January 28, 2013

The Bachelor: Only One Pity Rose Per Episode

1/28/2013 Posted by Mel Got Served , , 1 comment
The Bachelor - Week 4

100lb Selma is Sean's first date of the week and he whisks her off on a private jet to the desert, specifically Joshua Tree National Park.  And despite her boasts of Iraqi heritage, Selma doesn't do well in the heat and terrified of the day ahead.  Better fake it til you make it, hun!  On top of hating the heat, the outdoors, and physical activity, Selma is afraid of heights making their rock climbing date even more of a delight.  Thankfully the two make it to the top safely and there isn't another 127 Hours situation on the world's hands.  Dinner that night is at this RV park with themed little trailers.  It's a cute little place that I wonder if it's for real or if the show set it up.  This is truly the dullest date ever, to the point I can't even snark because it's boring. Sean explains why he's still single (didn't want to commit in the past) and Selma talks about her strict Arabic family and they probably won't enjoy her kissing on TV.  Sean really wants to kiss, but Selma explains she can't kiss him because of her beliefs.  Selma gets the rose and Sean's tongue remains in his own mouth for the evening.

Hoping to push someone to the brink of manslaughter, the show sends the group date girls on roller derby date.  Sean wonders who will get aggressive and immediately the world shouts "TIERRA!"  Everyone is falling on their tailbones, including one-armed Sarah who is scared and not sure she can partake cause you know, one arm.  Sean comforts and encourages Sarah so she gives it a try.  Bitchy Amanda takes the approach of intimidation until she face plants onto her jaw.  Amanda is taken to the hospital with a potentially broken jaw, but the date must go on!  There's no awesome violent derby but instead a corny free skate.  This episode gets more boring by the minute.

The rollerskates are swapped for six inch heals and a rooftop pool party- yesss.  Sean tells one-armed Sarah how amazing she did skating.  Amanda returns with her jaw in-tact but fully intends to play the sympathy card to get ahead with Sean.  He gives her a chin kiss (no tongue).  Tierra continues to be nails on a chalkboard, bickering with Robyn and claiming she's a big girl but gets overdramatic, demands to leave, pouts like a child, and blames it on the others.  "I can't be tortured like this!!"  Sean, meanwhile, is busy making out with that crazy bride chick and making hot tub plans.  Tierra interrupts the walk to the hot tub and cries more to Sean because she's clearly not made to be on this polygamy show.  But she doesn't leave, of course, and Sean gives her the rose.  See people, it pays to be an attention-seeking drama queen.

Date #3 is for Leslie H and comes with some pear-drop diamond earrings to wear on their date.  Sean takes Leslie shopping on Rodeo Drive, which is apparently everyone's dream.  Leslie is so excited to live out her favorite movie, Pretty Woman, because yet again everyone forgets Richard Gere buys whatever the PROSTITUTE wants.  After a new dress, heels, and purse, a tux'd up Sean brings her over to Neil Lane to borrow a big-ass 120 karat diamond necklace.  An elegant dinner for two is set up at the Bradbury which seems to be maybe an old bank or something.  Sean keeps the romance flowing, asking about Leslie's past relationships, dreams for family, and ultimately her fracture parents.  Yup, Sean loves the conversation with her but something is missing and that's his desire to sloppily kiss her.  The bad news is Leslie gets friend-zoned and dumped.  And she misses out on a private concert by some rando performer!  The good news is she can keep the diamond earrings!  Wined, dined, showered in riches, and then dumped?  Just like the original intended ending of Pretty Woman.

Sean kicks off the cocktail party explaining his dumping of Leslie and requests them to ask questions when they have doubt.  Robyn practices her best pickup line on Sean, asking which chocolate he'd prefer to taste.  He declines the candy for her.  Tierra worries the other girls will tattle on her being an overdramatic demon, so she apologizes to Robyn and Jackie who kinda take accept it but also point out she's miserable to be around.  Tierra moans to Sean about how hard life in the house is and everyone picks on her, claiming she's not a person who thrives on drama.  Once again the season lead is smitten with the psycho hose beast and jaded by the facade he sees.  Catherine flirts with Sean, who was worried she was friend-zoning him, and they end up sneaking off for a sloppy kiss.  But soon Chris Harrison clinks the glass to end the party and gets to tha dumpin'.  Sean gives a cornball speech about the amazing week and getting deeply invested and blah blah, let's get to the heart crushing.  Sean can only commit to one pity rose a week, and he dumps Amanda and her bruised jaw.

Next Week on The Bachelor: two episodes of Tierra being overdramatic!


Arizonagal said...

I love your blog! Selma, very impressed w/her nostril hygiene, prompted me to take a look at my own nostrils, I find them lacking! No kissing on dating show? Puhlease.

Tierra, high maint, when will men learn high maint is not worth it. Keep on blogging Mel.