April 28, 2014

Survivor Cagayan: Spy Shack 2.0

4/28/2014 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Survivor: Cagayan
Week 9

Jefra is surprised by what went down at Tribal.  Trish still trusts him regardless since she kinda knew.  Tony says it was a one-time deal to take out LJ and the brains are very aware that Tony is a threat to take out.  They just need a straggler.  Continuing his paranoia, Tony constructs Spy Shack 2.0 in the ideal strategy talking hot spot.  Right away he overhears Jefra and Trish, who mentions Tony could win an Academy Award for his acting skills (not a Tony Award??)  However Tony trusts Trish and the rest of his alliance except Jefra.  Hello new Tony Target!

This week's Reward Challenge has the teams divided into two tribes of four to construct a word puzzle out of paddles they retrieved.  The winners get a barbeque lunch with "riiiiiiibs" in a cave.  I want Probst saying "Riiiiiibs" as my ringtone for any time I receive a text.  In total coincidence, scorned Jefra is teamed with the Brains alliance which is the perfect opportunity to schmooze her for a vote should they win.  And they do.  RIIIIIIIIIBS for Jefra, Spencer, Tasha, and Jeremiah who win a reward "Worth Fighting For."

The four winners get their reward in an awesome cave and it's about 50 candles short of a Bachelor one-on-one date.  Jefra opens right up that she's questioning her position in her alliance and wonders with them if she should take out Tony.  Letters from home arrive briefly interrupt strategy before a final four deal is made.  A fateful letter from home is all it takes for Jefra to jump ship.  With Jefra off becoming besties with the other side, Tony wants to talk strategy while Trish wants to pick limes and papayas (which Trish realizes are a dead ringer for Morgan's bazooms).  No one wants to talk, so Tony heads out to try to find the immunity idol with special powers since there's a good chance the other side found the idol in the massive hunt.  Papaya-quest becomes a terrifying excusion when my beloved Woo falls from a tree. PRAY FOR WOO.  Thanksfully he's A-OK and not as much of the swinging monkey he dreams to be.

This week's Immunity Challenge is to balance a ball on a pole while balancing on a beam, a test of endurance, strength, balance, and the ability to not convulsively shake when you need to pee but have to hold it.  Another balance challenge?  Meh.  Lots of jokes about balls and holding balls by ol' Probst.  Tasha wins immunity again, bumping up that resume of hers for the final Tribal Council.  Watch out y'all!

The plan this evening is to blindside Tony, which would likely end in a 4-4 tie and drawing rocks.  We love the random chaos of drawing rocks!  Knowing he's the obvious target, Tony isn't there to pacify here because he's hunting besides a mega-tree to find an idol.  Sure enough, the ol' tree hole digging works and he finds the absurdly powerful Hidden Immunity Idol.  This idol is complete bullshit because this idol can be play after the votes are read, which completely nulls everything and gives a person way too much power.  Tony re-joins his alliance in the water, where he swears up and down loyalty to his group (before this Jefra was admitting she is worrisome of Tony to Trish, who accurately read Jefra's weird vibe).  After some bonding and peeing in the ocean, Jefra tells Jeremiah she won't vote with them tonight despite her earlier promise.  Jeremiah comes clean about his big secret to Spencer and Tasha: he's a fashion model.  WHO CARES.  However, this gets Spencer to open up that he has a hidden immunity idol and thinks they should play the idol tonight and take out Woo.

Tribal Council time!  Spencer tells Probst how he feels they're the outsider three.  Jefra says she has considered her options, knowing that Tony kept her and others in the alliance out of the loop.  Spencer calls out Tony for breaking all promises which begins a little tiff, and the three confirm they'd vote for Tony in the end.  Woo says a big consideration is who might have the immunity idol, which is a factor of who to vote for.  The votes are cast and Spencer plays his immunity idol, but Tony holds his out (even though it's non-transferable) and claims it's fake.  I'm about to puke up my dinner at the idea of my pre-show winner prediction going home, but Tony and crew didn't vote Spencer.... they voted Jeremiah!  My beloved Woo and his on-pair hair are safe and Jeremiah is gone.

April 21, 2014

Survivor Cagayan: Chillax Tony

4/21/2014 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Survivor: Cagayan
Week 8

Tony has a little tantrum at Spencer when they return to camp, wondering why he's been their target the second week in a row.  Tony thinks there are bigger targets in his alliance, because god forbid anyone see through his BS.  His alliance is noticing his cracking, worrying about Tony's paranoia.  Tony would like to get the target off of him, planning to shift the target to LJ by making the alliance think LJ wanted to turn on Woo (who Tony suggests found the idol).  It's clever but dangerous because people talk, y'all.

Tree mail brings news of the reward challenge, which sets Tony off on more paranoia who fears people will bond and make alliances while celebrating victory.  Solarrion splits into three teams of three to throw sandbags through net tunnels, then bounce the sandbags off the trampolines into baskets.  Everyone melts at the prospect of the reward which is a Survivor spa day with a warm shower, massage, food (wraps, spring rolls, cocktails).  Tony, Jeremiah, and Spencer win the spa day and I feel like this won't be relaxing at all.  Tony is the exact opposite of chill right now.

While Tony is off, his alliance trusts he's doing some sleuthing to keep the band together.  LJ tells Trish and Jefra that Tony's super paranoid and brought up voting off Woo.  Trish takes on the role of getting Tony to relax and stay to their plan before he royally screws it all up.  Maybe a bro spa day will relax Tony?  Greeted with tropical cocktails and a weak food spread, the guys have a little talk in the midst of showering down and wearing sweet robes.  Jeremiah and Spencer realize they're outnumbered and recommend that they can be pawns to advance Tony's game, but also aren't stupid and don't trust this nutso.  Tony is so into talking game he's really a foot massage buzzkill.  No one's going to get offered a happy ending if Tony keeps being such a loudmouth.

This week for the Immunity Challenge, the survivors play memory with recalling a Probst-announced sequence of color tiles.  Trish is first out on the most basic level and it's "Seriously, gurl???" moment.  A big knockout leaves a final three fight of Tasha, Tony, and LJ and they all drop different color blocks.  Tasha wins individual immunity which, if a plan went smoothly, would send him either Spencer or Jeremiah but Tony's crazy so we'll see what happens.

With Tasha's immunity, LJ's suggestion is the obvious wise choice: split the votes 3-3 between Spencer and Jeremiah in case of idols.  Tony's still not satisfied, worrying that LJ is trying to one-up him (He's not. He's pretty complacent with keeping the group together).  However Woo wasn't part of the earlier paranoia talk and now he's blown away by this "betrayal."  Spencer and Tony will basically take whatever Tony offers to keep them along, though Spencer worries it might be a ploy to make him not play his idol.  Tony tries to convince Trish that LJ was lying earlier and LJ started the Woo talks, not him.  It's a bro said, bro said situation.

Tribal Council time!  The outsiders know there is a tight six and they're probably screwed.  Kass reminds them you can't play the game without playing a little dirty.  Tony says he brought his "bag of tricks," implying he is holding an idol (he's not).  LJ talks about loyalty and that they're a good group that needs to stick together.  Tony lies about being in construction, which raises a few eyebrows since he came clean to a bunch of folks about his cop status.  It's known that eventually loyalty means nothing and you've gotta play the game, but for now the six should ride it out and fight for the win later.  Three votes come out for LJ, three for Jeremiah, one for Spencer... but then two more for LJ. Blindsideeeeeee!  Loyalty, schmoyalty!

April 14, 2014

Survivor Cagayan: Waiter, There's an Immunity Idol Clue in my Napkin

4/14/2014 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Survivor: Cagayan
Week 7
Given the shitshow of the latest tribal, there's some hostility at camp. Kass is happy that 1. she flipped, 2. she's a free agent, and 3. two buff dudes played their idol. Kass' former alliance is pretty ticked off, despite the amusing Tribal Council that had us all talking for days. Spencer is the most vocal because he can't hide his emotions at all, flying off the handle. But the next morning it Morgan is residually pissy, but I guess she always is we simply never see her because she's so dull. Kass compares Morgan to a nearly dead dog who just lays around and you let it live. Morgan's like "She probably hates me because I'm cuter," the most irritating defense ever of people who think they're so hot.  Tony and Trish think they've got Kass on their side, but I'd be worried about her flip-flopping nature.

This week there's a reward challenge where two teams race through a water obstacle course to retrieve a chest, which they drag and then open to solve a puzzle.  The reward is a Survivor-themed Outback Steakhouse feast with steak, baked potatoes, s'mores, and pineapple margaritas.  I have to say, I'm actually delighted to have an obvious product placement and sponsor.  It harks back to the days of shellin' Mountain Dew and this makes me nostalgic.  Now more importantly, will there be a Bloomin' Onion and that bomb pumpernickel bread? The orange team wins because LJ slaughters puzzles. 

LJ, Morgan, Spencer, Jeremiah, and Jefra arrive at the Outback Steakhouse on the beach, but thankfully the waitstaff doesn't sit at the table with you to make awkward ordering small talk.  And it's the best food they've ever had because they've been starving themselves.  When Spencer goes to wipe his hands after a savage s'more binge, he ends up finding a hidden immunity idol clue in his napkin.  As soon as they return to camp, despite the rain, Spencer heads into the woods to read his clue and hunt for his new idol.  Woo follows Spencer into the woods using his "ninja stealth mode" to find out what he's up to, noticing Spencer's khakis laying by the water.  Woo eventually pops out of the trees, makes quick convo, then snags Spencer's idol clue and bolts - BRILLIANT!  Woo gets LJ to start searching, then Spencer corrals his tribe to claim the idol.  It's pure chaos.  After telling Spencer it was karma for Woo to steal the clue from him, Spencer finds the idol right in front of an oblivious Kass.  Oh Kass, you ding dong.

The Immunity Challenge this week is to balance while balancing a block on their head that's wedged to a top bar.  It's kind of painful and irritating, really just a battle of willpower and endurance.  I appreciate their perseverance but it's boring to watch. In a final two battle of Tasha and Spencer, it's Spencer's week as he wins immunity.

Kass doesn't think the other alliance has an idol, so Tony and his crew try to come up with a plan "A" which is easy: Morgan.  Their thinking is no one would play an idol on Morgan, because what a waste.  However the concern is "chaos" Kass again, because she's a known flipper with no real loyalties.  Spencer knows that a move is possible if they can convince Kass to flip again and take out someone on the other side (Tony).  Kass knew Spencer would come crawling back.  Her "free agent" gameplay is so irritating to me, eventhough I often hate the lemming idea of alliances.  I think it's Kass' general attitude about everything and her arrogance.  I'm so Survivor emotional, guys.

Tribal Council time!  Sarah arrives as the first jury member, and then Probst starts probing.  Kass brings up how she got shunned and raged at three days ago for the hell she started by flipping.  Spencer feels bad for his rage, but is glad he has immunity.  Tony explains they're voting based on strength, ability to disrupt alliances, etc. and Morgan's like "Oh well that's not me." And Trish agrees and reminds Morgan that she's lazy and does nothing at camp.  Morgan acts all cute and is used to life being easy for her because of her looks and seriously, I want to gag.  And not the fabulous "gagging on your eleganza" RuPaul style.  Tony and Spencer get into a little spat about their alliances which were formed based on merge shuffle, but Tony's relying too much on Kass - who even Probst points out is a flip flopping disaster.  The votes are cast, no idol is played, and Morgan and her jugs are out of the game.

April 7, 2014

Survivor Cagayan: Solarrion Chokes On Their Sarah Sandwich

4/07/2014 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Survivor: Cagayan
Week 6

With Alexis gone, Aparri feels closer than ever and does a hands in "final six" - unless someone flips, of course.  That flipper could be Sarah, who will flip if she doesn't feel the group trusts her which is kinda obvious given Kass' conversation with her.  And that's a conversation worth having because... MERGE TIME!  When Solana hears the news, Tony and LJ run into the woods to quickly retrieve their hidden immunity idols before the voyage over to their new beach.  Solana greets Aparri with a picnic lunch and the comfort items they stole last week. Well at least you got exclusivity for three days.  Merged they become Solarrion, which reminds me of that other Tolkien book.  The big news is that an additional hidden immunity idols with different powers is now hidden and everyone is thinking in the back of their head, "Heyyy should I fake diarrhea and search for this idol right now?"

Tony is keenly aware that Aparri outnumbers them and hopes Sarah will flip back, remembering that cop vow they made awhile back.  His alliance is praying he can flip her because if not, they're doomed.  Sarah's loving her spot as the swing vote, getting to make all the calls of how this game will go.  She likens her position to being a Sarah sandwich, which would be a great reward challenge treat. In fact, she's pretty arrogant about her position and almost demands Aparri follow her orders to keep her as a number in their alliance.  She even dangles Tony's deal in front of them to prove she's in demand.  Kass ain't having it! And Jeremiah's too dumb to know a decent move ("We need to get rid of Jefra.")

Individual immunity is up for grabs, y'all!  The terrifying demon idol is gone and we're given... a demon-faced immunity necklace.  Something to haunt you always!  This week's challenge is to balance on triangular platforms, moving up the triangle until they're on the bitty beam in the middle.  Everyone makes it through the first 30 minutes, but once they get to the top rung people start falling.  Then it get crazy windy, everyone's wobbling, and everyone falls except for Tony and Woo.  Tony can't get his balance and Woo is kickass, so he wins immunity.  Rocking double buns for tonight paid off!

Post-challenge, Sarah has chosen his side and would like to go with Aparri even if she doesn't like Kass.  Most of Aparri would like to get rid of Jefra, but Sarah believes no one from Solana has immunity idols and they should go for Tony.  In fact, Sarah guarantees he doesn't have an idol.  But Solana is onto Sarah and know she's trying to run shit and is turning on them.  Tony tries to work his magic, attempting to offer a final three with him and Trish.  Meanwhile, Trish has been very observant about Sarah and Kass' rift.  Trish points out that Kass is in the bottom of her group with Sarah around and maybe she'd like to join them and take Sarah out.  Slow clap for Trish, letting this rift develop and pouncing when needed.

Tribal Council time!  LJ knows he's a threat and should be worried, because now is the time you're free to eliminate the strong.  Tony explains that an alliance isn't numbers but "comfort" AKA trust.  Probst brings up idols.  LJ says he hasn't seen any but Tony is a baller and is like, "I have one."  He's not just going to use it for him, he'll use it for the tribe.  Spencer doesn't believe him and Tony's like F this, puts the idol around his neck, and Aparri is like WTF.  "The other one!" they say to each other after their plan was foiled.  Tony does play his hidden immunity idol, but he gives it to LJ instead.  But Aparri is smirking.  "Hold on Jeff," LJ says... and he takes out HIS idol to over Tony!  The votes are coming out and Aparri is so smug because they voted for Jefra, and no one saved him.  Props for smoking out the idols, but she's a waste.  But in a 6-5 vote, it's Sarah who is totally blindsided when Kass flipped.  The Solana five are excited and cheering, saying it was worth losing two idols becuase they'll find the new one.  Kass is quickly sussed out as the flipper.  "Kass, zero chance of winning the game," says Spencer.  "We've got a long way to go," she replies.  SURVIVOR IS AMAZING.