February 9, 2015

The Bachelor: Helicopters (and Heartbreak) in the Badlands

2/09/2015 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
The Bachelor - Week 6

So picking up from last week, Kelsey's laying on the floor having a panic attack. It's crying, gasping, and crew members requesting her answer questions and call an ambulance. The other girls don't bat an eye, sitting there emotionless and waiting for this drama to end. With a mask on for air, she has one request, "Can I talk to Chris?" then giggles that she'll definitely get a rose now. With a chat with Chris and a little kiss, Kelsey is back full of energy and ready to move along. It seems Kelsey's master plan worked and this is her day. The Rose Ceremony finally happens after all the nonsense, Kelsey gets her rose and Samantha (who?) and extraterrestrial believer Mackenzie are eliminated. Every single girl there is pissed, sure that Kelsey would've gone home if it weren't for her cocktail party shenanigans.

The group departs Sante Fe and arrives in Deadwood, South Dakota where Chris goes to one of those old timey photo booths to pose nude in a barrel tub.

Becca receives the first date and Kelsey gets all pissy again. Oh don't worry, your date is coming my love. Chris takes Becca out into the wilderness for horseback riding and then talking and cuddling by a campfire. Good news: they both want to be married with lots of kids. Becca really wants a kiss but she's a virgin and shy about kissing on TV. First, you signed up for a television show, second it's a whole different thing. Becca gets the date rose, they kiss. Snooze.

Back at the house, everyone hates Kelsey. They think she's a phony and Whitney calls her on it, from her laughing after her panic attack and using that moment to get more alone time with Chris. Kelsey cries about the emotional impact of sharing the story of a dead spouse. Carly has to inform Kelsey that people think she's a beyotch that makes rude comments. Kelsey thinks people don't understand her because she's "blessed with eloquence" and doesn't plan to lose sight of the ultimate dream: to win!

The group date girls head to a saloon and practice their songwriting skills. But Chris is no judge of music, he's a corn man! Musicians Big and Rich help the girls dig deep into their souls to bring their sweet Chris feelings into musical magic. Jade hits an early writer's block so Big (thanks @TPorter2!) makes her run down the street shouting to get inspired. To get the performances started, Chris has a good sense of humor and performances his terribly written song. It's like a possum dying while being accompanied by a banjo. The girls aren't as bad as I expected, and I'm totally enchanted by Kaitlyn's foul mouthed rap. Carly is the best but one would hope so since she's a cruise ship singer. 

But the whole date has a weird aura around it since Britt/Chris are all touchy-feeley despite the other girls being there. Chris knows their chemistry is undeniable, so much so that they just peace out of the night cocktail portion of the date to go to the Big and Rich concert. After dancing and kissing in the crowd, Chris gives the date rose to Britt on stage in front of the whole crowd and sing to "Save a Horse, Ride a Farmboy." GET IT?? This after Jade and Kaitlyn really put their hearts on their sleeves to say they're falling for Chris and worried about where they stand. So when Chris and Britt return and she's got a rose tucked in her cleavage, the girls are not pleased. Even Chris can read the room and gets out as fast as he can. Instead of fuming at Chris, the get mad at Britt since they feel humiliated. It's always fun when dates end in everyone sobbing. Chris is such a catch!

Not only is the final date a 2-on-1 Thunderdome date, but it's pretty much a Sophie's Choice date of which awful girl to keep on the show: Ashley or Kelsey. Making this even more awesome, this date is a helicopter ride (!!) over Mount Rushmore, landing in the Badlands. A single rose lay on a tray in the middle of the arid landscape. Ashley uses her alone time by going right in for a sloppy kiss, then talking about how the whole house thinks Kelsey is fake. Kelsey talks about how she's been a wife before, so the question is could she be Chris' wife. Chris wants his wife to be likable, so he brings up Ashley saying she's fake and she's taken aback, hoping he won't figure girl talk into his decision. "She's a Kardashian who didn't get to go on a princess date," Kelsey says, calling Ashley desperate. Tensions are high as Kelsey confronts Ashley, who blows her off and walks away and grabs Chris. She's pissed that Chris spilled the beans on their private conversation, which he explains he needed to bring up to get answers from Kelsey. Probably because she's annoying and immature, but using the reasoning of the lifestyle she needs, Chris dumps Ashley and she ugly cries like whoa. Kelsey gets teary as she confronts Chris after dumping Ashley, but it's not smooth sailing: Kelsey's a goner too. The girls are sad when they grab Ashley's suitecase, and cheer upon Kelsey's being taken. Double dumping, oh man do I love the drama a 2-on-1 date brings!

Next week: FIVE, yes five, hours of this show.