The Amazing Race - The teams are equalized when they're all sent to the Amsterdam using a flag as a clue (dumb Trey/Lexi thought it was France). The twinnies take a risk by taking a flight with a one hour layover, while Chippendales opt for a direct flight for safety. Trey/Lexi take a normal old flight because who cares. These three also make a pact to use a potential U-Turn on Abbie and Ryan, and then use the second U-Turn on a team ahead of them, using up the remaining U-Turn. Already hours behind the other teams, Abbie/Ryan end up in a deja vu situation of terrible flying. Abbie/Ryan are denied entry to their flight because they didn't check in (because they were in the air- duh), and then their new flight is delayed. Josh/Brent's flight was much later, so they even out with Abbie/Ryan. They meet up in the airport and agree for another leg run together, may the best team win.
Natalie and Nadiya take a bus to their Fast Forward and the bus drives right into the water. Yup, it's the Floating Dutchman and they have seven minutes to eat five herrings before the bus returns to shore and waits 10 minutes to go again. The herrings are large and covered in raw onion. Bleckh! The twinnies complete the Fast Forward first, which throws off Jaymes/James who waste time getting there. The good news is we hardly have to deal with the twins this leg.
The leg continues with a Detour to re-enact a Rembrandt painting with a bunch of actors and props or grind an organ and collect tips. Chippendales and Trey/Lexi opt to beg for tips which isn't as easy as it has been in other countries. The money isn't flowing so Jaymes goes for it, Chippendales style. Shirt off, Chippendalles collar- make it rain, Amsterdam!! Because Chippendales are ahead they have the tough decision of whether to U-Turn a team or not (it's a Double U-Turn). While it was agreed before for them to U-Turn Ryan and Abbie, they don't want to play dirty but a race is a race and they do the deed. After the U-Turn there's a Roadblock repeat from a past season: ditch vaulting. In the prior seasons, it was a make or break challenge that demolished teams. James takes it down in one try and they take off for the Pit Stop.
The twinnies check in as #1 (duh) and win $5,000 each. Jaymes/James are second and coming to terms with the U-Turn, but they point out that Abbie/Ryan would be a top team to beat them in the finale. And since we have two teams that are travel failures, the episode is like a split again, watching the bottom teams compete while others are sitting pretty at the Pit Stop. The bottom group together re-enacts Rembrandt, with Abbie/Ryan slightly beating the Beekman Boys which is good for them to U-Turn them. Except Trey/Lexie used the U-Turn on Jaymes/James just to fill the spot, so Abbie/Ryan are screwed. Abbie/Ryan aren't as pissed about being U-Turned but being betrayed by friends in the race. The Beekmans ponder helping Abbie/Ryan, but when it comes down to it Abbie/Ryan aren't just going to let the Beekmans get on the mat before them. The Beekmans come in as team #4 and Abbie/Ryan are last and eliminated. Looks like this show saved themselves that bonus million bucks!
Survivor: Philippines - Abi mopes around camp, which makes her the obvious target for the week unless she wins immunity. With Denise, Malcolm, Lisa and Skupin a solid four, should Abi win safety, they think it could maybe be a good time to take out Penner.
Tree mail arrives with the best news ever: AUCTION!! I have been begging for the return of the auction so I almost peed my pants. The rules: $500 to spend, can't share or money, auction will randomly end. Denise spends all her money to win pancakes, bacon, and orange juice for a balance meal. Probst barely lifts the lid when Skupin bids his full $500 for cheese, crackers, and wine. Malcolm wins iced coffee and donuts for $200, proving again we're soulmates. Penner bids $100 for a mystery item, which is fried chicken and french fries. Abi continues her pity party saying she's not bidding on food since she'll get to eat soon when she's voted off. That is until Probst pulls out "an advantage in this game" and she bids her full $500. Ugh, go away. Lisa waits a while to bid and wins a big ol' submarine sandwich. Carter's $200 mystery item is a baked potato or the option to get rice and beans for the tribe (nice guy takes one for the team). He later buys himself veal shanks, which ends up being for the whole tribe, no silverware, 60 seconds to eat like savages. Poor fool got nothing to himself and the auction ends.
The tribe rejoices in their food high, hugging and smiling... except the dark cloud of Abi is still around. Penner and Abi get into it, so he tells it like it is: she's offputting. Abi whines more. Lather, rinse, repeat, go away you annoying girl. After her annoying bickerfest, Abi heads to a lonely side of the beach to read the prize she won at the auction. Turns out Abi is automatically in the final round of the immunity challenge, giving her a 1 in 3 shot at immunity for the week. To keep up the mystery, she makes a fake immunity idol though it seems the six agree not to buy any crap she's selling. Abi's poor acting it to tell Malcolm she has a fourth idol, but I doubt he cares or believes it.
For the immunity challenge this week, the players are attached through a rope to make their way through a beam, bamboo poles, and obstacle course. Additional weight to carry will be added to a player if they answer a question wrong before the round starts. It's a tiered elimination challenge so Abi, the perennial challenge loser, gets to automatically make it to the finals. Abi's fake immunity idol plan doesn't work out so great, since Probst explains Abi's auction prize was advancing in the challenge. She claims there are two messages in the note, one is secret and the other is the advance in the challenge. She tears the note up so no one can figure out how terrible her lying skills are. I'll give her props for trying but she's still a jerk. Abi, Carter and Penner compete in the final round and Abi's not as awful as she normally is at challenges (though maybe the other two were worn out from the prior two rounds). Horrible Abi wins immunity and now the six not miserable people have to vote off someone likable.
The united six must now pick off one of their own since the evil succubus won immunity. Malcolm and his crew know this evening is the ideal time to vote off Penner, though Lisa mopes about not being cut out for eliminating her friends. Because Lisa is an idiot, she goes to Penner and pours her soul to him including making a final four alliance with others. Lisa pretty much tells Penner that he's going home tonight and he's livid. Lisa encourages Penner to work his magic, so he tells Carter and Abi that he's voting for Denise (since Malcolm could play the idol). Penner makes a plea to Skupin to be a swing vote, since Lisa is keeping her word to the alliance. Skupin's gotta make a choice about who is the side he could beat in the end, and he thinks he could beat Penner (LOLOLOLOL).
Tribal time! They reiterate Abi spent her $500 the best way ever (we get it). Penner talks about the post-immunity scramble and outs the alliance of Denise/Malcolm/Skupin/Lisa. Penner makes his argument/plea, Malcolm does too. Lisa talks about hurting people she cares about (again). Penner is very insistent that Malcolm and Denise would definitely win at the end, but let's add that Penner is pretty unbeatable too. He just isn't saying that aloud. Everyone heads to vote and Abi is a bitch, Penner yells "DENISE!" for all to hear, and Skupin twiddles the pen. Penner is voted out 4-3, giving his pal Carter a hug (and denying Abi one, which is great).