September 1, 2014

Bachelor In Paradise: Another Week of Sexy Cave Dates

9/01/2014 Posted by Mel Got Served No comments
Week 5

Brooks from Desiree's season arrives and swoooooon! Sarah has a mega crush on him and wanted him in Paradise, except Robert has staked his claim with hyperbole so Brooks takes out Jackie instead. They have dinner, make puns, and play foosball as locals bet on them. This (along with her cuteness) is enough for Brooks to see Jackie is a girl he'd love to start a relationship with. Zach is into Jackie too, so he takes her out for another magical cave date with sexy night swimming and margaritas on a large mattress. Zach tells Jackie he was hoping she'd be there and really wanted to meet her, which makes her finally feel wanted and not just the default date girl for new arrivals. Seeing as Jackie breaks her first date kiss rule with Zach, I'd claim triangle but it's kind skewed.

Marcus and Lacy explore a cave where they encounter bats and Lacy's poor comprehension of the English language (don't ask her to pronounce stalactite). She does know the essential language of Paradise, telling Marcus she is indeed in love with him too. After her brief consideration of ending it all for a shot with Brooks, Sarah realizes the great thing she has going with Robert. He surprises her with a spotaneous date and wants to pursue things outside of paradise. Big things! Not ready for saying LOVE? Michelle, who freaks at Cody's easy use of "love" to describe their barely-there relationship. She decides not to dump him and instead request to "take it slow." I can't decide if Michelle just wants a snuggle buddy in Mexico or just will find any reason to stay in Mexico; I just can't fathom her and Cody as a couple. Also unfathomable, mostly due to editing, is how Graham and AshLee are still a couple? New guy Tasos takes Christy on a date where they relax in nature's lazy river ride and feed each other grapes on a dock - a major step up from Jesse the douche. And AshLee/Graham get no date and she whines about it.

Everyone is over Jesse the skeeze who is so not here for the right reasons. Even Christy knows he used her and has been bragging he did sexy time stuff with her and her eliminated friend Christy. Jesse wants to "squeeze every amount of Paradise that I can" which I am going to pretend is a euphemism, but also knows they'll all be besties after the show. Jesse isn't here to "date a dumb blonde" but still does his bullshitting to try and stick around. But when Christy starts to say it's over, Jesse puts the blame on her claiming she isn't open and he's going to leave on his own. It's such a low skeezy move, but not surprising because Jesse was just here for the open bar and to bang around and use these girls. Poor Christy - hopefully good things will happen with Tasos. But first, Christy tells Jesse off as he tries to make his escape and calls him a coward for trying to just quit instead of being dumped and left roseless. Lacy and Michelle join in so he knows that the women won't stand for his grossness, bragging to the guys and treating women so poorly. Bye Jesse. Go away.

The rose ceremony is fairly predictable since 90% of castmembers are paired up. The question of the night is who is victorious in the pursuit of Jackie. Zach gave her a bracelet to show he's into her, while Brooks uses his smooth words and an impromptu manicure to woo her. Jackie chooses Zach and Brooks is gone already. Maybe he'll be recruited by a nail salon to showcase his talent. BUT WAIT! This week was the last rose ceremony. No new arrivals. No date cards. Everything is about to change in paradise. SCANDAL!