April 9, 2012

Reality Rundown: 7UP Yours

4/09/2012 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Survivor: One World - In tree mail holds a message in a bottle but not just any bottle: a 7 Up bottle. It's a clue to their Reward Challenge which has two big ass water slides to slide down, retrieve puzzle crates from the ocean, and the assemble said puzzle crates. The reward is a 7 Up oasis, being swept away for a BBQ of steak, lemon meringue and key lime pie (oh I see what you did there), and all the 7 Up they can vomit up. The slide is pretty kick-ass, really whipping the survivors down and into the sand. Blurred asscracks everywhere. The winning team is the slow and steady yellow team, not the green team who was so close. Yellow and green teams? Oh I see what you did there.

So Sabrina, Kim, Christina, Leif, and Michael chant "BBQ!!" in victory, pissing off the other team. But fuck them because their Oasis has food, comfy chairs, and a pool. While the men pig out, Sabrina and Kim chat and decide they need to axe all the men. Pretend the revised Salani still exists, but take out Mike to make it 6-4. This could be a huge move so obviously someone will ruin it. Cue Kat to say to the losers that Mike would be a good choice to go after it's expressed that Christina would be an ideal next elimination.

While the losers get to suck down some extra 7 Up the winners brought back, the weather turns to shit. The men decide to fortify the shelter but that moron Tarzan decides to take a chunk for the shelter to make firewood. Tarzan insists it wasn't from the wall and gets into it with Chelsea. Tarzan wonders if Chelsea hates him because he's a plastic surgeon and she had a bad experience with a plastic surgeon. Uhhhhh. Everyone hates Tarzan but he'll stick around a long time because he is such the easiest person to defeat. Kim continues to be a master strategist, telling Troyzan that Mike was telling everyone Troyzan will be a lock to win. LIE and Troyzan laps it all up. Goddamn Kim, I'm regretting not making you my pick to win.

The Immunity Challenge is, you guessed it, a puzzle! Cross a ladder bridge to retrieve puzzle pieces attached to a rope; the first four finishes go into the final round to piece together said puzzle. The top four are Kim, Jay, Troyzan and Alicia (whose boobs fall out during part one). The puzzle is actually pretty insane as it's a 60 piece puzzle that will lay flat in the end. Thanks to the pieces needing to be flat in the end, there's a bunch of errors where it seems won and done but it's not. This allows a dead last Jay, the tortoise, to come from behind and win. I'll say it: I didn't think this dummy would ever solve a puzzle. Jay has proved me wrong and pre-show I thought he'd be goddamn terrible but I really like him now.

Time to start the shit show at the Tikiano beach (I only just noticed their merged tribe name tonight). Jay thinks since Jonas was eliminated last time, it would be fair to eliminate a girl and even out the numbers. Kim continues her awesomeness by warning Troyzan she wouldn't be surprised if Mike tried to pull a fast one and vote out Troyzan tonight. God she is awesome. Kim knows there is only one way this could fail: Jay discovering the plan. And sure enough, Chelsea fucks it up by asking what Jay thought about eliminating Mike, right in front of Alicia and Christina - not members of the jumbled Salani alliance. Damage control time to make sure Mike doesn't find out and blow up. Before Jay can even tell Mike what Chelsea said, Kim pipes up, "Christina!" Kim is torn because tonight is a crucial point of no return as this will cause a shitshow against the remaining men, someone of which think they are safe.

Tribal Council time and I can't waaaaait! Probst brings up blindsides and everyone says they'd be completely surprised and no one even brought their bags. Kim says that some people think they are in alliances that they are no longer in, but since Kim is in two alliances who does she mean? Tonight's theme is where does loyalty lie in the tribe and we won't know until those votes are read. Oh and there's more Tarzan craziness spewing from his mouth. 2 votes for Christina, 2 votes for Tarzan, and then the Mike votes come pouring out. Mike is totally blind-sided and becomes the second member of the jury.

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