Before watching the cast hookup more, we learn why Michelle K. left the show in last week's premiere. Michelle apparently bonded by talking to the stranger in the room next to her, prison-style, then eventually they unlocked the adjoining room doors. Scandalous! Michelle refuses to tell Chris Harrison her story but it's soon uncovered. Turns out she fell for a crew member named Ryan, who brought her floss and hand-cut flowers. Here's where it gets nucking futs: Michelle and Ryan were in her room and a crew member knocked. He made a mad dash to hide to save his job and decided the best option was to jump off the balcony. And break his legs. And his last name is Putz. This is epic.
The first new guy to arrive in paradise is Chris Bukowski from Emily's season, being a Bachelor Pad douche, and recently gate-crashing Andi's season but was denied. Everyone is wary of Chris B. due to his shady past of being a womanizer. He arrives with a date card in hand and he chooses Clare for a couples massage date where he opens up about being a skeeze and Clare warms up to him. That sentiment quickly disappears when Chris and Elise hookup in the ocean, after Dylan wants his freedom to bang around and encourages Elise to get to know other people too. Elise regrets it all and confesses to Dylan, who gets all passive-aggressive that she kissed someone else (apparently he meant get to know people without frenching them). Elise still thinks they can turn it around, so is shocked when Dylan invites Sarah on his dinner date. Elise says it's OK, brushes it off, then won't STFU about it to a single person she talks to.
Marcus and Lacy go on their first official date together, even if they've smooched all day - much to Robert's chagrin. Robert thinks it's not a "classy move" for them to be kissing and holding hands. Dude, there's nothing classy about this show. Marcus and Lacy get paddled in a canoe to a romantic dinner and some candle cave, and Marcus is open to love even though he's still nursing his Andi wounds. Later, Zack from Desiree's season arrives and I have no idea who he is but he takes Clare on a date since they've met before. She is racking up the Mexican adventures, isn't she? She needs it though since she's been concerned she'll find no love in Mexico, only awesome excursions that sound like they're been copy and pasted from a cruise ship add-on list. They do corny tourist stuff and makeout in the ocean, and Clare makes a boner comment. I like Clare.
Ben is hoping Bachelor in Paradise will be his chance at redemption, but that'll be hard since Marcus and Marquel discover a note from Ben's girlfriend back home. They confront Ben privately like gentlemen, because they think he might just be there for TV. Other people are there for love and very single. Clare gets the dirt, tells the house, and they all join the confrontation. Ben promises to leave, but Michelle is very offended that everyone is there honestly trying to find love and he's wasting a space. Everyone is in agreement that Ben shouldn't have come at all. Looks like Ben isn't here for the right reasons, guys! "Goodbye Hollywood, I'm done with TV," Ben says. Until Bachelor Pad is renewed, that is.
The ladies are in power this week, with the six women giving out roses to the seven remaining guys (later Ben!) Chris Harrison is wearing a button-up shirt and jacket, but no tie, and gives a little pep talk before some extra save-yourself-cocktail time. You can be formal in Mexico but just cut a liiiiittle loose. Before the rose ceremony, Michelle is so excited to give her rose to Marquel, until he tells her one thing he doesn't care for is that Michelle "likes to drink". In swoops Robert to make Michelle and her headpiece feel better about herself. Sarah definitely likes Dylan, but is concerned about Elise. Dylan pulls Elise aside and friendzones her, telling her he'd decline a rose for her.
It's rose ceremony time! Lacy gives her rose to Marcus and AshLee to Graham because, DUH to both! Zack gets a rose from Clare since they hit it off this week. Michelle still gives her rose to Marquel, even if he was a little too blunt earlier. Elise tries to give Dylan her rose, but he declines and tells her she has other options here. Elise gives yet another speech about looking for a man that will give her 100%, and the show gives her CLOWN MUSIC, until she finishes said goofy speech to give Chris a rose. Sarah gives the final rose of the night to Dylan, who actually accepts this time. Sarah gives her rose to Robert, not Dylan as we expected. Love wasn't in the cards for Dylan, but he does leave with a decent tan.
Next week: Chris is still a dick.