June 1, 2015

The Bachelorette: Bad Bromance

6/01/2015 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 3

In the To Be Continued fashion of last week, Kaitlyn leaves her interview to go outside and confront Kupah (again) about his shouting at production. Kaitlyn asks him to accept her rejection of him and to stop making everything so uncomfortable. He finally gets into a mini-van and leaves. Kaitlyn corrals the guys for a quick meeting to explain the disastrous Kupah situation and asks them to be open with her if they're not comfortable. The evening wraps with a rose ceremony where Daniel and single dad Cory go home. No need to be sad because I don't remember who they were either but their eliminations make Kaitlyn cry.

The men receive a bizarre wake-up call in the form of large Japanese men in silky robes banging a gong. Turns out, the group date is to sumo wrestle each other because creativity is out the door and back-to-back fighting dates are happening (hopefully there's less shots to the head than last week). They get real screwed when it comes to location as the guys have to show their blurred cracks (and sometimes balls if you're Joe) to wrestle in the driveway. Even a yard full of manbuns can't make this date interesting. Tony takes his time in the ring, but walks away after upset because he's tired of having to show aggression in his dates because he wants something peaceful because he has the "heart of a warrior and spirit of a gypsy." I feel like Tony doesn't understand Kaitlyn doesn't plan the dates. As Ian tries to calm him down, Kaitlyn has to mediate again and it's all over dramatic and annoying. Poor Kaitlyn has to play babysitter instead of Bachelorette. The remainder of a date is a public sumo fight in front of a crowd of women, where Tony opts out of more violence to stay home and rant about wanting to go to the zoo. He makes the decision to leave the show, so he says a goodbye to Kaitlyn and peaces out. She's not losing sleep over it.

After daytime wrestling, the guys have different strategies for Kaitlyn time. While JJ plans to actively pursue her, Clint wants her to chase him. C'mon guy, you're competing for her. Just because you won wrestling doesn't make you the coolest dude around. His passive moves don't work on Kaitlyn, who prefers the guys that take initiative to find time to talk with her. Apparently Shawn B. has fallen "so hard, so quick" despite what I assume has been maybe three to four hours together and he gets the date rose. Kaitlyn calls Clint out on it, and he's already like, "Ugh, this probably won't work out." Dude, get off your ass and fight for it. She's the prize. You are not.

Turns out the one-on-one date was planned by Chris Harrison this week for Kaitlyn and Ben Z. The couple participate in "The Basement" which is one of those escape the room challenges. Um, AWESOME. I want to do this! Until a pigeon flies out of the open door - HELL NO. Kaitlyn is like me, afraid of the birds. Thanks to a disclaimer we learn the animals added to the exhibit were just for the show and not part of the exhibit. Like the bloody saw and creepy person in a bed wasn't freaky enough? Kaitlyn is a mess so Ben Z. calms her down and they have 45 minutes to decode clues and find a login code to escape the room. This includes a heavy-handed clue to "kiss," a bunch of cards, maggots, toilet snakes, and the key code "ROSES." Hooray they escape and don't die. The couple head back to Kaitlyn's place to bond more and share more of Ben Z's sad mom story, including how he hasn't cried in 11 years. Kaitlyn likes how open he is, they kiss a bunch, spend time in the hot tub, and Ben Z. gets the date rose.

A bunch of parents desperate for their kids to be on TV allow the group date guys to give their children a sex ed talk. It's every bit as uncomfortable as you'd expect and the kids laugh and get grossed out. But surprise - it's all child actors! That doesn't make this any better except at least we know these kids aren't that advanced. I'm setting a reminder for ten years from now to check Reddit for, "I was a Child Actor That Learned Sex-Ed on The Bachelorette - Ask Me Anything." While Joshua struggles to explain what a period is, Ben H. uses his speech to hit on Kaitlyn and tie their relationship into how sperm travels to an egg. ROMANCE! Afterwards they head to a hotel rooftop for cocktails and giggling over what a disaster their lessons were. While Kaitlyn's bond with Jared and his black eye grows stronger, Ben H. is the charmer of the date and receives the date rose.

But what ABC fake-promo'd all week was a "Brokeback Bachelor" situation where one of guys was falling in love with another. It was fake. It was clever editing. Instead it's like the pairing of two 80s teen movie villains in their own spin-off movie. Just two bros playing guitar, drinking, hot tubbing. While the old saying is "I'm not here to make friends," Clint is pretty content leaving with a new bestie in JJ. But that doesn't mean they're giving up, instead taking the stance on being the douches who pursue Kaitlyn real hard vs. the nice guys in the house. Clint quickly grabs Kaitlyn for alone time to make more moves and to stick around the house longer to bro out with JJ more and maybe get a free trip. "Villains gotta vill," Clint says to JJ with a clink of the glass. The other guys in the house begin to tell Kaitlyn who isn't there for the right reasons and she's getting a clue that it's a bad bromance. What will she say to Clint? TO BE CONTINUED.