July 26, 2012

Big Brother 14: Jojo's Gotta Go-Go, I Know I Know

7/26/2012 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Big Brother 14 - Week 2

Frank is HOH which pleases the majority of the house since everyone has turned on previous HOH Willie and now Frank can take him out.  Not happy about this victory is Willie, who knows he's a dead man walking, and his teammate Shane who suddenly realizes an alliance with Willie is a liability.  Other teammate JoJo makes sure to tell Frank that she voted against him but did so because of loyalty to Willie, not out of dislike for him; Frank assures her he holds no grudges.  Britney is being a total downer since she stupidly picked the most volatile player that is killing her chances at the $100k coach prize.  Part of being a downer is Britney bitching at Willie about his behavior, her defense of him hurting the team, and that she's tired of him.  Willie's like hey I get it, please shut up.  Good thing a perk of the coach's challenge this week is to swap a player (the other coaches fear the possibility of getting sacked with Willie).  Pretty much the consensus is for Britney to suck it up and lose one of her players for the sake of the house's sanity.

Dan urges his only remaining player Danielle to befriend Janelle's team this week and become a vote for them.  She's like sure, but first let me desperately chase after Shane for a showmance.  Oh but she claims he's chasing her which is hilarious since she has told the house she came on Big Brother for love.  Yes, this manipulative bullshit house is where she wants to find love, not on The Bachelor.  Eyeroll because I think Danielle is soooooo dull and dumb.  She can barely keep up the lie about her occupation and when she say a picture of Boogie's baby wearing a "Team Boogie" shirt she asked if that baby was Boogie.

Because there was too much ridic shenanigans last week, the show pretends that Ian's "date" with Ashley happened over the weekend.  Basically, nerdo Ian asks Ashley on a slop date where they dine on slop delicacies.  Ashley accepts because she has a soft spot for Ian (or because she's doped up on pain meds still for her bad back).  Ashley attempts to learn about Ian's science background in a lovable but girl you're stupid way.  They fail to show that Ashley got Ian to spill some game secrets, but he wouldn't care because Ian's smitten and wants an alliance (and showmance- LOL, yeah no) with the droopy eyed charmer.

Frank comes out of the Diary Room dressed like a busted MC, open shiny black shirt and big fake gold chain, to kick off the coach's competition.  All the coaches are rocking gold Hammer pants, legs spread wide so you walk like a person trying to hold back from pooping their pants.  The competition is to waddle across a balance beam to transfer all their bricks of cash, but if a coach drops a block of cash or falls off the beam they are eliminated from the competition.  Britney flies across the beam, seeming to be the shoo-in to win, but she knocks a few bricks of cash to the ground and is eliminated.  Ian's scientific advice helps Boogie but he prematurely jumps off the balance beam before hitting the button, so he's DQ'd.  Like a moron.  Janelle wins the competition and grants Ashley immunity to gain her trust (so no player trade).  Janelle also gets to choose what four HGs are Have Nots: she picks all of Britney's team (Willie, Shane, JoJo) and Ian.  JoJo thinks it's bitchy to make Shane a Have Not two weeks in a row, which I think JoJo is bitchy for not thinking it's unfair for Ian to be a Have Not a second time in a row too.  But JoJo only cares about her team/alliance/what keeps her safe.

The Have Nots aren't surviving solely on slop this week: America has voted for the Have Nots to have pork rinds and pudding all week as well.  Ew, it's Snack Pack and not even Jello brand.  Big Brother is so broke.  But pudding is pretty bomb.  Willie tries to round up his team, which Britney quickly breaks up by dragging JoJo aside and telling her to stay away from Willie.  Willie tells JoJo he's going to take the heat off of his teammates, but Britney tells him to cool it in her bitchy toned way.  Willie runs upstairs to the HOH room and he tells them that he knows he's going home this week and not to take his actions out on his teammates.  JoJo tells Willie that she has to sever ties with him and then leaves the room to have pudding. Munchin' on some pork rinds, Willie explains the house is the biggest bunch of pussies he's ever met and he's not going out with class.  Joe makes a retort to Willie's pussy comment and Willie chases Joe to the bathroom and gets up in his face, Joe's arms up in defense to block the likely beating coming.  Poor little Ian is fresh from the shower in a towel so makes a run to get others because let's face it, he's not providing any physical defense in this scenario.  Shouting "Hit me!", Willie head butts/body bumps Joe as the house runs downstairs to see what is going on.  A producer's voice comes over the speaker asking Willie to go to the back bedroom (Have Not room), Joe to stay in the bathroom, and for Janelle to stay away because she's in the kitchen calling Willie a jerk (aw we didn't get to see him throw pork rinds at Janelle).  Willie is called into the Diary Room and led through another door.  The voice of show producer Allison Grodner comes over the house speaker to inform the HGs that violence is not tolerated and Willie has been expelled from the game.  Britney is glad he's gone but then realizes she's down a player and it's not good for her chances.

The house mourns/rejoices Willie's exit.  With Willie out, the targets can change.  Boogie has a stupid plan to use a pawn from their alliance, but it's nixed quickly.  But the better option, as suggested by Janelle, is to nominate Jojo and Shane.  Jojo pleads her case, claiming she "deserves to be there," but Frank reminds her that she voted him out of that house last week, siding with Willie.  So duh, Shane and Jojo are nominated for eviction.
Frank, Jojo, Shane, Ian, Wil, and Ashley compete in this week's Power of Veto competition; Joe will host and by "host" I mean yell dialogue.  Danielle didn't get picked for POV which means there's a good chance she could be backdoored and her coach Dan will go out the door too.  There's a fiesta out in the backyard for the competition including margaritas and guacamole, so of course people get wasted.  Not everyone though: everyone competing for the veto puts in a giant nacho chip costume and dig into four big bowls to retrieve panels with food items, which need to match a big menu.  Everyone has a good strategy except Ashley, who they must be keeping high on back meds for wacky interviews.  Other than Ashley, all the players get their entire menu correct and since it's about most correct in the fastest time, Shane wins POV.  Britney rejoices that her potential prize money is still mostly in tact.

Now possessing the veto, Shane does the same wheelin' and dealin' he did last week except this time he's saving himself, not others.  Boogie thinks Shane would make a good ally, seeing as he was extremely loyal to Willie, but says to make this work Shane can't tell the others, especially Britney.  Shane heads down to the bathroom and denies any deal making to Britney and Jojo.  On the other side, Dan doesn't want to help his only player Danielle campaign to stay off the block.  He worries he'll hurt her chances, but he's also trying to piss her off enough for her to actually play the game herself.  Wise coaching, little guy who shouts in the Diary Room.  When Shane doesn't immediately offer to vote for her to stay in the house, Danielle goes to the lounge and cries about being unwanted.  Shane actually does try to help Danielle, approaching Frank right before the Veto Ceremony to make Wil the replacement nominee instead.  It's a good effort but Shane's part, but Frank names Danielle the replacement nominee after Shane saves himself.

Danielle mopes about being nominated and Dan has to explain why she has to try and play alone, not relying him on everything.  Meanwhile, Shane and Jojo flirt a lot.  Jojo asking to makeout, Shane talking about wearing a thong to bed. WAIT WHAT?  Poor Ian is stuck in this Have Not room of awful, but at least he hilarious comments Shane being able to ride "the Staten Island ferry."  Britney's advice to Jojo is to lay low and let her try to work some magic and Jojo just responds "I know, I know" to anything Britney says.  When Danielle Downer hears about Shane and Jojo's flirting, Danielle is upset because she believes Shane likes her.  LOLOL please stalker, your Shane love affair is one sided.  Danielle actually plays the game a bit and once she gives word to Janelle a budding showmance is happening, a powerful alliance, it helps make the eviction decision much better.

For time filler, Dr. Will of Big Brother 2 and All Stars fame gives his POV on this season.  He approves of Boogie thus far in the house, but worries about his ego.  I'm more worried about Dr. Will's unmoving, plastic sheen face.  Dr. Will jokes about the other coaches saying Britney needs to put her coach hat on, that Dan got blinded by hot chicks, and Janella is a great competitor but needs to be good at strategy to win.  Dr. Will says that of all the current HGs, he believes Ian will win again.

In Julie Chen news, she calls Frank her "home skillet" in response to his question if she's his homegirl.  Then Julie brings it back down to the living room for last chance speeches from the nominees.  In a "Love Me or Hate Me" shirt and silver leopard skirt (I had to note this because it's so trashy), Jojo's says they're making a mistake, not making big moves, and she's going out for being loyal (to Willie).  Danielle "loves all y'all" because she knows she's staying.  In a 5-1 vote (Shane being the 1), Jojo is voted out of the Big Brother house.  Her last words are to "make big moves" and she heads out for her interview with Julie to talk about being too loyal and that she deserved to be there because she competed hard.  Well if you compete hard and do well, getting a strong female out is kind of a good move then.  Jojo doesn't say Britney is a good coach but is routing for her ex-team to win.

This week's HOH competition is "On Thin Ice" which is to hit a ball with a hockey stick into a slot with the highest number; houseguest with the highest score wins.  Sooo, it's a total crapshoot unless you intentionally throw it.  In a laughable moment, Joe tries bouncing it off the wall to get a good score and loses immediately.  It's great.  I'd triple-deek that shit, Mighty Sucks style.  Shane gets it into the 20 slot, winning the HOH competition.  Anyone who claims that Frank is a bigger threat than Shane is high: he keeps saving himself at all the right times.

And then, the big twist.  America gets to vote whether the coaches should remain coaches or be offered the chance to re-enter the game for the $500k prize.  We've all known for ages this was going to happen and we all know the obvious conclusion: next week the coaches will get a chance to play the game they all love again so much.  No shit they'll do it.