March 14, 2013

Reality Rundown: Goodbye Rice, Beans, and Brandon

The Amazing RaceSurvivor: Caramoan

The Amazing Race - When we left off last week, Dave and Connor learned that this leg of the race was not over. Normally this would be gung-ho, except Dave has a torn Achilles and maaaaybe it would be wise to let it heal.  Despite the cliffhanger that maybe Dave really thinks hard, he doesn't an instead they head to the airport to catch a flight to Bali, Indonesia.  There is no elimination this leg and everyone keeps on racing, showing teams over and over going to travel agents to buy tickets. It is boring as hell.

Upon landing in Indonesia, teams head to the best named located ever: Monkey Forest. Can I live there?  To get the next clue they'll have to give a coconut to a monkey and retrieve the clue from inside the torn apart coconut, which is harder than it seems.  I really hope a monkey slaps one of the racers (the country singers, preferably, who had a pet squirrel that died on loneliness).  The damn tourists are distracting the monkeys, giving the racers this annoying sense of entitlement to tell other tourists to be quiet.  The clue is a Detour with a choice of collecting and transporting sand from a river or prepare a religious offering of fruit.  Everyone does the fruit except Mona/Beth, the roller derby moms who seem to always pick the opposite of the group.  John and Jessica go to the wrong address and end up at random dude's house, thinking he is the task since he's got flower petals in his backyard.  It takes some time before another person who speaks English tells them they're in the wrong driveway.  This is amazing.  Them constructing a fruit tower?  Not so much and these dopes switch Detours and head to the sand.

The next clue is found at Uluwata Surf Beach where they encounter a Roadblock to find a surfboard with a picture of the Tahitian priest they met in Bora Bora.  They also have to carry this surfboard to the Pit Stop and if it's wrong, run back and get the right one.  Well I mean we always remember the first Bora Boran priest we met, so finding the surfboard isn't that hard for some teams.  Several teams pick the wrong surfboard, eagerly running up to Phil only to be sent back down the hill and the intimidating staircase.  Other teams just fail at finding Phil and following signs that are essentially saying "Phil Keoghan, this way."  Dave and Connor check in as team #1 again (it pays to sneak a peak at someone else's board) and they win $5,000 each.  That'll cover Dave's surgery!!  After several failed visits, Chuck and Wynona find the right board before Jessica and John.  John won't stop searching, unable to find the right surfboard, a refusal to give-up, and denial that maybe they are last place keeps John looking.  Day turns to pitch black night and he refuses to use the Express Pass, even after an hour and fifteen minutes of looking.  The board is right, the leg is completed, but Jessica and John (who were kinda frontrunners) are eliminated from the race.

Survivor: Caramoan - For this reward challenge, two members of each tribe have to keep a net up by holding the rope as others toss coconuts into the net.  The winning tribe gets a barbeque of sausage, steak, veggies and some wine to sip it all down.  So much food for Brandon to pee on!  Philip uses his time holding the rope of psych out the other teams, razzing them.  Fan Sherri isn't the greatest, so Probst makes sure to announce that "Sherri is worthless."  Brandon is the first to lose grip of the rope, then Matt.  Philip and Michael are battling to hole on as long as possible.  Michael releases the rope and the favorites win again, and they owe that to Phillip.  He might be a lunatic, but he's a strong loon.

The fans commiserate about being total losers and they need a change. The big news is that since Reynold played his idol, it's back in play.  Quick, everyone go shove your hands into random tree holes!  The tribe scatters to find the idol for themselves, hoping anyone but Reynold finds it.  Tough shit because Reynold finds the idol again and decides to keep it quiet this time so he won't be a target (though he tells Eddie).  The rain is taking a toll on Gota, with nasty wet feet, soaking clothes, a fire that's barely hanging on and hiding-in-the-shelter syndrome.

Brandon's having a weird week, feeling selfish about being on the show and asking to quit, then saying no keep me I'm doing this for my family.  He even admits to others that he was going to freak out, burn the shelter, and pee on the beans and rice.  Great things to admit!  Even with a barbeque, Brandon gets all moody again and even more pissed because Phillip takes all the credit for the challenge win.  Brandon tells Phillip his opinions are less input and more of a dictatorship, which turns into a mini argument, the tribe questioning Brandon's stability, and Brandon biting his tongue (for one day before a freakout about creating fire). Phillip and the tribe whisper about possibly throwing the challenge to get rid of this loose cannon, which gets Brandon all pissy when he hears it.  Brandon decides to give a reason to vote him out and dumps out all the rice and beans, shouting "C'mon bitch!" to Phillip.  Brandon is tired of being disrespected and being targeted for no reason, so he wants to take fate into his hands as to why he should be eliminated.  Forfeiting a challenge is the dumbest thing ever, but the favorites wonder if maybe that's what needs to be done.

Immunity challenge!  The fans moan about their terrible life with losing challenges, no food, shitty shelter, fatigue.  Brandon admits to not doing well and his outburst, requesting to speak to the other tribe.  Brandon tells them he's his second chance as he's giving them the night off and don't allow Phillip to make it to the end. Corinne steps up to forfeit the challenge, saying they have respect for the game and want to hash it out a tribal.  Brandon shouts that his tribe doesn't give a shit about the fans, and then goes into a major Phillip rant about how he's a fool, his stupid Stealth R Us nicknames, Boston Rob took him to the end to laugh at him, and the person taking himself out of the game is himself (not the tribe).  "You seem a little hostile," Probst says. DUH JEFF.  Brandon talks about how much his life was impacted by being on the show last time and he promised not to cry this time.  Nope this time he decided to go nutso.  Phillip and Brandon get into a back and forth shouting match.  Probst of course has to bring it to his man-crush on that dick Russell Hantz and is perhaps being an intolerable asshole in his blood?  Oh course Probst goes there.  There's more shouting and quite frankly, this isn't entertaining television.  I know I spent weeks joking about peeing on the rice and how hilarious it would be, but this confrontation is unpleasant and awkward.  An impromptu Tribal Council is held right at the challenge location and Brandon is voted out of the game, but gets a little neck massage from Probst first.

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