March 28, 2013

Reality Rundown: Enjoy Your Diarrheafest

The Amazing RaceSurvivor: Caramoan

The Amazing Race - The race begins by apologizing to Vietnam veteran families for maybe offending them last week at a B-52 bombing site.  With that sorry out of the way, the teams fly on the same flight to Maun, Botswana and then take charter flights to the Makgadikgani Pans National Park (had to pause to type that one).   Then, because we haven't seen enough transportation, the teams have to drive to their next clue.

The first clue is a Roadblock to dig for scorpions with a group of bushmen.  The bushmen rush up a tree when they see a lions, leaving Caroline the country singer on the ground for lunch.  The challenge isn't that hard considering the bushmen do most of the work, like putting it to sleep in their mouth (YEAH), and the racers just have to hold it for a hot second before it goes in a jar.  The bushmen aren't done yet and get to ride along to the next clue- roadtrip!  The clue is a Detour to make fire using sticks, grass, and zebra poop or set a trap that would catch a guinea foul but instead they have to impersonate a foul to set the trap.  The bushmen are good teachers, but building a fire is pretty tricky since it requires a bit of finesse and perseverance.  Which a lot of teams don't have and they switch to the fowl half of the Detour.  The bottom of the pack (Pam/Winnie, Chuck/Wynona) immediately choose to set up the trap and let's be honest, no one is surprised the rednecks picked this challenge

The hockey players Bates and Anthony check in as team #1 and they win a trip to Phuket, Thailand.  I'm sure they'll try to bring the country singers with them since this show is trying so hard to make us care about this maybe showmance.  News alert: no one cares.  The choice to set the traps first and not try to make fire gets Pam/Winnie and Chuck/Wynona in the 2 and 3 spot, which is pretty great considering they were looking like bottom contenders.  The derby moms and Max/Katie have a foot race to get to the Pit Stop, but it's Max and Katie that are last to check in.  The good news for them is it's a non-elimination leg which is no surprise at all. Yawn.

Survivor: Caramoan -  Tree mail says this next challenge will have the strong carry the
weak, so Bikal is shit out of luck.  But of course Phillip claims to be physical perfection, proving his strength by arm wrestling Cochran.  Yeah, point proven.  The reward challenge is to clip all team members together with belts and carrying 20lb sandbags, running around the ocean trying to catch the other team. Both tribes start slow, but begin to hustle.  Phillip complains about how he can't run, claiming the weight will take him down.  Slow Dawn makes the choice to drop out, giving her weight to Corinne.  Gota starts to pick up the pace to slaughter the terrible Bikal.  Phillip trips and falls, allowing Gota to easily catch Bikal and achieve inevitable victory.  The reward is a trip to the Survivor coffee bar complete with coffee, cookies, croissants and brownies AKA a sugar high and a case of the runs (and some tribal bonding).

At the Bikal beach, Corinne and Phillip at on each other's wits' ends.  Corinne wants to keep Michael, who's a decent player, while Phillip wants to keep Julia (who Cochran compares to the most boring vanilla flavor ever).  Julia listens but also knows Phillip is a plague that ruins the tribe and getting rid of him is smart, so she lets Dawn know all about her talk.  Dawn promises to keep this a secret, then runs to tell Phillip (who calls Julia's mistake a "foo pas."). The bros of Gota, Malcolm and Reynold head into the ocean for a chat because the strong guys will be the first to target.  Reynold opens up and tells Malcolm he has the idol, which solidifies his loyalty in Malcolm's eyes (Malcolm's idol: still secret). 

This week's immunity challenge is another "WTF, how do I summarize this one?"  So sorta like, three tribe members have to retrieve a statue from the ocean via boat, and that statue will eventually be lifted after a game of ring toss grapple to retrieve keys.  Oh yay, carnival games return.  Also, is someone's credit on this show locksmith?  Phillip does a good job helping his tribe catch up with his grapple tossing, but we know Reynold has been a season-long master of shitty carnival games.  Gota wins immunity because DUH.

Bikal returns to their camp, sulking again for being losers.  Phillip whispers a confession to Cochran: he didn't want to win the challenge because they had to get rid of a fan.  Oh Phillip.  You are out of your mind.  Phillip can't deal with being the cause of a loss, so he claims he threw it instead.  Cochran loves the delusion, laughing about it in his interviews.  The favorites suggest splitting the votes between Michael and Julia, but Corinne doesn't care for it.  Corinne wants Julia out and knows there's no idol since Malcolm has it; she suggests they band together and vote together to give Michael confidence.  Phillip doesn't like it, surprise, and keeps claiming the Boston Rob (called "B.R." by Phillip) knowledge is telling him to get rid of Michael to weaken Corinne.

Tribal time!  What becomes apparent at Tribal is that Phillip and Corinne butt heads, a lot.  It's about an end goal of sticking together, which they have to keep in mind and tolerate it.  Phillip admits he lost the challenge for the tribe, but doesn't admit his alleged throwing.  Michael becomes a topic of discussion because he could be perceived as a target just because Corinne wants to be his friend.  Julia talks about something too but she's such a nonentity that I don't even rewind to catch what she said.  The votes are split into a 3/3 tie for Michael and Julia, forcing a re-vote.  Forgettable Julia is eliminated with a goodbye bow.