August 2, 2012

Big Brother 14: The Week 3 Curse Has Been Lifted!!!!

8/02/2012 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Big Brother 14 - Week 3

Shane is the new reigning HOH.  Britney is ecstatic since she was practically heading out the door this week.  Danielle is happy because she knows she's not a target since she stalks Shane.  Boogie's not stressing since he planned ahead last week and made deals with Shane.  Janelle's team is like sheeeeit, especially Joe who yells in the Diary Room about it. Wait, Joe yells about everything.  So annoying.  Joe is desperate to stick around, so the Diary Room convinces him to kiss major ass by making a "royal breakfast" for HOH Shane.  Oh they aren't saying the DR put him up to it, but they did.  But he went along with it, which is still pathetic.

Dan and Britney would like Shane to nominate one player from each team, preferably strong guys Frank and Wil.  Wil is a definite for Shane, but Shane isn't so keen on putting up Frank (keeping it secret that they made a deal last week).  Shane gives Frank his word that Wil is his #1 target, but it might be hard to keep with all the house talk.  Danielle also wants Shane to nominate Frank because he's a physical and social threat, but Shane is wishy washy again.  But Shane and Danielle make a final two deal.  The possibility of making it to the end and having a week alone with Shane in the house excites Danielle to no end.  Again Danielle, this isn't The Bachelor so get a grip.

Shane is dressed in his 80s workout gayest, which is to say what we all assume Shane wears whenever he goes to the gym in 2012.  He is hosting this week's Coach's Competition and the coaches come decked out in corny workout gear too.  The coaches face off against each other at different workout stations and whoever has the least amount of reps after two minutes is out.  As a coach is eliminated, they get to open a numbered locker for prizes.  The first rep is humping on a sliding bench and I never want to see how these coaches look in odd sexual positions.  Britney's locker puts two players on slop: she picks Ian (volunteer) and Joe.  In the second round, hips are bumped from side to side, and Boogie is eliminated; he wins $6,000 for himself, $3,000 for Ian, and $1,000 for Jenn.  I'd say Boogie doesn't need the money but with all those legal fees, anything counts.  Dan and Janelle compete head-to-head in the final round which is to lick some little pole thing with their tongues.  Awfully awkward sexual challenges, you have been missed.  Janelle slaughters Dan (endless jokes) and wins the coach's challenge.  Dan wins a sushi party for five others (he picks the coaches, player Danielle, and HOH Shane).  Winner of the challenge Janelle gets to trade a player or grant one player on her team immunity: she gives Wil immunity.  Rut-roh Shane.

But hey the Have Nots get cereal and salmon to eat all week, an homage to the Willie/Frank fight.  Definitely a tastier Have Not week than past shit shows.

With his target now granted immunity, Shane is back to square one with nominations.  He wants to keep Frank safe but also doesn't want to draw attention to their possible alliance.  Janelle and Joe head up to the HOH to try and bargain, offering to work together and safety for next week.  Boogie does the same, proposing to put up Joe and Ashley and keep Frank safe.  Britney's concern is that Boogie's team will re-align with Janelle's and screw Britney/Shane over.  Shane keeps getting called to the Diary Room, really trying to hash out with Britney who to nominate.  At the nomination ceremony, Shane keeps his word to Frank and keeps him safe.  Instead he nominates Janelle's other two players Joe and Ashley.  Please get rid of loudmouth Joe.

Janelle's players whine at the nominations while Boogie and Frank have a celebration dance.  Janelle gets to playing which means pointing out for the millionth time how Boogie is dangerous and Frank is so strong.  Janelle advises her team to make good with HOH Shane, but Wil doesn't want to be a kiss ass, floating to the person of power each week.  It's funny how Janelle hates floaters so much yet this season her and her team float back and forth each week to the power.  But kiss ass Joe puts on his happy face and heads up to the HOH to offer a deal and then YELL IN THE DIARY ROOM.  Ugh, I can't stand Joe in the slightest.

Shane, Joe, Ashley, Danielle, Wil, and Frank are selected to compete in this week's Power of Veto competition.  The backyard is set up as a creepy low-rent circus, though Jenn gets a bomb ringmaster's costume for hosting.  The challenge is to roll two balls on two different ramps, running back and forth to keep them up on the ramp.  If a ball drops to the ground, the player is eliminated and last player rolling wins.  Ashley, who everyone thinks is a useless moron, suprises everyone with her performance.  However it's Shane who wins yet again.  I can't decide if Shane is happier to keep the POV or those rainbow suspensions from their alleged clown costumes.

Post-veto, Britney and Shane celebrate the victory and then talk about how much they can't stand Janelle's team, particularly Joe.  Janelle of course comes to the HOH room immediately to push for Frank to be put up on the block as a replacement nominee.  Janelle suggests their teams aligning again and it drives me insane that the coaches force their players into alliances with people they don't even like that much.  Janelle offers Shane her wedding ring for three weeks and if she goes back on her word, they can keep them.  They can also have her Chanel earrings (which BTW Britney comments that she loves and Shane says "I do too" LOLOL).  Ugh, desperation doesn't suit you Janelle.  Janelle tells Joe to grovel and so Joe does, begging, pleading, and swearing 100% allegiance to Shane.

The house lightens up a bit for the sushi party Dan won, so they coaches, Danielle and Shane get fancied up to sit in the backyard and eat the overrated sushi from Mike Boogie's restaurant Geisha House.  The true party is inside because it's Wil's birthday and he gets drunk on wine while dressed in a blazer, speedo, and boat captain's hat.  The lame sushi party ends and the shitshow begins when the house plays Spin the Bottle.  Shane makes the worst decision of his life when he kisses Danielle and then she goes insane.  Like a twelve year old wondering if he likes me, how did it look, will he marry me?  Though Shane teases there could be a second kiss and dear god, I hope not.

Now here's where the gameplay of the week starts to crumble.  Britney and Ian fold laundry together and when she asks Ian if he would not put up Shane next week.  He says he "doesn't see any foreseeable circumstance."  That's a horrible answer that makes Team Boogie look bad.  Britney relays this to Shane and it's agreed that Ian isn't trustworthy because Boogie is in his ear and therefore in Frank's ear.  Shane trusts Frank, but he doesn't trust Boogie.  Shane/Britney decide to make Frank the replacement nominee and use Ian's hesitancy as a reason, saying they didn't know if they could trust the votes.  Except why wouldn't they nominate Ian? Exactly.  Shane does some damage control with Frank, throwing out voting scenarios so if/when Frank gets nominated he won't be super pissed.  Frank is OK with this plan but he thinks a good candidate for nomination is Ian since his vote would be the most questioned. EXACTLY.  But no, Shane uses the Power of Veto to remove Ashley from the block and puts Frank up as the replacement.  THE WEEK THREE CURSE IS COMING TRUE.

 Boogie is mad that Frank didn't give him a head's up that nominations might change, let alone change to nominate his top player.  Britney explains that Frank got nominated because of Ian's shitty answers because he's too busy being in la la land in the house and not playing a game.  Ian is freaking out that his ally is nominated and explains to Boogie/Frank that he didn't want to "write a check he couldn't cash." I then give Boogie a +1 for responding, "This is Big Brother. You're allowed to bounce checks."  Danielle becomes the swing vote who will listen to anything Shane tells her to do in hopes he'll kiss her again.  But Boogie and Frank try to make a deal with Danielle/Shane to try to align and take out Janelle's people or mostly just sneaky Janelle.  Dan and Danielle talk more and Dan thinks they'd be better to go with Frank/Boogie, but Janelle will go apeshit.  Danielle's answer of who to align with is obvious: Shane.  Dan tells her to calm that shit down and to drop the crush; it's not gonna happen.

As for Janelle, her, Joe, and Wil are in the backyard talking and Janelle keeps calling Frank a liar, vindictive, and pure evil in this game.  Wil doesn't agree with the opinions about Frank. Janelle then goes on to say she saved Wil this week from eviction and got her team good this week.  Wil doesn't want Janelle's coaching and poor attitude anymore.  That's because Janelle is making game moves for herself, not her team.  Janelle damn well knew before this show started she was entering the game at some point.  Wil tells Joe the next day he's anti-Janelle and they didn't come on this show to win a coach $100k.  Joe realizes one of his allies might rebel against the controller.  Tattle-tale Joe, the biggest liar in the house, immediately tells Ashley and Janelle that Wil probably made a deal with the other side.  Janelle pulls Wil aside to make fake-amends and fake cry to get Wil back on her side (he doesn't buy it).

Julie makes the big, most obvious announcement ever to the house: the coaches will have the chance to enter the game as players for the big $500k prize.  What a non-surprise... UNTIL we learn that if the coaches return to the go, the whole game resets, including this week, and no one will get evicted this week and everyone will battle for HOH.  But if the coaches remain coaches, next week some evicted HGs will have the chance to return to the game.  All it takes is for one coach to hit a reset button in the diary room to force the coaches into the game.  Britney is first in the Diary Room and she hits the reset button (the game is reset).  Dan and Janelle both accept the offer, of course.  But in surprising news, Boogie declines the offer.  Guys.... THE WEEK 3 CURSE HAS BEEN LIFTED!!!!!!!

Perfect for a reset, the HOH competition is endurance.  How bad do you want HOH?  Everyone gets to compete this week, even last week's HOH Shane who got a free room and snacks last week and didn't even get his target out.  The challenge is to stand on a teeny plank on the side of a pirate's ship which of course tilts in crazy angles downward, showered with water, and loud thunder effects because we know all the tricks of this show. And so we wait but now I sit here a free woman, my pre-show winner prediction week three curse broken.  What will my life be like as a non-cursed Big Brother fan?

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