The Bachelor - Week 3
Chris is in for a rude awakening, literally, when late night talk show host Jimmy Kimmel surprises a slumbering farm boy. Chris Harrison is out (for the week); celebrity superfan Kimmel is in. "Hello sister wives!" Jimmy says to the ladies as he explains his role of the week of helping Chris and planning the dates. First step: the "Amazing Jar" which you have to input a dollar in each time it's used. It's going to be overflowing in 48 hours.
Kaitlyn and Chris are told they're going to join an "exclusive club," which could be a comedy club, maybe the Mile High Club, heck it's LA so maybe they meant Scientology. But the stretch limo pulls up in front of the most elite club on them all: Costco. Jimmy's date card explains this is what real couples do, which is very true. Plus, think of all the free samples! The couple buy all sorts of food and whatever to make dinner for themselves and Jimmy. Thankfully Kaitlyn is hilarious and awesome, so this is great for her and they even kiss inside a giant inflatable orb. At night they season steaks and drink booze, bonding over their shared interests and of course kissing. The romance is interrupted by Jimmy so the steaks and grilled, and so is Kaitlyn who is drilled with questions by Jimmy. Once Kaitlyn says she's OK with "test driving" everyone in the Fantasy Suites, Jimmy is sold on Kaitlyn's awesomeness and encourages Chris to sex everyone he can. Chris gives a sappy speech along with the date rose, which Jimmy tells him is terrible, and really amps up the cash added to the Amazing Jar. The night wraps with Jimmy creepily sitting in the non-bubbling hot tub while Kaitlyn and Chris makeout. It's the stuff dreams are made of.
The group date is a Hoedown Throwdown which is the most insane gameshow you'll ever experience. There's corn shucking, cracking eggs, milking goats, manure shoveling - all sorts of activities to prove you're a farm gal. Of course it's a battle to show. Carly the cruise ship singer wins the challenge, though Jillian wins biggest impression for probably showing her lady parts to Chris and Jimmy Kimmel with her leaping in short shorts. Carly's prize is to wear "American Gothic" costumes to recreate the photo, which is a really crappy prize. She at least grows the confidence to kiss Chris at the hotel rooftop cocktail party. Mackenzie later calls Chris on all his kissing, and that's basically what he's here for and the others think they're unique and special. Becca gets an awkward hug instead of a kiss, but she ends up getting the date rose so at least there's some sign of interest in flower form. Glad she made an impression of Chris because I didn't retain her name until she got the rose.
Whitney and Chris head to a ranch to share wine in the most intricate Pinterest romantic setup ever. There's clearly chemistry between the two as the conversation flows less awkwardly than with the other girls. In the distance are voices, which they quickly deduce is a wedding and they're going to crash it. Let's just hope the large camera crew doesn't given away their cover. Chris says the worst case scenario is they end up in jail and I really don't think he understands the consequences of wedding crashing. With gift in hand, they head into the reception where a few clearly recognize the face but don't say much. The cameras, meanwhile, lurk in the darkness yet still close enough for the perfect shots. They mingle, drink, dance, kiss, and have grand ol' time. Love is clearly starting here and Whitney is given the date rose.
There's no cocktail party this week because it's been swapped for a pool party. In theory that should be fun, but the show takes a turn for the sad when Juelia tells Chris about her ex-husband who died from suicide. After this long segment, it returns back to all the girls throwing themselves all over a shirtless Chris for a sloppy makeout to stay top-of-mind (mostly Britt). Jade uses her ways to get a private tour of Chris' man cave (complete with bed kissing), while Jillian waits around in his hot tub until he shows up. Soon the girls, well mostly Ashley I, get super jealous of Jillian hogging Chris and not sharing. After all the whining, Ashley I. gets her alone time with Chris and then uses her time to cry a little, show she's kinda cray, and get in her fair share of loud making out. All is right for precious Ashley I.
"I wouldn't want to be you right now," Jimmy tells Chris before the Rose Ceremony. Chris Harrison stands there like he has a job this week but he doesn't. And really, I'm starting a petition for Jimmy Kimmel to be the permanent host. He's AMAZING. Here's a dollar. Ashley I. spends the rose ceremony making faces because he doesn't call her until dead last. Going home this week is kissed-Chris-Amber, teacher Tracy, and Trina. Pretty much no one we're invested in so, the end. But sadder, we lose Jimmy Kimmel. We'll never forget his magic.