May 25, 2015

The Bachelorette: A Punch to the Head for Love

5/25/2015 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 2

The first date card of the season is a big ol' group date to go boxing. It's not just a bunch of guys punching each other, it's a bunch of them trying to show how cool they are in front of Kaitlyn and famous boxer Laila. All the guys find time to take a little Kaitlyn break except Kupah, who is super into his workout. After some initial training, the guys enter into head-to-head matches in front of a crowd of rowdy women. The guys do not hold back, punching each other real good and taking head shots. Through a few elimination rounds, the final event is Ben vs. Jared, who gets hit in the head so bad medical steps in. Fight over, onto the night portion of the date! The night portion of the date is cocktails and talking. Kaitlyn's alone time with Daniel is interrupted by a note. "Come downstairs right now, I need to see you" the note reads, so she ups and peaces out. It's Jared and he's alive! While he needs to rest, he needed to stop and make a pit stop to plant a kiss on Kaitlyn. The date rose goes to knockout Ben Z, who shared with sad backstory with her earlier in the night, and they kiss.

Clint gets the first one-on-one date of the season, probably because he drew the most beautiful piece of art ever of Chris Harrison riding a dinosaur. They drive in an old Mercedes to a quiet villa for an underwater photoshoot. You know, like what happens on all your first dates. Listen, Kaitlyn says they're all the rage and when the Bachelorette declares something, we accept it. The photoshoot is cool and Clint gets the unique opportunity to be Kaitlyn's first ever underwater kiss. Fast forward to the night where they're dry and in regular clothes and drinking wine on a rooftop, talking about how they are each others types. Clint receives the date rose and they kiss.

The final date of the week is another group date looking for a man to "standup for me." The funniest part of the whole date is stick-in-the-mud Tony attempting to do comedy, which will be difficult with all his stammering and him constantly saying "Britt" instead of Kaitlyn. To teach the guys stand-up is amazingly hilarious comedian Amy Schumer, a huge Bachelor fan. "This is a great turn of events," Amy tells Kaitlyn when the prospect of life on a farm could've been. TRUTH, GIRL. The men try to impress Amy and Kaitlyn with their horrible jokes straight out of a kid's joke book. Amy brings in Nicki Glaser, Rachel Feinstein, and Bridget Everett in to help the guys write a coherent routine. The training session alone sends Amy straight to gulping down her white wine because they're so bad. With their tutelage over, the men each taking the stage at The Improv and make asses of themselves in front of an audience. Ian charms with his Juan Pablo dig, Joshua clearly makes a cunnilingus hint, and Cupcake Chris takes the honest route that he's not funny in the slightest which is actually natural and hilarious. Tony gives his Oscar speech basically, which makes the crowd incredibly uncomfortable. They don't select a winner but I'd say Chris for sure because it was natural. But truly they are all losers on that stage, but kudos for taking a chance! At the after party, JJ gets the date rose which is surprising only because Amy Schumer accurately assessed him as the dud. I totally thought Tony had it after comparing Kaitlyn to a combination lock that takes a bit of work but there's lots of gold inside.

JJ decides to be that douche at the cocktail party that has a rose already but still steals alone time from the other guys. The guys all hate him but JJ's like, "Sorry, not sorry." Ian uses his alone time to tell his backstory of being a former college athlete, but almost never ran again after being run over by a car. They kiss too because Kaitlyn's a kissing machine and why not? She's the lead and they're all there for love. Meanwhile, Kupah isn't super into being here and doesn't want to be the minority on the show picked to fill a quota. If there's no connection, he wants to be let go. Kaitlyn explains to him that he was too into the zone at boxing, so the reason they haven't bonded because he didn't try. It's a very honest conversation as Kupah wonders why he was kept around even after the first rose ceremony. Kaitlyn feels the doubt from Kupah is what has held him back, and this conversation turns her off from any kind of connection she did feel. Kupah talked his way out of a rose, but tries to backtrack once he realizes Kaitlyn actually knew he existed and might've had vibes for him. But when he leaves and recaps this conversation to the guys, he takes a dig at Kaitlyn again and she can hear it all. She quickly interrupts, takes Kupah aside, and says she'll have to let him go. "I don't want to go home. I think you're hot." Oh Kupah, keep trying. Keeeeep trying. It doesn't work and Kaitlyn cuts him. When he starts to get pissed at production, Kaitlyn interferes again and... TO BE CONTINUED!

Now as an end piece to this recap on a season dedicated to Kaitlyn, there are still some of you (like 10 probably) that wanted Britt to be this season's lead. Well she's not, but her on-camera story for love isn't over. As you'll remember, Brady left the mansion last week and went to Britt's hotel. He's there at a perfect time as Britt has finished her latest crying phone call home to say she didn't get picked. Brady and Britt have hung out every day since he came to her hotel room. They eat ice cream, kiss all over town, and Britt officially accepts being "his girl."