We'll have to see if they stage it for these two to return and be paired on Bachelor Pad. I think it'll just depend on how desperate Ali is to still be famous.

Back to the reunion where "all the most memorable women" are sitting. I love when Chris Harrison claims they were memorable when it's really just everyone Ben dumped on the way to going to the bone zone with Courtney. Blakeley is the first topic of discussion for not wanting to make friends and lasting longer than others. And the girl who is trying desperately to fight to get on Bachelor Pad is that girl Ben dumped mid-date for not being there for the right reasons, Samantha. She shouts at everyone which to me validates that she was never on The Bachelor to fall in love (heh) but there to get noticed and get on TV more. Brittney, the girl who quit the show because she didn't have any attraction to Ben, tells Samantha to shut up which is wonderful. Drinking game alert: take a sip anytime Chris Harrison tells someone he'll give them the last word.

To stir up more drama, Shawntel is brought in as a surprise guest... again. Eyes bulge because there is still raging for Shawntel attempting to get a shot with Ben. Shawntel was hurt because the girls called her bitch, white trash, ugly, and were downright nasty to her. Shawntel understands that no one was there to be her bestie but didn't know these girls would be such assholes. The girls apologize yet justify their mean girl attitude because they were threatened.

Emily is brought to the hot seat to chat about her Courtney rivalry and Ben's shutting her out with the "tread lightly." All the girls agree that it's hard to get anywhere in a relationship with Ben after the skinny dipping because from then on it was just about sex. When asked what if Ben chooses Courtney there's an audience groan and Emily says, "He made his bed, he'll have to lie in it." Now Emily knows how to read he's not that into you signals.

Divorcee Nicki fell hard for Ben and knew it was love since they went to Belize. Nicki thought being comfortable together is good for a relationship, but wonders if maybe he wanted to be challenged more. She was shocked she got dumped in Switzerland but now she's OK. Kacie B was open to finding love on The Bachelor and thought it would work for her. I guess she failed statistics. Love is a two-way street and it wasn't reciprocated by Ben and he constant reassurance that everything was OK and then getting dumped blindsided her. While initially her elimination left her with questions, he overly staged return helped give her answers.

The women lament at what a nasty, conniving bitch Courtney was. Courtney's one friend Casey S tries to defend her but it falls to deaf ears; the girls do not curr. No one believes Courtney came to find love and only came to win the show regardless of the guy. For the first time ever, a member of the final two is brought on stage and that is season bitch Courtney. There is no way they could have just let her slide by and not face the other girls since typically the final two just appear on the After the Final Rose special. Courtney comes out afraid of the reaction from the girls. Blakeley first pounces for Courtney saying she was a stripper and a girl a guy would cheat on his girlfriend with eventhough Blakeley was nice to her. Courtney admits she was a dick throwing Emily's apology away. Courtney says it's not an excuse but when she had a couple of days to herself she realized she was a giant horrible bitch.

Some girls think Courtney isn't remorseful and is at The Women Tell All to save her image and her apology went to Ben, not to the girls she hurt. As Emily rails into Courtney for being a bitch some more, tears well up in her eyes. HAHAHAHA. Courtney apologizes to the girls but I don't think they accept it too much considering Emily throws it back in her face that Courtney said she doesn't forgive and forget yet expects the girls to. The girls are all talking over each other and Courtney breaks down more and insists it's real emotions and she should've handled herself better during filming. Courtney apologizes again and apologizes to Ben for all the drama/nonsense.

The dullard of the season, Bachelor Ben, is brought out on stage to face the women he dumped. The questions are pretty much always "why did you dump me?" or "I wish I got closure." Zzzzz. No one grills Ben for being the skeeze he was like why did you get naked and practically bone a girl so early in the process? The girls are so forgiving and would still take Ben back if given the chance so I guess a lot of his desirable qualities must be on the cutting room floor. Roll the bloopers!

Next week: Ben chooses the woman he'll end up breaking up with in about two months.