August 14, 2012

Bachelor Pad 3: Getting Action Indeed

8/14/2012 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Bachelor Pad - Week 4
Chris Harrison busts up the fun of the post-rose ceremony chit chat and has some mucsles bring in clipboards with very personal surveys.  Questions are mainly catty like who is the ugliest and fattest, which will at least spare Erica Rose from getting pelted by eggs this time around.  The challenge this time is Gameshow Mashup which is a low-rent Match Game with general trivia.  It's a solo game this time, so it's not a pair that's immune but rather just a guy and a girl.  The "Who Said That Round" is the only part worth seeing because it's when you hear all the good shit talked, like Nick saying Blakeley has done nothing in life, Sarah has had sex on top of a car roof in a parking lot, or Jamie thinks Jaclyn is fake. Dave the fan and Rachel are the two lowest scores, so they get one vote against them.  Jaclyn and Ed win roses, which is funny because eventhough it's solo a pair got immunity.  I'm going to assume Ed is going to get blackout drunk to celebrate.  


Jaclyn's date card arrives and instead of taking three dudes, she decides to take her partner Ed.  Sarah is bummed because eventhough she voted Ed off a couple times, she hopes they can bang around again. Jaclyn and Ed are whisked away to Dodger Stadium to put on uniforms, play ball poorly, and drunkenly sing the National Anthem over the intercom to no one else.  Jaclyn's got a major crush on Ed and I'm assuming he has major beer goggles.  Ditching the uniforms for dress clothes, a hot dog picnic has been placed for them on home plate.  In the picnic basket is a rose, not for Ed, but for Jaclyn to give to someone when she gets home (and that guy also gets to use Ed's date).  Yup, Ed also had to forgo the date he won and while he pretends it's OK, you know he's bummed he's not hooking up with other chicks in a helicopter.  As a team, they decide for some reason to give dirtbag Chris the rose (I guess Ed made an agreement to stick with him).  This kiss cam finds them and they share a kiss for some fireworks. I'm grossed out.

Jamie has been a basket case (well a bigger one) since the challenge because her big mouth has made her a top target.  Kalon assures Jamie's she's not the main priority but then tells us viewers it's like petting a dog while you put it to sleep. OUCH!  Chris is maybe regretting his choice of hookup, not to mention his partner Blakeley who doesn't like that he's getting ga-ga over Sarah now.  Chris is dealing with a lot of crazy, since he hates his partner Blakeley with a passion.  But Jamie's annoyingness doesn't stop Chris from fooling around with her cause hey, she's hot and this is a game.  Jamie, however, is a giant insane clinger who I am pretty sure is picking out wedding tablescapes already.  Jamie just talks and talks and talks so Chris' only way to shut her up is to make out with her, eventhough he doesn't feel a spark.  Jamie, of course, feels this insane passionate connection because she's CRAY CRAY.

Chris gets the news that Ed and Jaclyn have given him this week's rose and Ed's date.  Nutty Jamie is ready to leap off that couch but not so fast girl, cause Chris picks Sarah for a date.  Insert shocked faces of Jamie and Blakeley.  The best is Jamie being so delusional about Chris being a hero and protecting her.  NUT.  I love that Ed's date is going to Chris who is getting Ed's sloppy seconds.  What a cesspool of hookups.  A car brings the two to an abandoned parking garage and while I wish it was a Seinfeld themed date and the car stops.  Suddenly the driver slams on the gas pedal, flying through the garage, almost hitting a stuntman, and crashing through cardboard boxes.  "Action" date, get it?!  The rest of the stunt date is filming an action movie where Chris is the hostage and Sarah kicks ass to save him, ending the rescue in a kiss.  Their night ends with a romantic, private rooftop hotel dinner date. While there isn't a rose on this date, a makeshift strawberry fills in to signify their attraction AKA wanting to bone.  Chris and Sara enjoy their date, moving from dinner to a rooftop hot tub!! Where they make out!!  And then decide to get a room!!  Insert me laughing hilariously as Jamie sits at the house anxiously awaiting Chris because they're sooo in love and have sooo much chemistry.  When Jamie says Chris is "lovable" and "respectful" I thank the lord I don't have a full bladder because I would've peed myself. 

Since Ed and Jaclyn won the challenge and they hate their date together, Chris Harrison brings a rose directly to Ed at the house to give to some lucky lady for immunity.  The house is surprised by this since Chris is the guy on the date, typically the rose-bearer.  Ed gives the rose to Rachel, Michael Stag's main piece, because he trusts those two the most.  So why rock the boat earlier and save Chris when you could've easily just given it to another power couple?  Whatever, I'm a total gamer I know.  But Blakeley sees Chris for the rat he is, a conniving game player who would've been eliminated if he didn't have a rose.  Blakeley doesn't trust Chris and knows she's in a vulnerable spot.  Chris might be in deeper shit with stalker Jamie who can't believe he spent the night with someone else and then ignored her the next day.

Chris Harrison clinks his champagne glass to kick off the voting.  Last fan standing Dave lost the challenge so he has one vote against him already, so he begins working the women.  After talking with Jaclyn, Dave sees his best chance to break the tie would be to get the women he's bonded with to vote off Nick.  Yeah I don't remember him either, some dude.  Nick begins to realize his predicament so he approaches Jamie with a deal: he'll vote for Blakeley if she'll vote for Dave.  Except Jamie really owes her life in this game to Dave with last week's rose.  Nutter Jamie is now the swing vote and who knows where her mind is besides dreaming about snuggling Chris on the top bunk.

Chris would rather have Sara as a partner (gee, wonder why) so he starts campaigning for all the guys to vote off his ex-partner Blakeley for personal reasons.  Michael Stag really doesn't want to vote off Blakeley because she was part of the core alliance.  Chris feels like if Jamie stays around she'll follow him, he's got Sara who is besties with Erica Rose.  This means Chris has a lot of power and potential safety, so it's time to strike against the skeezeball enemy: vote off Jamie.  Plus he was dumb enough to reveal his entire gameplan.  Kalon is telling lies all over the place, telling everyone what they want to hear.  After Ed talks to Kalon (who tells Ed what he wants to hear), he decides to talk to Chris to warn him against shaking the house.  Chris really thinks he can control the women he's fooled around with, which is repulsive. And so Kalon assures Chris and Ed he's voting off Blakeley, then Kalon heads into the voting room and votes off JAMIE.  Holy hell Kalon, you're extreme lies are blowing my mind.

The editing of this voting session was epic.  My mind is fried trying to figure out who is staying and going.  I wish Chris was going because he's just the worst.  Chris rolls into the rose ceremony all cocky, with his last words to Blakeley as "Nice to know ya!"  Reality TV gods, please let this blow up in this dirtbag's face.  Going home roseless this week are Dave and Jamie.  Chris got SERVED! HAHA, trust no one ya slimer.  Before she leaves, Jamie tells Chris what he does to girls is "not OK" and he keeps yapping about trying to save her.  Yeah, you saved her because you thought she'd follow you around after leading her on.  Jamie, you go girl!  Chris, be gone next week ya turd.  But not everyone leaves sad: Dave gets his end-of-the-road limo ride interview and he loves it.  Dreams do come true!

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