October 28, 2012

Reality Rundown: Rice, Rice, Baby

The Amazing Race - All teams are equalized when they travel to Dhaka, Bangladesh for the next leg of the race. After navigating the chaotic shitshow of the streets (traffic be damned!) the teams face a Roadblock where they have to repair a bus by spackling putty and transporting seats. When Ryan literally sweats through his clue, he offers to assist Chippendales in exchange for a peek at the clue. Speaking of, I know I should think Chippendales is annoying but god I love them. They have personalities in a race of annoyances (AKA the twinnies constant cheering).  Teams then have to dig through a smelly bag of dead fish for a red/yellow race colored fish, which allows them to retrieve the Detour. This week's options are to beat a hot iron rod into a sharp tool or beat clumps and stuff them into a mattress.

James and Abba (long hair, don't care) are team #1 this week after completing the Fast Forward of cleaning dead rats off the streets. Well deserved good sirs. A common problem this leg is crappy cabs, in particular getting dropped at the wrong location to catch a riverboat to the Pit Stop. This confusion creates semi-suspense, but ultimately Gary and Will get eliminated. Goodbye big and little!

Survivor: Philippines - It's a brawl for this week's reward challenge which is for three players from each tribe to push a big-ass wicker ball into a goal while the other tribe beats the crap out of them. I love a good mudded-up wrestling brawl, but this is boring. Everyone is pretty much even with nothing moving. Just a lot of attempts to but failing because of tugging (near the groin area if you're Jonathan). And so literally they stand there holding on, not moving, for over an hour. Ummm I think you were supposed to beat the crap out of each other not create a makeshift endurance competition. Since there's a standstill, Jonathan suggests Kalabaw gets the win and all the good grub and they'll give Tandang the rest of their rice. It's Artis' birthday and he doesn't want to miss out on a birthday feast so he's testy, but Michael Skupin (and sorta Pete) give this deal the OK. Tandang gets Kalabaw's rice and Kalabaw gets soup, sandwiches, potato chips and brownies AKA the stuff your company orders for a business meeting over lunch. So eat up because it's 24 hours you're starving.

Kalabaw doesn't seem to regret the choice, happily shoving sandwiches and brownies down their gullets. Penner insists the next day they'll fish and eat more (BTW, they do and it's two teeny fish), but everyone knows in a few days without rice they'll be in trouble. But the hesitation is dissuaded a little when they find envelopes with letters from home. A bit early isn't it? I guess it's never too early for good ol' fashioned Survivor sobbing. "Better than food," they say and I laugh. In 24 hours they'll be eating their letters for sustenance.

Tandang's rice stock increases a little, which is good since they were running low because Michael Skupin eats the rice raw (like chicken feed), claiming it'll cook inside his belly. Holy shizz, that is the dumbest thing I've ever. Artis is pissed that they didn't win the reward, because Michael Skupin basically accepted a crap deal (but others sort of agreed to it). Artis commends Penner on a brilliant move and realizes he better STFU before shooting himself in the foot any more with a tantrum. Some try to be optimistic about getting more rice, while other negative people (Abi, surprise!) whine about it. RC decides to shut up and hopefully let the Negative Nancys implode and get themselves voted off.

In this week's immunity challenge, one tribe member slingshots balls out to a field and their tribe has to catch five to win. Skupin and Abi sit out to make the tribes even and it gives another moment for Abi to complain. Probst makes sure to point out Katie is a waste on Kalabaw, not at allll swaying people's opinions. Carter is also a pretty sucky member of Kalabaw, but only his tribe points that out. The best moment is Malcolm catching the winning ball for Tandang against Jeff Kent. Probst slightly slips saying that Malcolm makes the catch "even against Jeff," though they don't notice.

Kalabaw's heading back to Tribal Council and the most likely candidate to go is weak Katie. However, there's some thoughts about getting Penner out pre-merge to make sure a returning player doesn't win. Plus he has an idol they could wipe out. Carter proves to be the dumbest person ever, turning to Penner to ask him who they should vote out, "Katie or Penner? I mean... Denise." Penner doesn't seem to catch the slip and adds onto the fact that Katie needs to go. Katie is paranoid and thinks Penner is gunning for her, so she starts to plant the Penner-elimination seed. So it's up to Jeff and that dingaling Carter to make a decision. At Tribal Council, Katie acknowledges her crappy status as the weak one. Jeff says that every vote is going to be a blindside cause they're all buds. Probst drops another obvious bomb to try to blow Jeff Kent's professional ballplayer status. That seems to be crossing a line in terms of game ethics, but that's just me. Despite an entire Tribal Council yapping about the potential of a blindside, Penner doesn't play his hidden immunity idol. The good news for Penner is that he isn't the blindside; Katie is gets eliminated.

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