Big Brother 14 - Week 5
Janelle is gone. Frank and Boogie celebrate. Joe is blindsided. Britney cries eventhough the show failed to show any of the footage where Britney previously talked shit. Same for that nutso Danielle. But now these two lament keeping Frank, as Britney thinks he's going to win this game for sure. And then Frank wins HOH and Joe winces, shutting his mouth from getting crazy. It's wonderful to have a quiet Joe.
Wil and Ashley were all smiles to get rid of Janelle last week, until this week when they realize they are down a number. There was a unified team but Joe feels betrayed that Wil/Ashley chose to keep him in the dark and make him the one lone vote to evict Frank. But it's a good choice not to tell Frank who is the biggest tattletale of all time. But the three of them come to a logical conclusion that they'll probably be nominated. Smart choice: Joe is definitely an easy target, but Boogie wonders if they should put a pawn up from the Silent Six. Frank would like Dan to be the pawn to scare him a little considering Dan was a mastermind behind Frank's failed blindside. Dan doesn't trust the house, basically begging not to be the pawn.
In house randomness, Frank's nana writes him an HOH victory letter and then he has a sexual dream about Jojo. The guys wish Kara was back, naming her the hottest. Danielle is desperate for Shane to make another move on her after their other two kisses. Danielle's a crazy stalker and no catch; stay away Shane! Boogie is onto Danielle's lie about her profession, catching her in a few conversations about medical stuff and she knows a lot. Plus she refuses to wake up in mornings and teachers always get up early. Get the nurse on the case because Ashley woke up with her bad back again and can't move. Methinks someone just wants some DR drugs to keep her floating around the house. Boogie slam dunks a basketball into a pool hoop, breaking the new house toy immediately.
With the game reset, the coaches competitions are over and back are the god awful Have Not competitions. Since Ashley is a cripple, Frank plays in her place. Split into two teams, the green team is dressed as limes and the yellow teams as lemons. There's a big ol' pool of lemonade and yup, it's humping challenge time. Submerge yourself in the foam costume, get someone to hump the juice outta ya and into jugs. Yeah Ian, great call getting on the team of all guys. Thumbs down to Big Brother for being so uncreative that they completely recycled an old challenge. The guys get an idea that along with humping juice out they should get a mouthful and spit it directly into the grates. Danielle is in heaven as Shane thrusts himself upon her for the liquid. The lime guys win the competition and the four jugs they filled, and therefore the four Have Nots, are Joe, Britney, Danielle, and Shane. But hey, they get to have candy canes and cod all week so their breath can be fresh.
Joe tries to plead his case to a Frank, still in his spiritard with a matching one for his teddy bear. Joe encourages Frank to set his sights on Wil for his extreme lies. Wil heads up to HOH to tell Frank (and Boogie) that if he goes on the block, no hard feelings. Wil's instinct is telling him there's a large group working together (DUH), but assures Boogie/Frank they would be safe next week with him. Wil's 'tude changes Boogie feelings about who should go home. Frank would rather get Dan out because he doesn't trust them after the past few weeks. Boogie tries to explain to Frank that it'd be early to stab the alliance in the back. Heeding Boogie's advice, Frank nominates Wil and Joe for eviction.
Wil and Joe aren't surprised by their nominations and vow to start playing the game. Frank and Boogie have changed their target from Joe to Wil since Wil got sassy before nominations. They'll use and abuse Joe first, needing his vote. Frank tells Joe he's safe and Boogie decides to really screw with Wil's head and tell him he's 100% safe. And as usual, everyone is feared of being backdoored, particularly Shane and Dan. Though he might be more afraid of being stalked by Danielle, who he acknowledges is way more into her than he is her. No showmance for pink-wife-beater-wearing Shane!
A special guest comes to visit the house this week: ZINGBOT 3000!! Zingbot starts out saying the only thing bright about Ashley is her smile (it takes her a minute to get it, proving the point). "Shane, my five year old niece called. She wants her pink tank top back." And suddenly I realize Zingbot and I have the same fascinations. Zingbot makes Brigade zings for Britney, an unfunny old age crack about Joe/Boogie, Jen has "bad ink" like a tabloid, Little Orphan Annie would "preesh" for Frank to stop stealing her hair-do, and that Ian has little chemistry with the ladies for being a chemical engineering student. I like the "LAY-DEES" pronounciation ala Pauly Shore. Zingbot brings the damn house down when he really gives it to Danielle. "Danielle, I hear Shane's going to give you a special gift after the season: a restraining order." ULTIMATE ZING. Time for her paranoia to kick-off!
Zingbot isn't just there to shit-talk but to be part of the veto competition. Frank, Wil, Joe, Jen, Ashley, Boogie and Shane (who has a veto ticket to play) get in some hospital scrubs for the challenge. It seems Zingbot's bride did not divorce him as we would assume (for being a verbally abusive alcoholic), but instead they would like to reproduce and therefore the houseguests need to build a pipeline and move and orb though a Zingcubator. That's going to be one sassy baby bot I bet. Puzzles seem to stump half the group so the sideline folks shout out how to solve a puzzle. Frank completes the puzzle/ball guide first and activates the Zingcubator to free the infant. "It's a BOOOOOOOT!" exclaims Zingbot, with little zings from the baby. Some little person is getting a sweet paycheck this week.
If you're playing a drinking game to take a shot anytime someone says "backdoored," I hope you are still alive to read this recap. Shane says he might get backdoored eventhough he played in veto and therefore had a chance to save himself, so it's not a backdoor. At least Dan is smart enough to use the phrase correctly. The Silent 6 is an awful alliance with no trust, maybe because this season has taught every person to not keep their word ever. The other side of the house would love for Frank to make a powerful move and take out bigger, more threatening fish that weave-pokin' Will and loudmouth Joe. They make their pleas to Frank to please make a power move to take out Dan, and Frank is open to it since he had those same thoughts early on. When Ian catches wind of Frank's idea to backdoor Dan, Ian isn't pleased (Quack Pack, oy) and tries to talk him out of it. It's the advice of Boogie the next morning that talks Frank out of betraying the alliance, explaining it's too early to turn on everyone. Despite his gut to screw everyone over immediately, heck even Dan thinks it's technically smart, Frank leaves nominations the same.
Stuck on the block, Wil's strategy is to lay low and hopefully let people continue to be annoyed by Joe. Boy I wish annoying people could still trump game at this point. Britney lets Dan know he was very close to getting nominated and Dan assures her he always tries to win HOHs (LOLOLOL sure Dan). Doing due diligence, Dan thanks Frank for keeping him safe and Frank tells Dan, to show him confidence and trust, he was considering backdooring him but chose not to. Then Dan doesn't trust him- dur. Frank gets a hot date with Ashley, who is hoping to get some info, ice cream, and a little Frank action. Aw poor Ian's flirtmance is flirting around. There's no ice cream to be found, so they share wine where Ashley's initial idea to campaign for Wil turns into protecting her own assets. Just joking around, Frank says let's make out on the couch and apparently it's a move that totally works and they both enjoy it (though Frank has some Ian guilt).
Desperate for ratings on the live show, St. Jeff Schroeder is brought out to talk to Julie Chen. It's a waste-of-time filler to hear about Jeff/Jordan who are not engaged and living together and his lame opinions on the game. DON'T CARE. What we do learn Julie Chen would not be a floater if she were a houseguest; she'd model herself after Boogie and Janelle. With less STDs that Boogie I hope. Julie gives the HGs a little relief with some trivia about the real world they're excluded from, and then the vote happens. Wil gives a nice speech and then Joe gives a long, rambling, unfunny speech about learning to whisper. Joe is definitely one of those really unfunny people who thinks they're hilarious. If only we could dump Joe this week, but nope, Wil is evicted by a 6-2 vote.
This week's HOH competition is called "Swamped" and, whaddyaknow, it's the same challenge they do every single season. Traverse across a slippery pathway and fill jugs with liquid, though this time there are two smaller jugs for safety (can't be nominated for eviction) or $10,000 cash prize (America voted for this). The banjo music alone could drive the houseguests nuts. Ian is actually doing well and begins sliding on the ground instead of walking, a strategy others start to do as well. Well HOH is to be continued so we'll find out Sunday- LOL YA RIGHT I HAVE FEEDS. Next week: double eviction!