August 26, 2014

Bachelor in Paradise: Clare's Raccoon Returns But Clare Leaves Paradise

8/26/2014 Posted by Mel Got Served No comments
Week 4 - Night 2

Now as you may recall, on night one of the two-part Bachelor in Paradise event, Graham hauled ass out of the rose ceremony when AshLee tries to offer him a rose. It's a mild panic attack as he begins to stress and sweat, so the medic helps him out. Oh and AshLee in this situation? Just standing still, holding her rose, waiting for the cameras to be back on her. Graham returns to the rose ceremony, AshLee gives a phony speech, and he accepts the rose. LAME! Then Lacy runs off the set sick and is escorted away by ambulance, either because she's disgusted by AshLee or she drank the water in Mexico (it's inflamed intestines). But the rose ceremony must go on. Michelle gives her rose to Cody, Sarah to Robert, and lastly Jackie who gives her rose to Jesse, not Marquel. Room service for Marquel and Kalon!

Zack kind of regrets turning down a date with new arrival Christy because she's fun and Clare's a wee bit intense. He brings up how the relationship got serious fast and Clare starts raising her eyebrows in confusion. Clare gets up and walks away from the conversation, which isn't the outcoming he was hoping for. She escapes to the jungle and talks to herself/a producer while her spirit raccoon listens in. And she's fully aware she's a crying fool. Spirit Raccoon, comfort Clare in her time of need. Clare hates the stress, drama, and this weird situation of wondering if you're just second best to a future option. She wakes Zack up to confront/talk to him with the "rambling crazy girl" music playing as she explains she'd rather have no regrets and not look like a ding dong, so she's going home. Zack gives her a lame breakup speech about wishing it could all be perfect and she's like "Yeah, no. Bye." She gets into her white van, cries a little, and tells us, "This is why I wanted to do Dancing with the Stars." Yeah but they don't have free booze!

Sarah and Robert share a romantic dinner and swim, he calls this experience "Sarah-dise" (cringe), and it takes him forever to go in for a kiss. Graham and AshLee drive some speedy Audis at a racetrack in Cancun and act like nothing has ever happened. Cody and Michelle are moving really fast after like a day together, so their engagement/wedding photo date (complete with a wedding dress) sends Michelle into a Graham-esque panic attack. There's no better way to enjoy a date than one person constantly shouting, "This is fake! It's not real!" Speaking of moving too fast, Marcus tells Lacy he loves her.

Christy the rando, who doesn't want to date a douchebag again, ends up taking Jesse on her date so, good luck with that. At least he admits to us he's here for the free vacay and booze. Lucy the free spirit arrives and quickly gets down to what she's known for: getting naked. She takes Jesse on her exploration of the ruins date because he's hot, but her friend Christy makes it known they've already made out. Lucy and Jesse totally makeout too and she begs him not to tell. Cut to sad Christy, alone by the bonfire, surrounded by couples, and open bar not being devoured. Christy is jealous and talks to drunk Jesse, who full on player status pretends this was the worst time ever. Christy and Jesse start smooching under the sheets, infrared camera on, and Lucy hops right in with them! Did a threesome happen in paradise?
At the rose ceremony cocktail party, we remember that Zack is still on this show and now a free agent who has some interest in Jackie. That leaves the real rose battle between friends Lucy and Christy, who both have hooked up with Jesse and both crushing on him. Plus no one wants to leave Mexico after 24 hours. Lucy really wants to stay and plays the game: she tells Jesse that originally Christy didn't even realize it was Jesse who climbed into the bed. All's fair in love and hookups in Paradise. The men hand out their roses to their obvious picks (Marcus and Lacy are so boring the entire group rolls their eyes and yawns during their declaration), so it's only Jesse who is of any interest this week. Jesse gives his rose to Christy, which is a relief to this show's editor who wasn't looking forward to putting black censored bars over a nude Lucy all the time.