August 25, 2014

Bachelor in Paradise: AshLee Learns It's A Camera, Not a Lamp

8/25/2014 Posted by Mel Got Served No comments
Week 4 - Night 1

Cody arrives in Paradise, shockingly not wearing a deep V, and invites Clare on his date right off the bat because he came here hoping to meet her. Clare's gut instinct is to say no until Zack open's his boring mouth to say he's still open to dating others which is the wrong answer. Zack is definitely into Clare, but not sure if he's ready to make it Bachelor in Paradise offish. Despite Cody's persistence and 100% Team Clare-ness, she declines the date to keep trying with Zack. It works: they become Paradise-exclusive. A "heartbroken" Cody decides he doesn't want to date anyone but Clare, so he gives Marcus his date card. But his Clare-exclusivity doesn't last too long as he bonds with Michelle over backrubs.

Kalon arrives and if everyone in the house didn't know him already, gossip quickly swirls about his history of calling Emily's daughter baggage. Michelle has been moping around paradise about having no one and being rejected, so it's her desperation to survive in paradise that drives her to accept a date with new arrival Kalon. But then she remembers he's an ahole who hurt her friend, so she declines the next morning. He asks Jackie; she says no. He asks Sarah; she says no. And so Kalon goes rappelling alone with no date because it's too good of an adventure to pass up. Kalon falls deeper in love with himself, bro'ing out in the cave and having a Gollum-esque conversation with himself. Not even kidding, this is one of my favorite moments in the history of the entire franchise. If only the date ended in a lonely, romantic couple's massage. But seriously, Kalon is the one person who truly understands YOPO: You Only Paradise Once.

Here's what goes down for other dates this week. Robert and Sarah, whose Michelle-done braid looks shitty (sabotage!) go sailing and leap into the water together. Marcus and Lacy go to a restaurant in the village, but instead of eating with the pleebs they have a private dinner in the back. He accidentally slips and says "love" and none of us are surprised because Marcus is quick to fall (but Lacy loves him back). New arrival Jesse Kovacs strolls onto the beach and asks Jackie out on a date with him where they have a dinner and private concert in a cave. You ain't lived until you hear stalactite acoustics.

But here's where shit gets fun. Hidden cameras catch AshLee talking to Zack, encouraging him to meet other people if he's not fully into her. "She f***** a guy in the ocean," AshLee also calling Clare cuckoo. Realizing the camera caught her, AshLee begins to slowly freakout because she's a different person on and off camera. Umm you're on a television show - did you not expect cameras everywhere? Lacy pulls Clare aside and tells her what AshLee said, and now Clare is over being friendly and courteous to her. Clare wishes Zack stuck up for her, but he doesn't want to be part of girl drama. AshLee and Clare talks, and AshLee plays dumb about it all. Clare isn't taking AshLee's BS, but accepts the apology (and declines hugging it out).

Jesse, Marquel, and Cody are duking it out for roses (we all know Kalon's out at this picture). Jackie's had a choice between Marquel and Jesse, who is hardcore playing the competition aspect of the game despite claiming it's all legit.  Cody tells Michelle he realizes he enjoys being with her, even more than his previous dream with Clare. Now that Michelle is happy with herself, she wants to make sure her best friend Graham doesn't make a terrible decision with AshLee. Turns out, AshLee didn't even tell Graham what went down in the house and Michelle tells him. Graham is taken aback by it all, especially knowing that if a camera catches you saying something that is the true you - not the person you're pretending to be.

The rose ceremony begins. The "power couples" hand out their roses: Lacy to Marcus, Clare to Zack. But Graham is full about doubts now so when AshLee calls his name to accept the rose, he walks off the set. "What just happened?" everyone whispers. Michelle chases after him to talk and we get TO. BE. CONTINUED. But tomorrow, because it's a two-night even in paradise!