September 1, 2013

Big Brother 15: Julie Chen Will Serve You Real Good

9/01/2013 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Big Brother 15 - Week 9

Picking up from last week, the houseguests and jurors are balancing and catching balls towards victory.  To make things interesting, distractions are rolled out including dancing furry mascots and a loud-ass superfan with a foam finger.  Helen has one mission with her jury compatriots: rid the house of Amanda.  Jessie is the first juror to fall, leaving with the parting words, "F--- you Amanda, I hate you!" And for all the times I hated on Jessie, I briefly love her.  Helen falls, Candice loses her balance, and Judd gets a ball to the throat while confirming  his return to the game (he later falls and doesn't become HOH).  Amanda and Elissa nearly fall, but save themselves (Elissa's in the most awesome, miraculous save way).  Elissa ends up catching then balls first and becomes HOH.

Elissa kinda has to make friends now if she wants to stick around longer than a week.  She makes amends with Judd, who gave her the brush-off when he was evicted.  Later the two loners decide to team up and become a duo to take out the other pairs in the house.  Amanda is used to having full control of everyone so she immediately begins her nice-talk to Elissa to save her and McCrae.  Elissa's target this week is Aaryn, with McCrae getting nominated beside her.  Amanda freaks because the house would surely take out the pair before Aaryn.  In the meantime Elissa can indulge in her healthy HOH basket (thankfully Elissa gets a yoga mat) and a letter from her oh so famous sister Rachel (not her husband? Milk it, Big Brother).  Oh and Aaryn accidentally drinks nail polish remover.

Amanda pouts/whispers to McCrae her fears of the week, knowing that one of them will go home if they are on the block.  Instead of Amanda bossing Elissa around, McCrae tries to work some magic and suggests nominating GinaMarie who would be a vote for Aaryn to stay.  The duo are insistent they've been helping Elissa and would continue to help her (LOL).  Amanda cries.  Being loners, Elissa and Judd pair up to protect each other and take out their enemies.  Aaryn cries to Elissa that if she's nominated, McCranda will dominate, begging to stay off the block. The begging does no good: Aaryn and McCrae are nominated for eviction.

Aaryn's upset she's the target after doing other people's dirty work (guess she forgot she's spent the whole summer talking shit about Elissa).  Aaryn's bestie GinaMarie is doing some major ass-kissing, and Amanda points out if GM isn't the replacement nominee people will suspect they're working together.  But because Amanda has to butt into everything in a horribly annoying way, Elissa is re-thinking her week plans to backdoor Amanda out of the game.  Elissa even does the unthinkable: suggesting her and Aaryn align. Hell is freezing over.

Amanda gets picked for the veto competition, which means it's not a total backdoor.  Aaryn gets Houseguest's Choice and picks Judd instead of her supposed alliance member Andy.  Amanda gets all pissy that Aaryn dared make an independent decision.  Aaryn suddenly realizes that her supposed alliance could give a shit about her - DUH.  Amanda can tell Elissa and GinaMarie are talking crap about her since they go silent when she walks by, so Amanda confronts them because god forbid she let something slide.  And then Amanda has to prod at Elissa over and over to ask if she might get nominated; Elissa essentially laughs in Amanda's face. STFU Amanda.

As the houseguests attempt to sleep, a guest enters the house: ZINGBOT 3000!!!  Let's roast these shitheads, Zingbot!  McCrae gets the zing about wearing shorts because Amanda wears the pants.  He says GinaMarie is Fatal Attraction, as she slaps the table in uncontrollable laughter (McCrae points out how awful it is).  He calls Andy a pasty white, wailing, floating ghost which is a phenomenal dig.  Zingbot also tells Amanda to mail herself to McCrae in Minnesota with her embarassing drama head tramp stamp.  Elissa gets dub the cheap imitation of her sister (and hey, it's true), but also because there's is absolutely nothing to her in this game besides that.  Spencer doesn't get zinged because everyone forgets he exists.

Zingbot hosts the veto competition alongside Baby Zingbot, who was created in this very backyard last summer.  The houseguests have to roll across a beam, running back and forth to catch it.  They have to get the ball over the ramp 250 times so it's lame to watch.  Usually a complete loser, Amanda busts her streak and actually wins a competition.  And the backdoor backfires! Plus she can save McCrae from eviction too as both are safe.  "Happy Zing Day!" shouts Zingbot as the house feigns happiness.

No one thought Amanda would win since she's a big annoying loser.  Since Andy's in their alliance and also annoying, Elissa thinks he's be a better replacement nominee to screw their game.  Amanda and Elissa get into it after Elissa claims she threw the veto, so then Amanda starts ranting and raving.  Worrying that Andy could be in trouble, Amanda decides to torture Elissa nonstop so that Andy can comfort Elissa and save himself. Then GinaMarie will get nominated.  It's annoying and childish, especially the jabs about fake boobs and botox (which Amanda has gleefully talked about having before).  Andy tries to mend the fences, faking that he doesn't want to be aligned with McCranda.  Elissa ain't taking the bait and when Amanda uses her veto to save her scraggly boyfriend, her alliance member Andy takes his place.  "Sit down trash," poorsport says to Elissa.  So long 3AM.

Post-veto, Amanda continues to be annoying as hell to Elissa.  It's so funny to hear Amanda bitch and moan about Elissa walking like queen of the house when Amanda's been doing that all summer.  Realizing that Amanda/McCrae are an unbreakable pair, Andy, Spencer, Judd, and GinaMarie form "The Exterminators" to get rid of Aaryn now, McCranda next.  Aaryn campaigns to stay, pointing out that she'd be a target if she stays which is good for others.  She even tries to play both sides against each other, telling Amanda that Spencer said he'd nominate McCranda.  Spencer lies because he's not a moron who wants to feel the wrath of Amanda, nor Amanda changing her mind to evict Andy instead.

Because not that much happens and because people have horrible taste in favorite players of the game, the Thursday episode has Julie Chen interviewing season 10 winner/season 14 turd Dan Gheesling who I have no plans to recap because he's annoying.  Only thing I'll say is that he says Amanda is playing like a brat and he's cordial with everyone he previously treated like crap.  And then we're "treated" to a montage of the show's successful showmances now.

Julie interviews the houseguests to fill even more time, about Amanda/Elissa's fighting and how they're a house of slobs.  It's all to draw out the obvious eviction of Aaryn, as the world rejoices one awful houseguest is gone.  Aaryn leaves the house to a pretty low key cheering and a some boos. "We have a lot to talk about," Julie says. Julie does actually touch upon the racist remarks and she apologies and you can hear the audience cackle.  And holy shit, JULIE CHEN GOES THERE.  She reads back direct quotes from Aaryn and the audience loses it like an episode of Maury.  Aaryn claims she doesn't remember saying these things. Oh boy Aaryn, you are only getting a glimpse of the shit you're in and Julie is just dropping hints.  But hey, keep blaming Texas.

This week's Head of Household competition is "Big Hopportunity" where HGs have to maneuver a dozen eggs over a chicken wire fence and into a basket.  Little twist: their ankles are bound together for the adorable bunny effect.  Guess we understand the vote to make them wear bunny suits or chicken suits next week.  As you can imagine, watching little human hands navigate and egg through 1 inch holes of chicken wire is riveting television. And now we wait for a new HOH and next week's double eviction.  See ya then!

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