April 28, 2013

Reality Rundown: Pig Brains and Peanut Butter

The Amazing RaceSurvivor

The Amazing Race - The teams make their way to Dresden, Germany via another freakin' train (and plane). Bates the hockey player's bag gets stolen on the train, but he thankfully has his passport which is the only thing that matters. He's also 45lbs lighter which means they'll be even faster. This episode focuses heavily on the country singers and the hockey players relationship. They rely on each other, yet know it's a competition and can't decide when to sever ties. I truly do not care.

When they arrive in Germany they hop in Ford product placements and have to answer three trivia questions before they can get their clue and drive away. And we have to watch over and over. Ugh, we get it. The next clue is found at Brandenburg Gate, which sends them to the top of the Park Inn hotel. Both teammates have to base fly from the top of the 37 story building to the ground, which is pretty cool. They follow up this excitement with a Detour to set up a model train set or carry two big light up letters to the Museum of Letters. Thrills!! One of the hockey players breaks their giant V while asking for directions, so they switch Detours instead of starting over.

Afterwards, after Phil calls Berlin "the hippest city in the world," the teams complete a Roadblock to search a labyrinth clue maze. It's a bizarre underground club that's borderline haunted/weirdo/freakshow house. Most hate it but Joey loves it and demands him and Meghan return to Germany one day to experience it together. Max and Katie are far ahead of the other teams and check-in as team #1, winning a pair of product placement Fords. The hockey players are in last place and need a miracle to stick around, which translates to the roller derby moms getting incredibly lost. Both search the maze together and head off on a race to the Pit Stop. The hockey players follow the derby moms and easily defeat them in a foot race. But it's a non-elimination leg (again) so the roller derby moms are still in it.

Survivor: Caramoan - Everyone is exhausted from the amazing, mind boggling of Tribal Council. Erik feels he's in a great position able to side with either the bros or favorites whenever he feels. Brenda cries over losing control of the game... you still have six people. STFU.

Tree mail arrives with nine envelopes filled with cash: AUCTION TIME!! Immediately Malcolm gets beer, peanuts and pretzels for $20 eventhough he insisted he'd only spend on a game advantage. Reynold wins his bid but then gets choices under tents #2 and #3, but sticks with #1 and gets one slice of pizza (the rest of the pizza was hidden elsewhere and Sherri buys it all for $500). Dawn gets herself a whole roasted chicken for her entire bank. Malcolm luckily gets a game advantage for his remaining $480 and gets directions to a hidden immunity idol. Andrea gets a big bowl of pasta, garlic bread and wine but gives it up to get the tribe new beans and rice (to pee on). Brenda has this depressing attitude about bidding, which allows Cochran to outbid her for an immunity challenge advantage. She ends up bidding $300 and gets pig brain which goes to show her hesitance was warranted. Anyone with $20 can get a letter from home, which makes Dawn and Sherri cry because they blew their money on grub. Eddie wins a mystery item with a twist, which is a bowl of peanut butter for everyone to share. Brenda, dip the pig's brain in the peanut butter for a treat! The auction wraps up with the group messily licking peanut butter from their fingers and hands. And wiping it on their faces... OK.

Everyone returns to camp, smearing more peanut butter on their faces before weeping over letters from home. The gaming starts up when Reynold and Malcolm approach Sherri to join their side along with Erik. "If you don't beat them, you join 'em," Sherri says of the unstoppable bros. Malcolm sneaks into the woods in the darkness of the night trying to find the actually-hard-to-find immunity idol. I know it's buried, not in a tree hole! Andrea idol-blocks, refusing to leave Malcolm's side until the point that both leave together.

The immunity challenge this week is to hold a rope connected to a log, moving the rope lower to make the weight harder to bear. Cochran's advantage from his auction prize is that at any time in the challenge he can move his rope up two knots. Cochran takes his advantage after everyone drops two knots, so his will be less torturous than the others. Brenda drops first, followed by Erik. After getting past the last knot there's only bitty pieces of rope to hold, but Cochran is going strong with two knots higher to keep him lasting. The remaining three are Cochran, Reynold and Eddie and Eddie pre-challenge assumed he'd beat Cochran because Cochran's a nerd. Eddie's hands get all slippery and a blurred mouth for curse words later, Cochran wins a physical immunity challenge. And he's the top immunity winner thus far. Well I'll be damned.

The bros are nervous without immunity and no hidden immunity idol thanks to Andrea's hovering. They need to pretend they have an idol and get the six to split the vote. Malcolm works Sherri to get her on his side, casually mentioning they'll need to split the vote because he has an idol and he'll go to the end with her. Erik tells Reynold if it's supposed to be 3-3 he'll vote with the bros. Erik loves playing both sides, but it's a day of reckoning for him as he has to choose a side. Andrea suggests the women vote Malcolm, guys Reynold, and if an idol is played one of them goes. But Sherri is the one they need to worry about because she's ready to play the game.

Tribal time! Dumb Reynold says he doesn't see the tribe as six vs. three anymore, because he's a ding-dong. Andrea says anyone flipping will doom their game, especially because the bros are great at challenges (no, Cochran is they remind us). Everyone sort of forgets about Sherri who feels like being the only fan in a favorites alliance makes her the bottom. The topic is brought up that someone could flip and make the bro trio a foursome and change the game. The votes are tallied and no immunity idol is played, so the votes comes out of the barrel. It's a three-way tie between Reynold, Malcolm and Andrea which means a re-vote happens and Reynold, Malcolm and Andrea can't vote. Holy shizz. And it happens: Malcolm's torch is snuffed and my pre-show prediction fails again.


April 21, 2013

Reality Rundown: Bros vs. the Fun Sponge

The Amazing RaceSurvivor: Caramoan

The Amazing Race - The teams fly from Botswana all the way to cold, snowy Switzerland on the same flight so equalizer naptime for them!  And once they equalize and land, they have to wait until 8:55AM for the church with the clue to open.  The clue tells them to take another frakking train through the picturesque mountains to pick up a "Swiss rescue companion" AKA an adorable St. Bernard!  They take their St. Bernard on ANOTHER GODDAMN TRAIN to deliver their rescue dog to a mountain rescue guide.  At least there's adorable dogs to swoon over as we watch half an episode of train travel.

The next clue is a Roadblock is to scale Mount Eiger to retrieve a Travelocity gnome. Dogs and gnomes? Cuteness!  And in case you were wondering, they have to take a train to get to the mountain observation deck to start the climb.  The clue on the bottom of the gnome sends them BY TRAIN to retrieve their Detour clue from a dude tooting a big ass Ricola horn.  The next task is a rehash of one of the greatest challenges ever on this show: the cheese wheel.  This "Switchback" is to bring four big wheels of cheese down the hill on a sled, which is a lot more boring than last time. It's just cheese falling off a sled, not rolling down a mountain like boulder.  So basically the iconic, hilarious challenge is now associated with an uninteresting re-do of it.

Bates and Anthony check is as team #1 again and win a train trip around the world.  Just kidding, it's a trip to Bora Bora.  Joey and Meghan take horrible directions advice to find the Pit Stop and end up walking to the Pit Stop ages away when they should've taken a taxi.  It looks like Chuck and Wynona are safe, after spending most of the episode whining about being slow and then being overall terrible at challenges.  Turns out they didn't complete the cheese wheel task correctly (thou shalt not let thou cheese roll down the hill), so they receive a 30 minute penalty.  Joey and Meghan arrive at the Pit Stop, totally exhausted, but within the 30 minutes so Chuck and Wynona are eliminated.  Goodbye mullet, goodbye complaining.

Survivor: Caramoan - The teams break into two teams of five again for the reward challenge.  It's to traverse through a sloppy obstacle course to retrieve a bag of balls and shoot them into a tall basket.  The winning team gets a day at a resort complete with lunch, booze, shower, and a pool.  Malcolm's strategy for his team is to find all the bags for easy access later on, but Reynold copies him and does so much faster.  Purple slaughters orange, which sends Reynold, Erik, Phillip, Dawn, and Cochran on reward.  They chow down down on meat and scrub down in the shower, except Phillip who fills the pool with dirt, scum, and his nude privates.  Erik's tired of it!

Dawn is not having a great week.  Loudly sobbing in the woods, we learn Dawn lost her fake teeth retainer in the water, but Brenda's snorkel saves the day and Dawn's smile returns to normal.  She's also not sleeping, consumed by paranoia.  She fears Andrea will flip to Malcolm/Eddie/Reynold and vote her out.  Even Phillip is calling her a lunatic, and he should know the actions of a lunatic.  A good night's sleep helps Dawn and she wakes up seemingly normal again.  Stealth R Us has their plan together: four votes for Reynold, three for Malcolm in case of an idol.  Nothing will backfire at all!

The immunity challenge is to race across a platform and leap into the ocean, pull themselves across a rope underwater, and retrieve a ring to take to the other side.  Confusing to recap, as usual.  Phillip sits out of the challenge due to a childhood issue.  I don't know his backstory and if he had a prior water issue and I've never noticed whether he can or can't swim, but just a reminder last week's challenge was essentially to drown themselves.  It's an exhausting challenge for most of them, though of course golden boys Reynold and Malcolm are perfection.  Reynold, Malcolm, Brenda and Andrea compete in the final heat which upgrades from two rings to five.  The women stand no chance against the jocks.  Reynold wins immunity, foiling all plans to take him out... unless he's dumb enough to give up an idol again.

With Reynold immune, Phillip would still like to split the votes between Malcolm and Eddie (he's sure Malcolm doesn't have an idol).  Malcolm doesn't want to play his idol yet so starts searching for the new one.  Dawn and Andrea jokingly tease him about giving clues and sure enough, he puts his hand into a rock in front of them and finds the idol.  An idol not in a tree? Whaaaaat!  Stealth R Us plan to still shoot four votes Malcolm's way, hoping he won't play the idol.  If he plays it, there's still three votes for Eddie and he'll go.

Tribal time!  The bros acknowledge they are on the outs of the tribe with immunity meaning everything for them.  Malcolm's idol is brought out and he puts it around his neck proudly.  Probst brings up Phillip sitting out of the challenge, which he cites reminding him of a child incident getting stuck under a dock.  Fair enough.  Now here's where shit gets awesome.  Malcolm says his alliance is going to try to do something and he gives his other immunity idol to Eddie.  So the bro-down is totally safe and everyone is completely shocked that Malcolm's been hiding another idol.  Stealth R Us frantically whisper.  The bros laugh about being safe tonight but they know tomorrow the game begins again being six vs. three.  He lets the others know their votes will be towards Phillip because he's ruining the game.  What should be a fun time is being sucked up and turned into boredom by Phillip ("a fun sponge").  It's brought up that having the idols on proudly is one thing, but playing them is another.  What if it's all a ploy?  Cochran Survivor-fan nerds out, which is delightful because it's how we feel.

The votes are cast.  Probst tallies the votes.  He asks if anyone wants to play their hidden immunity idol.  Eddie plays his.  For a hot second it seems like Malcolm fooled them, but he plays his too.  And the votes come in.  Three votes for Malcolm don't count.  Four votes for Eddie don't count.  And here come the Phillip votes.  I may mock the bros, but they are my Survivor saviors ridding the game of Phillip at long last.

April 14, 2013

Reality Rundown: Bro-Down and Out

4/14/2013 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Survivor: Caramoan

Survivor: Caramoan - The tribe splits into two teams of tribe for the reward challenge, which is to try to throw balls into a net to score (with one tribe member being a defender).  I think my favorite part is everyone's running start to throw while leaping into the water looks like the goofy throw I enjoy doing while shouting "Hooooops!"  Erik, Eddie, Cochran, Reynold and Michael win the reward to rapell down a waterfall and chow down on a picnic lunch.  A real bro-down full of open-mouth chewing, which excited Reynold who gets off on this jock stuff.  The guys pitch Cochran the idea of an all guys alliance, taking out the women who keep getting to the end (and winning) every season.  Thing is, Cochran is no bro and hates morons.

Eventhough ally Corinne is gone, Malcolm still feels strong. The fans like him and he's packin' an immunity idol.  Phillip brings Sheri into Stealth R Us because every goddamn person is in this fake alliance (she's OK with it because she tolerated Shemar).  Malcolm tries to finagle Sheri and Dawn to his side, who tell Andrea, and now Malcolm's on the radar.  Stealth R Us tell Malcolm they'll split votes between Reynold and Eddie, but in actuality they'll blindside Malcolm.  A lame love connection seems to be brewing between Andrea and Eddie.  While both are playing each other and hoping the other gets them farther, there's apparently an actual attraction. Yawn.

This week's immunity challenge is to get in the water under a steel grate.  The tide will come in and the water will rise, decreasing their space, and it's a matter of endurance.  Or drowning.  The water comes quickly so faces are pressed against the grates, hands are used to make snorkels to keep breathing.  Is this torture?  Brenda and Andrea are the final two, legs draped through the grates to keep them sturdy.  Andrea is gurgling but Brenda is motionless, not even noticing her victory unless someone moves her.  No one was voting for her anyways.  Honestly, I forget she's still here.

Malcolm feels this is the week to make a big move, so he tries to make good with the ladies.  Except they sense his lying.  Malcolm doesn't want Phillip out because he's a joke; he wants the actual leader, Andrea.  Dawn claims she'll be down with Malcolm if Reynold shows his idol, but Dawn points out Malcolm is dumb enough to listen to her again after she is the one who tattled on Corinne.  Reynold shows Dawn the idol and tells her not to screw him.  Except Dawn doesn't care for a threat.  When word gets around that the votes may be split between Eddie and Reynold, Eddie confronts Andrea about what's going on.  She won't say the final plans and Eddie warns her that if Reynold plays his idol, he's going home.  Then Andrea believes she's going home, so she caves on the plan and recommends a safer choice of Michael because he doesn't have an idol.  Dawn begs to vote Malcolm, whining that he doesn't have an idol.  Oh this editing is killing me!

Enil Edam arrives at Tribal Council and I have no idea what's going to happen.  Except the women are wearing Buddy Bands ("Hey, they work").  Phillip blabs about Stealth R Us and announces openly that Sheri has been brought into the crew.  Michael points out that their alliance is breaking because they took out a favorite before eradicating all the fans.  Andrea mentions that this is a game changing time, Phillip comments on it, and Malcolm begins to come-to and realize what could be going down.  Malcolm votes for Reynold based on confusion.  The tribe votes and Jeff tallies the votes.  When probed about playing an idol, Reynold stands up to play it.  Malcolm asks Reynold to "hold up" because he's sure all the votes are for him, not Reynold, and he needs that immunity necklace.  And Reynold does it.  Malcolm's votes against him won't count... except he gets no votes.  Three votes for Andrea come in, one for Reynold (that was Malcolm), and the rest pour in for Michael.  Michael is eliminated and Malcolm got played. BUT... it's Reynold's idol that's gone, not his.  Pretty sneaky, sis.

April 7, 2013

Reality Rundown: Hey Guys, It's a Blindside

The Amazing Race - The racers remain in Africa this week, relying on cars to drive themselves to their various locations.  Some racers (country singers, Max/Katie) aren't so keen on speed limits and get tickets that have to be paid immediately.  So much for the "race" part.

The hockey players Bates and Anthony complete the Fast Forward of staying up on waterskiis for a mile in crocodile infested water.  There's no crocs while the ski, but we do see some creeping from the reeds after the task is completed.  The others teams proceed with the other tasks, starting with a Detour to deliver baby boats while paddling a carved out canoe.  And the goats are adorable!  The next clue reveals a Detour to play memory with animal cutouts or to get donkeys to haul firewood.  Even with a speed bump and having to pay their fine at the police station, Max and Katie avoid elimination.  It's BFFs Pam and Winnie who suck at understanding the cutout silhouette of a rhino vs. a hippo that gets them eliminated.

Survivor: Caramoan - Bikal and Gota merge into one tribe, living on Bikal's loser beach now. Their new big ass tribe celebrates with new green buffs, a name Edil Edam (Malcolm's mom's name backwards), and a chest of food and wine. Most importantly, the tribe flag they paint has a helicopter. H.R.E.A.M! Phillip begins his usual annoying scrambling to get his gang together and wipe out the fans first. Corinne and Malcolm whisper together about the awfulness of Phillip, and Malcolm lets her know he's got the Erik/Reynold/Eddie and she's got Michael. Six person alliance on the rise? First week, take out Sherri who no1currs. Second week, blindside the other favorites.

The first individual immunity challenge is something we haven't seen in awhile: a nasty eating challenge! I'm so excited for this classic Survivor throwback.  The delicacies going down the hatch include beetle larvae,  ship worms (ocean termites, basically), and balut (duck embryos).  Balut is so nasty, inside the shell, feathers and beak still on it.  I could vomit just looking at balut.  The final round is Cochran vs. Malcolm chowing down on pig brain which I'm sure is the hotness we all imagined.  Cochran "The Ginger Kobashi" pulls out a victory with a lovable grin and a bit of bragging cause he can get away with it.

Time for the alliance scrambles.  Malcolm and Corinne's alliance seems in place, but there's a few stragglers.  Phillip would like to split the votes between Eddie and Reynold, the two strongboys.  Corinne isn't a fan of splitting votes and recommends taking out Sherri since no one likes her anyways.  Corinne is tired of Phillip bossing them around and urges the other favorites to band together, defy Phillip, and vote as a solid block for Sherri.  Corinne's rage is sort brewing over and she starts maybe talking too much.  Corinne tries to bring Dawn in as their 7th, which gives Dawn flashbacks of her last time playing where she didn't forewarn the alliance of a betrayal.  So Dawn tells Cochran what's going down, who tells Andrea, who tells Phillip and now Corinne is in some major hot water.  Phillip demands Sherri vote with them and while she wants to stick around, Sherri wisely hates Phillip.

Tribal time!  The discussion begins about the fans being considerably outnumbered and likely to be picked off.  The favorites know that at some point they each will be blindsided or as Corinne sum it up "get punched in the face."  All things considered, a quick tribal chat with nothing that important happening.  The votes are cast with 5 votes pouring out for Sherri... until the Corinne votes start popping up, completely shocking her.  With 7 votes, Corinne is completely blindsided out of the game.