March 17, 2014

Survivor Cagayan: Chicken, Egg, Moron

3/17/2014 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Survivor: Cagayan
Week 3
We get the first reward challenge of the season, which the brains practice for again since they're starving since J'Tia is a rice-dumping moron.  Each tribe will have one caller who instructs his blindfolded tribemates to collect miscellaneous items on a course, then hoist it up a pulley to their caller.  The winning tribe gets three egg laying hens and a rooster (for hot, erotic bird time), while the second place team gets a dozen eggs.  Justin Bieber would have a field day with those eggs.  Everyone bumps into stuff with a lot of bruised testicles and vaginas in the process.  The beauty wins the big reward, while the Brains completely blows it for her tribe... AGAIN! The brawn get the eggs, while should promptly be thrown at the brains but I guess eating is cool too.

Morgan isn't a fan of Jeremiah anymore and confronts him about flipping votes, then makes sure to tell others he was gunning for LJ.  Jeremiah finds the immunity idol clue in the chicken feed, and proving the dunce he is, reads the clue for the idol aloud to everyone.  LJ is like sheeeeeeit glad I have it.  Continuing their streak of wisdom, the Beauty tribe attempt to figure out how chickens reproduce.  The only smart one, LJ, solves the chicken vs. the eggs theory (eggs first, cause dinosaurs laid eggs) and beheads a chicken with his hands.  At the Brawn camp, Sarah sees Cliff and Lindsay horsing around and remembers the stories (lies) Tony told her.  She's ready to make a move and approaches Woo to blindside Cliff, who doesn't need the money, and even he's down.  Tony's excited to make the move and swears on his badge, which he doesn't give a shit about because he's scummy.  Sarah is so eager to make this happen that she wants to throw the challenge.  But guys, it might be basketball and Cliff will kill it!

The immunity challenge is shootin' hoop, so good luck throwing it with an NBA player on your tribe. The survivors dive underwater to collect buoys that will be shot into a basket.  It becomes apparent the Brawns are throwing the tribe when Trish feigns trouble diving down to get her buoy, quitting so they can move along.  But the best part is that even throwing a challenge, the Brains are terrible and the Brawns eventually catch up to them.  The Beauty tribe easily wins yet again, and despite the best efforts to tank it, the Brawns come in second. J'Tia is truly a delight for this game.

Back to the Brains camp, but I think at this point we could just call them the Loser tribe, right?  Spencer is pretty threatened by the lady bond since they were the ones who voted out the strong guys.  Spencer reminds Kass and Tasha that he's an asset in challenges, so the women go off and wonder what to do.  Kass and Tasha decide to keep Spencer but not tell him, mainly because they fear another J'Tia freakout.  J'Tia's argument to keep her is her undying loyalty, even if there's a tribe shuffle.  Tasha's like wait, maybe we need loyalty over challenge wins, forgetting that if you don't win challenges you have to eliminate people (or be eliminated yourself).  You are a tribe of buffoons.

Tribal time! Probsts kicks it off with big WTF shrug because, hello, losers.  J'Tia explains swimming isn't her thing, but unfortunately Tasha has to remind her she has failed in all challenges.  The rice comes up and Kass says it was an emotional decision, not a sign of disloyalty.  Spencer acknowledges that he was on the wrong side of the vote last time and yes, him and Garrett fudged their alliance, but he doesn't want to go.  Meanwhile, Kass and Tasha are whispering while he's talking trying to figure out what to do.  Poor superfan Spencer is on a tribe of ding dongs and stuck kissing ass to try and keep himself alive in the game.  Thankfully, his tribemates have some common sense and realize oh yeah, the person who is the absolute worst at challenges should bet he one to get rid of.

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