April 22, 2012

Reality Rundown: Auction Time!!!


The Amazing RaceSurvivor: One World

The Amazing Race - The teams drive on a safari through the Ngorongoro Crater all the way to Safari Junction. The interesting news is that a Double U-Turn is ahead so Brenchel beware because Dave/Rachel and Art/JJ made a pact weeks ago to U-Turn Team Big Brother. But the safari ride is gorgeous and I'm so jeal. It's the rare time most of these racers have personalities and seem likable, but the safari it short-lived and asshole time is back.

In Safari Junction they need to find Hilary Clington (a shopping cart) to retrieve their next clue, the Detour. Vanessa and Ralph, never the cleverest, cannot find the Hilary Clington sign and get into their usual kerfluffle that no one cares about. The teams have a choice of filling and supplying water or repair a bicycle's tire using their procedure. Most of the teams go right to the bike tires. Art/JJ choose to fill the water but are startled when they see how long the water fill-up line is. They agree to stay and wait (impatiently) and they get perspective of what these people have to do everyday just to get water. Hey, at least they're not hours behind like Nary and Jamie.

Bopper and Mark finish the bikes first and make their way by foot to the next clue at a pub. The ominous Double U-Turn kiosk is there; Bopper and Mark decline to use it. Dave and Rachel, despite their earlier agreement with Art/JJ, also decide to not use the U-Turn. BOOOO. Art and JJ finish their water and U-Turn Brendon and Rachel and hope that when Dave and Rachel arrive they'll U-Turn the "teachers." Oh they will not be pleased. Brenchel discover they've been U-Turned so they U-Turn Vanessa and Ralph in turn. I don't think it's fair that a team that has been U-Turned can then U-Turn someone else back. At the same times, it doesn't fucking matter since Nary and Jamie are hours behind, kinda catch up, and still have to do a Speed Bump (set up an art stand).


The next task is a Roadblock for one team member to put on a bee suit and harvest honey from a swarming hive. Bees are my legit spirit animal based on name interpretation so bring it. Mark and Bopper were able to pass Dave and Rachel in the cabs, getting their through the Roadblock first. Despite a bad knee, Bopper and Mark check in as team #1 and win a trip to Hawaii. Art and JJ check in third and are pissed and feel betrayed that Dave and Rachel broke the U-Turn pact. Brenchel are fourth, Vanessa/Ralph fifth, and Nary and Jamie check obviously check in last and my pick to win is null. Meh, whatever. Bopper and Mark FTW.

Survivor: One World - Troyzan is bummin' after the vote and confronts Christina for where her voting allegiance lays. Alicia jumps in to half defend Christina and half to shut Troyzan up. He later bitches that he shouldn't be eliminated before four other horrible lazy messes (Tarzan, Leif, Alicia, Christina, obvs). Chelsea urges Troyzan to take it like a man and don't be a whiny bitch about it. Troyzan vs. the One World.


After seasons, NO YEARS, unseen, my most favorite thing ever returns to Survivor this week: the auction!!. Everyone is given $500, bids in increments of $20, and no money pooling or sharing. Because I love it so much, I am giving it major coverage. First item: donuts and iced coffee. GIVE ME NOW. Chelsea wins it for $160. Sabrina buys chips, guacamole, and margaritas for $400. A boring ass protein shake is sold to Leif for $100; I guess it's something. Kim spends $40 to shower in front of all her tribemates. A BLT and iced tea is sold to Cat for $180 and god, I am getting sooo hungry. A bowl of peanut butter and chocolate is apparently a favorite (I say NEXT) and Kim wins it because Alicia's a dumbass who won't spend free fucking money. Alicia instead uses her full $500 bank to get a letter from her dad. Alicia's letter and tears inspires Tarzan to cash in on the letter from home for himself too. Looks like his at-home car repair isn't as important. Troyzan moans about being alone more and gets in a bidding war with Christina (edged on by the women) to win an advantage in the next challenge. Cat spends $160 on a hidden mystery item which is revealed to be a whole fucking cake to share with the entire tribe and it has to be consumed in 60 seconds. GROSSOUT BINGEFEST.

Troyzan's advantage is that he automatically moves to the second round of the immunity challenge. The women, pissed that Christina didn't outbid Troyzan for the advantage, go idol spying on Troy; he pretends he has it. The immunity challenge is a rehash of prior challengs this season: untangle roapes, everyone's favorite backyard game coconut trampoline bounce, and then slingshot coconut tile break. It's a battle of shitty jungle themed nicknames in the end: Tarzan vs. Troyzan. Because you should never openly target someone because it'll backfire, Troyzan wins immunity.

Back at camp even Tarzan is like Troyzan stop actin' a fool and calm down. The women are wrapping about their next step and fretting that Troyzan could have an immunity idol in-hand too. Tarzan and Leif are the obvious choices for elimination; Troyzan wants to pitch to Tarzan, Leif, Christina and Alicia to vote off uber-strong Kim. Oh and there's a weird moment of Tarzan washing Leif's face in the ocean, like father/son bonding moment looking stuff. Awk-ward!

Tribal time! Troyzan's victory smugness is the jump-off point. I honestly can't keep track of what happens but it's Sabrina talking, Troyzan yelling, bickering. Oy, just vote. Troyzan makes sure to explain that anyone from that jumbled Manano is gone and it takes Kim being eliminated. Kim brings up a valid point which is everyone making assumptions of where loyalties lie. Alicia's struggle is when to make her move and pick a final side. What's going to happen, ahhh!! The women split up their votes in case of an idol, and it's Leif who gets snuffed.

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