February 15, 2015

The Bachelor: A Boring Week in Iowa

2/15/2015 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 7 - Part 1

Because this season isn't dragging enough, this week The Bachelor is a two night event with two episodes AND a Chris Tells All Special, because we need to hear him drone on more. After endless snow shoveling in the blizzard, I feel like three hours of The Bachelor on a Sunday is even more draining. But I do it for you (so be a sweetie and click the banner ads on shop on Amazon via my link to help a girl make a dime here and there).

So here's the Chris Tells All lowdown. Kelsey gets special interview to tell her side, completely baffled that she's controversial and insists her panic attack was real. She suspects it'll be a "crucifixion" at the Women Tell All and I am glad she didn't preface it with literally because we know that can't happen on televsion. It's basically nothing interesting in the slightest. So then it's onto Chris Harrison interviewing Chris Soules, a Chris-a-Chris. He noticed Ashley S. was bonkers on the zombie date, and it turns out girl was so crazy she wandered around the entire property and would go into production offices. Why? She believed there was a large gambling ring betting on her. OOOOOK. As for drunk girls Tara and Jordan, he was willing to give second chances but as we know Jordan turned into a social disaster based on the girls. And while Jillian's short shorts were oh so appealing to Chris, her choices of date convos were the turnoff. The love guru date was awkward, Jimmy Kimmel was the best, Becca chased a donkey, and he felt terrible for the others girls when he ditched them for a concert with Britt.

But what everyone was tuning in for on the special was Andi Dorfman's first interview after the breakup of her and Josh. The breakup wasn't as out of the blue as it seemed, as the couple was struggling for awhile. Questions about their engagement and impending wedding was something eye-opening when they realized they weren't going anywhere. Despite being extremely in love at first, they didn't mutually didn't feel they were bettering each other. Just in tears the whole time, Andi admits she's just sad. Andi admits she'll always still love Josh because he was he first true love and true heartbreak. "Where do you go from here?" asks Chris Harrison, AKA do you see yourself back on this show finding love again. But instead it's mega sadness as Andi calls this, "the biggest failure of my life." Chris wonders if over time her and Josh could be friends again, maybe even date - Andi hopes so. Well that was super depressing.


Still in Deadwood and fresh off of dumping Kelsey and Ashley, Chris is onto yet another Rose Ceremony to crush one more. The girls are radiant in their joy of Chris' decision to dump two hot messes. The next dumping goes rather quickly as Megan and Chris both acknowledge their relationship isn't moving as fast as it needs to be on a show that requires a proposal after three months of dating. Chris takes a moment to mope on a stoop before heading back upstairs to wrap up the Rose Ceremony, because it's not over yet - DRAMA! But Chris Soules breaks the rules and doesn't want to dump another girl tonight so Rose Ceremony cancelled. And they're all heading to Iowa, the true test of love and Chris Soules tolerance.

Jade is the first person to receive a second 1-on-1 date and she gets to visit Chris' hometown in all its teeny glory. Chris gives her a tour of his home and farm, which gives Jade lots of time to think about whether she could return to quiet, small town life after escaping to a life in fast, glitzy LA. Chris shows of all the selling points like no bars, no restaurants, no real coffee shop, no job opportunites - what selling points! Jade is freaking out, plastering on a smile while internally wondering what the hell she got into. Later, Chris and Jade attend the big high school football game and she gets to meet his parents. Wandering the halls of his high school, Chris continues his role as tour guide and Jade tries to open up a little, explaining she rebelled a bit against her small town ways, then ending with some in-school smooching on some random teenager's locker. The crowds of the football game gives Jade a sense of community that makes her thing Arlington isn't the worst thing ever, but props that she admits to Chris that it's something she struggles with a little (but I'm still not sold she'd move there).

Whitney and Chris meet up at an art gallery in Des Moines, which Chris describes as "metropolitan" and I chuckle. Instead of looking at other talented people, the pair decide to go around the city and take their own photos, 95% of them kissing. At night, Chris and Whitney head out to a bar where she meets three of his best friends. The guys grill Whitney on if she's ready to be in love, the Iowa move, etc. and she nails all her answers. Whitney opens up about the passing of her mother and how her hometown date won't be like others. Her candidness is wonderful. The date ends with a surprise: their photo from earlier has been painted on the side of the bar, street art mural style. Do you think they got Banksy to do it? Ok maybe not.

After hearing about Jade's date, Carly suggests the girls rent a car and take an impromptu trip to Arlington to see Chris' hometown. Caitlyn and Britt are torn about seeing the town before Chris wants them to, but also Soules Rules: do whatever you want. Windows down, sunglasses on, and chanting, "Road trip! Arlington here we come!" The mood totally changes when they get into the ghost town that is Arlington. The girls are totally shocked at everything being closed, including the church (but said church has the same photo of Jesus that Carly's grandparents have, so it's a sign). The local pastor tells the girls that if they want to have fun they leave Arlington. So earlier in the day, Britt told the other girls she couldn't live in Arlington, but back at the hotel she claims once she saw a sunset she was sold and knew she'd be on a nice farm and not in the sad downtown. All the girls are baffled by her sudden change of heart, and hardly buy into it.

Despite her wonderful date with Chris, Jade is feeling uneasy about where she stands. That's because she's harboring a secret, which she confides in Carly: a few years ago Jade posed for Playboy. Jade knows this could be a dealbreaker, especially when Chris' family eventually finds out.

Britt, Kaitlyn, and Carly head to the Wells Fargo Arena and meet Chris smack dab in the center of the arena... on ice. Chris has skated once in his life before, so it lends to a lot of falling and the girls chasing after him like, "Oh no!" Britt yet again drags Chris as far away from the date as possible for her alone time, talking to him on a bridge and admitting the girls roadtripped to Arlington. Britt tells Chris at first she thought it was so small, but once she saw the sunset over the cornfields she fell in love with the town. Chris is elated, while Carly is inside fuming over this blatant lie. Carly uses her alone time to call out Britt's actual reaction after Arlington, warning him to be careful since she cares for him. 

Worried that Britt is playing him for a fool, Chris pulls her aside again at the night cocktail portion of the date to get the real truth. Britt claims she likes reinventing herself and moving new places, denying she ever said "no way." Britt says she's not choosing the town, but the lifestyle, and wants to be a mom (this puts a big smile on Chris' face). As you'll recall Kaitlyn is on this date too and frustrated at the lack of time. Chris reassures her she killed it in the early weeks, so be confident. To make her feel better, he gives Kaitlyn the date rose which guarantees her a hometown date. When Chris reveals this news, Britt is confused and hurt that after her bold declarations he didn't select her. She's pissed and slowly begins to unravel. She's talking herself into a corner, making Kaitlyn feel like crap in the process. Britt's questioning whether she even wants Chris to come meet her family. It's all me, me, me for Britt. The girls revel in her misery.