August 9, 2012

Big Brother 14: Always a Bridesmaid, Never the Big Brother Bride

8/09/2012 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Big Brother 14 - Week 4

When we last left off with Big Brother, the game totally reset with Frank escaping eviction, the coaches joining the game, and all houseguests standing on teeny planks and getting doused with water in an endurance competition. Boogie gets thrown off when, right before the HOH competition, Dan tells him that they were going to blindside Frank tonight. Dan sees it as a way to gain Boogie's trust, but I'm pretty sure the lies just piss Boogie off even more. Boogie really thought he was sailing to a $100k coach's victory but now he's back. Not in the mood to get shit on by fake seagull poop and to feign weakness, Boogie is the first to jump off the boat after a little over an hour. Jenn and Joe follow minutes later, no surprise there. Joe tells Boogie on the sidelines he felt 100% safe tonight, which lets Boogie know Dan wasn't joking. Soon more people fall, including Frank, so Boogie gives Frank the low-down on the blindside they avoided. They deduce Danielle and Wil were lying to Frank, leading him on; Jenn notices Boogie and Frank inside, making her feel even more isolated from her former team. Boogie swears his allegiance to Frank, similar to his passion for Dr. Will, and prays for an Ian victory.

The HOH competition lasts a draining amount of time for a regular episode. On the feeds it's great, but for an episode it's boring as hell. Wil wants to last forever but sees Danielle chillin', so he whispers to her asking if he's safe; she says "I promise." Wil and Shane fall, then Janelle, so it's Britney, Danielle and Ian left in the competition at nearly three hours. Shane yells to Danielle that if she wins he'll give her another kiss, so now you know that psycho is gonna hold on for dear life. It also shows Shane's willingness to showmance if it gets him further. Ian starts trying to make a deal to win HOH and keep Danielle safe, so Dan interjects and gives Danielle some impassioned coach plea. Bitch please, this isn't some kid's sports movie. Ian finally starts losing it, stumbling around like a homeless drunk. Ian gets a promise from Danielle and Britney that he's 100% safe this week, so he drops. Britney makes the same deal and Danielle wins HOH. Dan hugs her and Shane kisses Danielle, as promised. It's pathetic. And when news gets around to Boogie that Danielle is HOH, he's not happy and has no plans to kiss her ass.

Shane is pissed that he week as HOH was a total waste that got blood on his hands. Danielle is annoyed that Janelle didn't cheer for her once; she thinks Janelle doesn't like her and is threatened by her. With the Frank news out, Dan realizes he's in trouble because he didn't get a chance to put his "Dan spin" (lies) on it. Now everyone involved in the possible Frank blindside has to cover their asses by lying/denying some more. Dan, Danielle, Britney, and Shane are aligned together and ponder the biggest threats in the house. Top 4 are Janelle, Boogie, Wil, and Frank. Dan really doesn't want a coach nominated because if a coach goes, the target on him gets bigger. Dan thinks a wise choice would be to use Wil as a pawn against Frank, take out Frank, and then Boogie will gravitate to them. When talking to Wil, she tries to pretend she didn't guarantee him safety, and she's like ooooh shoot (Southern accent).

Danielle really wants to put Boogie on the block because if he wins the veto he'll be safe and will take Frank off the block. And she doesn't want to break her word. Putting Boogie vs. Frank guarantees one of the big threats goes home and they can't save each other. Dan is panicking on the inside, clinging to keeping more coaches in the house to shield him. Dan's persistence, along with Boogie and Frank's refusal to kiss Danielle's ass, works. Danielle nominates Wil and Frank for eviction.

Danielle quickly pulls Wil aside to cry and claim he's the only other person he trusts, but cries that he is only a pawn.  Then Wil cries that he might not be cut out for the nasty game of Big Brother.  Dan is happy the plan is going swimmingly and all four coaches are safe.  Frank's just like oh good, another week on the block, laughing about how he's considered a threat yet only won one competition.  Boogie thinks he's being set-up as a backdoor nominee, meaning he'll have no chance to play for a veto to save himself.  Janelle doesn't get Boogie's Frank obsession and wants to get Boogie into a coaches alliance.  Dan tries to smooth talk Boogie, but Boogie doesn't trust Dan because of all the Frank lies from last week to make Boogie/Frank intentionally look like bigger morons.  Boogie wants to stick with Frank, a guy he trusts, not the liars.

Boogie's eggs are all in the Frank basket, leaving his other two former players isolated.  Ian decides finally to try and make alliances and play the game. ABOUT TIME.  First stop: Britney and Danielle in the HOH room.  Britney is up for Ian joining, but always need proof that he's 100% trustworthy and not still trying to be part of team Boogie.  Ian wants to sever ties but he would still prefer to keep Frank in the mix, the one person he's trusted.  Frank is trying his hardest to stay in the game, even trying to mend fences with Janelle.  Janelle is always begging and arguing to get Frank out, but she's telling Frank she's all alone in the game.  Janelle's two-face action sends Danielle and Britney into catty girl mode.  Then Dan has to yell in the Diary Room that these girls are being paranoid and it's mucking up his coaches alliance. We get it Dan. We get it.

This week's Power of Veto competition takes place in the Big Brother Stadium (the backyard setup with a field, hot dog stand, and dugouts).  Of couuuuurse the show has to give Danielle commenting about how Shane looks so good in baseball pants.  We get it Danielle. We get it.  The competition is like skee ball to shoot into a big grid (wait, skee ball? I think someone watched Glass House!!)  Each round the lowest score gets eliminated and gets to take a box of not-Cracker Jacks with a prize and you can trade as you go along.  So of course the goal is to be the last one standing and snag the veto, forcing someone to end up in a unitard.  Danielle, Frank, Wil, Ian, Jenn, and Shane are picked to play, which knocks out the play for Boogie to save his beloved Frank.  Shane is first out and pulls the veto; Wil takes the veto and gives Shane a veto ticket to play next week; Jenn wins a trip to Hawaii; Ian has to live a dog's life for 24 hours (he CHOOSES this).  Frank and Danielle are the final two and Danielle wins.  Frank trades $5,000 for Wil's veto, but Danielle quickly snags the veto to give Frank the humiliation of the "spiritard."

For laughs, because god forbid we have a week when Ian isn't given the lovable fan edit, Ian suffers his POV competition punishment.  For 24 hours Ian has to wear a dog costume, sleep in a dog house, stay in a pen, and can only leave the pen when a houseguest walks him on a leash.  Boogie can't believe Ian turned down stealing a vacation in favor of dressing like a dog for the full Big Brother experience.  But Ian also LOVES getting the airtime, getting to be the comic relief of the show he loves.  Dog Ian solidifies his alliance with Britney, Shane, Dan and Danielle; they call themselves "The Quack Pack."  Less funny because we've seen it a million GD times, Frank has to wear a purple unitard with a white cheerleader's skirt attached to it.

Fun out the door, Boogie and Frank have to start hustlin' to save his ass.  Boogie's dream would be to talk Dan/Danielle into putting Janelle up as a replacement nominee.  Boogie finally gets his chapstick on to kiss Dani's ass, proposing the coaches and their strongest player align and take out the biggest threat of them all: Janelle.  Boogie makes solid points, especially that Janelle is a beast in competitions and could save herself over and over til the end.  Danielle buys it, but what about Dan?  Boogie starts his sales pitch, only to be interrupted by Britney and Janelle for a coaches alliance pitch.  Boogie says fine I'll team with you if we vote out Wil this week; Janelle's like naaaah, next week.  Boogie puts everyone in their place, pointing out he's not selling out his #1 ally to work with three people who have done him dirty thus far.  And when Boogie pitches OK, show me trust and let's get rid of Joe, Janelle is silent.  Lying!  Janelle's mixed signals get Dan to change his tune: f coaches, past winners alliance.

Dan corrals the alliance to discuss what move they could make now meaning take out Janelle.  Even Ian is on board to get Janelle out because she's a strong competitor.  Britney and Shane are 50-50 about nominating her, but the rest are down with it.  Ian leaves the HOH, Boogie and Frank to come and solidify their alliance "The Silent Six."  And so suddenly Danielle, who I was like ughhhhhh not her as HOH, becomes a major power player and sets in motion a plan to backdoor one of the strongest game players in the history of Big Brother.  Plus, Janelle gets majorly SERVED in a hilarious way and she didn't even get to put makeup on first- wahhhhh.

Janelle is the only person shocked by her nomination. The rest mercy hug her and pretend they're sad but inside are singing songs of happiness.  Janelle assures Danielle she was never targeting her, a lie Danielle keeps up to make herself feel better.  I'm actually all for getting Janelle out (it's smart) but Danielle lies about everything on the feeds.  Janelle convenes with Dan to get some votes; she's confident she has probably enough to stay as Dan continues his farce of wanting to keep all coaches together.  Janelle again laments being nominated without a chance to get all purdy before the ceremony, then hustles about campaigning for votes and guilt tripping people (Britney gets all crybaby about it).

After an excruciating video package with Ashley and Ian's families, calling them a real life Big Bang Theory (oh hey Big Brother, thanks for excluding all the times on the live feeds Ashely has said her #1 target is Ian), the vote happens.  By a vote of 8-1, Janelle is evicted from the game and remains one of the greats who just can't win.  Janelle looks sad but she knows backdooring her was probably smart since she's a strong player.  Janelle still wants Frank out because she sees him as a strong player.  I think Janelle's headstrong, forceful nature of wanting Frank out since nearly day one was a factor in people not trusting her because, IMO, she was playing for herself to enter the game the whole time.  But Janelle does say she was trying to help her players.  Janelle is routing for Dan to win.  Huge eyeroll.  In her goodbye videos, Joe screams, Britney is remorseful, and scumbag Boogie makes me laugh so hard when he tells Janelle she's "always a bridesmaid, never the Big Brother bride." DYING. You gross goblin, I laughed.  Janelle's parting words, "Screw you, Mike Boogie, I hope ya lose."

The Head of Household competition is themed as "Battle of the Bands."  In head-to-head trivia, the HGs hear a song describing a competition this summer and they have to identify if it was a HOH, coach, or veto competition.  The songs are also embarrassingly bad, almost as bad as the fan wake-up calls they pipe into the house.  I'd rather listen to Kidz Bop than this.  It gets narrowed down to Frank vs. Britney and Frank wins HOH.  Though let's get real, Boogie threw his round for Frank to stick around so he did get an assistance here.  But the good news is, Joe is toast and we might get our eardrums back.  Or so I hope.