February 23, 2015

The Bachelor: A Virgin in the Fantasy Suite? You Better Bali-eve It!

2/23/2015 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 8 - Fantasy Suites

We are finally free of the farmlands and off on an exotic vacation to Bali, where a week of Fantasy Suites lie ahead.

Chris' first date begins with a kiss-free temple visit with Kaitlyn, which means we have to actually listen to this lunkhead talk. They walk around town before heading to like a monkey reserve, where a monkey pees on Chris, slaps him around a little, and steals his bananas. The monkey fun ends quickly so Kaitlyn can tell Chris how much her family loved him, because no one will ever admit Chris is a drip. The romantic dinner conversation is all about Kaitlyn letting her guard down and just letting love in because she's totally feeling the love vibes. Individual keys are forgone in exchange for the Fantasy Suite because "we deserve it" and by "it" we mean "sexy times." Their fantasy suite has a tub for a rose petals AKA you better leave a sweet tip for housekeeping. Kaitlyn tells Chris she's falling in love with him, but here's the thing: he ALSO says he's falling in love with her. I feel like this doesn't happen much?

Whitney is date #2, where they go sailing on the Indian Ocean while poppin' bottles like reality TV ballers do. After incessant babbling about how life together on this boat seems normal, Whitney does damage control over her sister's reluctance about this whole relationship and the falling-in-love-on-TV thing. Chris is like eh, it's cool let's kiss more because you talk too much. They jump into the ocean of metaphor and kiss a bunch more before fast-forwarding to the night portion of the date. Chris' big topic of discussion is that Arlington is a teeny town and Whitney is a career gal and blissfully unaware of the town's true size. "There's nothing to do in Arlington, zero," Chris bluntly tells her while explaining the harsh reality of his beloved hometown. Whitney doesn't care because she wants to be a wife and mom, so the career is a fallback and she's all-in to be anywhere with Chris.

The elephant in the rice paddies is Becca's virgin secret which Chris is still totally unaware of, so it should make dinner an exciting time. The couple pal around with locals while taking time to stop and kiss each other as people try to go about their day working. An awkward blessing at a temple happens where they suggest "making love" and Becca turns red as hell and Chris is just dense to notice. Dinner is basically a ticking virgin-declaration time bomb, as Becca realizes she should maybe come clean before she goes to what we all expect to be the Bone Zone. So Becca explains she has a lot of new feelings since she's never experience what falling in love is like, buuuut once that Fantasy Suite envelope the jig is up. Finally in the Fantasy Suite, Becca tells Chris her big news which the show has been hyping since the first hour of the season when Chris Harrison spoiled it: she's a virgin. The world doesn't end, though it takes that goober Chris a moment to compose himself because he's literally speechless. The two kiss and probably spoon all night.

Chris says he's falling in love with everyone, so this is a tough decision but moreso with a more reserved Becca. Chris is worries about making mistakes and also dealing a soul-crushing, heartbreaking blow to one of the women. Thankfully Chris is not alone in this process: he has Chris Harrison! The sage wisdom of a divorced reality show host with puppet-like arms. Chris wants to be patient with Becca because she's not totally in love yet nor ready to move to Iowa like the other two are so eager to do. If you want to hear Chris repeatedly explain that he could see a future with each girl, this was the drawn out segment of a lifetime. Chris just needs clarity to make this decision. Where is Clare's Bachelor in Paradise raccoon when you need him?

The Rose Ceremony happens at a super strict temple where only holding hands in allowed, which is the ideal place to dump a girl. Chris and Chris Harrison are full on twinning in their traditional garbs, each with a different color sash to express their personalities. The girls are also in traditional outfits, a bright array of neon colors and sarongs. Instead of handing out two roses and dumping Becca on the spot, Chris pulls Becca aside to talk. Becca tries to explain that she's crazy about him and wants the process to be over, but not them as a couple. Becca wants all her feelings out in the open before she's sent home, heart on her sleeve. BUT TWIST! After their talk Chris brings Becca back to the Rose Ceremony, which is a shock to Whitney and Kaitlyn who assumed Becca was given the "It's not you, it's me" speech. Whitney and Becca receive the two roses, leaving Canadian Kaitlyn on the sidelines. Talking to a crying Kaitlyn, Chris explains it might be a wrong decision but he's following his heart. It's more amusing than you'd expect due to a loud rooster going "cock-a-doodle-doo!" in the background. Kaitlyn describes this as "the most humiliating moment of her entire life" and definitely confused, pissed, and heartbroken. But seeing as Kaitlyn is one of the few with a personality this whole season, maybe her reality TV quest for love isn't over. We'll wait and see.

Next week: the Women Tell All and they all hate each other,