September 26, 2012

Reality Rundown: Some Slap and Tickle

9/26/2012 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Survivor: Philippines

Survivor: Philippines -
Rain traps our castaways in their shelters, washing their warm fires away and leading to interesting developments (and a lot of whining about being cold and wet). Angie and Malcolm start cuddling over at Matsing, creating a new target for Roxy and maybe the tribe. This lets Russell say the greatest line ever, saying "I don't blame Malcolm for wanting some slap and tickle." Roxy, despite her hardcore gaming to take out the couple, can't deal with the weather and starts weird chant praying. RC finds the immunity idol clue at Tandang and shares it with Abi-Maria, but Abi doesn't fully trust RC and the developing friendship of RC and Michael Skupin. Blair Warner AKA Lisa feels isolated from her tribe and cries alone in the woods (but her tribe thinks she's searching for an idol). At Kalabaw, Penner finds the hidden immunity idol, which is the top of the rice box which held the clue. His tribe is too busy hiding in caves and gullible enough to believe a man ransacking camp is searching for his glasses.

After 31 minutes of rain moping, the immunity challenge happens. The challenge is to pair up and pull sleds stacked with puzzle pieces, which they will then solve. Some people have to run twice which leads to more Roxy moping because she's drank less water. It's been raining for days and you didn't think to drink the GD rain? You're dumb. Tandang finishes the challenge first and wins immunity along with blankets and a tarp. Kalabaw is second, so they get a tarp along with their immunity. Matsing fails again and gets another week at Tribal Council. Russell is pissed and goes on a tirade about losing and people giving up and his tribe beats everyone (yet keeps losing). Maybe save it for your confessionals and not a blow-up in front of everyone, k?

Matsing returns the camp annoyed. Russell hates that Angie doesn't think she can contribute and that Roxy says no because she didn't have water. No one ever has enough water, it's Survivor you idiot. Russell does think keeping Roxy around is smart because she's his mole, relaying everything that happens in camp. Roxy hates Angie's game which is look pretty and do nothing. Malcolm and Angie feel the same way about Roxy. Denise is caught in the middle of two obvious pairs: she doesn't trust Roxy, but doesn't like her alliance member Malcolm bonding with someone else.

Tribal Council time! The first question is of course about Russell's post-challenge semi-blow-up. He wants to win and Denise understands his pain, even if it felt accusatory. Roxy thinks they suck at challenges because of doing work at camp, but Angie's response is even worse.
Probst: Angie, finish that same sentence. If I could change one thing about this tribe...
Angie: That we couldddd... have cookies?

SHOCKED FACES GALORE.  Well except Malcolm who will let anything happen with Angie's boobs in his presence.  And soon the discussion of Angie and Malcolm's nighttime snuggles comes up with Roxy getting worked up and Malcolm just blushing.  Malcolm says Angie is like a little sister to him and even she's like "Really?"  Roxy thinks it's gross which is basically her hating Angie, though Angie does little to defend herself.  But the tribe votes out Roxy and the good news is I bet she can drink tons of water now.


September 24, 2012

Reality Rundown: Looks Like America Loves Ballet

9/24/2012 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments

Finale! So You Think You Can Dance - The finale is at long last here and quite frankly, I'm relieved. Maybe it's the recapping part of it, but I found myself quite uninterested and uninspired by this season. I mean there's a girl in the final four whose name I literally only retained two weeks ago. She's a great dancer but completely unmemorable, in my opinion. Thus my problem with our finale in that the male winner is solely based on personality, since the other one is paint drying. Eliana is the total package, but I'm assuming Tiffany has some massive fanbase considering she's never been in the bottom.

The judges panel is filled with a bunch of actual choreographers that have been sidelined all season as judges to instead have celebrities who just like watching dance and provide decent but not amazing judging. So welcome back Lil' C, Adam Shankman, Debbie Allen, and Tyce Diorio. Glad to see your talent finally used on this show that can't get off the celebrity guest judge teat.

Like all finales, all the top 20 return to perform the best/most memorable routines of the season. There's also some new group numbers so that we don't get bored by the same stuff we've seen all season. In terms of new routines, choreographers Christopher Scott and Sonya Tayeh collaborate on the opener, which Nigel says is the best group routine to open the show ever. Ummm OK? The piece has the top 20 dance against the wind, dragging and pulling them around the stage. It's a great routine, a true meeting of the wacky minds of choreographers, but I also think Nigel is a master over-exaggerator. Instead of picking a favorite hip hop number (yet we suffer through Witney and Twitch's east coast one), there's a whole new routine with Cyrus, All Stars Comfort and Twitch, and choreographer Christopher Scott. It's one heated poker game with a table getting flipped (Giudice style) and lots of pulled suspenders. Pretty cool shizz. However the best routine of the night is by far the the top ten teaming with the All Stars for a battle in the jungle. Set to "The Circle of Life" remix, it's a wild, tribal, African jazz, with the final four closing the number as the top of the pride. It's truly one of the best of the season. Way to save it for the end of the season, show!

The best of the season includes some routines I expected (Audrey/Matthew's Titanic chaise lounge, Cole/Lindsay paso doble, Chehon/Kathryn's Holocaust contemporary number) and others where I'm like UHHH really? There's also the "Turning the Page" danced by Tiffany/George, Amelia/Will has dumpster cats, . Cat Deeley proves she loves glitter and shitty routines, choosing Tiffany and All Star Brandon's disco. NO ONE LIKES DISCO SO PLEASE STOP. Each of the final four gets to pick a dance to perform again. Chehon chooses his Argentinian tango with All Star Anya, Tiffany picks the Mandy Moore "Power of Love" contemporary, Cyrus obviously re-teams with Twitch for last week's re-animation, and Eliana chooses "Bang Bang" with Alex Wong. Unlike every other re-dance of he evening, I rewatch the entirety of Eliana and Alex's hauntingly beautiful number (my favorite of the season).

After two hours of fast forwarding (I gots other stuff to do people), it's time to announce the winners of this season. Yes, a male and female winner this year instead of one overall champion. The ladies are named first which bugs me because in terms of surprises, I think the female winner is more of a toss-up than the obvious male conclusion (OR IS IT?). Anyways, America's favorite female dancer is Eliana and guys I got verklempt. I have loved Eliana since the beginning and am so happy she has won. And for the fellas, Chehon and Cyrus get the results of America's favorite male dancer and in the biggest upset ever Chehon wins. HO-LEE-SHIT. Mind. Blown. Conclusion: America loves trained ballet dancers.

September 20, 2012

Big Brother 14: Ian Wins Big Brother 14

9/20/2012 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Big Brother 14 - Finale

Ian is shocked, pacing around the house breathing heavily, quacking, and repeating mantras. Danielle rips into Dan for more lies, bawling in the diary room about Shane's eviction.  Dan does Danielle dirty (again) by whispering to Shane while he leaves that Danielle was playing him.  Dan still plays the "I'm here to coach someone to the end" card but he's full of shit and after 69 days maybe it's finally sunk in that Dan is there to win for himself.  Bring on the revenge, bunny boiler!

And then this episode, after an awesome run of crazy episodes, gets super boring with flashbacks to past moments.  You can plow the houseguests with all the mimosas in the world, but this bit is so boring considering all the better nonsense going down.  No way in hell I'm recapping stuff we've already seen this season or stupid random funny stuff you would've seen on live feeds.

In part one of the final HOH competition, Dan, Ian, and Danielle needs to hold onto a swaying "anchor" (rope) slamming them into a wall through simulated storms and even dunking them into a little pond of water to throw them off. Ian throws the first competition as part of a deal he made with Ian as part of eliminating Shane. Once Ian drops, Dan convinces Danielle into dropping so that he can compete (and win) the third round of the competition. Keep drinking the Kool Aid, kids. In part two, the houseguests have to place the eliminated houseguests in the correct elimination order on a fake dirty-windowed skyscraper. Ian has a smart strategy of only wiping the bottom where the names are, not to mention his monkey-like climbing ability. He wins part two of the HOH competition and now Dan and Danielle go to work.

See a plan was constructed beforehand that if Ian won this competition, Dan would high five Ian and Danielle would get pissed that Dan prefers Ian. Dan and Danielle fight about Dan "celebrating" with Ian and final two deals. Danielle is a horrible liar at first, but she assures Ian that if he takes Dan to the end she'll poison the jury. Ian confides to Dan that he's afraid now his chances of winning are gone because of Danielle's influence, which starts the next part of Dan's evil plan: try to convince Ian to throw the third part. We don't know if that happens though, because it's to the final part of the HOH competition.

Part three of the HOH is the same competition as usual (no surprise there) which is to guess how a juror completed a statement about the summer. Judging by Dan's performance, I'm wondering if Dan threw the final HOH to avoid getting blood on his hands, much like Boogie pointed out Dan would do weeks ago. I'm just going to assume he did to make this picture. Ian wins the final HOH competition and gets to decide who he will evict and who will be his competition for the $500k prize. Ian stands up and casts his vote to evict Danielle, bringing Dan to the end. Adios nutso!

The jury convenes in the backyard and rejoice when Shane enters their group. Yup, another Dan blindside with Danielle inadvertently involved, shocking everyone. Then they discuss each member of the final three and their pros/cons. The topic of Ian yet again leads to a Frank and Britney bicker fight, but Jenn's anti-Ian because he's a rat. It's agreed that Danielle had the easy way, with Dan playing the game for her, but she has won competitions and took out Janelle. And then Dan. He may be evil, but everyone is shocked and awed by his gameplay. Dan has run this game from beginning to end, though others find his ethics a bit wary.

After Danielle's eviction, the full jury is brought to the live studio audience for the questioning of the final two. Ian insists he didn't take orders from the Quack Pack, he took destiny in his own hands. Dan interjects to claim the opposite but Julie basically tells him to shut it. Frank really puts it to Dan, asking if he crossed the line swearing on the bible and his wedding ring (Dan says yes). Dan takes credit for using and abusing everyone to get ahead in the game, barely having to win competitions. Ian's argument over and over is that he "put his fate in his own hands" and played a less dirty game. Dan understands their anger, but points out the Quack Pack came after the four and Britney is the one who literally brought Ian with a leash to join them. Danielle's question is great, asking Ian if she knew Dan had a true final two with her. Ian said no and hopes that was a lie because Dan gave Ian his grandfather's gold necklace as collateral. Danielle is SHOCKED, though Dan insists it was true. Ian is red-faced and embarassed. Yeah you should be Danielle and Ian cause you got major played.

Ian and Dan give one last final speech to plead their case. Ian's speech is how he's disgusted with Dan, won many more competitions, and Ian didn't backstab everyone like Dan did. Damage control Dan time. Dan kisses all the jury's ass first, praising their poor game while pretending it's good, but explains that to win the game he had to play ruthless. He didn't play the game personal, just calculating to win 24/7. The jurors then do their awkward voting where they put a key for the winner into the box while giving a corny one-liner. "I definitely put you on my dream board!" says Ashley. Kill us now. Just tell us the winner.
BUT FIRST, let's talk to the houseguests that didn't have to live a sucky jury life and got to watch the show from home. Janelle calls out that Danielle is a major liar, but Dan is an amazing gamer who fooled them all and him not winning is a travesty. Frank's still bitter, but Boogie gives props to Dan and even his little backstabber Ian for the games they played. Danielle swears to Shane she had no idea Dan was going to evict him. But Wil sums it all up best saying you can't hold a grudge against the people lying to you because you fell for it. It's your fault. AMEN.

Finally it's time to reveal the winner. Julie removes the keys one-by-one, sooo slowly that I want to shake the TV. In a 6-1 vote, Ian wins Big Brother 14. It's nice to see a die-hard superfan win the show. Not so great on my pockets for pre-show winner predictions. Speaking of fans of the show, Frank wins America's Favorite Houseguest which is the most surprising reveal to me. Another summer of Big Brother is over and I'm so happy you read my recaps and laugh with me.

PREESH!!!

And now, the biggest pre-show winner prediction trophy gallery ever! Congratulations everyone and I'll be in touch about your prize.



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September 19, 2012

Reality Rundown: Someone Get Zane a Cig

9/19/2012 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments

New! Survivor: Philippines -  15 new survivors, already split into three tribes, meet Jeff Probst in the middle of the ocean to begin their amazing adventure.  Probst announces that joining each tribe is one former castaway who was medically evacuated from the game, getting a second chance to play again after mother nature kicked their ass.  Returning is Jonathan Penner (infected cut), Russell Swann (the dude who looked like he died during a puzzle), and Michael Skupin (he fell into a fire- OUCH).  Their speedboat zooms up and they board the S.S. Survivor to join their new tribes.  Once in their full tribes everyone gets to raid the hell out of the ship for 60 seconds, ransacking the food, chicken, supplies, etc. they'll need to survive.  Jeff kicks everyone off the boat with their supplies and a shitty Tom Sawyer raft to get to shore.

Jonathan Penner's Kalabaw tribe (red) lands ashore and Jeff is already injured.  When leaping out of the boat, former pro baseball player Jeff heard his knee pop.  Pretty ironic considering this is a season about people who left due to injuries.  The tribe shares a ceremonial first coconut together as Penner goes on about how great it is to be back.  Except Jeff isn't so keen on a veteran winning this game again and suggests keeping him a couple days to learn and build a shelter, then dump him.  Jeff is keeping it on the DL that he is a former MLB guy who has money because he just wants to win the game, to be sole Survivor, not the money.  Dawson is onto Jeff's lame lie about being a guy who sells motorcyles and races a little on the side. Smart girl!  As the tribe seeks shelter in a cave from the rain, Penner starts hunting around camp for the hidden immunity idol and correctly deduces where to find the clue: inside some intricate box that holds the rice.  So Penner knows either the idol is in the rice or somewhere directly in camp.  Ugh, hide this shit better for real.

Russell makes a speech to his tribe Matsing (blue) that let's not have a leader so he doesn't almost die again and instead work as a team.  Despite this plea, Russell is leading and ordering everyone around in that polite way he does it.  Malcolm steps up to teach Russell and Zane how to make fire, as he lived in Micronesia for a year before; fire quickly comes.  A good looking guy that can also make fire? Marry me!  But since Russell did the job itself, it hopefully keeps eyes off Malcolm and still fixed on I'm-not-leading-but-do-my-ideas Russell.  Tattooed kinda ginger Zane makes alliances with literally everyone, using it as a bragging right to Russell and Malcolm, assuring them he can then bring in whoever they want for the votes.  Russell loves this openness but Malcolm knows this is insanely dumb.  Malcolm relays this news to sex therapist Denise who he thinks makes a solid teammate with her ability to read people; they form an alliance.  Russell stumbles upon the immunity idol clue the clue in the rice, but Zane spies it from a distance and isn't pleased at Russell's denial.

Over at Tandang (yellow) beach, RC immediately bonds with Brazilian-accented Abi, but RC lies that she's an executive assistant instead of a Wall Street banker.  Abi wants to of course play the flirty girl game and Pete knows what she's doing but isn't totally opposed.  The three form an immediate alliance, and RC pulls Skupin in for a strong four with a person who really knows the game.  Skupin's like hey OK gotta play this game fast or I'll fall behind and get screwed.  Lisa Whelchel AKA Blair from The Facts of Life is not going to tell the others about her past, instead focusing on her current Christian moms role (she all that FoL money in the 80s).  When the others express distrust in Lisa, Skupin pulls her aside at night to tell her he recognizes her and thinks using the child star card might give her a bond with the others.  Skupin just can't stop survivin', getting blisters, cuts, and a big nasty gash on the bottom of his foot.  Keep him away from an open flame!

The three tribes converge for this season's first immunity challenge and I guess everyone stocked up on the face paint in the boat shopping spree.  Pairs are tied together to essentially complete a long obstacle course, which includes a rope ladder, paddling a boat, swimming a box to shore, and of course a puzzle.  Not-the-leader Russell gets super bossy over who does which portions, which you can see visibility irritates his team.  In the challenge he's loud and bossy too, which I think he views as helpful but is instead ridiculously irritating.  Kalamaw (red) wins immunity and reward of a complete fire-making kit.  As second place, Tandang (yellow) wins flint, and at least safety.  And the losers get diddly except a ticket to Tribal Council.

Matsing heads to camp dejected and while Russell is giving yet another speech, Zane cuts in to say he did terrible at the challenge and deserves to go home.  Except it's Zane's insane master plan to hopefully take Russell out.  It's working pretty well mostly because Russell is digging his own grave by telling everyone what to do and Zane is likable.  The only problem the tribe thinks they could encounter in their desire to save Zane is that they think Russell has an idol.  Russell does not have an idol and acknowledges that while he's confident, he also knows he messed up in playing the leader card too hard.

First Tribal Council- squeeeeeeal!  Russell admits he reverted back to his dictator mode and going out first would be a dagger in the heart.  As everyone rambles in Tribal basically agreeing that Russell has annoyed them for three days, it hits Russell that he's screwed.  Discussion moves to the importance of performance in challenges.  Zane admits his weakness again, mentioning he quit smoking before the show and wants a cig (LOL).  Unfortunately for Zane, challenges do matter in the early weeks and he's the first voted out of the game.

September 17, 2012

Reality Rundown: Oh Great, A Stripper Pole Dance

9/17/2012 Posted by Mel Got Served No comments

So You Think You Can Dance - I hate to say this as usually I'm a mega fan, but I'm relieved SYTYCD is coming to an end.  I wasn't totally wowed this season like season's past.  The final four is meh with a predictable men's winner and one girl I forget exists every week.  Director Rob Marshall joins the judges panel and I'll have to IMDB him to remember anything he did.  Tonight is the performance finale where all four perform one last time, we vote, and next week a male and female winner are crowned.  Because this show hates making recaps easy each dancer performs five times- ughhhh.

Ok, so favorite routines of the night.  Eliana and Cyrus perform a paso doble to Daft Punk (immediate win) where instead of the woman as the cape, it's Cyrus in that role.  I've harper on Cyrus' dancing but he stepped it up and Eliana is a badass.  Two trained ballet dancers (Eliana and Chehon) perform a stunning pas de deux to the Nutcracker Suite with gorgeous lines, lifts and jumps.  I'm not a Chehon fan but I can't deny his fantastic dancing in a contemporary routine with All Star Allison about pushing a girl away to pursue her dreams.  Travis Wall creates another great, amazing piece set to the most depressing song ever ("Without You" and all I can picture is The Rules of Attraction).  Cyrus gets to dance with other SYTYCD hip hop icon Twitch to the first reanimation routine and it's of course awesome.  I got goosebumps.  Eliana and Alex Wong are perfection when they dance together and I want to capture them in a musical box to dance together for all eternity.  Nigel calls Eliana his favorite dancer on this series of ALL TIME.

Meh for medium.  Cyrus breaks Tiffany's heart in a hip hop routine I don't love with a lot of herky jerky lifts.  In the dude dance, Cyrus and Chehon show the emotional fight and struggle of being on the show. Despite some strong lifts, I barely remember the piece.  Tiffany and Chehon do a rumba likely to allow Chehon another routine with an open white button-down shirt.  Tiffany and All Star Will (season 4) take on a jazz about how far she's come and I honestly 100% forgot this routine.

And then there's the WTF number.  In a burlesque Broadway routine, Tiffany and Eliana dance on a stripper pole together.  The vampy song from Chicago is appropriate but the dance I can't tolerate.  The costumes are super distracting too with so many beads and stuff.  Just seriously, WTF.

Also, there's a quirky Tyce Diorio routine where they're dressed as conductors and each get to show their own style and flair a little. Toss in a little dubstep remix for hip hop flair.  Cyrus does the slippery penguin (sliding on your stomach across the floor). It's fun.  And in whoa-awesome stuff, a one legged French b-boy performs with crutches and it's spectacular.

Now let's get this GD season over with because I'm boooored.


September 13, 2012

Big Brother 14: McKayla Is Not Impressed with Big Brother

9/13/2012 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Big Brother 14 - Week 9
In a rehash of Thursday's events, Jenn is still a dunce who thinks she's aligned with Dan, though he keeps up his act. Dan becomes the new HOH and his intended target was actually Quack Pack member Ian, but when Ian wins the veto Dan considers getting Shane out.  Danielle is, of course, pro-Shane and gets Shane saved. Danielle flips out at being the replacement nominee because she understands nothing.  Joe is eliminated and you won't hear me crying, though you can probably hear Joe yelling from the jury house.  Jenn gets ridiculously pissy about not getting Shane out because it took her this long to realize no one is really aligned with her.  Dan realizes his awesome situation was wasted on an elimination as shitty as Joe and if Ian finds out that he was supposed to be a target, he'll be screwed.  Despite his fears, Dan continues his snake-like game in the house.  He confirms a final two deal with Ian.  Shane learns from Danielle he was supposed to go on the block, yet doesn't question if his role as a pawn was true.  Again, Dan gets off easily.

The backyard is filled with old props from the competitions of this past summer for a trip down memory lane.  With car steering wheels in hand, they navigate a ball through a driveshaft to select number answers to the corresponding day an event happened in the house.  For every day you are off from the correct day you get a penalty point and the person with the lowest penalty points wins.  This HOH is "hugely important" to Ian so, no surprise, this brainy challenge is totally in his favor (but you ball flipping ability matters to).  Either Danielle is a moron or a failure with rolling a ball, racking up crazy penalty points.  Shane doesn't remember he was the first person to use the veto (to save himself), while Ian completely fails on getting the ball to the right slot, leading a a final tie-breaker round.  Both guys know the answer to the question (day the first coach went home), so it's a matter of the ball and Ian gets 2 away, while Shane is 4.  Ian wins the HOH competition and everyone is quietly pissed.

Ian gets another Pandora's Box, excited to be the first BB houseguest to ever get two PBs.  He is teased with a "message from someone who loves you" and a photo of his parents and five minutes to decide.  Knowing the consequences could suck, Ian still chooses to take the video message and as soon as he hits play it's instead the red-headed, awful laugh Rachel from BB12/BB13 telling Ian she's so proud and loves him so much.  "I'm gonna give you advice on how to win Big Brother, yay!" Ian looks pained in the face and it's hysterical.  The rest of the house gets video messages from home.  Shane asks if the videos were live, showing the sheer level of stupidity in people they recruit for this show.
Ian celebrates with his little HOH room key, but the rejoicing is brief since nominations are soon.  Jenn is the obvious target, but someone from the QP has to be nominated alongside her.  Ian suggests to Dan that he nominates him in return, to keep up appearances.  Dan shits himself again so decides to talk his way out of it and suggests Shane as a safer option.  The Dan Kool Aid works and it's Shane who is nominated with Jenn.

In a Salvador Dali looking POV competition, the houseguests have to assemble a puzzle while needing to fly to another platform to hit a buzzer to make sure the puzzle doesn't demagnify.  Make sense?  'Course not, it's Big Brother.  Shane wins the veto, which completely ruins Dan's plan to screw Shane over and vote him out this week.  As a bonus luxury prize for winning the POV, Shane and a guest (he picks Danielle, probably to avoid her whine wrath) ride in a limo, hold hands, experience the outside world (gas is $4.33!), and go on their first date. VOMIT.  The limo brings them to see a tour of the Olympic gymnast champions, giving them insight into the awesome shit that went down in London that they missed.  They even get to meet the Fierce 5 which is maybe the most hilarious thing ever as they're like "OMG I can't believe we're meeting them! I'm jittery!" and they didn't even see the Olympics or these girls peform.  Other best moment: the Fierce 5 pretending they even know about Big Brother and bitchface McKayla giving her scowl to Shane, telling her about the "not impressed" meme.  Shane and Dani give some overreaction faces to the gymnasts and kiss in the limo. GROSS.

In the spirit of speeding this game up, the Chenbot surprises the five remaining houseguests with a spontaneous eviction.  Tonight's eviction is between Jenn and Danielle, as Shane used the veto on himself and Ian is so GD dumb to buy into a Renegades 2 with Dan.  While seeing Dan completely destroy Danielle would be epic, it doesn't happen.  Jenn is eliminated in a 2-0 vote, booooring.  The Quack Pack celebrates making the final four while Jenn gets to enjoy a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with Julie Chen.

Dan, Danielle and Shane compete in the latest Head of Household competition. They saw photos earlier this week of their time in the house and have to answer True/False questions about those photos.  The only time I paid attention to this was when I thought Julie Chen couldn't pronounce fajitas.  After seven rounds, Dan and Danielle compete head-to-head in a tiebreaker question that's impossible to guess.  Danielle wins the HOH based on Price as Right bidding rules and I'll make the early buh bye Ian guess.

Meanwhile in jury house, Ashley fake meditates, blows bubbles, and makes dream boards to make things happen in the game.  Her first dream board comes true when Frank does win HOH and Britney joins her in jury.  Then Frank joins with a creepy Boogie "Daddy's home!" and Ashley is excited for him to be there so they can makeout.  Frank is miffed that Dan didn't keep his word, the same thing Frank did to Britney, and Frank gets loud about it.  Then loud Joe comes to feed everyone awful food, and Britney and Frank get into it again about Frank's hypocritical opinions. I like Frank but it's true: he lies to you and it's OK, lie to Frank and it's wrong.

Danielle is the HOH which guarantees her a spot in the final three, but also gives her the position of being the first to ax a Quack Pack member.  Dan is psyched because no matter what happens he had final three deals.  Dan also tells Danielle to put up him and Ian because either Ian goes or Dan gets crazy sneaky and boots Shane.  At the nomination ceremony at the teeny dollhouse looking table, Danielle keeps Shane safe and nominates Dan and Ian.  None of this stuff really matters this week as the sole decider is the person who wins the veto. 

The veto competition is to complete a molecule puzzle of events in the houses with the faces of the former houseguests.  Danielle wins the veto, giving her sole control this week and she's so excited for her and her boys (Dan, Shane) to make final three.  But Dan's not done with his insane smooth talk and convinces Danielle to use the veto to save him, put Shane as the replacement, and let Dan control the vote.  Dan only has a final three, not final two, with Shane.  She is dumb enough to believe Dan's word that he'll vote out Ian.  Danielle rejoices with Shane, kissing in celebration.  "I guess that was a good thank you," says Shane.  They repulse me.

Danielle uses the Power of Veto to save Dan, which the audience gasping/aww'ing.  On day 69 (LOL RITE GUYS?)  Shane is surprised to be nominated and gives the longest rambling speech ever that I could give two shits about.  Dan gives a speech about getting blood on his hands and that he had to break it up, casting the one vote to evict Shane.  Danielle is completely shocked, Ian breathes is the creepiest heavy way, Shane brushes off Dan, and it's out to the Chenhot he goes.  So here's a lesson people: stop trusting Dan, YA IDIOTS.

September 11, 2012

Survivor: Philippines Pre-Show Winner Prediction

It's the most wonderful tiiiiiime of the year! SURVIVOR TIME! I'm so excited for this season's Survivor with a much more interesting twist on returning players. There will be three tribes and each will have a returning castaway who was medically evacuated from the game. These people deserve the chance because they got screwed, not for some dumb conflict ploy (Russell Hantz). The new season of Survivor: Philippines starts September 19th and now comes my favorite part: the pre-show winner prediction. Again I've poured over bios, watched all the videos. I'm ready to make my guess.

MELISSA PREDICTS....


Malcolm will win Survivor: Philippines

"Play it just a little sociopathic" is what Malcolm advises and I fell in love with the way he views this game. THIS sounds like a player, and he's been a fan all his life. He's actually very smart, but he looks like he could be dumb dude. He seems charismatic and likable, a person people will want to align with. His big obstacle will be being perceived as a physical threat however I think there's a lot of other guys that would get targeted first (ahem, Pete). My runner-up is RC because she seems smart and physical, but I'm having a vibe that a guy wins this season. She also seems stronger on paper than her video, so I wonder if she'll just not connect with others. And lest you think I didn't notice or care: Blair from The Facts of Life is on this show. The nostalgic side of me is so excited, but I'm also a little leery because I've heard some of her religious views that don't sit well with my own thoughts. BUT, kind of an awesome get. Next year: Tootie.


Who do you think will win Survivor: One World? Leave your prediction in the comments or tweet me @melgotserved. Get it right and you'll get a shout-out at the end of the season.


Photo Credit: CBS

Bachelor Pad 3: I'm the Schmuck with $250,000

9/11/2012 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Bachelor Pad 3 - Finale
It's the Bachelor Pad 3 finale which they are calling the "most disturbing episode ever" and I can't wait to see how this show defines disturbing.  All the losers sit to the site in the usual reunion setting to field questions and, if they're awesome enough, get called to the hot seat.

Shall we start the recap on the positive stuff?  Blakeley and Tony are very much in love and moving in together.  Tony had a crush on her, got friend-zoned a bunch, and stayed strong.  Persistence works, ladies and gents!  The moving-in isn't enough for Tony and he has a big surprise, as Blakeley gives a surprised side-eye to eyeone: proposal time!!  A standing ovation is had, tears abound.  It's a sweet moment amongst the shit show to come!

But the biggest drama of the night is the love saga failure of Michael Stagliano and Rachel.  He's the first on the hot seat since everyone loves him.  He thought he'd be eliminated first or second considering he won the money last season, but he was able to run shit for a while.  Him and Erica Rose aren't friends anymore and he's no longer seeing Rachel.  It seems Michael Stag was going for the summer camp hook-up approach, not finding him a wife.  Jaclyn thinks Michael is a phony who led on Rachel.  Rachel, I think, could give a crap about the prize because she's pissed at Michael Stag.  Rachel felt Michael really led her on with the swooning talk, almost ready to quit the game to follow him.  She was falling in love, he wasn't.  Michael explains, again, he wasn't down for a long distance relationship and she mutters something about "Stay tuned."  What's that you say?  Oh yeah, Michael had a girlfriend back in Chicago the whole time and it was a long distance relationship.  The crowd gasps!  Michael admits he was a liar, Rachel cries about falling for said liar.  Good news is, everyone votes to sad dumpee to win.  Just ask Michael Stagliano from season two.

Gametalk from the losers.  Jaclyn thinks it sucks that her bestie Rachel took away her chances to win the prize, especially since Rachel constantly wanted to quit to puppy dog follow Michael.  She also wishes people would give her the credit she deserves for truly controlling the game, not that failure Michael Stag.  In terms of the game, Blakeley wasn't there to make friends and just wanted Jamie to understand Chris was not loyal in the slightest.  This leads into the anti-Jamie rally which is fantastic, especially since the crowd hates her two (ZERO applause when she was introduced).  Let's also address her stupid headpiece and over-accessorized outfit, which is hilarious.  Jaclyn tells Jamie she's socially awkward, condescending and fake.  Let's add in fashion victim.

Chris Harrison interviews the final two couples, though most of this time is spent letting Rachel rant about Michael.  Nick says tried to avoid season drama, is shocked he's in the finale, and felt like he had to prove to Rachel he was a worthy partner.  It's been hard for Chris to watch this show back and his family is very disappointed in his behavior.  Yup, self-awareness that he was a douchebag.  After the short Chris Harrison talk, the losers get to ask the couples questions to help make their big voting decision.  Rachel feels bad for betraying Jaclyn.  Chris has no regrets and was there to win, though Blakeley reminds him they choose a winner.  There's a fair share of Chris apologies and he asks that they not vote for him, but they should vote for Sarah for fighting hard and getting to the end.  It's a lame questioning and voting quickly happens.  In the no shit moment, Nick and Rachel get the majority and win. 

In the final test of their forced partnership, Nick and Rachel have to determine how this prize money goes.  $250,000 on the line, they have to choose to Keep the prize or Share to split the money evenly.  But if one chooses Share, the other Keep, the keeper gets all the cash.  Yay, greed!  If Rachel and Nick both pick keep, all the losers split the prize money.  Rachel feels they have built a level of trust and friendship and Nick thinks they have a different partnership (meaning they didn't bang) that is on the same page.  The losers deliberate what choice each will make, which most assume will be share because why be a greedy jerk?  They take jabs at Nick not even really playing the game most of the time, just chilling and voting however he was told to.  Nick and Rachel return to the stage to reveal their selections.  Rachel lost out of love, doesn't want to lose the money, and knows you need a partner to win so she selects Share.  Nick busts out that weird aggression he showed a couple weeks back, using his hands to swat around about how no one expected him to be at the end.  Everyone giggles, but Nick was hurt by seeing on the show that no one appreciated him making it to the end and he was an outsider.  He maintains he did it alone and Rachel never wanted to be his partner, trying to leave three times eventhough it would screw him over.  Nick the season ghost becomes the coolest dude ever with the biggest F-U ever and chooses KEEP! AHAHAHAHAHA.  Mouths agape, cheers, laughter, shock, clapping.  It's amazing and it's why you never underestimate those random people in the game.

Rachel is livid.  "Are you kidding me?  I brought you here.  You're here because of me." Rachel says.  Nick insists no one wanted to partner with him and he played alone.  Nick asks who came to the show to win $125,000? No one, they came for $250,000.  Well played, Nick.  I too mocked your lack of presence my touche, my friend.  So to recap, Nick has $250 and Rachel has $0 and got dumped.  Nick insists she only stuck around because Michael wanted to.  And then comes the best dialogue of the night:

"Ugh, you're such a fucking schmuck. You are disgusting."
"I'm the schmuck with $250,000."

Chris asks the losers what he thinks of the outcome, especially since Jaclyn thought Rachel should've kept all the money.  Jaclyn thinks Rachel deserved it and Nick didn't.  Kalon reminds everyone that no one deserves the money; it's a game.  Kalon gives the "well played, man" for Nick being so under the radar and pulling off such a ballsy, dick move.  Tony asks if Nick will feel bad the next day for the decision and while Rachel says he lucked out, Nick insists it was an under-the-radar play.  Erica Rose's question is actually great which is would he have done this to any partner or was it just the situation? Nope, it was just because of Rachel's behavior.  LOLOL.  And then the show wraps with Rachel flipping out on Nick backstage and the rest of the cast feeling major pity.  AWESOME FINALE, says me.  I LOVE THIS SHOW.

September 9, 2012

Reality Rundown: Just Give Cyrus His Prize Already

9/09/2012 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
So You Think You Can Dance

So You Think You Can Dance - The top six perform three times this week, a solo, once with an All Star, and once with a fellow season niner.  The judges just get to sit pretty and not make any big decisions as all choices are now in the hands of the public.  Christina Applegate returns to guest judge because god forbid they get a choreographer or someone new there.

First routines: paired with All Stars. Tiffany keeps up with SYTYCD legend, season two winner Benji Schwimmer in a fast and fun jive.  I'm more excited because while I love Benji, choreographer Jean Marc Generaux returns!  Cole and last season's winner Melanie showcase a softer side after weeks of Cole being creeper characters.  There were a lot of lifts but it was her lifting him which was crazy.  Interesting, different number which is where Sonja's choreography shines.  Christina Applegate says "See you next week 'cause you're so good" which in retrospect of watching was the worst comment ever.  Eliana and Twitch dance a doo-wop twinged hip hop with Twitch where she's a gorgeous ballerina in love/lust with the postman.  Christopher Scott's corny choreographer failed them. In a Tyce Diorio contemporary routine, Chehon and Kathryn become people who move on from a tragedy with just one suitcase left.  It's a wonderful piece, bringing so many emotions to the table along with amazing dancing.  I'm not a Chehon fan, but mad props to his dancing.  Witney and season eight's Marco (didn't even recognize him) perform a lyrical waltz about a bride having second thoughts at the altar.  A chemistry-filled partnership, there's some beautiful lifts and as Christina Applegate points out, a lot of hair in the face again.  Cyrus is given a golden ticket when teamed with All Star Comfort in a dubstep number, which is crazy paced and features a lot of different facets.  The intro was stunning to me, as Cyrus is entranced and pulled into the screen by the vixen on screen tempting him.  It then gets full on and faster, a fun hip hop that essentially is handing him the SYTYCD male prize next week.

After the All Star numbers and solos, the season niners dance together. Witney and Chehon perform a cha cha by Jean-Marc Genereux (again!! I'm dying) and it's OK. Mary Murphy points out Chehon's improved but still isn't very good, though it's Witney's specialty so she helps sell it.  Mia Michaels returns for original choreography (and not shitty knock-offs) with a phenomenal routine about hatred, mimicking the headbutting rams do.  This number basically leaves me speechless, which isn't great for blogging.  Who knew fighting could be so beautiful??  Cyrus and Tiffany's ballroom number is a 50s episode of a TV show that never aired and I could make the obvious joke here but I won't.  Instead they sexy dance in the house because that's what the kids do: sexy dance parties.  It's a good routine, another solid performance to give Cyrus the win.

Favorite routines of the night: Cyrus/Comfort dubstep, Eliana/Cole ram fight, Chehon/Kathyrn's contemporary, and Witney/Marco's lyrical jazz.

In other dancing, the six perform as a group to some contemporary/jazz routine featuring masquerade maskes and a lot of tulle.  A guest performance by Oakland Access Company features a handicapped man in a wheelchair dancing with a partner who is not handicapped. It's very interesting and unique as the standing man mimics the other, including some interesting poses and angles.

The dancing numbers over, it's time for the crappy part: eliminations.  The judges don't get to do diddly so it's all based on America and they better get it right (I might've voted? I forgot already).  Tiffany and Eliana are the two girls heading to the finale, eliminating peppy little Witney.  I honestly said "Whaaaaaattttttt?" when Tiffany got through. I don't get it. People must love Celine Dion.  The biggest travesty, however, is Cole being eliminate in favor of a Chehon/Cyrus final two.  Chehon did perform amazing the past two weeks, but his personality is Dullsville, USA.  So tune in next week to see Cyrus win and see which girl America likes more.

September 6, 2012

Big Brother 14: Preesh Out

9/06/2012 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Big Brother 14 - Week 8
 
Gahhhh endurance.  God give me strength to survive the boredom.  So Joe falls off two minutes into hanging, before the first commercial break even happened.  He of course uses the Brendon Villegas big feet defense.  As first down, Joe receives a punishment of having to hula hoop whenever horns sound which is the only sound possibly louder than Joe's voice.  Jen falls after five minutes, surpriiiiiise.  The others keep spinning with Shane doing Borat impressions making me want to die.  Ian and Shane are the last two spinning and this long time rotating around a giant styrofoam planet gives Ian a chance to give space trivia.  Shane makes a deal with Ian to save himself and Dani, who gives his word and a corny hand gesture to signal that the Quack Pack never ended.  Now Ian can avenge Britney's eviction.

In random house shit this week: Danielle is still a Shane-obsessor, thrilled at the prospect of staying in the same bed, more kissing, the idea that Shane once called her "his girlfriend," and Shane protecting her in the game.  Frank finally gets to lose the carrot suit.  HOH Ian opens Pandora's Box for "the best Christmas ever" and wins a bunch of stuff: $1,000, science kits, toys, candy, and some fun stuff for the house (volcano kit, Legos, etc).  Most importantly it includes a quieter hammock so the squeaking will be reduced from Ian's incessant rocking.  The punishment is that BB8/9 reject and jacked up toolbag Jessie "Mr. Pectacular" comes into the house dressed as Santa in a Speedo.  He takes all the junk food and replaces it with healthy stuff.  Ian admits he probably has ADHD or something similar, hence his constant need to be perpetually moving and making hammocks creak loudly.

Ian's first mission as HOH and is getting Quack Pack back together, eventhough Dan a billion percent sold them out last week.  Dan doesn't care where he's aligned as long as he's still in the game.  Ian gets his HOH room, rocks in his bed shirtless, and gets the Quack Pack back together with the plan of nominating Frank and Jenn.  They seal it with a dumb quack quack quack and GD what a stupid alliance name.  Frank attempts to save himself, providing some solid arguments like he can't nominate him next week because of his punishment.  Ian's a little torn what to do in terms of his best game move. Come nomination time, despite the hesitations expressed to Dan, Ian nominates Frank and Jenn.  As he reminded us, Frank has been nominated every single week in this house except the weeks he was HOH.  Ouch.

Jenn and Frank are in no way surprised they're nominated.  Jenn of course thinks she's potentially the target because she's such a major player in this game LOLOL.  Danielle assures her that it's Frank that want out, not her but Jenn does the "pawns always go home" line which works any other season but this one where that hasn't happened.  Frank is worried his final two partner Dan could be a replacement, but Dan could give a shit because he has no intent of keeping that deal.  Frank is down to throw Dan the veto to protect Dan and remove Jenn (not himself) from the block and keep the "alliance" in tact.  Oh Judas.  Joe learns that if the veto is used, he has to be the replacement nominee due to his deal to protect Shane and Danielle.  He's nervous but at least he doesn't immediately shout "I'M NERVOUS."

All but Shane play in this week's veto which is the standard seasonal repeat of Otev the Veto god.  This year's iteration is an "absent-minded" shitty looking alien in a spaceship that crashed into a barnyard, because that makes sense.  The alien makes Mac & Me look sophisticated. I miss the monocled top hat clam version.  The HGs have to retrieve corn cob clues to trivia and present them to Otev as "fuel" to get the ship back to Planet Veto, with the last to arrive being eliminated.  I'll at least give credit to the show for making a sweet backyard set-up of hard to find places with wheat, mud, water, and hay.  Jenn makes it to top 3, but the finale showdown is Frank vs. Dan.  They have a pow-wow before the final Otev round, with Frank worrying about trusting Dan by throwing the competition.  So there's no throwing and instead it's a battle to find Ashley's ear of corn and Dan gets it back to that Peep looking alien schmuck Otev.

Aligned-with-everyone-Dan now has all the power, in between two power alliances.  Dan makes a Renegades-to-the-end final two deal with Ian, adding it to his other collection of final two deals he has with others (Danielle, Frank).  Making sure to cross his T's and dot the I's, Dan plans to use his veto to remove Jenn from the block to 1.) return the favor from last week and 2.) keep up appearances of his non-alliance.  Ian thinks pulling Frank down would be a good choice because he can't be HOH next week and would be a "sitting duck" (Quack Pack puns!!)  But Ian agrees to fake anger if Dan uses the veto on Jenn and put Joe up as the replacement.  Frank is too dumb to understand what Dan is doing, with Dan even getting some rattlesnake music cues for his slithering gameplay.  So after game chats to make Jenn grateful, blah blah blah, Dan uses the veto to remove "Jenn-City" from the block and Joe is the nominee alongside Frank.  Doesn't matter cause Frank's a goner.

Frank hustles for votes to make sure he stays.  Dan makes a major slip-up to Frank mentioning Joe being around next week but Frank is too dumb to notice.  Joe tries hustlin' to Ian, who recommends Joe lay low which probably means speaker in a lower volume.  Joe is the only person not kissing Dan's ass but makes a major blooper talking in the dark to who he thinks is Shane but is actually Dan.  But the house has no idea until the Chenbot tells them that tonight is a Fast Forward Double Eviction night.  In a 3-1 vote, Frank is evicted from the Big Brother house and brings his summerlong teddy bear Ted with him.  Frank is pretty shocked because he's soooo gullible.  Now selfishly, I wish Frank won for my pre-show winner prediciton where I did better than years past (I beat the week 3 curse! OK it was production rigged but who cares).  BUT, as @phil_robinson pointed out, Frank went home with 3 weeks left so clearly 3 is my magic number.

And so the fast forward begins.  All the HGs except for outgoing HOH Ian compete in a trivia competition to identify the houseguest who said the given statement while begging for mercy before their eviction.  Dan continues his momentum of actually winning competitions and becomes the HOH, though he won based on a ridic tie-breaker question about how many minutes Jodie was in the house.  Before nominations even bigger, Joe takes a seat in the nomination chair expecting the obvious/inevitable.  Dan nominates Joe and Ian for eviction.  For Ian's sake, let's hope this competition is related to rocking or breaking a hammock.  Nope, the yard quickly because a fishtank for "Swimming with the Sharks" which is to navigate a shark's fin through a long puzzle.  Cue the low-end Jaws music!  Ian navigates his way through the puzzle and wins the POV which means it's going to be a boring, obvious eviction.  Dan scrambles to decide who to put up as the replacement, with the Chenbot getting testy to keep things on schedule.  Ian takes himself off the block and in a surprising move puts Danielle on the block next to Joe. Except, DUH, this is the way to solidify Joe goes home so YAWN as Ian, Shane, and Jenn all vote to evict Joe.  At least our ear drums get a break/