September 29, 2013

Survivor Blood vs. Water: So Colton Didn't Learn Anything?

9/29/2013 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Survivor: Blood vs. Water - Week 2

Marissa walks head-down to meet Rupert and Candice at Redemption Island. She's pretty pissed that she was voted off, especially since it's not because of her performance but her uncle's. Candice points out that Marissa called out Brad, challenging the irritating packmaster. But enough of their talk, Redemption Island battle time! Probst brings out the contenders and Marissa gets pissed at her tribe and tells her uncle why she's gone. Gervase promises more salt in Tadhana's wounds. The competition is to use a long pole to move spools through a wobbly puzzle and also stack those spools on top. Candice comes in first, getting to stay in the game and receives the honor of giving an immunity clue to one player (her husband John). Marissa finishes second meaning she stays in the game and Rupert is eliminated after bad spool placement knows them all over. Rupert has no regrets, "I love Survivor, but I love my wife more." A buff in the weak fire, and out walks Rupert.

Galang is loving life, giving each other massage chains while Colton rolls his eyes at this happy family moment. He wants to play dirty Survivor immediately while the rest of the tribe doesn't see the need to start whispering in the bushes until they lose. When Laura expresses relief almost that she can play alone without the caveman shadow of her husband, Colton's whining to camera again about it being so boring. Colton begins his scheming by whispering all sorts of lies to everyone and hardcore strategizing, stirring up annoying drama as he always does. A new alliance of Tyson, Aras, Gervase, Monica, and Tina forms out of their disdain for Colton and the pissy behavior he brings.

This week's Immunity Challenge is for three tribe members to be tied together and push a player through a barrel to collect balls, which are then rolled skee ball style into holes. On top of immunity, fishing gear! Damn, I was hoping for Mountain Dew. How the person being rolled into the barrel into projectile vomiting the entire time, I do not know. Gervase kills it in the skee ball portion, does a "That's for you!" shout for his Redemption Island trapped niece, and wins immunity for Galang. Ugh, Colton survives.

Brad seems to hate Gervase back at Tadhana camp, hoping for a future challenge to I guess physically brawl with him. Rachel seems to be their choice to go because maybe Tyson will switch with her. John doesn't love this idea because Tyson could defeat his wife at Redemption Island. John's hesitance doesn't go unnoticed, plus he could have the hidden immunity idol. Could six days be what it takes to destroy the five guys alliance?

Tribal Council time! Probst immediately brings up the 5 guys vs. 3 girls and could the tribe be split. Hayden gives a lousy answer that basically says of course we bonded and probably aligned. They address the fact that whoever goes home tonight is going to compete against John's wife, which is weird for John since he kinda wants his wife to stick around.  There's talk too of weakening the other tribe thanks to the swap-with-a-loved-one twist that probably went over most head's too busy staring at the fire.  For a brief second it looks like the guys turned on John, but nope, it's Katie and Ciera.  Instead Rachel is voted off and the big question is will this maneuver pay off?

September 22, 2013

Big Brother 15: Andy Wins Big Brother 15

9/22/2013 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Big Brother 15 - FINALE
After skipping the clip show because those are stupid, it's time for the LIVE finale!  Before we can get this season over with, we must go back in time to see parts 1 and 2 of the final HOH competition.  In part 1, the houseguests have to wear roller skates while being rotated around the yard.  There's obstacles, an annoying voice, foam, glitter, and a disco ball to give you seizures.  Spencer is god awful and slams down, first out.  Eventually Andy wipes out, making GinaMarie the first winner who advances to part there.  This leaves Andy and Spencer to duke it out in round 2.  Now the backyard is an underwater oasis (it's pretty cool) and the players have to find crabs of houseguests in the sand and climb up a wall to place them in cages on the ship deck.  Because everyone on this show deserves to be caged.  Surprise, big oaf Spencer can hardly get up the wall.  As it's based on speed, Andy beats Spencer and advances to part 3 to compete against GinaMarie.

The bitter hags of the jury get to meet the true Big Brother master, Dr. Will.  It brings Helen to tears which is hilarious.  McCrae joins the jury while Amanda continues to be a cranky asshole.  Dr. Will asks a bunch of lame questions and it's SO uninteresting considering the build-up.  It's really just to rehash who deserves to win and remind these people they're playing a game.  The only interesting moment for me is McCrae telling Amanda he planned to cut her loose at the end.  Seriously, this moment was so hyped and it was a boring letdown.  Dr. Will, you can do better.

Going into the last HOH, discussions are had about who to take to the finals.  GinaMarie and Andy say they'll take each other and while she thinks she'll lose to Andy, she feels he deserves it more than Spencer.  The final competition is the same as every year: how did the juror answer the statement.  Instead of the typical set in the living room, the backyard has a big ass scale of justice they're standing on and it teeters as more questions are answered.  Best answer goes to McCrae who says the best part of Big Brother is "free food." Andy defeats GinaMarie, meaning he will choose who he faces off against in the finale.

Andy chooses to take GinaMarie to the finale, citing an agreement from day one, and evicts Spencer.  Spencer has no hard feelings, but I think we're all disappointed that it's not a ginger finale battle.  Spencer gets trotted over to the jury, who get to question the final two.  Apparently before the live show the jury had to agree on three questions to ask each finalist.  GinaMarie says her biggest game was getting Amanda out, eventhough the question said "besides getting me out." Her biggest obstacle was having Nick leave, cracking the jury up.  Candice wonders why they should give her the money after offending people personally, and it's about being a happy person who overcame losing Nick or some BS.  Andy says his biggest move was aligning with Amanda and McCrae and he was able to relay info to take out people every week or getting Nick out week two.  Andy assures everyone he wouldn't have been a bitter jury member and used that as a reason to keep him around, but he had to backstab to play.  Andy admits he lied a lot because he was scared but also to cover his own ass.  Andy explains that from night one he promised to protect GM and he did, with a final move that honored his loyalty.  So Andy killed it in questions, GinaMarie sucked big time.

GinaMarie and Andy make their final speeches to win.  GinaMarie makes a speech I basically tune out because it stinks, while Andy kills it re-describing all his game moves that brought him to the finale.  The jury oh-so-slowly puts the keys into the lazy Susan with vague reasons for choosing a winner.  They waste more time by interviewing the houseguests who went home pre-jury and are well-aware they're perhaps the most hated cast in Big Brother history.  Amanda guesses America was the MVP who nominated her, especially given her eviction boos.  Howard brings up how the world is reacting to all the racist comments, surprised at what was said and how the public reacted.  Julie informs the jury they were national news, and it's hilarious how unaware they are of who said stuff (Julie basically says we don't even have time to cover all your nonsense). 

Julie decides it's high-time to announce the winner and pulls out the keys to reveal Andy as the winner of Big Brother 15.  While I know he was a little floatery and definitely a snake, I actually thought he played a solid if sneaky game and deserved the prize.  Julie reveals Judd, Elissa and Howard are top 3 for fan favorite but of course Elissa wins thanks to the Brenchel army.

And so another season ends and it's that time: PRE-SHOW WINNER PREDICTION TROPHIES!  Five fantastic people predicted Andy would win Big Brother 15 and now they hold the glory!

September 21, 2013

Survivor Blood vs. Water: Blood vs. Water vs. Absurd Number of Twists

9/21/2013 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Survivor: Blood vs. Water
Week 1

Ten pairs consistently of a former player and their loved one are left for their first night together (or day zero eventhough it's a day), giving them a night to prepare for the torture of freezing while you sleep in the sand.  Some returnees give me groans (Rupert, for a fourth time - ugh), some familiar faces (wait, Kat dates Big Brother winner Hayden?) and others bring about fanatic cheers (Gervase!).  But I'm already interested in this twist and how it could play out.

On day one, the pairs convene with Probst and begin scoping each other out.  Everyone's shocked when they learn they're competing against their loved one instead of together.  But a few are pretty happy, probably because their family member sucks.  The loved ones are split apart with tears and given their tribes: Galang is the returnee tribe and Tadhana is the noobs.  And then, TWIST! Right away both tribes have to vote out one person.  The newbies vote off Rupert's tye-dyed wife Laura while the veterans off Candice.  But, they're not out of the game yet because they're heading back to every fan's least favorite location: Redemption Island.  MORE TWISTS.  The loved ones can switch places, so Rupert sacrifices himself for Laura and she takes his place on the returning tribe.  Candice and her husband John talk and she's confident she could beat Rupert, so Candice remains the exiled player.  Christ that's a lot of twists in 20 minutes.

The tribes head off to their new homes of environmental torture and starvation.  Galang convene for a big group hug on their beach, with Tyson suggesting they pop their shirts. I love him.  Rupert's wife is immediately a fish out of water. Bitch can't even take a machete to a coconut- what an amateur!  Their experience gets them fire and shelter in no time.  Colton begins his quest to get over his miserable reputation, ending in tearful stories of childhood.  Only some are buying this ruse.  Over at Tadhana, the newbies succeed at building a shelter but fail at getting fire which means no water which means a slow death. Monica's husband, ex-NFL player Brad Culpepper, has to do an immediate apology to earlier statements that implied he'd throw challenge or half-ass it to save his wife.  With that out of the way, Brad starts whispering to the other guys to make a five-dude alliance 'til the end.  Immediately he becomes the most irritating player in the game.  Ciera, Laura's daughter, opens up about being a teen mom who is now married with a second kid.  Aras' brother Vytas talks about being a junkie who went to prison, hoping to show his vulnerability. Lots of laughs, rite guyz?

Over on Redemption Island, Candice takes a machete to a coconut reciting the names of everyone who eliminated her.  She's like Arya Stark!  Candice is already miserable because Rupert is lazy and annoying, leaving her to do all the work.  It's part of his strategy to conserve his energy to beat Candice come challenge time.  I can't stand Saint Rupert, but I tip my hat to this move.

Tree mail brings news of the first immunity challenge, which is running, swimming, paddling and puzzles - quelle surprise!  After some quibbling about fire which is the equivalent of penis measuring out here, Probst explains the challenge to collect and assemble puzzle pieces.  The players get drained as they have to encounter obstacles on their way out.  Gervase struggles the most, barely able to swim eventually and belly flopping like whoa.  The newbies have amazing teamwork while the vets are a mess, bickering and struggling the whole way in the water.  But the noobs aren't used to the grueling world of Survivor puzzles, which lets the returnees come back and grab victory.  And Colton cries a whole bunch.

Tadhana has to snap into the true reality of Survivor which is betraying your pals and voting them off. Gervase's niece rips into her uncle for being super weak yet bragging, which makes Marissa a target just by association.  The five guys are happy to have some numbers and the ability to pick off who they want.  Tina's daughter Katie helped Caleb and Ciera with the puzzle, but was more like a crappy third wheel.  "We're five guys strong," it repeated over and over.  Oh hooray, an irritating bro alliance from episode one.

First Tribal Council!  The survivors light their torches as Probst reminds them fire represents life (one of my favorite lines).  While voting someone off sucks, they get fire now after lying about it earlier.  Plus this season is a bit more personal because you're possibly making an enemy on the other tribe.  John's emotional because he wishes maybe he switched with Candice, but his vote is about making the tribe stronger and not just who his wife could beat at Redemption. Marissa feels vulnerable because her uncle Gervase screwed her over by being a prick and she was totally fine.  Despite Katie being a major cause of the tribe losing the challenge, Marissa is voted off and heads to Redemption Island for quality time with Candice and Rupert.

September 15, 2013

Big Brother 15: Two More Reporting for Jury Duty

9/15/2013 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Big Brother 15 - Week 11

Before a new week can begin we must rehash last week's Double Eviction.  For some reason it crosses people's minds that McCrae voted out Amanda which is hilarious.  McCrae can tell it was Andy who flipped but knows to stay safe for another week, he'll bow down to the house and take out Elissa.  Judd's veto win seals Elissa's fate as GinaMarie entrusts her alliance to save her and then the house gangs up on Elissa to pin the lies on her.  But the Exterminators rejoice at taking out two big threats in one night and do their dumb pumping gesture.  Except McCrae who cries into a wall (no trash can?)

The house meets in the backyard to decide a new Head of Household.  There video-game themed competition has each houseguest looking at pixelated pictures of past competitions and use blocks to complete a puzzle of who won the challenge.  To buzz in, they use a giant joystick which is a pretty cool prop.  It's an interesting use of puzzle which I say now before I do my bi-yearly "I hate puzzles" Survivor rant.  Spencer wins the title of HOH which means for the first time in ages his big ginger ass won't be filling the nomination seat.

HOH Spencer also gets to give gifts to his fellow houseguests. I don't remember the part in Rudolph where Yukon Cornelius passes out presents, but maybe I drifted off in that part.  GinaMarie and McCrae receive the gift of friendship, which ties the two together for 24 hours with a friendship bracelet.  It's like a longer version of Love Cuffs, the merger of Friends Forever and Buddy Bands!  Spencer whispers to GM later that he chose her because Judd isn't the shadier member of the Exterminators.  Andy receives the gift of wealth, which is a chance for him to win up to $5,000 by smashing three adorable piggy banks (he wins $94.83).  The gift of health forces Judd to perform drill sergeant tasks at the toot of a whistle.  Spencer gets his heartfelt HOH letter which is interrupted by the whistle and command for jumping jacks.  Judd's gonna get ripped.

McCrae's ability to game and make deals is hindered by being friendship-tethered to GinaMarie.  He whispers to GM he plans to take her to final two, which is a moronic move now that she's taken out a powerhouse but he's also had his head in Amanda's boobs for two months and letting her play.  But he does have some intuition and can tell there's a final four already that he's not part of.  There's a little separation time when they are able to shut the HOH door over their cord and whisper to HOH Spencer alone.  McCrae's the target so it's a matter of which Exterminator has to sit beside him as the pawn.  The nomination ceremony is interrupted by the drill sargeant briefly for a request of squats before Spencer nominates GinaMarie along with McCrae.

Julie Chen enchants our screens twice this week to get the show on the road.  There will be two evictions this week to get us eventually to a final three that will compete to make it to the finale.  But first, the veto must happen and all the Exterminators repeat "McCrae can't win it" because, duh, no crap. The veto is hosted by last season's winner, adorable nerd Ian, who is clad in a superhero onesie complete with a cape and flies into the yard.  All of the current houseguests are rocking unitards and capes too, with the backyard turned into a small metropolis.  The players must leap and fly to put together a magnet puzzle.  Judd sucks and basically quits the competition, leaving the other Exterminators literally hanging.  McCrae wins the Power of Veto because it's a fact that if you say "McCrae can't win the veto" three times into a mirror that he'll win. And a murderer will pop out at you. Something like that.

The Exterminators fail at their plan to make it to the final four together, so they have to eliminate one of them.  Judd begins losing it at the possibility of going home again, flipping off the camera to what sounds like Vietnam helicopter background music.  Judd joins GinaMarie in the nominee chairs once McCrae saves himself with the veto, but first gives McCrae a piece of his mind... poorly.  His rant to target McCrae means he'll probably lose a vote to stay from McCrae now. Dummy.  Fast forward in time to the Julie Chen Wednesday interruption where the two make their pleas to stay, but Judd is evicted from the house, again.  Judd explains he's been using reverse psychology, though I guess he doesn't understand poorly.  The audience laughs at Andy's tears in the goodbye message, but he's probably too dense to figure out that means America thinks he's a liar (he at least laughs at him).

The houseguests compete in the uber-important HOH competition of before and after trivia.  It's a step backwards for before or forward for after.  And the yard is filled with all the competition leftoevers, perhaps to burn them afterwards in a sacrifice for all their sins in this house.  A bit of back and forth action leads to a three-way tie and a guess-this-big-ass-number tiebreaker.  Andy wins HOH by Price is Right rules and now we'll have to wonder who Andy is taking down (well not really, we all know McCrae is a dead man walking).

Before I yap about the house boredom, let's get into the jury house.  It's basically a sorority house overflowing with irritating women.  The women cheer at Aaryn joining them because it means she loses.  Aaryn immediately apologizes with her white guilt for being horrible to Helen and Candice.  Amanda is a pleasant surprise, but they're crushed Elissa is evicted.  I love everyone's wide-eyed shock about the lame Exterminators.  And then Judd comes to the jury house to bust this Lillith Fair up and they're cranky.  The jury house women all bicker when it's said GinaMarie had full jury support.  Amanda starts defending McCrae and calling GM a flip flopper, which annoys everyone who wanted a drama free life.  Candice hates GinaMarie but think McCrae floated (or smothered by Amanda) and didn't socialize with anyone.

McCrae is well aware that he's the obvious target this week so the veto is his only hope.  Since two people have to be nominated Spencer is the other nomineet.  The veto competition is to attach fly-version of houseguests to a web of clues.  Andy wins the veto giving him full power this week to evict McCrae, who unbeknownst to them would essentially guarantee any of them the victory at the end against him.  McCrae attempts to campaign especially after a whisperfest with Spencer that GinaMarie will win.  Right before eviction, Andy, Spencer and GinaMarie come clean to McCrae about the Exterminators.  The veto isn't used and McCrae is eliminated by GinaMarie's sole vote.  He realizes maybe he screwed up evicting Elissa and his relationship with Amanda took over his game.  Asked about their future it's basically a brush off of "bitch be cray!"

And so I beat the week 3 curse of winner predictions only to lose yet again.  Well hopefully I fare better with Survivor.

September 9, 2013

Survivor: Blood vs. Water Pre-Show Winner Prediction

Some will call Christmas "the most wonderful time of the year." Not for me.  My most wonderful time of the year is when Survivor is on air and it's back on September 18th.  If you haven't heard, this season is called Survivor: Blood vs. Water and it's returning players versus their loved ones.  Spouses, siblings, children, family, and significant others will get the Survivor experience against the loved ones who have played before (and before and before and before if you're Rupert, ugh).  The great part of these pairs is only 10 bios and videos to watch to make my prediction (9 for me because I skipped Rupert. Are you sensing a pattern yet?)  And so I've got it, I've got my pre-show winner prediction.

MELISSA PREDICTS...



Vytas will win Survivor: Blood vs. Water

I feel like most people will pick a returning castaway to win the game, and I was tempted, but I also feel the returnees aren't any spectacular players.  If anyone could shmooze their way to a repeat victory it would be Aras, but he'll be a quicker target because he won before.  I'm instead picking Aras' brother Vytas.  He seems like a calm, smart, physical, likable guy and since he works with people he's able to read people and deal with them.  He explained in his pre-show interview that he's a former addict and knows how to manipulate people, which is crucial in Survivor.  And of the pairing, they'll go after Aras first as a former winner.  From the written bios I thought Laura's daughter Ciera could be a good cutthroat player, but she revealed in videos she's not that competitive so nope, not happening.  I think who could make it far as a pair, once brought back together, is Candice and her husband John but I just don't see them winning.  The diehard fan in me wants Gervase to go far too.

So now that I've made my pre-show winner prediction, it's time for you to tell me yours.  Who do you think will win Survivor: Blood vs. Water?  Tweet your answer to @melgotserved or leave it in the comments.  You could win the [picture of a] trophy with your name on it!

September 8, 2013

Big Brother 15: Cluck This Game

9/08/2013 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Big Brother 15 - Week 10

A new week in the house begins where we left off, with the excruciatingly boring bunny hop and move eggs thru chicken wire competition.  It's the whole house against Amanda and McCrae, though they have no idea because they're drunk on power and delusion.  GinaMarie and Andy are the two best at the challenge, which is good for the Exterminators alliance.  After a lot of egg breaking bloopers with a weird fart/squish noise sound effect, GinaMarie wins Head of Household (and immediately shouts about it being for Nick - FML).  Spencer and Judd collect the least amount of eggs and win the low-stakes punishment of wearing a chicken suit.  Listen, it could be a Clowneytard.

Spencer and Andy receive their chicken suits and get into the groove, clucking and dancing.  GinaMarie's HOH room comes complete with lingerie and a Big Brother cast photo of Nick.  Ugh.  Amanda gets annoyed at Elissa being so happy for GM's HOH basket.  Elissa comments to Andy/Spencer that she's tired of Amanda and how horrible she is.  Amanda confirms she's horrible by being confrontational and overly arrogant.  Elissa laughs in her face because Amanda just has not a single clue.  Oh another uncomfortable moment in the Big Brother house, courtesy of Amanda.  The best? That Amanda thinks Elissa is the crazy bully.  McCrae tells Amanda to shut her mouth to avoid becoming targets (LOLZ).  Andy tells Elissa something similar but moreso, don't say anything to show she's the bigger person.  Amanda skulks around the house and cries about Elissa picking on her alllll the time.  Gurl, don't dish it if you can't take it.

There's a shitload of time this episode, so the house gets filled with balloons for a Luxury Competion.  There is $10,000 hidden in the balloons so the houseguests need to pop balloons to retrieve 3 chips to spell "10K."  Popping the balloons is hard so people use strategies, like shaking the see if there's a chip or pretending it's Amanda's head and stomping it with all your might.  Spencer finally wins something and is walking out of this house with an extra $10k in his chicken wing.

Amanda spends as must as her post-competition time kissing GinaMarie's ass, swooping in to tell GinaMarie now she can get vengeance on Elissa for sending Aaryn home.  Only because a miracle happened and Amanda actually won something in the necessary time.  Amanda is so overconfident yet so oblivious to the clear signs that McCranda are this week's target.  It's nonstop rants about hating Elissa and trying to coerce GM into beckoning to Amanda's every wish.  GM plays along with Amanda, which will make the nomination ceremony soooo sweet.  "You should nominate two people the house won't care about losing," Amanda says, unaware that the house hates her.  Come nomination ceremony, Amanda and McCrae are totally blindsided by the nominations.  After multiple attempts to take "dynamic," GinaMarie changes her speech to call them a power couple that needs to go.  She says Amanda is kiiiinda crazy and McCrae lost his fire once Amanda took over for him.  Tears abound for Amanda.

McCrae and Amanda moan about their nomination before Amanda goes into fully bitchy accusation mode against everyone.  Instead of taking the nomination with some class, Amanda gets pissy at GinaMarie for lying to her and not nominating Elissa.  GinaMarie is dumb but she's not dumb enough to let a showmance stay in the game.  Amanda is delusional enough to think everyone would save McCranda with the veto and that the game should be handed to them. Hoe, have a seat.  And so Amanda cries in the pizza boys arms because this is real love.  Then cries to Andy. She cries a lot because she's a poor sport.  Everyone else laughs because she's a delusional jerk.

The Exterminators come up with a weird pumping handshake and vow to get all the others out of the house to get to the final four.  And so the Exterminators and all the other jerks put on tutus for the bowling veto competition. Oh yeah, that makes sense.  What the players have to do is hold onto a rod and spin a bunch of times to move down a plank blocking the pins, then bowl to knock down the pins while resisting the urge to projectile vomit.  So it's dizzy bat with bowling.  Since you get to pick who you battle, everyone battles Amanda over and over to wear her out yet she's doing kinda awesome.  The Exterminators + Elissa use all their energy trying to eliminate the showmance but they can't.  McCrae and Amanda fight it out in the final round, with the pizza boy coming out victorious in nearly a photo finish.  Puking galore!

Amanda and McCrae continue their mopefest as they won't be able to makeout and do hand stuff under the covers while cameras film them for much longer.  "My game is over," cries Amanda. The house secretly cheers.  Since McCrae is coming off the block and Elissa nicely didn't nominate her once before, GinaMarie asks the Exterminators to rock, paper, scissors to see who is the replacement nominee.  The show cuts to the veto ceremony where Spencer is named the replacement nominee and sets the record of most times nominated in a season (seven, seven GD times he was a non-entity that never went home).

Eviction night is actually Double Eviction night and Big Brother's 500th episode. But before we get the good stuff, we need to see what happened the rest of the week between the veto ceremony and now.  Amanda believes she is nominated out of jealously because her and McCrae get freaky in the house and GM is solo.  Desperate, Amanda begs Elissa for a vote and it actually works, with an idea of a final four of Amanda, McCrae, Elissa and Andy. Exceeeeeept Andy isn't with McCranda anymore and this revelation will finally out his floating.  Andy chooses the Exterminators over his previous alliance and there's a tie between Amanda and Spencer. GinaMarie casts the tiebreaker and evicts Amanda with a "get ta steppin'."  Amanda tells Julie Chen she's not a bully but a speaker of the truth.  She seems to have no regrets and doesn't understand the more subtle attempts by the Chenbot to say we see/hear everything and hate ya.

And then the fast forward begins with the HOH competition.  It's the usual fast forward competition which is to race and retrieve a couple items and run back and forth. Instead of clown shoes, this time it's dog bones.  McCrae wins HOH which doesn't surprise me as the scorned always take home the victory.  He nominates GinaMarie and Elissa, which surprises me as I thought McCranda was pro-Elissa lately.  All the houseguests then compete in the veto competition of navigating a car through a maze.  Judd ends up winning the veto and everyone runs inside to bicker about something/blame Elissa for whatever (I think it was backdooring Judd previously).  Judd doesn't use the veto and the voting goes down predictably: Elissa is unanimously voted out.  She's dense enough to think McCrae voted out Amanda over Spencer (jeez), but explains she wanted to keep Amanda to keep a target off her.  And now two strong ladies are out.

September 1, 2013

Big Brother 15: Julie Chen Will Serve You Real Good

9/01/2013 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Big Brother 15 - Week 9

Picking up from last week, the houseguests and jurors are balancing and catching balls towards victory.  To make things interesting, distractions are rolled out including dancing furry mascots and a loud-ass superfan with a foam finger.  Helen has one mission with her jury compatriots: rid the house of Amanda.  Jessie is the first juror to fall, leaving with the parting words, "F--- you Amanda, I hate you!" And for all the times I hated on Jessie, I briefly love her.  Helen falls, Candice loses her balance, and Judd gets a ball to the throat while confirming  his return to the game (he later falls and doesn't become HOH).  Amanda and Elissa nearly fall, but save themselves (Elissa's in the most awesome, miraculous save way).  Elissa ends up catching then balls first and becomes HOH.

Elissa kinda has to make friends now if she wants to stick around longer than a week.  She makes amends with Judd, who gave her the brush-off when he was evicted.  Later the two loners decide to team up and become a duo to take out the other pairs in the house.  Amanda is used to having full control of everyone so she immediately begins her nice-talk to Elissa to save her and McCrae.  Elissa's target this week is Aaryn, with McCrae getting nominated beside her.  Amanda freaks because the house would surely take out the pair before Aaryn.  In the meantime Elissa can indulge in her healthy HOH basket (thankfully Elissa gets a yoga mat) and a letter from her oh so famous sister Rachel (not her husband? Milk it, Big Brother).  Oh and Aaryn accidentally drinks nail polish remover.

Amanda pouts/whispers to McCrae her fears of the week, knowing that one of them will go home if they are on the block.  Instead of Amanda bossing Elissa around, McCrae tries to work some magic and suggests nominating GinaMarie who would be a vote for Aaryn to stay.  The duo are insistent they've been helping Elissa and would continue to help her (LOL).  Amanda cries.  Being loners, Elissa and Judd pair up to protect each other and take out their enemies.  Aaryn cries to Elissa that if she's nominated, McCranda will dominate, begging to stay off the block. The begging does no good: Aaryn and McCrae are nominated for eviction.

Aaryn's upset she's the target after doing other people's dirty work (guess she forgot she's spent the whole summer talking shit about Elissa).  Aaryn's bestie GinaMarie is doing some major ass-kissing, and Amanda points out if GM isn't the replacement nominee people will suspect they're working together.  But because Amanda has to butt into everything in a horribly annoying way, Elissa is re-thinking her week plans to backdoor Amanda out of the game.  Elissa even does the unthinkable: suggesting her and Aaryn align. Hell is freezing over.

Amanda gets picked for the veto competition, which means it's not a total backdoor.  Aaryn gets Houseguest's Choice and picks Judd instead of her supposed alliance member Andy.  Amanda gets all pissy that Aaryn dared make an independent decision.  Aaryn suddenly realizes that her supposed alliance could give a shit about her - DUH.  Amanda can tell Elissa and GinaMarie are talking crap about her since they go silent when she walks by, so Amanda confronts them because god forbid she let something slide.  And then Amanda has to prod at Elissa over and over to ask if she might get nominated; Elissa essentially laughs in Amanda's face. STFU Amanda.

As the houseguests attempt to sleep, a guest enters the house: ZINGBOT 3000!!!  Let's roast these shitheads, Zingbot!  McCrae gets the zing about wearing shorts because Amanda wears the pants.  He says GinaMarie is Fatal Attraction, as she slaps the table in uncontrollable laughter (McCrae points out how awful it is).  He calls Andy a pasty white, wailing, floating ghost which is a phenomenal dig.  Zingbot also tells Amanda to mail herself to McCrae in Minnesota with her embarassing drama head tramp stamp.  Elissa gets dub the cheap imitation of her sister (and hey, it's true), but also because there's is absolutely nothing to her in this game besides that.  Spencer doesn't get zinged because everyone forgets he exists.

Zingbot hosts the veto competition alongside Baby Zingbot, who was created in this very backyard last summer.  The houseguests have to roll across a beam, running back and forth to catch it.  They have to get the ball over the ramp 250 times so it's lame to watch.  Usually a complete loser, Amanda busts her streak and actually wins a competition.  And the backdoor backfires! Plus she can save McCrae from eviction too as both are safe.  "Happy Zing Day!" shouts Zingbot as the house feigns happiness.

No one thought Amanda would win since she's a big annoying loser.  Since Andy's in their alliance and also annoying, Elissa thinks he's be a better replacement nominee to screw their game.  Amanda and Elissa get into it after Elissa claims she threw the veto, so then Amanda starts ranting and raving.  Worrying that Andy could be in trouble, Amanda decides to torture Elissa nonstop so that Andy can comfort Elissa and save himself. Then GinaMarie will get nominated.  It's annoying and childish, especially the jabs about fake boobs and botox (which Amanda has gleefully talked about having before).  Andy tries to mend the fences, faking that he doesn't want to be aligned with McCranda.  Elissa ain't taking the bait and when Amanda uses her veto to save her scraggly boyfriend, her alliance member Andy takes his place.  "Sit down trash," poorsport says to Elissa.  So long 3AM.

Post-veto, Amanda continues to be annoying as hell to Elissa.  It's so funny to hear Amanda bitch and moan about Elissa walking like queen of the house when Amanda's been doing that all summer.  Realizing that Amanda/McCrae are an unbreakable pair, Andy, Spencer, Judd, and GinaMarie form "The Exterminators" to get rid of Aaryn now, McCranda next.  Aaryn campaigns to stay, pointing out that she'd be a target if she stays which is good for others.  She even tries to play both sides against each other, telling Amanda that Spencer said he'd nominate McCranda.  Spencer lies because he's not a moron who wants to feel the wrath of Amanda, nor Amanda changing her mind to evict Andy instead.

Because not that much happens and because people have horrible taste in favorite players of the game, the Thursday episode has Julie Chen interviewing season 10 winner/season 14 turd Dan Gheesling who I have no plans to recap because he's annoying.  Only thing I'll say is that he says Amanda is playing like a brat and he's cordial with everyone he previously treated like crap.  And then we're "treated" to a montage of the show's successful showmances now.

Julie interviews the houseguests to fill even more time, about Amanda/Elissa's fighting and how they're a house of slobs.  It's all to draw out the obvious eviction of Aaryn, as the world rejoices one awful houseguest is gone.  Aaryn leaves the house to a pretty low key cheering and a some boos. "We have a lot to talk about," Julie says. Julie does actually touch upon the racist remarks and she apologies and you can hear the audience cackle.  And holy shit, JULIE CHEN GOES THERE.  She reads back direct quotes from Aaryn and the audience loses it like an episode of Maury.  Aaryn claims she doesn't remember saying these things. Oh boy Aaryn, you are only getting a glimpse of the shit you're in and Julie is just dropping hints.  But hey, keep blaming Texas.

This week's Head of Household competition is "Big Hopportunity" where HGs have to maneuver a dozen eggs over a chicken wire fence and into a basket.  Little twist: their ankles are bound together for the adorable bunny effect.  Guess we understand the vote to make them wear bunny suits or chicken suits next week.  As you can imagine, watching little human hands navigate and egg through 1 inch holes of chicken wire is riveting television. And now we wait for a new HOH and next week's double eviction.  See ya then!