July 31, 2014

Big Brother 16: Amber is Free, Ya Fruit Loop Dingus!

7/31/2014 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Big Brother 16 - Week 5

Everyone is happy with Frankie as HOH (plus he'll get pictures of his grandpa), but terrified at the thought of what loose cannon Zach will do. The obvious nominee choices are Donny, Jocasta, and Victoria, the outsiders of the house and the same people who have been nominated the last fou weeks. But Zach's hellbent on getting Amber out this week because she is the only girl will the gall to come after the guys. One guy she surely wants gone is Caleb, who eats a pickle (which he hates) in order to score a date in the house with her - and it's as awkward as you'd expect the date to be. Zach's crazy brain has the idea that Christine should "take one for the team" and be nominated alongside with Amber to throw the Battle of the Block, but when Christine balks at the idea Zach is livid. Zach's on a crazy power trip, even making an attempt to sabotage Christine's side alliance with Nicole (who would be heartbroken if she discovered Christine was playing her). Zach should be less worried about Christine and more about his bros, as Derrick and Cody make a final two alliance called "The Hitmen." Or maybe he should worry that behind his back the entire alliance fears his unpredictable behavior.

Team America gets their assignment to force an argument to happen between two houseguests at either the nomination or veto ceremony. It's their hardest mission yet, but with Zach in power it's easy to create such a disaster by encouraging his awful antics. At the nomination ceremony, Frankie first nominates Jocasta and Victoria citing that he's getting no blood on his hands by nominating people he nominated before (but is still a shitty friend to Victoria). Zach nominates Nicole and Christine, then makes his crazy speech calling Christine an irrelevant floater just like BB14 Jenn City and that superfan Nicole didn't see it coming "ya fruit loop dingus." Nicole begins to laugh-cry, then just cry, while Christine is simply pissed despite Zach's apology. BUT, no argument happens so Team America doesn't get paid... yet.

It's a full-blown wedding in the backyard for the Battle of the Block, "Wedding Crashers," where the two pairs have to assemble a giant wedding cake and climb to the top. One person is dressed as a bride with a creepy wig, while the other person is dressed as a groom with a creepy wig. The creepy wig store rejoices at their product placement! Christine and Nicole are really strategic in assembling their cake, a beautifully tiered work of perfection. Jocasta and Victoria? Not so much. Actually not at all: it's an unbalanced, uneven mess as their cake falls while trying to climb. Christine and Nicole win the Battle of the Block and dethrone Zach, who gets a cake to the head after a launcher fail.

Victoria blames Jocasta for losing the Battle of the Block so Jocasta makes some great faces at that ding dong. Victoria's too busy trying to get attention, particularly from Hayden which makes Nicole jealous. Frankie is elated to still be HOH, Zach just wants to backdoor Amber, and Christine and Nicole are still irritated with Zach. Problem is everyone is starting to hate Zach and if he doesn't STFU, people will want him nominated instead of non-Detonators. Frankie still wants to get paaaaaid for Team America so he requests Zach to STFU until the Veto Ceremony where it's free reign to torture everyone. Speaking of torture, Amber can't seem to escape Caleb, who explains her blowing him off isn't bothering him over and over to every person in the house. Oh not bothering you at all, "King of the House" Caleb! And in sad news from the outside world, Derrick receives a letter from home saying his grandfather has passed, with the letter encouraging him to stay and play.

Frankie, Jocasta, Victoria, Donny, Hayden (Victoria's houseguest's choice pick since he asked her), and Christine play in this week's Power of Veto competition. The backyard is like Bonanza City from Kid Nation - a wild west town complete with fake snakes and hay bales. The competition is to gallop on a fake horse sixty times, run and place some bricks, and stack fifty bars of gold (which fall if you don't get back onto your horse fast enough). It's the typical kinda sexual challenge, but luckily no liquid shoots out randomly on them, though Hayden uses it as an opportunity to hit on Nicole. To avoid bricks falling, you're allowed to take slop which Jocasta cashes in on. Everyone's asses get real sore, but it's Hayden who wins the Golden Power of Veto. And the award for best thrust.

Right after the veto, all the bros agree with the plan to use the veto on Victoria and backdoor Amber. The problem is Caleb is obsessed with the girl-who-isn't-that-into-him, so the guys need to make Caleb accept nominating her. Zach goes to Caleb right away to relay Amber's disgust and her feelings that all this showmance stuff has been overblown. Caleb seeks out his buddy Frankie and would love for them to put Amber on the block to scare her, basically to make her think Caleb and the guys controls her life in the game. To quote Jessie Spano, what a chauvinist pig.

Team America convene before the veto meeting to get their mission complete. Frankie suggests they have Zach go crazy on Amber after Frankie puts her on the block as a backdoor nominee. Everyone is giddy with excitement to see Zach destroy Amber on television and I don't get why. I mean a house argument is fun but I feel like Amber is being targeted for no reason. At the veto ceremony, Hayden uses the veto on Victoria since he chose him to play on her behalf. Frankie puts Amber on the block, as we expected, but plays dumb about it. Zach then goes batty and explains how Caleb did so many things to save her, like going on the block and eatings pickles. Amber doesn't have anything to say - TEAM AMERICA FAILS!

Jocasta cries that she's still up for eviction, while Amber gets inducted into the "Zach yelling at you" club. Amber confronts Caleb about getting her put on the block and, after getting his bible attempt slammed down, explains it's because she's hanging out with the house - not the alliance. Eventually he apologizes, but outs that the whole alliance knew the plan to nominate Amber. Then Caleb cries to Frankie about the possibility of her going home because of him, so Frankie pretends to care. Amber is so tired of this Caleb nonsense ruining her game and vows to target him if she gets to stay - which Christine sees as a good point to keep Amber, who will leave the Detonators alone in favor of ol' Beastmode. Instead, Frankie relays this gossip to Caleb to officially crush his heart and snap. All while wearing a onesie and bunny slippers and it's not a punishment the show assigned him.

Team America gets a last-minute mission before eviction: they have to vote against the majority and publicly accuse two houseguests of being those hinky voters. Frankie and Derrick figure it'll be easy to blame Caleb and their skapegoat Zach, but Donny does not want to do this mission because accusing others is out-of-character for him. He doesn't want his game messed up for a dumb task. So when it comes time for the live vote, Team America fails the task and does not vote against the house's decision (apologizing to us as they cast their votes). Amber is unanimously voted out of the house and is saved from Caleb's creeping for the rest of the summer, though she's surprised to be gone. Amber's not going to pretend to be into a guy just to win money, so good for her! And then Caleb has a douchey goodbye video wearing a crown claiming he's the king and the slipper doesn't fit his queen anymore. Be free, Amber. Be free.

This week's Head of Household competition, "Getting Loopy" has the houseguests answering true/false questions about looped videos of past competitions and house moments that were broadcast on the memory wall. Everyone watches to memorize every detail to be able to answer whatever bizarre questions might come up. The houseguests really studied the loops so it ends up going to a tie-breaker question with five houseguests still in the running to be one of the two HOHs. Except we don't get to see it because it's a cliffhanger - damn you Chenbot!

July 28, 2014

The Bachelorette: Andi Loves Josh, not Nick

The Bachelorette - Andi

Still in the Dominican Republic, Andi's final two take turns meeting Andi's family. Nick is first and comes bearing flowers and booze, the keys to my heart as well. Right off the bat the parents notice his nerves and lack of PDA. After awkward meal small talk, Nick expresses his love for Andi to her mom and that she's the one for him. Andi's dad Hy is harder to read because he's a stern look of terror, but he gives his proposal blessing. Andi tells her sister about Nick's passionate kissing and do like same-sex siblings talk this way? I still find it bizarre to hug my brother, so this openness alarms me. Andi is pleased it went will with Nick and ends it with yet another makeout. This gives Josh the sloppy second parent visit and he brings flowers and cigars, but no booze (strike one, baseball lover). He also brings the sweat, literally dripping from heat and nerves. Andi acknowledges that Josh is pretty much her typical type but Josh is different. Josh is very adamant he's here for the right reasons, loves Andi, and isn't the stereotypical former athlete. Hy asks Josh if this is some kind of summer camp romance and Josh insists it's forever love; Josh gets the proposal blessing. Basically Hy is cool with either dude getting down with his daughter.

Andi meets Josh for their last date together and both got the memo that they should wear bold shades of blue. The pair talk, snorkel, and makeout on a yacht, reminiscent of their first date together making out on a regular boat. Their connection, not to mention both being from Atlanta, makes it all too good to be true. To me it means maybe you should've tried Tinder a few times before applying to a reality show. Instead of a fancy private dinner, they sip dinner and barely eat in a hotel room for some last minute talking and reassurance. Josh has no questions for Andi because he's ready - shouldn't you always have questions? Especially when you've dated for like a month? He insists love times are different for all and believes his love with last forever with Andi, who is more focused on what could go wrong than right. Josh presents Andi with his this-is-how-much-I-love-you craft project: A BASEBALL CARD. I said it as a joke but it come to life: a homemade Andi baseball card with her name as Andi Murray, his last name. Josh believes Andi is his best friend for life, his future wife, blah blah. A few more kisses to the red pantsed man before Andi leave Josh until the final day.

On Andi's final date with Nick they go offroading in a product placement Jeep, then picnic by a secret lagoon. I hope some kind of lagoon creature doesn't eat them alive. Nick talks about all his nerves to ask Hy Dorfman for Andi's hand in marriage, and that Andi is Nick's total priority. One thing for Nick though is that he really wants a sign on this date that he's the one because if there's any doubt, he doesn't want to get engaged (which makes sense, yet doesn't because of the situation, but also I guess Andi should know by now, right?) Andi comes to Nick's hotel that night rocking MORE blue because cobalt and cerulean blue co-sponsored tonight's finale. Nick explains how he's nervous and doesn't want to be wondering anymore, so Andi gives reassurance and all the signs Nick wants. They talk about their fun mundane life together, like what they'd buy at the supermarket and how they'd text each other while they work, then do boring couple stuff together. Nick's craft to Andi is sand in a necklace from the beach where he told Andi he loved her. Andi says Nick is everything she's been looking for in a man and he's all moony as she leaves.

Andi's two men shirtlessly awake on the proposal day, then deeply ponder the big day ahead. When Nick gets a knock on the door he expects engagement ring master Neil Lane but it's not: IT'S ANDI! The live audience gasps! A bunch of former rejects give their opinion! A picnic table cloth weeps for its fabric back! Andi thought on what Nick mentioned the night before, how he previously woke up the day he got engaged and it wasn't right - that's how she feels now. An engagement is not what she feels for them and she's felt it for awhile since they're always so intense and over-analyzing everything, which is no fun. Andi insists she felt everything and meant everything, and Nick feels like a ding dong for being so confident and thinks Andi took it too far. He wishes there were certain things "she hadn't have said or done" - so did they fool around in the ocean?! Nick stands on the balcony with his head down like Peanuts, slams one of his saved roses in the trash, then gets in an Uber XL to the airport.

Andi throws on his cream gown and gets her hair poofed up for her big proposal from Josh. Josh's Uber XL drops him off to receive a handshake from Chris Harrison before heading to the romantic proposal altar. Josh explains that he left baseball so he found find his great love, but now knows he could find that love with her. Josh's giant white teeth are beaming through his smile as he proclaims his love for Andi and all this magical stuff about her. Andi responds back about this journey and it being a challenge, but she was scared from the first time she met him she loved him. It was love at first sight on the slicked down driveway! Josh gets down on one knee with an double halo engagement ring because I guess that's the only kind of ring Neil Lane ever brings in his briefcase, they kiss a bunch, and Josh receives the final rose.

After the Final Rose kicks off the celebration with watching a depressed Nick walk around Chicago. He's heartbroken and not over Andi, which makes his family sad too. Desperate to see her for answers, Nick contacted Chris Harrison and tried to show up at the Men Tell All to talk to Andi (you mean I was in his rejected general vicinity?). Andi declines the offer to talk to Nick, not ready to come face-to-face with him, who sits waiting in a room full of roses mocking him. Nick gives Chris Harrison a letter so he can play carrier pigeon. But now Andi will have to come face-to-face with him since it's contractually obligated to do so tonight. Nick comes out being all sad, forced to re-live the day with Chris Harrison and discuss the heartbreak he's not at all over. Turns out Nick also tried to crash Andi's Mexico vacation but Chris Harrison nixed that one (probably because it wasn't on camera).

Well the cameras are here and Andi is brought out to see Nick for the first time since crushing his soul in the Dominican Republic. Chris Harrison lets Nick take the lead but much as he always has been, Nick is full of rambling thoughts. He talks about how he was skeptical but Andi made him feel like he could find love again, so he's grateful to know that hopefully love is out there for him. Andi hated dumping him knowing he was a total skeptic of this whole process. She bluntly has to say she was not in love with Nick; her love with Josh was greater. Another kick in the gut for Nick! And then Nick goes here: if she didn't love him, why did she make love with him? "Well that was below the belt," she says. DAAAAAMN! Way uncalled for on television as I feel this on-air discussion could've been civil, then led to a real discussion off air where Nick could've asked this question as well as get some closure. Andi explains the reason she dumped him before picking a ring, suiting up, attempting to propose, etc. was so he didn't have to be humiliated and wanted to respect him. This whole thing is very uncomfortable and maybe it should've happened off camera.

The remind people what they're here for, Andi and Josh come out together for the first time as an official couple. Josh blathers on about why he loves her and that they're best friends. Now they get to have a real date in public, besides secret rendez-vous around the world. But the secret's been safe and they are happy and madly in love because the show works. Well... sometimes it does, Josh, but you're on The Bachelorette so the odds are better. But to top it all off, frowny face Andi gets to meet Grumpy Cat!!! Methinks the cat is more of a kindred spirit with Nick right now, but anything to go viral!

July 24, 2014

Big Brother 16: The Detonators Come Into Power

7/24/2014 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Big Brother 16
Week 4

Our new week of Big Brother picks up with last week's cliffhanger of the hell themed egg navigating task. This is a good challenge, however, if you like puns such as "This challenge is for the birds!" "Egg-stra careful!" and "Egg her on!" Brittany and Jocasta have an early lead but only move one egg at a time. Zach and Amber are also killing it, seemingly close to victory.  But Frankie and Cody wisely put two eggs into play at all time, which allows them to catch up, pass, and win the HOH competition. Looks like we'll know exactly what to EGG-PECT this week.

A group of five former Bomb Squad members come together and become The Detonators, a tight group of Derrick, Frankie, Cody, Zach, and Christine for a final five deal. It's solidified with a "handshake" of turning keys in the ignition, obviosuly not understanding that usually detonating is pushing down upon a handle. Watch some Looney Tunes you goons! Detonators and Team America members Derrick and Cody decide to fulfill this weej's task of nominating a physical threat with the best cop out, which is that Amber is the biggest female physical threat. They'll put her on the block alongside the three female outsiders: Brittany, Jocasta, and Victoria. Frankie is able to get Caleb on board with the plan to nominate her Amber with his feelings of pure jealously due to a shut HOH room door for private Amber/Cody time. Amber doesn't get why she has to be the pawn, suggesting Christine or a strong guy. Sorry Amber but The Detonators are in full force and Christine is the exact opposite of physical threat. Team America's gots to get paid!

Nominations officially happen after forever of filler (Cody has a mancrush on Zach Efron). Cody nominates Brittany and Victoria, who no one cares about or wants to share a bed with. Frankie nominates Jocasta and Amber, making sure to call her a physical threat to get that Team America cash. Brittany is mostly offended by the notion that she would be viewed on the same low level as Victoria, I guess not remembering that she wasn't very positive to HOH Cody and implied he would nominate the women who didn't grovel to him. Amber is tired of being the pawn and approaches Christine about forming a girl's alliance to start getting the guys out (nothing happens).

The Battle of the Block gets transformed into a giant chess board, surrounded by a kingdom with ships and apparently body glitter for the shirtless HOHs. To play, you have to navigate around the board like a knight in chess (L shape). Where the player lands becomes inactive, so the goal is to not knock yourself by running out of places to move. Jocasta boxes herself in, leaving Amber stuck alone to fend for both of their safety. Soon Brittany is out, and eventually Victoria. Jocasta starts her terrifying shaky cry that borders on speaking in tongues again from being saved. Frankie is dethroned as HOH and tarred and feathered in the process. But why must you mess up the body glitter?!

Creeping Caleb doesn't like Amber hanging around Cody so stares at them awkwardly for awhile while more people in the room cackle at this weird moment. Caleb feels Cody is violating bro code, so Zach reports back all this immediately and they have a Caleb bitchfest. Caleb is outside bitching about Cody, about Amber not worshipping the group he walks on for getting nomianted for her, and other nonsense. Luckily he's moaning to Brittany, who likes to complain about being a target, never being able to save herself, and how she deserves to be here more than Victoria who is a waste of a houseguest. Brittany likes having Caleb as a possible ally on her side, so she selects him as her Houseguest's Choice for the veto competition. But when Caleb starts telling Cody how Brittany deserves to stay over Victoria, it's red flags galore for HOH Cody.

Dressed in a really open referee's shirt, veto host Frankie corrals the houseguests into the backyard for a soccer themed veto competition. Competing in the "BB Cup" are Derrick, Brittany, Victoria, Zach, Nicole, and Caleb, who learn first that Germany won the World Cup (no one cares). To play, each HG launches a soccer ball off of a terrifying paper mache lower body, aiming at numbered targets and the player with the lowest score each round claims a trophy with a prize. As more players are eliminated, prizes can be stolen and traded so this means... unitard time! Actual soccer experience is a hindrance for Cody and his prize is the veto, but surely that won't remain his because DUH. Lots of rounds pass but it boggles everyone's mind when Victoria wins the veto because Caleb doesn't take the veto from Victoria and opts for cash instead. Other prizes: Cody gets 24 hours of penalty kicks in the butt, Zach wins a trip to Germany, Brittany has to score 2,400 soccer goals in 24 hours (and she's pissed Nicole gave her this), Caleb wins $5,000, and Nicole must wear the "Germitard." 

What's a Germitard? Why a unitard decorated like lederhosen, complete with a beer stein and bratwurst. That's nothing compared to Brittany's punishment, kicking what seems like infinite soccer goals which must be torture to her toes and feet (she's losing a toenail - super gross). But Brittany's not a quitter, so even though she knows she's basically screwed in this house she succeeds in her goal kicking challenge. Cody's is far more amusing, watching him take ten kicks to the butt every time a whistle blows at all hours of the day. But the shoe kicking in the butt is pretty fly, so I mean, it's with style at least.

Post-veto, the bros are made that Cody has to get more blood on his hands as HOH instead of Caleb stepping up to let the nominees remain the same. Cody's so irritated with Caleb at this point that he'd love to put him on the block, except Caleb's still a number for their side and him on the block would guarantee him going home. We know this because everyone talks about their disdain for Caleb. Derrick, clearly the best player, thinks Donny knows the better choice for replacement nominee is well liked, guaranteed to stay Donny because eventough Caleb sucks, he's a number for their side. Donny encourages Cody to play his own game but won't hold it against Cody if he's nominated, which leads to Cody shaking hands and telling Donny he won't put him on the block. Cody declares to his alliance that he is putting Caleb on the block, which send Frankie and Derrick into damage control mode yet again. Derrick reminds Cody that Brittany is coming for them and she has to go, even if Caleb did screw them over. At the veto ceremony, Cody goes back on his word to Donny and names him the replacement nominee. Oh Cody. Your dreaminess can't help you out of this one.

Donny is slightly surprised he's nominated and Brittany is sad she has to campaign against a friend. Cody mopes and regrets going back on his word, but his alliance supports the move. Donny is assured by everyone that he's totally safe this week but pawns are always screwed in this game so he's weary (but this week, trust me, Donny doesn't have to worry). Brittany tries to campaign and thinks Caleb has influence in the house, which is laughable since 80% of his waking day is dreaming up ideas for the perfect date with Amber. The game takes a pause though as they come together to grieve with Frankie, who learns via letter that his grandfather passed away.

Filler of the week includes the residents of Ubly, Michigan commenting on the barely showmance of Nicole and Hayden. Highlight is a little girl saying Hayden is weird because he tries to "make sex" with Nicole. Julie Chen informs the houseguests that the Have Nots for the next week are the four laziest people according to the activity trackers they've been product placement tasked to wear: Nicole, Caleb, Christine, and Derrick. She returns to begin the live voting where, despite a long, pleading speech, Brittany is evicted by a unanimous vote. Looking gorgeous, Brittany tells Julie that people are voting like weaklings and following the strong. She acknowledges her and the other outsiders started playing too late, setting them back from making alliances. Also her feet are nasty from the soccer challenge. But at least her very blond kids are there to hug her upon her exit.

The backyard is given a wild west saloon theme for the HOH competition, "Country Hits." It's the trivia challenge to identify what challenge the abysmal song is describing, knocking each other out in head-to-head face offs. The country songs are irritating to hear, but I hate that kind of twang. After many rounds, and a lot of trust, Derrick throws HOH to Frankie so he can get a picture of his grandfather. Zach beats Christine in the final round, making him the other HOH - Zankie's gonna be HOH buddies! But Frankie and Team America have one more lame mission: to get to houseguests to have an argument at the nomination or veto ceremony. Ugh, Team America is dumb.

July 21, 2014

The Bachelorette: Andi's Men Tell All While Wearing Scarves

7/21/2014 Posted by Mel Got Served , , 1 comment
The Bachelorette - Andi
Week 9 - The Men Tell All

While tonight is about Andi and her fellas, the Men Tell All stars with former stars Ashley and JP's latest success story. Ashley is mucho pregnant and due in October. While the big news they tease seems like it's their move to Miami, it's not. It's a live sonogram on-air to reveal the sex of the baby! And so out comes the ultrasound technician Greg, they unzip the belly to Ashley's maxi dress, and slop on some of that goo. There is a shocking reveal: it's a mini Chris Harrison. JK, it's a boy! JP's glad to have a son and Ashley totally knew it. Also, her boobs are looking great thanks to pregnancy. Perks, everyone!

There's a preview for the upcoming in Bachelor in Paradise, which I can't wait for. It's the epitome of hook up or go home. No competitions, no prisoner's dilemma. Just making out and dates with a constantly revolving cast. Romance, tears, ambulances, handcuffs of the non-sexy persuasion. It's getting real, guys! Some of the castmembers are in the audience to barely promote it, but will remind you they are ridiculously attractive and you'll want to see them maybe find love again.

Finally we get to see the men and they are all scarved out because it's what's got you guys. And if you look behind the guys, it's me woo'ing and cat calling. The first night everyone was of course taken with Andi. I'm taken by Marquel's cookie button (he's so hot). The biggest topic of the men's group sesh is the "blackie" comment that Andrew allegedly made. Andrew insists it didn't happen and claims he said something else to JJ during that first rose ceremony. There's video proof that he whispered something, but sadly no audio to confirm it. The controversy with JJ is that why did he wait so long to stir the pot? Marquel wants to know why Andrew has never personally apologized to him, more concerned with it affecting his personal life. Marquel does believe JJ because he is his true friend. After break, JJ comes back in to defend himself and the guys being pissed at him. JJ stands by what he said, though acknowledges his timing and way of delivering the news was off. The guys don't care and assume it's for TV.

First on the hot seat is Marquel, because he is everything. While admired for his passion for cookies, Marquel was stuck in the friendzone. It's a little bit of his fault, and a little bit of hers since she was clearly vibing with a lot of other dudes. Thankfully we'll get to see his hotness during Bachelor in Paradise. He wraps his time by throwing cookies into the audience and yes I lept VERY high to try and get one. I failed and it was caught on camera. Sometimes you forget you're being filmed when you're blinded by your Marquel love. Marquel is followed by Marcus who is handsome in person but still a little bland for me. Marcus lives back the heartbreak through his video package, but Andi taught him about true love again. But there's no regrets, even after saying "I love you" early and a lot. Good news is Marcus, too, will head to Paradise to bang around.

Farmer Chris of course is called to hot seat because everyone loves him and he's newly eliminated. Fresh heartbreak in the house! Chris appreciates that Andi gave him a chance despite his farmer lifestyle, but it was always going to be an obstacle. As Chris gives some boring talk, a beautiful girl in the audience raises her hand with a question. Chris Harrison calls her down to the stage and she introduces herself to Chris. See, she knows what it's like being from a small town (in Canada!) and wanted to meet Chris, asking if he thinks he'll meet that person in Iowa. But given the opportunity, she gets a speed date with Chris during the break. And yes, Chris gets the digits.

Andi is brought onstage in a shimmering navy mini dress, looking stunning. She is that gorgeous in person. And she's not pregnant, you guyzzz. STAAAAHP! It's the initial daunting task of facing over a dozen exes, and moreso awkward since she has to answer questions. Andi explains to Farmer Chris that Iowa wasn't what killed them; she just didn't see a real relationship blooming to get that far. For Marcus, Andi felt his feelings were way ahead of hers and she wasn't catching up. Cody thinks Andi didn't know the real him, which I can't take seriously in his multi-shades-of-blue denim. Andi didn't feel a romantic vibe with Marquel, but he jokes that he didn't know she was smooching so much. Chris Bukowski, who tried to crash the first ceremony, gets a formal introduction to Andi but who cares - Bachelor in Paradise bangin'! More importantly: Chris Harrison has the lie detector test results! And creepily calls himself "daddy" in the process. Brian, JJ, and Farmer Chris told no lies. Marcus lied that he slept with less than 20 women (WHOA), Dylan lied about preferring brunettes and being ready to get married, and Josh? Well we don't get that answer sadly, eventhough Chris Harrison thinsk they're important lies to know. But don't worry, there's BLOOPERS! Nasal spray, childhood memories destroyed, flushing toilets, drink spillage. LOLZ ALL AROUND!

So next week is the big finale where Andi will choose between Nick and Josh. Will either propose? Who will be heartbroken? Will there be helicopters?? See you next week for the season finale and After the Final Rose!

To wrap up this Men Tell All recap, I wanted to extend the biggest thank you in the world to ProFlowers. I entered a sweepstakes on their Facebook page, never expecting to win because I never win anything. At first I won a bouquet and got it delivered to work and we all laughed at my secret admirer, The Bachelorette. But then I was contacted and won the trip of a reality TV lover's lifetime to go to LA with a friend and attend the Men Tell All taping. I had a blast, I made new audience friends, made goofy reaction faces, was caught failing to catch a cookie on camera, and even met Bachelor Burn Book in person (though we didn't learn that until the episode aired and it's the greatest coincidence ever). I can't even begin to express my gratitude to ProFlowers and it was truly an amazing 48 hours in LA with my friend.

July 17, 2014

Big Brother 16: Dude, Devin's Evicted Bro!

7/17/2014 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Big Brother 16
Week 3

Derrick is stoked to be HOH, but Nicole isn't as happy since she won on pure luck and had no intentions of being HOH. Devin is the obvious target this week because he played everyone and it appeases the whole house. Devin requests being nominated straight out, like Derrick is dumb enough to allow Devin two chances to save himself. He may be down, but Devin's still fighting, diming the Bomb Squad out to others to try and acquire new allies. Christine has to come clear to ally Nicole about the Bomb Squad to cover herself, but their deal is still solid. Nicole is forced to come out of her low key position to play the game, which starts with strategizing about nominees with Derrick.

Derrick and Nicole think nominating Jocasta, Caleb, and Amber is a smart move, but struggle with who to fill that fourth slot since Pao Pao is back at home DJing and dressing like Donna Martin's sidekick. Derrick lets Caleb is on his plan, but knows that Caleb would be OK being nominated alongside Amber to save his gal and throw the Battle of the Block. Dude is desperate for a hero complex to earn some points. He tells his queen about this move which leads to yet another uncomfortable moment between the pair. Nicole decides to talk game with Donny, which seems safe enough, until Donny tells Brittany and Jocasta about the plan for Caleb to throw the Battle. Good ol' boy Donny is now on everyone's radar for being a rat. Call it punishment for his big mouth, Donny is nominated alongside Amber by Nicole (who instantly regrets betraying Donny), and Derrick nominates Jocasta and Caleb. But Devin knows none of this matters because he's obviously getting backdoored, throwing on that big grin of his and kissing ass to try and save face.

In house fun, Hayden keeps attempting to woo Nicole since the show is craving a showmance. Frankie has to brush off questions about his family as Victoria demands to know every single physical aspect of his sister (who he has yet to reveal is pop singer Ariana Grande). Team America is tasked with their first mission: get three other houseguests to spread a rumor that a current houseguest is related to a past one. Frankie's excited to gossip for a chance at money because he's good at it. The three decide to claim Zach confided to Pao Pao that his cousin was Amanda (of the cringeworthy McCranda of BB15), and Pao Pao told them this as her parting words.

The backyard is a poor man's Hogwarts; like really poor. The castle is called "Frogwarts," for real. The nominees get to wear sweet wizard's hats and capes while one nominee retrieves puzzle pieces and the other nominee "flies" up to assemble the puzzle on a magnetic wall. Caleb is supposed to throw this competition, so Jocasta is nervous about the possible outcome of this Battle of the Block. I know Caleb is allegedly throwing it, but he's just retrieving pieces while Jocasta is struggling badly at solving the puzzle. Amber hates puzzles but Donny loves them, helping them secure a victory and saving themselves from elimination. A transfiguration charm turns dethroned Nicole into a frog all week, forcing her to endure a goofy frog costume until next week. Ribbet!

Nicole's frog suit is so adorable and I'd much rather rock that than stupid unitard. After the Battle of the Block, Jocasta gets really sick and therefore we see get screentime for like the first time ever. Caleb gets really creepy with some chime stalker music as he gets upset Amber isn't swooning over him throwing the Battle of the Block for her. Derrick reminds Caleb to stop saying he threw the Battle so people don't side with Jocasta should the worst case scenario happen. Caleb's probably only half-concerned because his holding back jealously as Cody and Amber bond. Team America succeeds in spreading the rumor than Zach is related to BB15's Amanda. So successful that Zach embraces the rumor and claims it's true.

Derrick, Caleb, Devin, Christine, and Donny (who plays on behalf of bedridden Jocasta) put on their game faces and head into the backyard for the veto competition. The backyard is a big casino with a roulette table and Cody hosts dressed as the most adorable croupier ever. The competition is for two players to battle head-to-head to by rolling in a giant dice cage to the correct number on their platform. Gambling hamster cubes! It's pretty easy to try to eliminate Devin since you get to challenge the fellow competitor you'd like to take out, except he's really good at it - especially when he gets a few rounds in. Thing is, the real challenge beast this season is Donny who defeats Devin, then Caleb to win yet another veto.

Donny would prefer for everyone to not know how he plans to play the game, but Derrick hopes Donny will use that veto to make the assist in backdooring Devin. Donny surprises Jocasta in bed with her veto and she loudly cries from joy. Or because she's so bound up. Cody gives a quick strip tease to commemorate the win and I think I speak for many where I say, MORE! Devin gets weepy that he's let his daughter down as he's named the replacement nominee in sobbing Jocasta's place. Looks like the end of the Devin Drinking Game is near.

 Jocasta continues crying around the house at Donny saving her with the veto. Caleb hopes he stays in the game over Devin, but remains focused on his Amber obsession. Despite sleeping in the freezing Have Not room, he puts his blanket on a cold Amber and thinks at the end of this surely he'll win a date. SUUUUUUUUUUUURE CALEB. The show continues to pretend a there's a legit love triangle  with Cody for the drama, and because it keeps up the Creepy Caleb edit. Cody would prefer to get out Caleb and others begin to consider this possibility as well, plus Devin remaining in the house would keep a massive target in the house. But this is all wishful thinking editing because it's 100% obvious  Devin is a goner this week and could no way save himself.

To fill time, "Big Brother legend" Jeff Schroeder goes to interview Donny's family. "Legend" is pushing it, guys. Donny's family doesn't watch the show so he shows them clips for them to chuckle at. I can't think of a player in recent years that's gotten SUCH a fan-loving edit; it's kind of turning me against him. I officially love Donny's family for supporting him so much and also not giving a shit about Jeff. Using his "acting skills" (I can't), Jeff puts on Donny's janitor shirt, a hat, eats Pop Tarts, and pretends to be Donny. Please give us real Donny.

Caleb makes a speech about being friends with Devin and both being competition beasts. Devin points out that Caleb already has a final two with Amber and could be an asset if kept. The house unanimously evicts Devin from the house and it was the writing on the wall as soon as he got caught gaming too hard during his reign as HOH. Devin's not surprised he was evicted and takes his exit quite well. And the whole house literally celebrates at the eviction.

This week's HOH competition forces the remaining 12 houseguests into pairs and their fate relies on this partnership. The randomly created pairs are Christine/Victoria, Caleb/Nicole, Brittany/Jocasta, Amber/Zach, Donny/Hayden, and Cody/Frankie. The backyard has been transformed into hell for "Deviled Eggs," where the teams have to maneuver their eggs through a chicken wire course to achieve victory. As I have to say every season, watching people navigate fragile eggs through chicken wire is beyond dull. The only interesting part is that Derrick gets to be Satan and everyone else is wearing devil horns and at one point the show cuts to "fish," which is what happens when live feeds cut out.

July 14, 2014

The Bachelorette: Love, Heartbreak, and Fantasy Suites in the Dominican Republic

 The Bachelorette - Andi
Week 8 - Overnight Dates

Andi and her final three head to the Dominican Republic for their exotic fantasy suite dates because one man's spring break location is another's reality show overnight date dream. Andi's claim to fame is her Juan Pablo tell-off at this point in the process, so she's hoping things go better this time around. How can they not, there's a heart shaped patch island in the ocean!

Andi's first overnight date is with Nick and he is #blessed with the opportunity for a helicopter date. FINALLY. Why has this show been slacking on helicopters? Anyways the helicopter drops Andi and Nick off at a private island so they can get all sexy with each other in the ocean and I can yell, "Get a room!" at the TV. Oh and snorkeling. Andi's main worry is that at Nick's hometown date his family told him his past breakups were worse than she thought, but he explains it all away as Andi chows down on pita chips or something. Nick fumbles in a rambling daytime attempt to say "I love you," but thankfully there's still dinner, not to mention a fantasy suite awaiting. Dinner is on the beach and apparently "having time" on this show means having access to a computer, printer, and a poor illustrator to write a corny fairy tale for Andi. There's lots of blank pages at the end of the book, perfect to fill in with more horrible drawings of the pair kissing around the world. Nick escorts Andi aside to the trees (and hopefully a PA burns that fairy tale) to make his big declaration. Leaning against a tree, Nick tells Andi about all the things he loves about her and says "I love you," and then they really makeout against a tree again. Then head to their fantasy suite to makeout more (and probably head to the bone zone).

Josh is the second date of the week, able to lap up the sloppy seconds of Nick. It's yet another date where Andi and her date walk around a town and bother the locals. But Josh makes Andi feel young and vibrant, especially when he speaks Spanish at a mediocre level and forces us to watch more of Andi's poor dancing skills. Since Josh has literally nothing else about him except being a former baseball player, Andi takes him to watch and play ball with a bunch of kids that'll probably lost longer in the pros some day than Josh did. But Josh's way with kids makes Andi happy since it means he'll be a good dad. Josh tells Andi how much he loves her as a bunch of disgusting pigeons fly by their heads. Nothing more romantic than flying rats! Dinner is at a beautiful resort with lots of cobblestones and, how surprising, the food is never touched. Andi's goal of the night is making sure Josh is serious and wants to be married and have a family. Once again Josh requests Andi not make snap judgements about his being a former athlete to which I roll my eyes, but he tells Andi he loves her. Josh accepts the fantasy suite card and they get into their swimsuits and get down in the pool.

Chris is the final date of the week as his position in the line-up as third only confirms his standing in Andi's eyes. Right away she voiceovers that she's not sure if she's ready for an overnight date with Chris, so that's a bad sign. For a hot second I thought we never left Iowa, but it turns out the Dominican Republic has impressive farmland too. Picking the obvious choice for the country boy, Chris and Andi goes horseback riding and she's not too into it. Turns out Andi would prefer to not leave her life in the hands of a horse (but is cool leaving her love life up to a casting director trying to get ratings). Thankfully the horse portion of the date ends and Andi can talk to Chris without fear of being reared off a horse. She tells him how much she loved his family, and his family support him regardless of the fact that he might get his heart stomped upon. Because Ghosts in the Graveyards was so fun in Iowa, Chris tries to make that magic happen again and we learn something about Chris: he's the worst hider of all time.

Chris meets Andi for the night portion of their date for a little grub before potentially a fantasy suite evening. It's not even a meal but snacks on a tray on a loungechair. Chris brings up Iowa, wanting to know Andi's thoughts because it's a big deal given that farming is his life. Andi had fun, but life is so different there even if there are law jobs all over. Things start to go downhill and since Andi's face is the easier read ever, it's clear this date is not going to end well. Chris loves Andi, but Andi doesn't have those feelings back. Andi gets weepy and wishes she could blame Iowa as the easy reason (but it's partly a reason), but she just doesn't see her and Chris moving forward in life together. While it's a crushing blow, Andi doesn't think it's fair to make him wait around for the corny rose ceremony or lead him on more. "My head and my heart don't match up," she says after listing all the things that make Chris great. Andi's been in this situation and knows it's easier to not have time wasted. Chris is bummed but appreciates Andi's honesty, ending with a goodbye hug. Here's Chris's audition reel for next Bachelor.

Given her emotional evening, it's the perfect time for Chris Harrison to offer Andi his advice as an unlicensed therapist. Andi doesn't regret any of her choices and thinks Josh and Nick are the right picks for her. When asked about dumping Chris, Andi explains there was no foundation for a relationship and even a quick bone in the fantasy suite wasn't going to help. Andi still wants to have a rose ceremony because this is a two-way street and not her just commanding her guys to accept roses and love her. But it is also like a hint that hey I want a ring a next week. At the rose ceremony, Andi gives the 411 on the Chris situation, gives roses, they accept, and then toast to meeting Andi's family.

Next week: the best Men Tell All ever - I'll tell you why next week!