August 30, 2012

Big Brother 14: Carrot Suit Chaos

8/30/2012 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Big Brother 14 - Week 7
 
We start the new week rehashing Thursday's events. Frank is livid that Ian couldn't give Boogie the respect of a vote after his coaching, guidance, and giving Ian $3,000. Then Ian accidentally wins HOH and has to carry out the Quack Pack's wishes to get Frank out. Frank is shocked that he's at a point in the game that he has to ask Ian for a vote considering they were supposedly allies. And while the others are spitting crazy game advice, Ashley is the space cadet who just congratulates Ian. Ian's adamant about nominating Frank off the bat, preferring the idea of backdooring him but his alliance pushes for the Frank nomination. Then Frank wins POV is the biggest F-U moment, saving himself for the fifth time. Impressive, even if Frank is being a loudmouth poor sport. Frank pushes for Joe to go home and it's what Ian might prefer, but Ian's alliance could give a shit (especially after another Frank tantrum) and Ashley's out.

Frank continues his angry tirade and calls Ian's a bad person. Britney cries, Ian cries. The Quack Pack definitely did put Ian in a bad position, but Ian could've done what he wanted and picked a side. Ian's full of regret so Dan and Britney try to keep his spirits up, assuring him he made a good decision. Frank remains insistent that Dan did everything, that it was Dan's decision to take out Boogie then Ashley. His target this week is Dan and wants his word from other Quack Packers that they'll take out Dan. Danielle cries, of course, because everything is about her. Frank and Britney make a deal with Frank to make sure they have safety.

Ian's HOH reign is over basically immediately and he hosts the next HOH competition. The game this week is to use strings to raise a ball up a wall of holes, trying to the highest score, leading to head-to-head matches based on rankings. Dan and Frank battle each other in the lowest score battle and Frank wins by getting to the top arrow first, which has gotta feel good to him. Frank then begins a path of ball lifting dominance, winning himself yet another HOH. Bad news for Dan who's going to be nominated and is given his first ever week as a Have Not.

Frank's HOH room has the golden Pandora's Box door and I'd roll my eyes, but it hurts too much. Frank's given a teaser preview of Pandora's Box: a room with tons of money cubes to choose from. Eventhough opening the box could present a twist for Dan to stay, greed (or probably producers insisting it gets opened) gets in the way. Frank has to select three cubes and gets the dollar amount in those cubes, plus he gets locked in the room for one hour. Frank's opening of PB is only an OK decision, winning a bit over $3,000. Meanwhile, the rest of the house ransacks the backyard to find quarters inside balls to use in the claw machine. The clear box is now a golden veto ball, a second veto of the week. Dan is desperate to win, even lying to the other HGs to imply he already won it so that they'd quit. Dan is a huge dick, showing the true colors everyone knew existed but hadn't come to surface yet. Dan even threatens to rat out Ian. Britney's claw grabs the veto but the momentum of the claw drops it in the worst tease ever. Ian and his moobs win the claw machine veto.

The question of the week is who to put on the block next to Dan. A great choice, agreed by Britney, is Danielle who is Dan's closest ally and a vote for him to stay. Now that Ian has the veto, Frank has an idea that he could nominate Ian and Danielle, Ian uses his new veto, and Dan gets backdoored. Frank's concern is that Ian might still have Dan's back, so maybe Ian can't be trusted. Britney's brain is working impressively hard and she tells Frank to tell Ian that if Ian uses the veto to save Dan or Danielle, Frank will name Britney the replacement nominee. BUT Britney has an ulterior motive that if another Quack Pack member wins the regular veto they could save Dan and Danielle. Smart thinking, Brit! Frank finally settles on nominating Dan and Danielle and I guess we'll wait and see what malarkey Ian pulls next.

Dan is going to try his hardest to get Ian to use the veto, while Frank is putting trust in Ian and Britney.  There's a great idea put out there now that Ian has the second veto: if Shane or Britney win the veto, they can remove Dan or Danielle and Ian removes the other.  It's a really great move if they win the veto.  The veto is a combination of product placement and how bad do you want it.  Players watch phone app Draw Something sketches and have to guess the picture.  Get it right and you get the points if you accept a punishment.  Dan is trying him hardest to win instead of throwing the competition.  He accepts solitary confinement for 24 hours in a dance party, showing again how hard he wants to be in the game (or loves to party).  Frank gets DQ'd for cheating and he would've won the whole thing.  Not to mention he earlier accepted the punishment of being dressed as a carrot all week, can't compete in next eligible HOH, and has to take a chum shower for 24 hours.  Could be a golden shower.  Jenn, who earlier told Frank she wants to move forward and prove to Frank he's not alone, steps up and plays the game.  Jenn accepts slop for the remaining three weeks of the game in order to win the POV.  Dan retreats to the storage room to accept his demise before being shoved into solitary confinement.

Dan returns from solitary confinement and calls a house meeting which he dubs his "Big Brother funeral."  Dan gives nice parting words to his fellow houseguests, apologizing to Frank for the nasty things he may have said.  When it comes to Danielle, the girl he has mentored all summer, the tables suddenly turn: Dan tells Danielle that she is not as trustworthy as former Renegade Memphis, that she betrayed his trust, and she's dead to him in this game.  Already unstable, Danielle loses her shit.  Crying, sobbing uncontrollably.  The house is shocked by Dan's behavior.  Dan goes up to the HOH to "apologize" to Frank but instead pulls the off the most amazing Hail Mary move ever.  Dan rats out the Quack Pack, Ian in particular, for all that has transpired.  Dan proposes a final two deal for himself and Frank, with the idea of Jenn using her veto to save someone from the block, taking out Britney, and keeping Dan in the game. 

Still losing her GD mind, Danielle is approached by Dan where he confesses his sins.  It was all an act, he had to do it to throw off his scent and make the house thinks she's all alone.  Danielle cries more that Dan broke her heart and humiliated her.  Dan is just cackling like a sociopath and while Danielle is kinda smiling and giggling, she's still a little pissed.  Dan lets Danielle into the loop about the new alliance; Frank does the same with Jenn, telling her all about Ian betraying Boogie and the deets about the stupidly named Quack Pack.  Jenn is kinda shocked when Frank asks her to use the veto on Dan, worrying it will make her a target (LOL YA RIGHT). 

At the POV ceremony, Ian goes first with his claw machine veto.  He chooses not to use the veto.  Jenn opts to go along with Frank's plan and uses her veto to save Dan.  The house is pretty damn confused.  Frank names Britney the replacement nominee as revenge to Ian since Britney is his closest ally (Ian was safe with veto).

The house is totally shocked.  Danielle plays dumb about what goes on, Dan runs to another room to celebrate his "finest house in the house."  Dan denies his involvement to Britney, who wishes he'd give her the courtesy of treating her with respect.  Ian realizes Frank might've learned he was playing both sides, getting into shouting matches; Dan laughs in the other room.  Even Frank comments on the ludicrous nature of him get into a sparring match into a carrot costume.  Britney doesn't believe she's Ian's biggest ally and faces the facts that she's taking the fall for someone else's actions.  Britney's not mad at Frank for playing the game, she's mad at Dan for being such an evil manipulator.  She then goes on a roll of amazing cracks about her hatred of Dan.  God I'll miss her wittiness.

Shane's in the most difficult spot this week, having to choose between his coach or closest friend.  Joe promises to vote however Shane wants, after giving that loud, over-the-top, I'll die for you speech.  But who cares about the house, let's watch a dumbass video package on The Brigade, the all guy alliance that ruined Britney on BB12.  Even in her final night Britney gets overshadowed by that stupid alliance (though they do have her back).  At least they call Danielle a Fatal Attraction/Amy Fisher stalker.  When we return to the house, Britney makes one last crack at Dan being long-winded and calls him Judas ala old man Jerry from his original season.  She is voted off by a 4-1 vote.

The HOH competition is yet another endurance competition, with the fans given the chance to punish or reward the first person out (punish wins!)  The "Soak up the Sun" competition is to stand on a disk attached to a rope, which rotates around the big shitty looking sun.  Big Brother gives them a "tan" which is to shoot yellow stuff all over them.  Do they know what color tans are?  Looks like sun pee to me.  But before the episode even ends, Joe is out and Jenn bites it on a speed bump and falls.

August 28, 2012

Bachelor Pad 3: I Don't Want to Look Like a Whore

8/28/2012 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Bachelor Pad - Week 6

The game changes this week as it's no longer a solo game. They will compete as couples and be eliminated as couples. Nick and Rachel are forced together as partners; she's heartbroken and he's apparently been here since day one but we barely know him. Even as couples there's one goal: get Chris out.

A big yellow school bus escorts everyone to their next challenge: a spelling bee. Yup, these total idiots are going to have to attempt to spell. The catch for this spelling bee is that they're in pairs, so they have to alternate letters. Judging the spelling bee are a bunch of whiz kids AKA homeschool kids in coke bottle glasses. The words start easy at the reading level of most of these people (love, rose), but progresses to "harder" stuff where they fail (engagement ring, jewelry, obsessive). The children are disgusted by this batch of contestants and it's purely based on academics and not that they've all had sex with each other. After 11 rounds, #1 target Chris and Sara narrowly defeat Jaclyn and Ed in a three-strikes tie-breaker. Both couples win dates this week, but only Chris/Sara get immunity. Another week of this season's villain and the show didn't have to rig it like last week? Success!!

Sara and Chris celebrate their roses and immunity outside before being whisked away on their overnight date. The limo brings the couple to a red carpet pathway to board a tiny plane which drops them off at Santa Margarita Ranch (wine country- let's get cruuuunk). After an old fashioned train ride, the pair arrive at their private picnic by a lake and why eat when you can get into your teeny swimsuits and swim in a scummy lake?? Come night time there's of course some romantically decorated barn with another private meal (and plenty-o-wine). There is nothing sexier than hay fever, amirite? Conversation turns to Chris and his recent break-up with Bachelorette Emily. Chris and Sara seem to be blossoming into a nice relationship considering he's been a dick thus far. They slow dance and make out near the hay bales. And so Chris and Sara have their literal roll in the hay overnight. Ughhh. I hope you popped a Claritin beforehand.

Ed and Jaclyn's date should be a real blast, especially since she was humiliated last week by Ed saying he doesn't want a relationship with her despite banging around this whole time. They also the tiny private plane treatment, landing on a dirt runway on some random California island. They have a picnic in some grain field near the water (is it a picnic when there's no food and just a lot of wine?) Talk gets into the weird zone right away, addressing the weird she likes him/he just wants a BJ relationship they have. Turns out Ed has been pursuing someone at home for a while, taking a brief hiatus so he could come be single on Bachelor Pad. Ed's whole logic is like you come on this show needing to hook up, and now Jaclyn feels like a real fool knowing he had a kinda-girlfriend and 1. falling for him and 2. fooling around with him. Their nighttime dinner is under a beautiful archway and talk, again, turns to this other woman. Ed doesn't understand why they have to label their partnership, calling this drama "like a Facebook status thing." Jaclyn feels like they have been a couple throughout the game and doesn't want to look like a whore. Those are her words, not mine. So Ed likes sleeping in the same bed and cuddling so says they are a couple? IDK I'm so confused and they kiss, and Jaclyn can't live without him?? And so they complete the overnight date with likely some bone zone action.

Now that things didn't go their way, the whole house mopes. Mostly Rachel who is suffering from Michael Stag heartbreak, ready to quit the game. The sorta-proble is that Rachel's partner, Nick, was never part of the big group alliance. Nick encourages Rachel to not be a quitter and stay strong. And then Rachel mopes more to her closest friends, Blakeley and Jaclyn, who are working to keep her around. It seems to work and Rachel seems more positive about staying in the game while still acting like her boyfriend was killed. The new target: Kalon and Lindzi, and they pinky swear not to tell.

Jaclyn and Ed return from their date with rose news: they have to give roses to a couple of their choice to grant them safety (can't be themselves- shucks). Everyone gets a chance to chat with them AKA kiss major butt. Neither seems to want to hear the groveling, set to a Godfather-esque soundtrack. The roses go to Blakeley and Tony, a nice extra gift for them after having alone time to grow their newfound relationship. It hits Kalon that he's in big trouble.

So begins the night of the rose ceremony where couples will vote together in the voting room, rather than the previous individual votes. Rachel feels very safe in the game because of her allies and decides to trust her partner Nick and let him in on her alliance. Well there's no one else to trust so they vote right away for Kalon and Lindzi to go home. Kalon isn't ready to give up or let Lindzi down, so he gets to work on flipping Blakeley/Tony to their side. Kalon's argument is Nick/Rachel aren't real partners like the others (sexy time couples) and Rachel would prefer to be home with Michael anyways. Nick goes to chat with Blakeley/Tony and when he senses they are unsure of their voice, he's not happy. Nick feels like he had to go with a plan he didn't agree too, but Tony points out that they never personally shook on a deal. Nick's little tantrum is making the case to save Kalon sooo much easier.

Rachel magically gets ahold of a cell phone to call her beloved Michael. Nick is pissed, relaying said pissiness to Chris as well. Kalon's puppetry is working fantastically and this game could turn again thanks to manipulation. Even Ed and Jaclyn re-think their alliance because no one thinks Nick deserves to be at the end of the game. But friendships hold strong and Rachel and Nick receive the final rose, sending Lindzi and Kalon home. While Kalon is still a douche for calling Emily's kid baggage, he was a fantastic manipulator on Bachelor Pad. Lindzi and Kalon get into separate limos, but he stops his limo to get into Lindzi's so they can be together. Well who the hell thought of all people KALON would find love on this show? Bachelor Pad, maker of miracles.

August 26, 2012

Reality Rundown: The Glass House has a Winner

Finale! The Glass HouseSo You Think You Can Dance

Finale! The Glass House - Jeffrey tips Erica off that Kevin has a long-term friend with benefits at home.  Erica isn't getting the hint that Kevin isn't interested, probing for my info on the kinda girlfriend.  Yup, she cray.  The alliance of three (and even Jeffrey) decide to try to get Erica to implode and get the viewers to turn on her, letting her get really drunk while they fake the funk.  Drunk Erica starts her ramblings, asking why Kevin "shits on her all the time" and leads her on, starts crying when Kevin straight-up rejects her, and thinks she deserves the money for liking everyone.  It appears "put a baby in you" is a joke Erica takes seriously which is pretty hysterical.  Andrea tries to console Erica, who then says Andrea is a "conniving little snake in a peasant dress."  Erica thinks Kevin is just downplaying feelings in front of the others to look cool, so Kevin dodges the conversation and explains they need to keep cool for votes.  Yay drunk Erica, you so fun!

Mike and Erica enter the Limbo tubes to see who is heading down the tube to loserdome.  It's Mike, again, no surprise there.  From there, the final four compete in one last challenge; the winner is guaranteed a finale spot while the others will face the vote.  Everyone gets hooked to zip lines and fly across puzzle pieces and assemble said pieces on a pyramid.  Jeffrey makes weird wookie noises as he zips in terror, Erica is preoccupied with calling "Hey boo!" to Kevin, and Kevin/Andrea are focusing to win.  As usual.  Jeffrey finishes first but has two pieces incorrect.  Andrea wins the challenge and her guaranteed spot in the final three.  Meh.

Kevin and Jeffrey are the bottom two in the viewer vote (Erica is safe) and head to the Limbo box for the final three verdict.  Jeffrey slinks down the tube and I'm so sad.  He was my favorite!  Andrea, Kevin, and Erica are the final three- yaaaawn but not surprising.  They receive a feast with champagne and grub to celebrate their impending finale.  Orie shares the live feeds moments viewers have seen in the oddly timed live feed times.  This of course shows Kevin dissing Erica to Mike, then the time Kevin told Erica they have a connection, and Andrea making fun of Erica for wanting to constantly makeout with Kevin.  Now do you get it Erica?  This of course leads to more bickering about Kevin being unattached, Erica being too attached- blah blah.

So finale night is finally here (sorta, I'm watching days late and ABC aired the finale days later because of stupid football).  All decked out in their finest, as they enter the kitchen the wall covered with patriotic ballons explodes to reveal a giant crowd in the yard.  In the midst of strange weirdos at the finale: their families.  There's a big stage set-up with podiums for final speeches about what a wonderful experience, blah, blah. Reveal the obvious winner already!  The final three must each cast a final stone and the face still in tact wins (the viewer's choice the winner).  The winner is Kevin, DUH.

So You Think You Can Dance - After last week's abomination of an episode (and yes I know some enjoyed it), the top ten dancers will now partner with all stars of seasons past in their routines.  My initial reaction?  OMG THERE MIGHT BE PASHA.  Get out of my imaginary restraining order.  Judging alongside Nigel and Mary is choreographer/ballet dancer/Natalie Portland husband Benjamin Millipied.  After my negativity of last week, let me say: this week was awesome.  I tweeted during the live episode what would've been better is it they introduced All Stars last week and done the Mia routines with one of the all stars in the originating dance.  But that's my two cents.  Now let's get to my faves of this week.

Goosebumps formed on my arm for Eliana and season 7's Alex Wong contemporary piece, choreographed by Stacey Tookey.  Set to Nancy Sinatra's creepy "Bang Bang," it's a haunting, passionate, angry, quiet piece about two lovers that can't quit each other.  It was brilliant. I watched it twice in a row.  Lindsay is paired with Jacob from season 6 in a Broadway number where they dance between a screen as shadows mimicking each other until they come together.  I'm a sucker for silhouettes dancing, but Lindsay really held her own against mega-talented Jacob.  How I missed him!  Step Up: Revolution star (and season 6 alumni) Kathryn is given the role of super sexy, slithering snake being charmed out of the basket by Will.  It's a fun, vibrant, fast-paced routine that made me smile.  Will is just awesome.

My runner-up routines are Cyrus' contemporary with season 3's Jaimie about the last two people on earth after a disaster.  The opening with a dark stage and their shadows in the amber lighting was beautiful.  I compare Cyrus to Jodie Sawyer in the movie Center Stage.  In terms of technical skills, not the best, but you can't take your eyes off of Cyrus when he dances.  Witney and season 1 winner Nick do this interesting Travis Wall jazz about two ghosts still performing together eventhough no one can see them.  It's sexy and slinky, Witney's specialty.  I didn't see season 1 of this show so I was really happy to finally see Nick Lazzarini dance.

Now let's address that the routines in my bottom group weren't bad, they just weren't my favorites.  All were danced well, they just didn't get me excited and raving.  Like Tiffany who gets sacked with a dumbass disco with season 5's Brandon.  It had 11 lifts which is impressive, but meh.  Plus I truly never remember Tiffany is on this show.  Zero personality for me.  Martial arts Cole is paired with ballroom vixen from season 3 Anya for a cha cha.  His faces are weird but it's Anya's nasty weave and wardrobe's decision to dress her like a cheap Russian prostitute that distract me.  Cheon's hip hop with Lauren was a big step forward for him, especially for being a classically trained ballet dancer, but the routine was not my hip-hop style.  I like a grimy routine, something more bucc, if I may say.  But then when we do get a creepy, interesting hip-hop, Audrey dances like a competition dancing white girl.  She clunked up a routine where tWitch was just being his awesome, talented self.  My least favorite of the night was Tyce Diorio's jazz about a French dude who misses the train because he sees a hot chick.  The music choice is odd, there's no chemistry, and season 2 beauty Alison gets dragged around on a cane.  It never clicked for me, just a weird performance.

The top ten dance a Broadway number alongside choreographer Tyce Diorio to some swing music, a fun little number set on the set of a Gene Kelly film of yesteryear.  I hope the 100 year old ghost of Gene Kelly berated them for last week's bad dancing.  The L.A. Dance Project performs while the judges deliberate the solos of the bottom group.  Witney and Audrey are the bottom two girls; Cheon and George are the bottom two guys.  No surprise that the bench routine performers are there.  Sorry but that routine is untouchable and no one wanted to see that recreated.  The judges are not unanimous for the girls but they save Witney, eliminate Audrey.  For the guys, it's clearly a lack of audience connection that continues to put these guys in the bottom two.  Because Cheon has breahtaking solos, he is saved and George is out.  Eh, I wasn't attached to either but I did early on peg Audrey a frontrunner.  This show, it's fulla twists!

August 23, 2012

Big Brother 14: Boogie On Down and Out

8/23/2012 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Big Brother 14 - Week 6


A new week kicks off in the "endurance" HOH competiton of bringing cups of water to jugs. Shane, Danielle and Ian are working towards the HOH bubble. Greedy Boogie goes right for the cash, while upsets Frank who would hope Boogie would want power to ensure both of their safety. All the others are slipping towards the safety jug. Thanks to a Crisco'd up path there's a lot of slippage, particularly Danielle and Ian though I guarantee only one of them will whine about the bruises all week and try to get Shane to pay attention to her. Ashley is in a slow world of her own, slowly walking or crawling her way to mediocrity. As I say each time I recap endurance comps: they are boring as crap. Britney wins safety and Boogie wins the $10k. With safety lost, even Dan makes an actual effort to win HOH, blowing all our minds. But of course competition machine Shane wins again and seriously people, shouldn't you have backdoored Shane weeks ago? You're going to regret it.

And I thought there wouldn't be any more surprises tonight but Jenn actually got air time! Yup, seems she's hurtin' from the falls but she still hobbles up to the HOH room to kiss ass. And she misses Wil- aww. Less surprising, the boring filler such as Joe always tells long-winded boring stories that sound like extreme exaggerations. He's like SNL's Penelope the one-upper of insane probably-lies. Best one: Joe named "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter." Joe continues to be insane by telling Shane he would go out of the game for him to win, would jump in front of a bus for him. Ugh, go away Joe. Ian gets his armpits Nair'd to try and impress Ashley on a date (who is probably dreaming of smoochy stinky Frank some more). Now he looks even more like a child- weird. The date is also boring, awful, and just more attempts for BB to shove the lovable-fan-Ian edit at us.

Before Thursday's live show, Boogie and Ian had a quick chat where Boogie tried to see if Ian would nominate Britney or Shane should he win HOH. Ian's allegiance officially lies with the Quick Pack and he lets Britney, etc. in on this development. So eventhough it was obvious after Frank considered backdooring Dan, the Silent Six is over. Though Frank and Boogie don't know that, nor do they suspect Ian is a double agent. Britney thinks the only wise decision this week is to nominate Boogie and Frank together which would definitely send one of them home. The Quack Pack agrees on the decision and does a lame quacking hand shake wiggle thing to confirm it. LAME-OS!

The claw machine in the arcade room suddenly has a clear box with a question mark on it. Ian's first guess is that Pandora's Box is back- eyeroll for lack of originality. Shane is concerned that the question mark box could ruin his plans for the week. He "considers" voting off floaters, which is really just the Diary Room trying to make some story since the nominations were decided with 30 minutes of airtime left. Because, sho 'nuff, Shane has no hesitation and nominates Frank and Boogie for eviction.

Frank and Boogie are dummies who are blindsided by their supposedly tight alliance.  Well Frank if you tell a person you might backdoor them they aren't going to trust you.  When confronted, Shane says his plans changed a bit based on that stupid clear question mark box that no one knows a single thing about.  Shane says he was influenced by someone else and Shane eventually deflects the blame to Britney (she isn't pleased he did this).  Britney has to do damage control for her own game since Shane made her target bigger (eventhough she was always a huge target).  And then she cries about leaving her husband and losing her job to play this game and Shane f'ed up her game to supposedly protect the alliance while getting blood on his hands.  Ian, meanwhile, keeps a low profile while being a mole to the other side in their Quack Pack alliance.  Ian is sooo overly pleased that he's duping Frank and Boogie (their mistrust now lies with Dan) because Ian dreams of being a supervillain.  Keep dreaming while your alliance saves your ass.

The veto competition this week, no surprise, is a recycled challenge of the past.  It's the one where there's a shitload of some item and you need to guess how many their are, playing or folding like a strategic game of cards.  This season they're counting candy.  At least the yard is colorful in the process of being uncreative. Boogie gets eliminated in the first round because he was the furthest away from the right guess (that stayed; Jenn wisely folded after guessing over four times the right amount... dummy).  Frank is surprisingly good at calculating these high numbers.  Runner-up Ashley, not so much.  She has horrible methods like imagining the candy as pictures.  I think she's high.  Frank wins the Power of Veto and secures his safety for a week in the house.

The fun task of picking a replacement nominee is what goes down next.  Boogie tries to rally the outsiders (Jenn, Ashley, Joe, Ian) to convince Shane to nominate Dan and get him out of the game.  It's a smart move to try and get Dan out because he'll win this game again.  Boogie tries to play a sympathy card with Britney, mentioning his friendship with Dan, sadness of going home and having to watch the rest of the season on TV.  Of course Britney doesn't buy it!  Boogie makes his plea to Shane, explaining to Shane how Dan originally played the game: lay back and let his tight alliance do all the dirty work so he looked saintly.  Jenn makes her presence actually known this week to check in with Shane, make sure she's still good, attempts to get Dan nominated.  At the veto meeting, Shane names Jenn the replacement nominee and Jenn is pissed because she doesn't understand what a GD pawn is.

Thursday live episode isn't just the obvious demise of Boogie: it's a special live double eviction.  We flashback to right after the veto meeting where Jenn can't grasp her nomination because again, does she know what a pawn is??  Eventhough they were once a team, Frank sides with trying to get the votes to save Boogie and not Jenn.  Boogie and Frank are flabbergasted when Ian says he's torn who to vote for, so Ian claims he's voting to keep Boogie in the game.  Boogie has a house tantrum about Shane being Dan's bitch, with Frank piping in; Dan just reads the bibles.  Ian just watches the mess, squirming a little since it's partially his fault.  As Danielle walks by, Boogie makes an amazingly awful but fantastic comment that it'd be great for a Team Boogie member to be final 3 with Dan and Danielle since Dan will throw that last competition so he won't "have to slash Danielle's throat on national TV."  Dan says he hasn't thought that far ahead, but Boogie requests he at least not treat Ian lie crap.  Jenn threatens to go out "kamikaze" style because she is dumb enough to think she'd go home vs. a person who is really playing the game.  She campaigns angrily to everyone.

Julie announces to the houseguests that it's a fast forward double eviction night and the second person evicted will be the first one to the jury.  Jenn makes a grateful-to-be-here speech-don't-need-your-pity-Jenn-city speech.  Boogie wears the creepiest outfit ever to thank his business partner and son, but his speech is directed right to Joe that last week they saved him by changing the target to Wil.  He closes with "Go New England Patriots. Mic check 1-2, I'm out."  Great show on the show's end completely editing out any of the shitshow that happened this week when Ashley turned on BFF Jenn, Joe pledged his alliance to Shane and that group- yeah, wonderful job.  Joe's speech has no effect on swaying his vote.  In a 5-2 vote Mike Boogie is evicted from the house.  Boogie's parting words to Frank, "Ian is not to be trusted."  Boogie is shocked at the vote moreso because Ian's true colors were revealed, with him using the "Get ta steppin" from a past BB season.  After Ian's goodbye video admits his whole scheme to get Boogie out, Boogie takes his hat off to him.

It's time to kick-off the fast forward HOH competition and that person will immediately nominate two people for eviction.  In a before/after trivia competition, it comes down to a tie-breaker numbers question between Ian and Danielle.  Ian wins the HOH competition and nominates Frank and Ashley, saying "I'm really sorry" over and over.  The veto competition is the 100% exact same competition as last season when St. Jeff Schroeder got eliminated after accidentally losing a GD clown shoe.  This time they at least hop over pretty rainbows to find clovers.  Frank gets his clovers crazy fast and saves himself.  Better check Ian's ball pit because I'm pretty sure he shit himself when Frank won POV.  Frank quickly makes a plea for Shane and Britney to keep Ashley and vote out the replacement; Frank's target is Dan not them.  Frank uses the POV on himself and Joe is named the replacement nominee.  "Pop a squat, man!" Ashley gives a weird, rambling, slurred, confused speech; Joe signs like a chimp.  Ashley is evicted in a 5-1 vote, but compliments Julie on her side pony.  Enjoy the comfy beds of the jury house, Ashley.


August 21, 2012

Bachelor Pad 3: Most Epic Bachelor Pad Ever

8/21/2012 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Bachelor Pad 3 - Week 5
Chris is enemy #1 in the house. He realizes he's screwed and narrows down the flip vote to either Ed or Kalon. When probed, Kalon lies more. God I hate him yet I love him for this show. Chris can't believe his buddies both lied to his face. Really? I could because you're a dick. Ed admits he changed his vote last minute, but he went along with his partners wishes and also crazy Jamie voted for him before. Chris mopes more. DRAMA AMIRITE???

This week's challenge reminds me of the ol' Survivor go-to: race between tables and stack/balance cups and saucers on a tray (six total). They call it "The Great Fall of China" because it's china plates- GET IT? Doubt it china, probably Target-brand. Blakeley the former Hooters waitress totally has this in the bag (even she drops once she gets to five saucers). Who doesn't have it? Erica Rose, of course, who just walks back and forth dropping plates semi-intentionally. Bless her heart. The women's race comes down to Blakeley and Sara, with Sara finishing first but she touched her cups and gets DQ'd. Blakeley wins for the women; Chris mopes. The men then compete and Blakeley decides to coach her new partner, Tony, so hopefully that dickface Chris loses. This drives Sara insane because she's obsessed with Chris now. Blakeley is a waitress plate-stacking Yoda, leading Tony to victory. Blakeley and Tony get roses, dates, and the satisfaction of not giving Chris a rose. Chris mopes more.

Blakeley and Tony decide to go on their date together and gives her date rose/immunity to Kalon. Blakeley has the choice also of taking date #1 or #2, so picks her the overnight option for the chance of "Vegas and helicopters." OBVS. When Kalon's date Lindzi opens up a box to find some expensive (rented) jewels and a key for a Bentley, Blakeley hides her jealously. The date card mentions "pretty women" and Lindzi assumes it might be like the movie. You meant they're forcing you into prostitution? Actually, they drive the Bentley to a totally closed-off bridge for dinner in the middle of the bridge, complete with a chandelier. It's so romantic even Kalon doesn't know how he'll blow money in the future to impress Lindzi. Kalon tells Lindzi how surprised, shocked he is that maybe he's found love on another dumbass show.

Tony's date box includes a map of California and random keys (not helicopter keys, Kalon confirms - I weep a little) to "see the stars with." The mystery keys belong to a jeep, and Blakeley thinks they're driving to a helicopter. Gurl, please. Instead the date is an adorable Airstream trailer with lawn flamingos and hodge podge decorations. Yeah in terms of Bachelor Pad dates, ya got screwed! But in the real world it's a cute date. Blakeley puts the superficial aside and embraces the date as a chance to get to know Tony. Tony turns the car radio on (someone could give a shit about the battery) and they slow dance to the greatest country song ever made: "They Say Love Don't Come Easy" by evil Wes from Jillian's season and the first Bachelor Pad. SO AMAZING. Oh and they kiss and it's sweet. And maybe they make sweet, sweet love in the tiny trailer bed. We don't know!

Around the house, Chris spends his inevitable week of doom moping all over the house, but denying that he's moping and claiming he'll go out as a man. Scorned by the betrayal of Kalon, Chris comes up with the diabolical plan to get Lindzi out of the game. Chris' first stop to begin his plan is with Ed, wanting to put the last vote behind and be buds again. Chris begins to plant the seeds that Kalon isn't trustworthy and they must cripple his game by voting off Lindzi. Not all is Chris' last minute desperation. Michael Stag sets up a nice romantic balcony for him and Rachel to have a private date on. He's got his guitar for some sweet tunes too- yesss. Both seems to be getting the love feelings, not to mention bone zone desires.

Tony and Blakeley return from their date all smiles, giddily telling the details of their date. Chris mopes, talks about Tony being overtaken by the Blakeley spell. Oh Chris STFU. Tony has a rose to give one of the ladies so Chris pulls Tony aside right away to make sure Lindzi doesn't receive that rose. Tony tells Blakeley he's considering giving Sara the rose because if it weren't for her they wouldn't be together. Oh jesus Tony, you're dumb. Tony begins to hand his rose, hesistating at the same time Blakeley is gesturing to someone. Now when a Chris interrupts it's usually that puppet-handed Harrison, but no annoying Chris stands up to pull Tony aside again and beg him to give Sara the rose. Tony thankfully isn't a total moron and gives the rose to Jaclyn.

The Chris that is supposed to make interruptions does so this week with news of a shake-up to the game. Pretty much every team in the house is a real life couple, well except Ed who openly says he's not into Jaclyn and she's totally humiliated. Tonight, everyone will vote for one woman to go home. That woman with the most votes will then choose which man gets eliminated with her. This is what we call production's obvious interference to keep Chris in the game. All plans for this wee are out the door, including Chris' plan to get rid of Lindzi. The problem now is if the house votes off Sara, she will take out power player. Michael Stag hates to do this to a good friend, but he proposes voting off Erica Rose. As part of the masterminding, Michael is going to convince Eric that Chris is the one rallying the votes so she'll pick him as the guy to go home. Michael Stag, you sneaky SOB. I'm going to hug that creepy sketch of you tonight for this move.

Most of the house is dealing with the mega-twist, but Ed is dealing with a crushed Jaclyn. He has to explain over and over he didn't come to this house for a relationship, but he's cool with sleeping the same bed and fooling around without the label. Jaclyn is rightfully upset because she's not hooking up with Ed just for the fun of it.

Erica Rose gets wind that she's a possibility for elimination and Jaclyn tells her it was Chris' move. Michael Stag gets excited that Jaclyn did the dirty work instead of him. Erica confronts Chris, so he starts wondering where this is coming from. She warns him if she goes down she's taking him with her, but Chris insists he's done nothing. Michael Stagliano, full name at this time, you are one incredible gamer. This is Survivor level shit... if it works. Sara tries to talk some sense into an exploding Erica while Chris starts to come to the conclusion that it's Michael stirring the pot. To gain Erica's trust and prove he didn't vote for her, Chris brings Erica into the voting room with him to see him cast his vote against Lindzi. Rut-roh Michael...

Erica Rose is definitely nervous about the votes. It's possible Michael lied to her and she might be out and if she does, Erica definitely won't go quietly. The roses are predictably handed out to everyone except Lindzi and Erica Rose. Erica Rose has the most votes and now comes her reign of destruction. Being a liar herself, Erica gets that part of the game and decides her choice will be to take down an alliance. Erica chooses Michael Stag to leave!  Erica and Michael get into it a bit, with her calling him a manipulator, Holly made a great choice dumping him, and he's a liar.  A shocking blow to the world and even better with Erica going out so badass too. I must say if you're going to get eliminated, this was a hell of a way to go out. It might've been a failed plan but it was potentially a brilliant one. Oh well. We'll always have this sketch of Michael:


August 19, 2012

Reality Rundown: Define "Luxury" Vacation, Glass House

The Glass HouseSo You Think You Can Dance

The Glass House -  The house is pretty shocked that Jeffrey voted his BFF into Limbo.  Jeffrey's a sobbing mess about his actions.  Jeffrey also admits to Andrea, Kevin and Mike that he did take a little bit of money too (Mike's not alone on the greed side).  Everyone laughs, but Kevin and Andrea are actually pissed they worked so hard to save themselves and Jeffrey in the process and he took the money.  I think everyone thinks Jeffrey has the game wrapped up in the bag.  I'd say considering the edit of Kevin these couple of months, nice-ish guy, funny, rolls with the punches, underdog... I think he totally has this game won and done.  I'm calling it.

Erica and Gene head back up the Limbo tubes and it appears America has finally had enough of Gene's arrogance, as he heads out of the game for good.  Erica hugs everyone except Jeffrey when she returns, not forgiving him for sending her to Limbo.  It takes some time but eventually Erica caves for a hug.  Erica wonders why Jeffrey would send her to Limbo.  Jeffrey explains it was because he felt her vs. Gene would guarantee Gene going home.  Erica's fine with the strategy but just doesn't appreciate Jeffrey couldn't tell her beforehand.  Jeffrey wanted to avoid the emotional drama and it comes up about Erica's big crush on Kevin, her gravitating towards Kevin and the others instead of former-bestie Jeffrey.  The bickering keeps rolling in, fights over everything.  Aw friendship crumbling. Sadness.

With five left in the game there is only one team captain, the lowest vote getter of the week.  The captain of this week's challenge is Mike which doesn't surprise me; the viewers got rid of him before afterall.  The twist is that Mike will go head-to-head against one other player in the challenge, voted on by the four other players. They also get to vote for someone to win a "luxurious vacation" to Panama City Beach, Florida.  Holy hell I am laughing so hard.  I went to PCB and that city is a dump.  There is not a single ounce of luxury there.  Erica wins the vacation and Jeffrey is voted to compete in the challenge.  Jeffrey lets everyone know he voted for himself to compete, and then the house starts whispering that they'll definitely send Erica back to Limbo this week.  Erica's well aware of the plan and unsuccessfully tries to guilt trip Kevin, Andrea, and Mike.

The challenge this week blows anything Big Brother has even done out of the water (not saying much but this show does have amazing production values).  In the yard is a multi-story dollhouse that's "apartments" of the former players of the game.  Mike and Jeffrey have to rappel down the sides and peer into the house to answer questions about what they observed in the house.  Mike's advantage is that he is a lot quicker so he can run to the question board, see the questions, and rappel back quicker.  Jeffrey's more of the slow-and-steady, taking him time to really observe and count the items.  A totally-winded Jeffrey wins the challenge, sending him to tears for his perseverance.  Jeffrey's underdog victory in an overall physical challenge has the house wondering if this was his defining moment to win.  But the week quickly wraps up with the casting of the stones.  Mike has his automatic spot in Limbo when the votes are revealed it's 2-2: Erica and Kevin.  As the Limbo guy, Mike gets to choose who joins him and of course he picks Erica and not BFF Kevin.

So You Think You Can Dance - It feels like it's been forever (two weeks is eternity after my Olympics binge) and after being off those weeks we're losing four dancers tonight to get down to a top 10.  Normally I might be upset about losing this many people but I kinda forget them.  The twist of the evening is that all routines will be choreographed by Mia Michaels... in previous seasons.  So remember all those classic numbers you've loved with certain people? Let's shove in some newbies and then remember how good they were before and not now.  I like the idea of everyone dancing the same genre because then people don't get screwed on genre (ballroom), but I hate repeating the old original work.  There was two weeks off, the minds should've been racing.  The only thing new this week are the guest judges, Royal Ballet dancers/Ballet Boys Michael Nunn and Billy Trevitt and since they haven't seen this show before they can provide unbiased opinions.

So yeah, I have a huge chip on my should about this episode.  Instead of enjoying people dancing, you're comparing it to far better performances, Emmy nominated, iconic performances of the show's history.  Not to mention many of these past routines were choreographed with specific dancers in mind, making it their routine.  This entire night is pale imitations to the past and no matter what, sucked.  I have loved this show since I started in season two but as I watch this episode I'm just angry.  I found every second of this episode boring, tedious, and I wished it would end.  I have never felt that way about this show.  It saddens me to be such a dick but it's the honest truth and I can't give a best/worst performances rating this week.  I'll recap what people danced and instead you should YouTube those past routines to see the amazing bits.

Since I didn't like anything, here's what routines they decided to remake and pale in comparison to the originators.  Cyrus and Eliana get Katee and Twitch's season 4 "Mercy" routine with the door separating between them, kicking it around. George and Tiffany have season 4's "Hometown Glory" which is the one where  Josh lifts Katee in this assisted running step, like floating on air.  Mia cries, judges say they "murdered" routine in a positive way.  Amelia's pale butt gets tapped a bunch of times by Will in an embarassing rendition of season 5's butt dance.  Janelle's wild hair and a lack of partner passion make the remae of Kherington and Twitch's bed routine dull.  The crowd didn't even chair when Janelle leapt over the bed throwing roses.  Audrey and Matthew get a lecture from Nigel about not truly appreciating and telling the story of Mia's dead dad dance as well as the original by Lacey and Neil in season 3.  Lindsey and Cole are I guess the best of the night with "Addiction," originally danced by Kayla and Kupono in season 5.  I thin it's because Cole is so convincing and creepy in the role.  It's the only time I admitted I liked a routine in this debacle.  The biggest AW HELL NO is when Whitney and Kheon perform the bench dance, the iconic, definitive routine of this entire series performed by season 2's Travis and Heidi.  Sorry, but no.  For me, this was an untouchable routine so yeah, I'm very annoyed at this night.

The 14 perform as a group in tuxes and gowns, swinging off some rope things from the ceiling.  Let's add that everyone in this routine kisses their partner a long time, so swoon alert I guess.  Or if you're like me you think "Finally some original choreography tonight!"  After Nigel explains why this was a good theme (hey choreographers replace dancers all the time!), the bottom 6 are announced.  Amelia, Whitney, Janelle, George, Dareian, and Matt are the bottom group and all dance solos.  Well considering Whitney was part of the only routine tonight that wasn't 100% awful, she's safe so it's a done deal and Janelle and Amelia are out.  For the guys George is saved, sending home Dareian (OK) and Matthew (an actual shocker, I thought he was a frontrunner).  And then I breath a sigh of relief that this truly horrible episode has ended.

August 16, 2012

Big Brother 14: Zingbot's Gonna Be a Daddy!

8/16/2012 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Big Brother 14 - Week 5 

Janelle is gone. Frank and Boogie celebrate. Joe is blindsided. Britney cries eventhough the show failed to show any of the footage where Britney previously talked shit. Same for that nutso Danielle. But now these two lament keeping Frank, as Britney thinks he's going to win this game for sure. And then Frank wins HOH and Joe winces, shutting his mouth from getting crazy. It's wonderful to have a quiet Joe.

Wil and Ashley were all smiles to get rid of Janelle last week, until this week when they realize they are down a number. There was a unified team but Joe feels betrayed that Wil/Ashley chose to keep him in the dark and make him the one lone vote to evict Frank. But it's a good choice not to tell Frank who is the biggest tattletale of all time. But the three of them come to a logical conclusion that they'll probably be nominated. Smart choice: Joe is definitely an easy target, but Boogie wonders if they should put a pawn up from the Silent Six. Frank would like Dan to be the pawn to scare him a little considering Dan was a mastermind behind Frank's failed blindside. Dan doesn't trust the house, basically begging not to be the pawn.

In house randomness, Frank's nana writes him an HOH victory letter and then he has a sexual dream about Jojo. The guys wish Kara was back, naming her the hottest. Danielle is desperate for Shane to make another move on her after their other two kisses. Danielle's a crazy stalker and no catch; stay away Shane! Boogie is onto Danielle's lie about her profession, catching her in a few conversations about medical stuff and she knows a lot. Plus she refuses to wake up in mornings and teachers always get up early. Get the nurse on the case because Ashley woke up with her bad back again and can't move. Methinks someone just wants some DR drugs to keep her floating around the house. Boogie slam dunks a basketball into a pool hoop, breaking the new house toy immediately.

With the game reset, the coaches competitions are over and back are the god awful Have Not competitions. Since Ashley is a cripple, Frank plays in her place. Split into two teams, the green team is dressed as limes and the yellow teams as lemons. There's a big ol' pool of lemonade and yup, it's humping challenge time. Submerge yourself in the foam costume, get someone to hump the juice outta ya and into jugs. Yeah Ian, great call getting on the team of all guys. Thumbs down to Big Brother for being so uncreative that they completely recycled an old challenge. The guys get an idea that along with humping juice out they should get a mouthful and spit it directly into the grates. Danielle is in heaven as Shane thrusts himself upon her for the liquid. The lime guys win the competition and the four jugs they filled, and therefore the four Have Nots, are Joe, Britney, Danielle, and Shane. But hey, they get to have candy canes and cod all week so their breath can be fresh.

Joe tries to plead his case to a Frank, still in his spiritard with a matching one for his teddy bear. Joe encourages Frank to set his sights on Wil for his extreme lies. Wil heads up to HOH to tell Frank (and Boogie) that if he goes on the block, no hard feelings. Wil's instinct is telling him there's a large group working together (DUH), but assures Boogie/Frank they would be safe next week with him. Wil's 'tude changes Boogie feelings about who should go home. Frank would rather get Dan out because he doesn't trust them after the past few weeks. Boogie tries to explain to Frank that it'd be early to stab the alliance in the back. Heeding Boogie's advice, Frank nominates Wil and Joe for eviction.

Wil and Joe aren't surprised by their nominations and vow to start playing the game.  Frank and Boogie have changed their target from Joe to Wil since Wil got sassy before nominations.  They'll use and abuse Joe first, needing his vote.  Frank tells Joe he's safe and Boogie decides to really screw with Wil's head and tell him he's 100% safe.  And as usual, everyone is feared of being backdoored, particularly Shane and Dan.  Though he might be more afraid of being stalked by Danielle, who he acknowledges is way more into her than he is her.  No showmance for pink-wife-beater-wearing Shane!

A special guest comes to visit the house this week: ZINGBOT 3000!!  Zingbot starts out saying the only thing bright about Ashley is her smile (it takes her a minute to get it, proving the point).  "Shane, my five year old niece called. She wants her pink tank top back." And suddenly I realize Zingbot and I have the same fascinations.  Zingbot makes Brigade zings for Britney, an unfunny old age crack about Joe/Boogie, Jen has "bad ink" like a tabloid, Little Orphan Annie would "preesh" for Frank to stop stealing her hair-do, and that Ian has little chemistry with the ladies for being a chemical engineering student.  I like the "LAY-DEES" pronounciation ala Pauly Shore.  Zingbot brings the damn house down when he really gives it to Danielle.  "Danielle, I hear Shane's going to give you a special gift after the season: a restraining order." ULTIMATE ZING.  Time for her paranoia to kick-off!

Zingbot isn't just there to shit-talk but to be part of the veto competition.  Frank, Wil, Joe, Jen, Ashley, Boogie and Shane (who has a veto ticket to play) get in some hospital scrubs for the challenge.  It seems Zingbot's bride did not divorce him as we would assume (for being a verbally abusive alcoholic), but instead they would like to reproduce and therefore the houseguests need to build a pipeline and move and orb though a Zingcubator.  That's going to be one sassy baby bot I bet.  Puzzles seem to stump half the group so the sideline folks shout out how to solve a puzzle.  Frank completes the puzzle/ball guide first and activates the Zingcubator to free the infant.  "It's a BOOOOOOOT!" exclaims Zingbot, with little zings from the baby.  Some little person is getting a sweet paycheck this week.

If you're playing a drinking game to take a shot anytime someone says "backdoored," I hope you are still alive to read this recap.  Shane says he might get backdoored eventhough he played in veto and therefore had a chance to save himself, so it's not a backdoor.  At least Dan is smart enough to use the phrase correctly.  The Silent 6 is an awful alliance with no trust, maybe because this season has taught every person to not keep their word ever.  The other side of the house would love for Frank to make a powerful move and take out bigger, more threatening fish that weave-pokin' Will and loudmouth Joe.  They make their pleas to Frank to please make a power move to take out Dan, and Frank is open to it since he had those same thoughts early on.  When Ian catches wind of Frank's idea to backdoor Dan, Ian isn't pleased (Quack Pack, oy) and tries to talk him out of it.  It's the advice of Boogie the next morning that talks Frank out of betraying the alliance, explaining it's too early to turn on everyone.  Despite his gut to screw everyone over immediately, heck even Dan thinks it's technically smart, Frank leaves nominations the same.

Stuck on the block, Wil's strategy is to lay low and hopefully let people continue to be annoyed by Joe.  Boy I wish annoying people could still trump game at this point.  Britney lets Dan know he was very close to getting nominated and Dan assures her he always tries to win HOHs (LOLOLOL sure Dan).  Doing due diligence, Dan thanks Frank for keeping him safe and Frank tells Dan, to show him confidence and trust, he was considering backdooring him but chose not to.  Then Dan doesn't trust him- dur.  Frank gets a hot date with Ashley, who is hoping to get some info, ice cream, and a little Frank action. Aw poor Ian's flirtmance is flirting around.  There's no ice cream to be found, so they share wine where Ashley's initial idea to campaign for Wil turns into protecting her own assets.  Just joking around, Frank says let's make out on the couch and apparently it's a move that totally works and they both enjoy it (though Frank has some Ian guilt).

Desperate for ratings on the live show, St. Jeff Schroeder is brought out to talk to Julie Chen.  It's a waste-of-time filler to hear about Jeff/Jordan who are not engaged and living together and his lame opinions on the game.  DON'T CARE.  What we do learn  Julie Chen would not be a floater if she were a houseguest; she'd model herself after Boogie and Janelle.  With less STDs that Boogie I hope.  Julie gives the HGs a little relief with some trivia about the real world they're excluded from, and then the vote happens.  Wil gives a nice speech and then Joe gives a long, rambling, unfunny speech about learning to whisper.  Joe is definitely one of those really unfunny people who thinks they're hilarious.  If only we could dump Joe this week, but nope, Wil is evicted by a 6-2 vote.

This week's HOH competition is called "Swamped" and, whaddyaknow, it's the same challenge they do every single season.  Traverse across a slippery pathway and fill jugs with liquid, though this time there are two smaller jugs for safety (can't be nominated for eviction) or $10,000 cash prize (America voted for this).  The banjo music alone could drive the houseguests nuts. Ian is actually doing well and begins sliding on the ground instead of walking, a strategy others start to do as well.  Well HOH is to be continued so we'll find out Sunday- LOL YA RIGHT I HAVE FEEDS.  Next week: double eviction!

August 14, 2012

Bachelor Pad 3: Getting Action Indeed

8/14/2012 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Bachelor Pad - Week 4
Chris Harrison busts up the fun of the post-rose ceremony chit chat and has some mucsles bring in clipboards with very personal surveys.  Questions are mainly catty like who is the ugliest and fattest, which will at least spare Erica Rose from getting pelted by eggs this time around.  The challenge this time is Gameshow Mashup which is a low-rent Match Game with general trivia.  It's a solo game this time, so it's not a pair that's immune but rather just a guy and a girl.  The "Who Said That Round" is the only part worth seeing because it's when you hear all the good shit talked, like Nick saying Blakeley has done nothing in life, Sarah has had sex on top of a car roof in a parking lot, or Jamie thinks Jaclyn is fake. Dave the fan and Rachel are the two lowest scores, so they get one vote against them.  Jaclyn and Ed win roses, which is funny because eventhough it's solo a pair got immunity.  I'm going to assume Ed is going to get blackout drunk to celebrate.  


Jaclyn's date card arrives and instead of taking three dudes, she decides to take her partner Ed.  Sarah is bummed because eventhough she voted Ed off a couple times, she hopes they can bang around again. Jaclyn and Ed are whisked away to Dodger Stadium to put on uniforms, play ball poorly, and drunkenly sing the National Anthem over the intercom to no one else.  Jaclyn's got a major crush on Ed and I'm assuming he has major beer goggles.  Ditching the uniforms for dress clothes, a hot dog picnic has been placed for them on home plate.  In the picnic basket is a rose, not for Ed, but for Jaclyn to give to someone when she gets home (and that guy also gets to use Ed's date).  Yup, Ed also had to forgo the date he won and while he pretends it's OK, you know he's bummed he's not hooking up with other chicks in a helicopter.  As a team, they decide for some reason to give dirtbag Chris the rose (I guess Ed made an agreement to stick with him).  This kiss cam finds them and they share a kiss for some fireworks. I'm grossed out.

Jamie has been a basket case (well a bigger one) since the challenge because her big mouth has made her a top target.  Kalon assures Jamie's she's not the main priority but then tells us viewers it's like petting a dog while you put it to sleep. OUCH!  Chris is maybe regretting his choice of hookup, not to mention his partner Blakeley who doesn't like that he's getting ga-ga over Sarah now.  Chris is dealing with a lot of crazy, since he hates his partner Blakeley with a passion.  But Jamie's annoyingness doesn't stop Chris from fooling around with her cause hey, she's hot and this is a game.  Jamie, however, is a giant insane clinger who I am pretty sure is picking out wedding tablescapes already.  Jamie just talks and talks and talks so Chris' only way to shut her up is to make out with her, eventhough he doesn't feel a spark.  Jamie, of course, feels this insane passionate connection because she's CRAY CRAY.

Chris gets the news that Ed and Jaclyn have given him this week's rose and Ed's date.  Nutty Jamie is ready to leap off that couch but not so fast girl, cause Chris picks Sarah for a date.  Insert shocked faces of Jamie and Blakeley.  The best is Jamie being so delusional about Chris being a hero and protecting her.  NUT.  I love that Ed's date is going to Chris who is getting Ed's sloppy seconds.  What a cesspool of hookups.  A car brings the two to an abandoned parking garage and while I wish it was a Seinfeld themed date and the car stops.  Suddenly the driver slams on the gas pedal, flying through the garage, almost hitting a stuntman, and crashing through cardboard boxes.  "Action" date, get it?!  The rest of the stunt date is filming an action movie where Chris is the hostage and Sarah kicks ass to save him, ending the rescue in a kiss.  Their night ends with a romantic, private rooftop hotel dinner date. While there isn't a rose on this date, a makeshift strawberry fills in to signify their attraction AKA wanting to bone.  Chris and Sara enjoy their date, moving from dinner to a rooftop hot tub!! Where they make out!!  And then decide to get a room!!  Insert me laughing hilariously as Jamie sits at the house anxiously awaiting Chris because they're sooo in love and have sooo much chemistry.  When Jamie says Chris is "lovable" and "respectful" I thank the lord I don't have a full bladder because I would've peed myself. 

Since Ed and Jaclyn won the challenge and they hate their date together, Chris Harrison brings a rose directly to Ed at the house to give to some lucky lady for immunity.  The house is surprised by this since Chris is the guy on the date, typically the rose-bearer.  Ed gives the rose to Rachel, Michael Stag's main piece, because he trusts those two the most.  So why rock the boat earlier and save Chris when you could've easily just given it to another power couple?  Whatever, I'm a total gamer I know.  But Blakeley sees Chris for the rat he is, a conniving game player who would've been eliminated if he didn't have a rose.  Blakeley doesn't trust Chris and knows she's in a vulnerable spot.  Chris might be in deeper shit with stalker Jamie who can't believe he spent the night with someone else and then ignored her the next day.

Chris Harrison clinks his champagne glass to kick off the voting.  Last fan standing Dave lost the challenge so he has one vote against him already, so he begins working the women.  After talking with Jaclyn, Dave sees his best chance to break the tie would be to get the women he's bonded with to vote off Nick.  Yeah I don't remember him either, some dude.  Nick begins to realize his predicament so he approaches Jamie with a deal: he'll vote for Blakeley if she'll vote for Dave.  Except Jamie really owes her life in this game to Dave with last week's rose.  Nutter Jamie is now the swing vote and who knows where her mind is besides dreaming about snuggling Chris on the top bunk.

Chris would rather have Sara as a partner (gee, wonder why) so he starts campaigning for all the guys to vote off his ex-partner Blakeley for personal reasons.  Michael Stag really doesn't want to vote off Blakeley because she was part of the core alliance.  Chris feels like if Jamie stays around she'll follow him, he's got Sara who is besties with Erica Rose.  This means Chris has a lot of power and potential safety, so it's time to strike against the skeezeball enemy: vote off Jamie.  Plus he was dumb enough to reveal his entire gameplan.  Kalon is telling lies all over the place, telling everyone what they want to hear.  After Ed talks to Kalon (who tells Ed what he wants to hear), he decides to talk to Chris to warn him against shaking the house.  Chris really thinks he can control the women he's fooled around with, which is repulsive. And so Kalon assures Chris and Ed he's voting off Blakeley, then Kalon heads into the voting room and votes off JAMIE.  Holy hell Kalon, you're extreme lies are blowing my mind.

The editing of this voting session was epic.  My mind is fried trying to figure out who is staying and going.  I wish Chris was going because he's just the worst.  Chris rolls into the rose ceremony all cocky, with his last words to Blakeley as "Nice to know ya!"  Reality TV gods, please let this blow up in this dirtbag's face.  Going home roseless this week are Dave and Jamie.  Chris got SERVED! HAHA, trust no one ya slimer.  Before she leaves, Jamie tells Chris what he does to girls is "not OK" and he keeps yapping about trying to save her.  Yeah, you saved her because you thought she'd follow you around after leading her on.  Jamie, you go girl!  Chris, be gone next week ya turd.  But not everyone leaves sad: Dave gets his end-of-the-road limo ride interview and he loves it.  Dreams do come true!