Big Brother 14 - Week 8
Gahhhh endurance. God give me strength to survive the boredom. So Joe falls off two minutes into hanging, before the first commercial break even happened. He of course uses the Brendon Villegas big feet defense. As first down, Joe receives a punishment of having to hula hoop whenever horns sound which is the only sound possibly louder than Joe's voice. Jen falls after five minutes, surpriiiiiise. The others keep spinning with Shane doing Borat impressions making me want to die. Ian and Shane are the last two spinning and this long time rotating around a giant styrofoam planet gives Ian a chance to give space trivia. Shane makes a deal with Ian to save himself and Dani, who gives his word and a corny hand gesture to signal that the Quack Pack never ended. Now Ian can avenge Britney's eviction.
In random house shit this week: Danielle is still a Shane-obsessor, thrilled at the prospect of staying in the same bed, more kissing, the idea that Shane once called her "his girlfriend," and Shane protecting her in the game. Frank finally gets to lose the carrot suit. HOH Ian opens Pandora's Box for "the best Christmas ever" and wins a bunch of stuff: $1,000, science kits, toys, candy, and some fun stuff for the house (volcano kit, Legos, etc). Most importantly it includes a quieter hammock so the squeaking will be reduced from Ian's incessant rocking. The punishment is that BB8/9 reject and jacked up toolbag Jessie "Mr. Pectacular" comes into the house dressed as Santa in a Speedo. He takes all the junk food and replaces it with healthy stuff. Ian admits he probably has ADHD or something similar, hence his constant need to be perpetually moving and making hammocks creak loudly.
Ian's first mission as HOH and is getting Quack Pack back together, eventhough Dan a billion percent sold them out last week. Dan doesn't care where he's aligned as long as he's still in the game. Ian gets his HOH room, rocks in his bed shirtless, and gets the Quack Pack back together with the plan of nominating Frank and Jenn. They seal it with a dumb quack quack quack and GD what a stupid alliance name. Frank attempts to save himself, providing some solid arguments like he can't nominate him next week because of his punishment. Ian's a little torn what to do in terms of his best game move. Come nomination time, despite the hesitations expressed to Dan, Ian nominates Frank and Jenn. As he reminded us, Frank has been nominated every single week in this house except the weeks he was HOH. Ouch.
Jenn and Frank are in no way surprised they're nominated. Jenn of course thinks she's potentially the target because she's such a major player in this game LOLOL. Danielle assures her that it's Frank that want out, not her but Jenn does the "pawns always go home" line which works any other season but this one where that hasn't happened. Frank is worried his final two partner Dan could be a replacement, but Dan could give a shit because he has no intent of keeping that deal. Frank is down to throw Dan the veto to protect Dan and remove Jenn (not himself) from the block and keep the "alliance" in tact. Oh Judas. Joe learns that if the veto is used, he has to be the replacement nominee due to his deal to protect Shane and Danielle. He's nervous but at least he doesn't immediately shout "I'M NERVOUS."
All but Shane play in this week's veto which is the standard seasonal repeat of Otev the Veto god. This year's iteration is an "absent-minded" shitty looking alien in a spaceship that crashed into a barnyard, because that makes sense. The alien makes Mac & Me look sophisticated. I miss the monocled top hat clam version. The HGs have to retrieve corn cob clues to trivia and present them to Otev as "fuel" to get the ship back to Planet Veto, with the last to arrive being eliminated. I'll at least give credit to the show for making a sweet backyard set-up of hard to find places with wheat, mud, water, and hay. Jenn makes it to top 3, but the finale showdown is Frank vs. Dan. They have a pow-wow before the final Otev round, with Frank worrying about trusting Dan by throwing the competition. So there's no throwing and instead it's a battle to find Ashley's ear of corn and Dan gets it back to that Peep looking alien schmuck Otev.
Aligned-with-everyone-Dan now has all the power, in between two power alliances. Dan makes a Renegades-to-the-end final two deal with Ian, adding it to his other collection of final two deals he has with others (Danielle, Frank). Making sure to cross his T's and dot the I's, Dan plans to use his veto to remove Jenn from the block to 1.) return the favor from last week and 2.) keep up appearances of his non-alliance. Ian thinks pulling Frank down would be a good choice because he can't be HOH next week and would be a "sitting duck" (Quack Pack puns!!) But Ian agrees to fake anger if Dan uses the veto on Jenn and put Joe up as the replacement. Frank is too dumb to understand what Dan is doing, with Dan even getting some rattlesnake music cues for his slithering gameplay. So after game chats to make Jenn grateful, blah blah blah, Dan uses the veto to remove "Jenn-City" from the block and Joe is the nominee alongside Frank. Doesn't matter cause Frank's a goner.
Frank hustles for votes to make sure he stays. Dan makes a major slip-up to Frank mentioning Joe being around next week but Frank is too dumb to notice. Joe tries hustlin' to Ian, who recommends Joe lay low which probably means speaker in a lower volume. Joe is the only person not kissing Dan's ass but makes a major blooper talking in the dark to who he thinks is Shane but is actually Dan. But the house has no idea until the Chenbot tells them that tonight is a Fast Forward Double Eviction night. In a 3-1 vote, Frank is evicted from the Big Brother house and brings his summerlong teddy bear Ted with him. Frank is pretty shocked because he's soooo gullible. Now selfishly, I wish Frank won for my pre-show winner prediciton where I did better than years past (I beat the week 3 curse! OK it was production rigged but who cares). BUT, as @phil_robinson pointed out, Frank went home with 3 weeks left so clearly 3 is my magic number.
And so the fast forward begins. All the HGs except for outgoing HOH Ian compete in a trivia competition to identify the houseguest who said the given statement while begging for mercy before their eviction. Dan continues his momentum of actually winning competitions and becomes the HOH, though he won based on a ridic tie-breaker question about how many minutes Jodie was in the house. Before nominations even bigger, Joe takes a seat in the nomination chair expecting the obvious/inevitable. Dan nominates Joe and Ian for eviction. For Ian's sake, let's hope this competition is related to rocking or breaking a hammock. Nope, the yard quickly because a fishtank for "Swimming with the Sharks" which is to navigate a shark's fin through a long puzzle. Cue the low-end Jaws music! Ian navigates his way through the puzzle and wins the POV which means it's going to be a boring, obvious eviction. Dan scrambles to decide who to put up as the replacement, with the Chenbot getting testy to keep things on schedule. Ian takes himself off the block and in a surprising move puts Danielle on the block next to Joe. Except, DUH, this is the way to solidify Joe goes home so YAWN as Ian, Shane, and Jenn all vote to evict Joe. At least our ear drums get a break/