October 4, 2012

Reality Rundown: How Do You Like YOUR Frog Fallopian Tubes?

New! The Amazing RaceSurvivor: Philippines

New! The Amazing Race - Eleven new teams meet up in Pasadena to begin another race of a lifetime. There's some unique teams this season: dating young'ns (OK not unique), twins raised in Sri Lanka, dating couples (of course), a former rocker from White Lion and Megadeath (and his lawyer partner), goat farmers AKA The Fabulous Beekman Boys, a woman with two fake legs because of bacterial meningitis (and her boyfriend), lady college athletes, substitute teachers, dating divorcees, Chippendales dancers, and married monster truckers. Wow some actual interesting pairs! (except a lame-o dating couple will probably win). Beginning the race on a bridge, Phil announces a big twist: the winner of this race could potentially win $2 million dollars. How to double your money? Win the first and last leg of the race. Seems ridiculous but it's been done before.

The race kicks into high gear immediately as they have to rappel down the bridge the're running across. Get that heights shizz out of the way early, eh? For some it's easy and others get their immediate "I hate heights!" panic going. At the bottom of the bridge are their backpacks and the first clue: they're heading to Shanghai, China! So everyone hops into their obnoxious Ford product placement vehicles to get on one of two pre-booked flights to China. It's an hour difference between flight landing times which sometimes is significant but since people are dumb the first leg probably means anyone stands a chance.

The first clue at a sports center is a Roadblock for someone "ready to get paddled." Methinks the Chippendales got titillated at this clue. The challenge is to score one point in a ping pong match against a child, a child who also plays with household items (not just a paddle) to show how freakishly good they are. I love teams shouting to beat the little Chinese ten year old (I think that was Jaymes/James the Chippendales). I think it's funnier seeing grown adults lose to a female child in 2012 with a 1980's bowl cut.

The next clue is... another Roadblock! The other teammate has to eat frog fallopian tubes and holy shit, is there anything weird not cooked up in China? Serving it in a papaya doesn't make it OK. That's just nasty. Worst dessert EVER! While gross, it doesn't seem teams have major issues eating it. But the monster truck dude uses his hands to eat, which is against the rules, and he has to indulge in a second serving of tubes.

A woman using an abacus ("Why isn't she using a calculator?" asks Ryan the dating divorcee) holds the clue with the location of the Pit Stop. Several teams get the clue around the same time, making it quite the foot race with big stakes on the line. Ryan/Abbie pass Daniel/Amy (she has fake legs) in the footrace, apologizing that it's for the chance at $2 million. So if Ryan and Abbie win the race, they'll get double the prize money and since dating couples win this show a lot it's quite possible. It seems finding a lady using an abacus is harder than downing a papaya filled with frog fallopian tubes, creating chaos as teams try to find the elusive woman. The Chippendales narrowly defeat Rob and Sheila, the lumberjack and cosmetics executive. Rob and Sheila are eliminated from the race but hey, at least they didn't end up fighting!

Survivor: Philippines -  For this week's immunity challenge the tribes have to dive deep into the sea to collect puzzle wheels that complete a word puzzle.  It's week three and I'm already getting into the "Enough damn puzzles!" phase.  Perpetually injured Michael Skupin cuts his face by diving with googles during the challenge, bleeding like a True Blood vampire having a good cry.  Matsing continues to be the epitome of sucky challenge performances, with the human floatation device Angie and can't-climb-a-ladder Russell.  Kalabaw wins the immunity challenge and a massive fishing kit with a canoe. Tandang comes in second, getting a smaller fishing kit along with immunity. Matsing loses again and gets to re-warm their seats at Tribal Council.

So what's happening over at the camps this week?  Dana sits on top of Kalabaw's rice box and notices that wooden piece is gone.  Jeff and his crew deduce that it is probably the idol and Jonathan probably has it.  If Kalabaw loses, the plan is to blindside Jonathan and take out the immunity idol.  Jonathan knows Jeff is wary of him and wants to have him on his side, so Jonathan confides in Jeff that he does have the idol.  A little bit of trust is built with Jeff's four-finger-not-a-full-man handshake.  At Tandang, Abi-Maria still doesn't trust RC and instead teams up with Pete to successfully find the hidden immmunity idol.  With the power in their hands, Pete decides that it would be smart to align with weaklings Artis and Lisa and take out the more powerful Michael Skupin.  The failures of Matsing expand far beyond poor challenge performance: they lose their raft out to sea.  While everyone things Malcolm and Angie are a pair, it's Malcolm and Denise who are the strongest pair.  Angie couldn't dive under water in the challenge, probably because of those fake bazooms, and Russell got exhausted.

Tribal Council!  Probst starts off the night with questions delving into how bad each of the four tribe members want to be there.  Malcolm hates losing and calls it "heartbreaking" but also thinks maybe him and Denise should've stepped up earlier in the challenge.  That's a dig at Angie and Russell sucking and wasting time in the challenge.  Angie points out she won't give up, unlike Russell who basically gave up in the challenge.  Russell doesn't think Angie will last another 30 days and she insists she can, but he laughs and points out he almost died last time. HA!  Russell's point is that while Angie is trying, she's not physically strong enough to do many of these challenges.  Strength is what prevails and Angie and her giant boobs are eliminated.

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