October 27, 2013

Survivor Blood vs. Water: Let's Poorly Shuffle Up the Tribes

10/27/2013 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Survivor: Blood vs. Water - Week 6

Galang rehashes their surprising vote and Aras realizes he's becoming an unintentional ringleader which means target.  Tyson and Gervase are worried Aras and his brother come merge and know maybe sooner rather than later they'll have to ditch their buddy.  But first: Redemption Island truel! Ciera gets a little teary when she sees her mom but had a gut feeling something bad happened.  The competition is to collect numbered tiles from a balance beam and then place them in order from 1 to 100.  So a pretty damn easy challenge except for poor balance.  Laura M easily wins, as they expected, and John comes in second. Brad is gone! America cheers!  "You're free," Brad tells his wife Monica.  Laura M. gives the idol clue to Vytas to make him a target, so he burns it.  Go Vytas, don't be a target!

BUT, twist time!  Before leaving Redemption Island, Probst announces a tribe shuffle.  Through mystery pulls, Galang is Monica, Tina, Katie, Kat, Laura B, and Vytas; Tadhana becomes Gervase, Caleb, Aras, Tyson, Hayden and Ciera AKA stacked tribe.  The newbies on Tadhana spill all the beans about their prior eliminations excitedly, not realizing it was a ploy to get info.  The newbies are more concerned about the veterans eating all the food, but Tyson is doing this just to be an awesome because he's a coconut bandit.  Plus he's comically planting seeds to make Aras look like the man in charge and the first target.  At Galang, Tina is so excited to be on a tribe with her daughter while Vytas is pretty pissed as he's the odd man out for sure.  Knowing he's possibly screwed, he uses his powerful story of redemption to bond.  Meanwhile, I'm panicking because Vytas is my pick to win and my actual favorite this season. Save Vytas!

The newly shuffled tribes compete together for the first time in this week's Immunity Challenge set at the ocean.  The challenge is to swim in pairs to unlock fish traps from the bottom of the ocean and, of course, those traps hold... puzzle pieces!  The winners get immunity and a picnic with various meats, bread, brownies, and a big ass watermelon.  Tina and Laura are idiots who don't bring back the trap, which totally screws Galang.  There's like 2 things to do: untie and swim back with the trap. You're dumb.  For a hot second it seems like Galang does a puzzle miracle, but no. Tadhana wins immunity, reward, and ugh, I think I'm totally screwed for my pre-show pick now.

Tina apologizes to her tribe for sucking so hard. Vytas can't say a damn thing because he's the only man on the lady tribe and already screwed.  But Kat is annoyed that Monica never shuts up, always strategizing.  Tina wants to be girl power gung-ho so she tells Monica about Kat turning on her.  Monica and Tina talk about this right in front of Vytas, admitting he is going home.  Monica confronts Kat, who denies all.  If Kat's coming for her, Monica's coming at her first and it's all a tizzy.

Tribal Council Time!  Monica and Kat's beef is front and center.  Vytas even points out why he should stay over Kat, since he's more trustworthy.  Vytas hopes everyone will see the kind of person he is and the ability to trust him, while Kat says she has and always will have their back.  In a vote where I cheer on my couch, Kat is voted off her tribe.  She scrunches up in the her hoodie, then gets up to have her torch snuffed.

October 20, 2013

Survivor Blood vs. Water: High Steaks

10/20/2013 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Survivor: Blood vs. Water - Week 5

Tadhana is still in shock over what happened at Tribal and Hayden's nervous the bros are totally screwed.  John joins Redemption Island to interrupt John and Candice's spooning to beg forgiveness.  Monica gets all weepy when she sees her husband in the arena, but he tells her not to take his spot (phew).  The truel is to use planks to create a bridge and then use those planks again to solve a puzzle.  John finishes first, leaving rivals Candice and Brad to battle for safety (well she hates him for).  Brad beats Candice, eliminating her to a lot of cheers from Galang who clearly know nothing about Brad besides Monica's praise.  John gives Monica the immunity idol clue again and, with another shout from her husband, tosses it in the fire. BOR-ING!

Laura tries using her massage powers to gain an ally in Aras, but she's still on the outs.  Other Laura AKA Rupert's wife still doesn't feel connected to her tribe, her the newbie and them the hardened veterans.  Bur Brad's win against Candice, and their bond, raises a teeny flag with her tribe.  Tadhana is busy basking in their actual wounds, like toenails falling off and extreme bug bites.  Vytas is still playing the game while finally being chill with Brad gone.  Vytas is concerned about Caleb being a loose canon, maybe flipping to the girls.  But without Brad maybe Tadhana can become one less stressful tribe.

In this week's Immunity Challenge, the tribes get to slide down a bitchin' water slide and play ring toss.  First tribe to get five rings wins immunity and steaks, veggies, spices, and a wok.  A tribe united, Tadhana finally kills it in a challenge and wins immunity! And steak!  That's right even given the option of fishing gear for a long time they're like "STFU Probst, we want MEAT."

Now comes the part of the game Colton was begging for, but he's a quitter so he misses out on Galang's first stab at turning on each other.  Laura B is nervous for her first Tribal Council ever since she's definitely the outsider.  First strategy is to keep her eyes open and mouth shut, but Laura tells Kat how the girls who sat out (Monica M, Laura B) were bitching about her on the bench.  Kat brushes it off because desperate people say whatever to stick around.  But she's the most annoying on the tribe and the top candidate to go, but it's also really easy as Aras points out.  Aras and his bromance Tyson start some whispering about voting off Laura M instead to knock out Brad at Redemption (and remove Monica's loved one ally).

Tribal time! Galang lights their torches for the first time ever and get the fire represents life spiel.  Gervase talks about how different this game is 13 years later, having to hustle immediately or you'd go home first.  Tina reiterates this sentiment and adds in how hard the Blood vs. Water twist is.  The loved one partnerships is something everyone is pondering and while some will embrace their loved ones, others will dump 'em (Laura M).  Probst gets in his asshole question asking Laura B if she deserves to be there.  She makes her defense, to which Kat rolls her eyes (HA!).  An all Laura vote blindsides Laura M who is voted off to Redemption, while Rupert's wife Laura is still in it.

October 13, 2013

Survivor Blood vs. Water: The Legend of the Coconut Bandits

10/13/2013 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Survivor: Blood vs. Water - Week 4

Candice is surprised to see her hubby joining her at Redemption Island, almost as surprised as John was after being blindsided.  Going into the arena for battle, Candice flips off the crowd and wishes it was someone for her/Marissa to take out together (like Brad).  Candice, Brad, and his wife Monica get into a squabble.  With that out of the way, this week's challenge is maneuvering a rope to retrieve a key, which unlocks the pieces to a Puzz3D.  John is nailing the puzzle, and Brad even tries to help from the sidelines to smooch butt.  Candice finishes her puzzle second, which eliminates Marissa and keeps the married couple around to brawl another time.  As a last item of business, John gives the immunity idol clue to Monica (per Candice's suggestion) to make her a target. Monica burns it because "our tribe's not interested."  And because she's in a dominant alliance. But it's hitting her that her husband sucks big time in this game.  Then Brad and Candice go play grab-ass while catching fish.

Brad's strategy is to keep around guys in his alliance with a loved one still around for a mega alliance come merge.  Colton's fiance Caleb is like "sheeeeeeeit," because sure enough Brad is thinking that.  Plus no one will shout at him for another 3 days, so it's win-win.  The other bros don't want to get "Johnned" but also know they have to keep Brad because he's a huge target that shields them for a long time to come.  Brad's wife Monica is all mopey at camp because everyone hates her husband, who she's sure is just being the best guy ever and making life heavenly for his tribe.  Gervase asks her to think of his as Brad on Survivor and not Brad her husband from Tampa, because it's a game and someone has to be the dick running things.  Meanwhile, Gervase and Tyson sneak off to drink coconuts and use a crowbar to poke holes instead of chopping. The tribe finds empty coconuts but without machete slashes, they blame crabs.  When in doubt, blame crabs.

This week's immunity challenge is for the tribes to paddle out to retrieve crates from the ocean, stack the crates to make stairs, and then solve a puzzle/combination.  Along with immunity, the winning tribe wins tea, coffee, croissants, and more breakfast goodies.  Despite being injured, Tyson participates in the challenge because they want to win and Tina and Kat are mediocre.  Tadhana really steps it up this challenge, until the puzzle where Galang sweeps in and wins. BREAKFAST PARTY!

Tadhana does their usual downtrodden loser trek back to camp to bask in their poor performance.  The bros ask Brad to come "get water" but he declines to stay and tell the women to vote off Caleb.  The other guys want to vote off Ciera since she sucks at puzzles.  By blowing off the bros, Brad raises suspicion with the other guys.  But he's a mega target to shield them, so Ciera still seems like a better option.

Tribal Time! Probst brings up the obvious: you don't dream about coming on Survivor and always losing.  Ciera kinda admits she sucks at puzzles, but says she has benefits to keep around (do tell).  Brad passes the blame about running everything, then accidentally outs that it would be easier to get rid of someone who doesn't have a loved one to shout at him.  Well this tribe is fractured with trust being lost bit by bit.  And since Brad outed his thoughts, Caleb turns and openly says "I'm voting Brad now and you can too."  He baffles the tribe who is completely torn how to vote now.  Caleb stirred shizz up in the best way!  The votes come in as a 3-3 tie for Brad and Ciera.  A re-vote happens, where Hayden has the hardest time ever making a choice.  Holy awesome, the re-vote results in a 3-1 vote to eliminate Brad.  He leaves far classier than he played, but the Twitterverse is cheering at Brad's demise.

October 6, 2013

Survivor Blood vs. Water: Bro Betrayal

10/06/2013 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Survivor: Blood vs. Water - Week 3

The two tribes convene at Redemption Island for the later competition between Candice, Marissa,
and Rachel.  Tyson doesn't take the bait to switch with Rachel (she agrees he should stay), and she openly calls out Brad calling the shots on her former tribe.  Colton puts on the waterworks at Redemption after another morning of not getting his way of playing cutthroat Survivor.  Tyson's cupcake belt buckle? Infinitely more interesting than Colton's lies.  "I don't want to be here anymore," Colton sobs.  Colton hates his tribe and says it's a selfish move.  Probst calls Colton out BIG TIME: Colton feigned appendicitis last time and quit. It was med-evac.  His tribe joins in on calling him out which is since things aren't going his way he quits.  "We brought a quitter back and we got a quitter again," says Probst. God Probst is hot right now.  Colton cries and hugs his fiance Caleb, is denied burning his buff, and leaves.

Duel time (well truel, cause there's three).  The competition is essentially domino stacking across angled platforms, with trip wires around to monkey with their work.  The first two to finish stick around, last place loser.  Candice wins her second duel, giving the immunity clue again to her husband John.  It's weirdly tense considering it's dominoes.  Some fall early and ruin, others aren't falling enough to finish the whole run and set off the ball.  It is SO close, but Rachel's stack stops moving and Marissa's finishes.  Tyson's girlfriend Rachel is eliminated from the game and vengeance will be his (and that belt buckle's).

Tyson is pretty bummed Rachel went home, but he was able to ask if she had fun and she said yes. To Tyson, this is supposed to be a game of fun and if you let it eat you alive it'll kill you AKA Colton.  Tadhana has to reassure Brad isn't a tyrant (he is).  The bros don't care though because they're a solid team.  John sneaks off with his newest immunity idol clue, but decides to open up and share it with Brad to show trust.  John suggests they hunt for the idol separately to not raise any eyebrows, which makes Brad wonder if there is trust.

This week's Immunity Challenge is a brawl, y'all!  They'll beat the shit out of each other for immunity and comfort of pillows, blankets, etc..  Using jousting pillow things, two survivors meet on a center platform for the most violent pillow fight ever.  Tyson gets his shoulder popped, bringing in med to fix it, and tell him to sit out of the rest of the challenge.  It's fun to see Tina and her daughter Katie beat each other around, chasing each other, really going to town; Tina wins her match.  The big match is Aras and Vytas, who dreamt all day of battling.  Vytas plays possum to throw off Aras, but Aras still kicks his ass.  Laura beats her weak daughter Ciera, bringing victory to Galang again.

After recapping the challenge, the guys all talk about how the two girls they kept suck badly and lost to their mothers in a physical brawl.  Katie gets point for cooking the men dinner, but Ciera does nothing much.  But when John heads into the woods to find the idol, Brad has an epiphany: take out John.  Candice is killing it in Redemption and if she were to return, John's loyalty would flip to her instead of annoying Brad.  But Brad's a puss and doesn't want to cast a vote for John himself, relying on the women to make this vote happen (and his other bros to get their hands dirty).  And then they're like, wait a second, Brad is a threat because he's bossing us around and trying to get away with it. Blindside a-comin'!

Tribal Time!  The girls understand they're weak, especially in a brawl, but are embarrassed to have lost to their old moms.  Brad gets feisty about being called out at Redemption Island for controlling everyone.  John having two immunity idol clues makes him a bit more of a target, especially since he hasn't shared the clues with his bros.  No immunity idol is played, so Probst reads the votes.  John is voted out of the game, pretty shocked, and will now have to truel against his wife in Redemption Island.

Reality Rundown: An Amazing Lack of Reading

10/06/2013 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
The Amazing Race 23 - Week 1

Starting at an old west movie town which I'm praying is Bonanza City from Kid Nation, eleven teams meet to begin the crazy race around the globe. This season's pairings include former NFL teammates, theater performers, exes, cousins who call themselves "Afganimals," NHL ice crew teammates (AKA hot girls with cleavage), married ER physicians, father/daughter, oil plant workers, bearded childhood friends, a dating couple, and baseball wives. Man, they really tried to hit all the pro sports this season, huh?  The teams line up and learn from Phil they'll first be heading to Chile for their first destination, and first place wins an Express Pass for them and another team.

The teams meet and greet at the airport before arriving in Iquique, Chile to find their next clue from a fella named Javier.  That clue is the season's first Road Block where one partner follows the other, oh and the other person is paragliding (awesome).  And really isn't the cabbie the one doing the following?  Still, the chance to paraglide over Chile is pretty fantastic.  One of the baseball wives loses her shit about paragliding because someone is always afraid of heights and dying on television.  Once the follower finds their partner back on land, they drive to Muelle Prat for the next clue.

Muelle Prat's by the water and it's a second Road Block for the other teammate (the paraglider).  They have to row around crappy boats and collect fish from three specific boats.  But guys, sea lions are around!  The Afhanimals didn't read the clue properly and the wrong cousin started the Road Block and they have to switch.  After getting fish funk on them, teams get to race over the Pit Stop.  Nicole and Travis, the married doctors, arrive first but incur a 30 minute penalty for taking a taxi when the clue instructed them to"make their way by foot."  This error lets Tim and Marie (the exes) slide into first position and win the Expresses Passes.  The father/daughter team fall behind, then mis-read the clue like the Afganimals and have to switch. They check in hours after everyone in the dark of night, so that's a real downer to go out first and be so far behind.