July 27, 2015

The Bachelorette: Kaitlyn Picks Shawn as Her True Love

7/27/2015 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments

Kaitlyn's season of The Bachelorette is ending and truth be told, it's the least interested I've been in awhile. The Snapchat scandal was the beginning of it being ruined, since I avoid the spoilers. But regardless of the Snap, it's been a forgone conclusion for weeks of who was getting picked. I simply have dreamt up in my mind some amazing twist ending.

Kaitlyn and her family meet up for the first time in months in exotic... Los Angeles. Man, Kaitlyn got totally screwed: couldn't be the solo lead, seventy eight dates in Irish castles, and now final dates in basic ol' LA instead of Turks and Caicos or somewhere beautiful. Continuing her TMI streak, Kaitlyn immediately informs the family that she banged Nick early in the process. OK. Nick meets the family first and Kaitlyn's mom has a lot of feelings that Nick made it this far given his shady past seasons. Nick makes sure the family knows his priority was coming on this show was to meet Kaitlyn, not an experience like it was the first time around. Nick has to defend his love of Kaitlyn a lot to a skeptical mom who can't believe her daughter has feelings for this dude. Nick even tearfully asks her mom for a marriage blessing (and dad's too) and mom realizes her pre-judging was wrong. Mom's judgments aren't just reserved for Nick, as she's apprehensive that Shawn is possessive and jealous and should've known what he was signing up for. Shawn admits he would Snapchat hearts around pictures of Kaitlyn and send to friends, because he's weird. Mom even brings up the Nick banging to Shawn, trying to understand Shawn's jealousy. Mom is reassured and charmed, her sister is Team Shawn, and both parents give the proposal blessing.

Kaitlyn and Nick's final date is popping champagne on a boat around Marina Del Rey. A lot of kissing and talking about families and feelings. Nick looks forwards to an ordinary life together and I'd like to remind him they're just in basic Marina Del Rey so like... you're close enough. Kaitlyn gives Nick one last visit for him to blab about being in love more, Kaitlyn's shock that Nick showed up to get a shot with her, and kissing. Nick's craft project of love is a picture frame including a shot of the pair kissing and a letter describing the words of how he felt on the date. Kaitlyn's all smitten and knows what she feels for Nick is love, with lots of bedroom makeout time. DON'T CRUSH THE GLASS ON THE FRAME!

The last date of the season with Shawn is at Saddle Neck Ranch where they sit for a rustic wine picnic while not eating any of the delicious fruit nearby. I pray one of them brought a Tide pen as both chose to wear all white on a date chugging red wine. The wine is flowing but the conversation isn't, as Kaitlyn is awkward and torn about her feelings for both guys when a proposal is coming in 24 hours. Shawn felt how weird the day date was so hopes his nighttime wrap-up will go a little smoother and make him feel alright with proposing the next day. Kaitlyn wants to know if Shawn will be able to watch this show, and he's like oh yeah, I mean kinda most of it, ok just parts of it. When asked about their future, Shawn says "it'll never not be fun with you" but I'm guessing rewatching her sexing Nick might not be so fun. Shawn's craft project of love is a jar full of stuff from all their dates, pictures, and notes. Oh man, that is a never level of crafting that required some serious Pinterest research. Kaitlyn's leaves happy with jar in hand, but still torn over the fact that in 24 hours she'll destroy one guy's heart.

Everyone wakes up on proposal day to thoughtfully look out over balconies and think about the big night. Neil Lane shows up at the guy's rooms to bring his usual box of halo rings to choose from, probably the other halos that weren't picked last time. The only interesting part of this is how excited Nick is to meet Neil Lane since last time around Andi dumped him before he had a chance to meet the jeweler of the stars/Kay Jewelers. The sun sets, it's nightime, and Kaitlyn gets ready for her romantic proposal at... the Bachelor mansion pool. Take a minute to remember just weeks ago a drunk man jumped into this pool into his underwear. THAT is romance. What a low budget season.

Nick arrives to the mansion first in his navy blue suit and we know the first out is a bad sign. The vibe is immediately weird but Nick doesn't notice the I'm-about-to-puke-face Kaitlyn is making. Nick makes a profound speech about how much he's in love with her again not noticing her derp face until she stops him. Kaitlyn's only explanation is that her heart is with someone else. Which we've all known for a while since she told Shawn like week 3 that he was the one. Nick is confused and heartbroken, not understanding why she led him on so much this time if she knew it wasn't him. Like maybe don't say you love him if you don't. Things are tense but Nick doesn't want to be super nasty and just points out that nope, she doesn't love him. With one last hug, Nick gets into the loser's limo to lament in sadness.

Shawn's limo arrives and this time Kaitlyn is beaming with happiness, usually a given if things are going to go well (take note, Nick). Shawn gives a speech about how she went from a girl on TV to the girl he's in love with and wants to kiss a bunch. Kaitlyn basically tells Shawn it was love at first sight when he got out of that limo, though doesn't bring up that she told him weeks ago he was the one. She hopes he'll never question what they have again because "I'm completely yours and will always be faithful to you." Shawn gets down on one knees and proposes. Shawn gets the last rose of the season and they kiss.

After the Final Rose

Kaitlyn and Shawn enter the reunion stage to cheers from the crowd, though probably not much of that wooooo'ing is coming from Nick's family. They're all happy and kissy, so glad they can be public. Well they were public when they spoiled it by posting that Snapchat and Shawn wore Canadian flag pants and posted a pic to Instagram. But Kaitlyn is giddy and it's nice to see her happy even if Shawn bugs me. Listen, it was most likely the edit which chose to make him the jealous, mopey guy so I'm sure someone as awesome as Kaitlyn wouldn't have picked a dud.

Nick comes out to the hot seat to explain how he felt at the time, explaining he saw some signs that it wasn't him but he decided to trust the connection. Nick gives a little clarification on the pre-show friendship which was talking on social sites, texting, and a few video chats - nothing big. Then she got the show and he decided he didn't want to miss out. When it comes to the guy's rivalry, Nick understands it and appreciates that Kaitlyn didn't let the petty BS bring her down. To continue the drama, the show brings Shawn out to join Nick on the couch to address their issues. Basically all their animosity stemmed from some off-camera, in-house problems and we're getting no real answers. Shawn wasn't jealous of Nick but moreso didn't like seeing Kaitlyn mack other guys.  Blah blah blah, both guys admit they were immature when this show should've been about Kaitlyn's love story. Speaking of Kaitlyn, she comes out and they talk about chatting online AGAIN. Nick wishes he got dumped sooner if she wasn't into it. Blah blah. We've heard it all. This After the Final Rose is basically 80% the Nick Hour.

Kaitlyn and Shawn get an additional five minutes to talk about how happy they are after honestly 45 minutes of Nick. Shawn is happy now he can stand up for his lady instead of being a bystander. All the happiness to Kaitlyn and Shawn as we wrap up another snarky season.

See you next week for Bachelor in Paradise!

July 26, 2015

Big Brother 17: Blanket, Sunglasses, and the Backdoor

7/26/2015 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 4

Shelli and Liz celebrate their HOH victory while Audrey breathes a sigh of relief that her allies are in power. Liz's alliance is totally unaware that she was the fourth vote to save Jeff, which she explains is because she never bonded with James so she didn't care. Good news is no one suspects her and assumes it was Becky, Steve, or Audrey. In Shelli news, she calls Clay "poopy head" and got a HOH letter from her dog. I always joke about this, but now I realize how lame it is. However, the dog is adorable. And the house has to pretend the letter and Shelli's musical theater group performance disaster is great because she's in power.

The Sixth Sense begins to pow-wow over who to nominate and target this week. The guys want to protect Audrey since she's the other side's target, but the women worry that if they skates by again the house will begin to see she's a part of their alliance. Worried about her past connection with her Amazing Race partner Jeff, Jackie actually gets airtime playing the game and negotiate her safety. But Austin runs his mouth a little too fast, telling Jackie she could be a pawn, which really irritates the alliance and causes mistrust. To make sure Austin isn't the defacto HOH, Shelli wants to not get dethroned and takes on the role of nomination target Jason along with perpetual pawn Johnny Mac, who they want to throw the Battle of the Block. On Liz's side, she nominates Jackie and James, two people she has no real connection to. And after that, Liz and Julia switch and now Julia gets the HOH perks along with having to deal with Austin.

Jackie and Liz actually have a conversation and while Jackie is not the target, Liz still doesn't like Jackie much. Johnny Mac privately celebrates being nominated four out of four times. A quick conversation between Jason and Shelli shows Audrey's true colors and lies to manipulate her allies. When Audrey realizes Jason might know she caused his nomination, she tries to twist the story around on Shelli and claim she overheard the target story from Shelli herself. Shelli is livid that Audrey is stirring things up and wonders if maybe Audrey is the better candidate for elimination.

Since it's 90s week, the Battle of the Block is grunge themed. Wearing their best flannel shirts, the nominees have to search through Grunge Zones named after 90s alt bands for keys to unlock "Alice" in Chains. The players have to trudge through Mud Honey and swim through Pearl Jam, stomp on the Smashing Pumpkins, rifle through leaves of Screaming Trees, and Sound Garden. It's corny and clever at the same time. I don't know how to feel. Anyways, James and Jackie win the Battle of the Block and it leaves Jason and John nominated.

After the Battle of the Block, Audrey confides to James that she's upset at Shelli about the Jason nomination situation. James' instinct isn't to agree that a pair should be broken up, but instead to tell Shelli/Clay what he learned to get on their side. Shelli can't stand Audrey's constant paranoia, which is only validated when Clay talks to Audrey and she's concerned about being chosen as the replacement nominee, figuring she was the backdoor plan the whole time. It might not always have been the plan, but it's quickly becoming Shelli's gameplan for the week since the house unanimously agree. But she's also torn because earlier in the game she swore loyalty til the end, crying in her big HOH bed that she could regret this choice down the line.

Liz, Jason, and John receive all-white ensembles to become the Whackstreet Boys, their week-long punishment for losing the Battle of the Block. Whenever their pagers beep, it's time for the trio to perform and let's just say none have a chance at staying in LA to join a dance crew after this season ends. The house groupies die out over time, just like all the boybands. Go out in a blaze of glory, Whackstreet.

The Saved by the Smell veto competition has everyone in their Bayside, I mean BB Side, High gear to pour colored chemicals that are scrolled on a screen. Bonus points for the "Time out!" Remind me to sneak in a few episodes of Saved by the Bell this week when I'm not watching feeds. Shelli, Jason, John, Meg, James, and Vanessa compete and no guys are Zach, just Screeches. I guess that Clay is Zack,,, sigh. The fun part is if the incorrect chemical is poured it'll explode in their faces - just like the episode where Screech invented Zit-Off! Vanessa's strategy is to remember the first letter of the colors shown to spell a word and this strategy leads to her veto win.

Clay and Austin are just trying to bro out and exercise, but Audrey joins in to bring it to game talk. Clay wants her to stop being paranoid and doesn't feel the trust Shelli extends is fully reciprocated by Audrey. Clay catches her in a word-for-word lie that Audrey asked him to swear on his life that she wouldn't be backdoored, but Audrey denies it. Soon it's back up to the HOH, a crying Audrey bemoaning everything while her allies explain that she never trusts them. It's a group argument starting with Audrey and Clay, with Vanessa jumping in after. The group is straight-up tired of the lies, though sometimes Audrey tells the truth but officially the girl who cried wolf in the house. Audrey pulls her hoodie over her head and throws on sunglasses, serving some serious Unabomber realness, and declines to attend the Veto Ceremony. Vanessa uses the Power of Veto on Jason and Shelli names the absent Audrey as the replacement nominee. The Wednesday show completely omits that Audrey went to the Diary Room for 5.5 hours, delaying the ceremony, but the Thursday live show fills us in though never gives decent answers about what went on in there besides napping..

The house can't believe Audrey didn't show up to the Veto Ceremony, wondering if she'll try to skip eviction too. When Audrey isn't lying in the darkness of the Have Not room, she's lying on the Diary Room couch with the show. The house doesn't like her poor attitude of not being able to take eviction like a champ, but try to be nice. James even makes her an omelette eventhough she's a Have Not. But Audrey didn't quit, just moped around for the week and she's actually dressed up for her eviction. I was hoping the sunglasses and blanket would take her out the door.

Before her inevitable eviction, there's a really nice video package from Audrey's family and the support she's had coming out as transgender. Though the family and friends are mixed on opinions about her gameplay. But viewers know Audrey started with a ton of potential and gamed too hard, too fast. In her goodbye speech, Audrey drops her social handle and is happy she got to share who she was without being judged, but knows this is a move the house has wanted for weeks. Audrey received one penalty vote for eating regular food while being a Have Not. The entire house votes for Audrey to be evicted except Austin, oh I'm sorry Judas, who throws a hinky vote. Julie interviews Audrey about her big role as the first transgender houseguest, but addresses her gameplay as a superfan of the show. At least the houseguests goodbye videos acknowledge how she game way too hard out of the gate.

The  "Pop Till You Drop" HOH competition is a head-to-head battle to identify the type of competition that occured based on a crappy pop song. James' strategy is to just wild guess before the horrible song even begins, which fails him in a final round against Jackie. Vanessa beats Jason, which means Jackie and Vanessa are the co-HOHs. The night wraps with Julie Chen talking to the alaways hilarious Britney Haynes of Big Brother 12 and 14, getting her take on the houseguests. It's nothing worth recapping. So we half hour of a power shift happening - maybe something good will happen this week?

July 20, 2015

The Bachelorette: The Men Tell All to Kaitlyn But Are Still Super Boring

7/20/2015 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 10 - The Men Tell All

It's time for the Men Tell All special but sadly this year I am seeing it all from home and not with the amazing opportunity to see it in person (shoutout to ProFlowers!). Within ten minutes of the episodes, I begin to hyperventilate over the news that Bachelor in Paradise will be on two nights a week (Sunday and Monday). Four hours AND an after show? PLEASE HELP. How will I recap it all?

After a video synopsis of the season, Tanner starts the conversation about Ian being disrespectful and they are more than just movie quotes and fart jokes. Only Corey takes a stab at Kaitlyn slamming her actions (btw, Corey never STFU for a guy who no one remembers), and heartthrob hero Ben H steps in to make sure the guys don't bash Kaitlyn. Ian takes off his jacket and gets down on his knees to apologize to Kaitlyn, her family, and the guys for being an a-hole. Clint talks about his totally not gay friendship with JJ and that he was into Kaitlyn. Basically, the guys are sad that the guys isolated themselves from a bigger circle of bros. Kupah stops all this JJ/Clint talk to bring up Nick "suckering" his way into the show. The guys are divided between being OK with Nick joining the cast and hating it. Kupah is a believer that if she had feelings for a guy pre-show then she shouldn't have accepted the role as Bachelorette. Josh still can't get over the "I see my husband in this room" comment. But it's Clint who is the wisest of them all, pointing out that the other guy's opinions don't matter and it was Kaitlyn's journey to decide. 

Hot Seat Happenings! JJ regrets being a crappy friend to Clint, and the term "JJ blew it" sends Joe into a teary laugh. JJ believes his sense of humor didn't mesh with the guys. Ben Z. relives his breakup with Kaitlyn and the fact that he still hasn't cried since the day his mom died. Apparently a funeral date is not a good way to get a guy to drop his protective walls. Thing is, it's hard to think Ben is still moping since we all know he's going to be on Bachelor in Paradise and probably hookup with many gorgeous women. Jared's facial hair has been tidied up and he pretends to be sad too eventhough at the beginning of the episode he was making out all over Paradise. Jared is moving on. Moving on to Paradise. Ben H gets the biggest catcalling cheers of them all, recalling how much he loved Kaitlyn but knew she was more connected to the other guys. The off-camera hotel hangout where Kaitlyn told Shawn he was the one definitely impacted Ben as well, eventhough he didn't hear it since he was showering. He just felt the vibes. Anyways, this is a grand act of perfection to have Ben H. as the next Bachelor.

Kaitlyn is brought out on stage in her shimmery dress to face her former boyfriends. Kaitlyn discusses the awful hatred coming her way this season, which hurts her family more than her. Chris Harrison reads aloud some of these tweets and they're horrendous. Appalling, though kind of rude of the show to give these pieces of garbage the time of day. To the losers who send Kaitlyn death threats: get a life. Then the guys get to talk to Kaitlyn, which goes better than the mean tweets for the most part. A cocktail party wouldn't have helped save Jared and since all her relationships were different, she felt that since Shawn was obsessed with trust she had to share the sex news. Kaitlyn explains how pre-show she connected a little with Nick, but didn't expect he'd come on the show mid-season. Best burn of the night: Johnathan talks about the "my husband is in the room" comment and she reminds him he chose Britt. Corey yaps about this again but no one cares because it's Corey. TL;DR, being the Bachelorette is hard. The guys are full of apologies to Kaitlyn including Ian and night one drunk Ryan. The show rolls the bloopers for everyone to lose their GD minds, Joe wears a pigeon mask to scare Kaitlyn, and with that, the Men Tell All is over.

July 17, 2015

Big Brother 17: Ain't No Party Like A Gronk Party

7/17/2015 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 3

Vanessa is excited not only to be co-HOH with Austin, but to have learned the full Twin Twist truth. Along with Shelli, Clay, and Austin, they form the "Sixth Sense" alliance which will increase to a 6 member alliance if/when Julia enters at week 5. They just need to avoid Liz getting evicted, but her target isn't as big as expected. Everyone squeals in delight to "meet" Julia officially, make their grand game plans, and train the twins how to be more like each other. Eat more, work out less, cover your birthmarks- basic crap any girl let alone a twin should know from reading a Sweet Valley High book. Austin is just relieved to understand why one twin flirts and the other blows him off. Meanwhile the rest of the house is still in the speculation zone, with Johnny Mac having the best evidence: one twin has a crown on her #9 tooth, the other doesn't. Dental records, man. Dental records.

Once again the house assumes the target will be Audrey, but shocker: she's not. Vanessa and Austin would like to backdoor super social Jeff or get rid of James or Jason as a back-up scenario. If Audrey's still in the house, she'll remain the house's main target for weeks to come. You'd think this change of target would be the most shocking news in the house, but it's not. The biggest shock this week is Austin's admission of being a diehard Clay Aiken fan AKA Claymate. Ok back to nominations, guess who's going to be a pawn again? Johnny Mac! To make it alright with him, the HOHs offer him weeks of safety. In his stupid Judas top hat, Austin nominates Meg and Jason, who are fuming. Vanessa nominates Johnny Mac and James, who takes it in stride.

The backyard is transformed in a huge foam party with actual other human beings! Society! Beneath the suds is a maze, and the Battle of the Block competitors have to find a person in the foamy maze wearing the same article of clothing they pulled from a big pile. Everyone suffocates through the dirty party water, which makes it easy for Johnny Mac to throw the competition as he avoids inhaling foam. Not to mention James is just plain terrible at finding the matching patterns in the pile. Meg and Jason are able to win the Battle of the Block, which means James and Johnny Mac remain on the block. It's all good for now, but eventually Johnny Mac will get mad as hell and not take it. But that's down the line apparently.

Audrey gets picked for the veto competition, enraging all of the house who haven't figured out she isn't the target yet. Vanessa's target has switched to James, so Audrey winning veto is the perfect scenario to keep nominations the same as well as be the ultimate cop-out reason for why Vanessa didn't nominate her. The veto competition "Gronk and Roll" is to get in the giant cubes from last year, now themed as Vegas dice, and roll their cube until they land with the pre-determined number on top of the dice. Vanessa throws round one to Audrey, but nominee John knocks Audrey out round two, so that kills that plan. The final round is John versus Austin, who has implemented his frog hopping strategy. Austin channeled his inner Judas and threw the competition, though he denies it to an unbelieving Vanessa, so that Vanessa's plans would have to shift back to his own plan (Jeff). It's all worth it for Johnny Mac to be reunite with the Veto and turn the Veto into a talking character who does "Whatever the hell I want."

The Gronk BB Takeover continues in the corniest way possible: forced fun. Any time Gronk calls the house to party they must oblige or they become a Have Not. The techno music pumps as the house is forced to shower together, squeeze into the tiny pool together, and just dance a lot. Kudos to John, the star of it all, who explains sometimes you end up in a shower with 14 other people while wearing a hoodie. Now THAT sounds like how Gronk would party. What starts as fun slowly grows to resentful misery. Not just for the houseguests, but for viewers enduring these parties. Seriously Gronk, such a brand killer. One "lucky" houseguest wins a cruise with Captain Gronk come February and I hope it's not one of those cruises where the poop doesn't get clogged up. Only the nominees and HOHs can participate and chug down their Solo cup to victory. Meg wins the cruise so maybe by then she'll know who or care who Gronk is.

Now needing to find a replacement, Vanessa tells Jeff that given who Audrey is and her cause that she can't nominate her. Jeff can't believe that Vanessa would target James over an easy target like Audrey, unaware he's the target until Jason points out that Austin is a terrible liar. With Jeff's lies stacking up, this gives Vanessa the perfect reasoning to nominate him. Austin helps stir the pot, claiming Jeff wanted to target him, then brings Vanessa is to finish Jeff off and make him the target. Jeff takes over John's nomination seat and seems the Amazing Race alum will likely head out the door on eviction night.

Jeff's none too happy to be backdoored, pissed at Vanessa's decision. James is happy because he's not the target, but also would be OK leaving to pursue hot chicks in the real world. Jeff isn't just accepting Vanessa's nomination, working hard and campaigning to accumulate the votes to stay. Except Jeff is really dense about who to trust and not trust, specifically Austin who is the biggest betrayer of Jeff's trust by far. Jeff tries to put on the dramatics to campaign, attempting to play at the emotions of his fellow houseguests. Dude, get a clue. However the show plays up the alledged "love triangle" between Liz, Austin, and Jeff and it's so pathetic. Austin has a "strong connection" with Liz which is maybe a one sided thing, but Liz also kind of likes it? But Jeff also has a cuddle crush on Liz, and she likes to flirt and manipulate Jeff despite Julia urging her to stay away. Austin gets super jealous, running to ice cream in the fridge and venting in the HOH room about Liz and Jeff talking under the covers. Uh, don't you have a girlfriend back home?

With sweaty pits, Jeff quotes every girl's favorite AIM profile quote "don't cry cause it's over, smile cause it happened" before the house votes to evict him. Interesting though that Jackie, John, Steve, and Liz voted to save Jeff and evict James. Jackie makes sense as they were Amazing Race partners, and John was his good friend... but the others are peculiar. Julie wonders how Jackie will do now that Jeff's gone, straight up calling her a floater. SHAAAAADE, gurl! In the goodbye videos, Liz admits she is a twin, and Austin says, "No one gets between me and my twin!" because he thinks channeling Rachel is clever. Jeff isn't surprised by anything except Steve voting to save him. Goodbye,

90s week in the Big Brother house begins with an HOH competition called "Bustin' Moves." The houseguests have to watch a performance by a sadly assembled dance crew of 90s dances and then answer true/false questions. It's got some sweet graffiti that says "BOOYA", "GNARLY", and other totally 90s words. The dancers are dressed to the 90s extreme like Hammer pants and overalls, but the houseguests have to pay attention to lots of details to win this trivia. Liz and Shelli are the only two to answer question three correctly, making them the co-HOHs. The rest of the episode is time-filler questions to which no answers matter. But let's pray the 90s week BB Takeover might do something interesting in what we expect will be a boring week.

July 13, 2015

The Bachelorette: Nick vs. Shawn vs. Reality TV Love

7/13/2015 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 9

In the most cliffhangery season ever, the latest episode picks up on where we left Nick and Shawn last week. Shawn and Nick had their confrontation in his hotel room which apparently is a small waterfront cottage. The guys don't like each other, plain and simple. Nick believes Shawn hasn't given him a chance, Shawn doesn't think Nick is here for the right reasons. Shawn doesn't appreciate that the "eskimo brother" topic was brought up and he leaves. Anticlimactic and over. For now.

Still in Ireland (was this show's budget slashed), Kaitlyn goes on her overnight date with Ben. They ride horses in the countryside, feed lonely donkeys, and enjoy a romantic picnic by a castle. Ben tells Kaitlyn that he is falling in love with her, but worried for awhile it was the situation they were in AKA being filmed on super romantic television dates. But it's for real. The pair then get a real upgrade, getting to have dinner in the castle while wearing different chunky knit sweaters than the day date. Ben brings up the topic that there is an age difference, as Kaitlyn is an older woman compared to baby-faced 26 year old Ben. Age doesn't matter as the couple have chemistry and laugh together, leading them to share the fantasy suite together in the Irish castle despite some weirdness because Ben is aware she's dating two other guys. Time to talk a lot at what Ben is calling, "the best sleepover ever."

Kaitlyn picks Shawn up from his cabin of aggression for their overnight date, surprising him with a bright pink shirt. They're going golfing! Followed by a game of Truth or Dare which shouldn't go well because does Shawn want more truth from Kaitlyn right now? Shawn is dared to putt naked, but Kaitlyn runs away with his closes so she can watch him run in the nude. They also have dinner in a castle because there is pretty much nothing else to do in Ireland. Kaitlyn doesn't understand the Nick/Shawn beef, so asks Shawn to elaborate on the hatred. Shawn admits that he did go talk man-to-man with Nick, to discuss him maybe not being there for the right reasons. But that's not the most uncomfortable issue discussed: she brings up the eskimo brother comment, which enrages Shawn. Sounds like the perfect time to take this conversation off-camera, and maybe also a little sexy time- who knows?

The next morning Shawn peaces out of the fantasy suite, and lingering outside the hotel is Nick Viall lookin' all creepy and hopefully just standing outside like that since the sun began to rise. Time for Brodown Showdown take 2. Nick wants to have a man-to-map convo, but Shawn believes that can't happen after all the smacktalk Nick relayed to Kaitlyn. Shawn gets very quickly gets angry and doesn't like Nick get a word in, telling him to "get the f*** out of my place." Well it's the hotel's place but I get the point. Much like Harry Potter and Voldemort, neither can live while one survives.

Before the impending rose ceremony, Kaitlyn and her red cleave-revealing dress talk to Chris Harrison about her three guys. Or really discuss two guys beefing over the same woman like a CW drama. While Kaitlyn deeply ponders in a library, Chris Harrison reminds the men that one is saying goodbye and the other two will have hometown dates and introduce Kaitlyn to their families. As she gives her intro speech, Kaitlyn gets emotional at what is clearly an obvious elimination but she hates breaking hearts. Kaitlyn gives her roses to Nick and Shawn. Ben H. had no chance but surely he'll get another chance at love since he's the obvious Bachelor frontrunner from this season of duds. But he takes it like the handsome class act he is and leaves heartbroken in the van of sadness. And Ben and Nick share celebratory champagne in awkward silence, probably both thinking "Sooooo, are we Eskimo Brothers now?"

Kaitlyn arrives in Utah to meet Shawn and Nick's families, because the show's budget is so cheap they can't even afford meeting the families in their natural hometown setting. Nick is first up and he lets Kaitlyn know he's in love with her officially. So the pair head inside the hotel to find Nick's giant, downtrodden family who was not super excited about him going on this dumb show again. For what it's worth, his mom is actually more concerned at him facing heartbreak a second time around, which then makes the littlest sister start crying. Once Kaitlyn comes in the family lights up with smiles, so thank god cause this could've been a real bummer. The family gets worried again when they hear Nick is in the final two, but also like Kaitlyn a lot so think maybe this time it'll be OK. Nick's little sister Bella asks the tough questions, asking if Kaitlyn loves Nick to which she says, "I care about your brother a lot, a lot, a lot." So... no? Mom asks Nick how this go-round compares to last time, and Nick feels better about Kaitlyn than Andi, going so far as to tell his mom that Kaitlyn is great at making out. Um, TMI? He's "99% sure" Kaitlyn loves him, so we'll see how Nick's math skills are come finale week.

It's time for Shawn's brooding family date where he plans to tell Kaitlyn that he loves her. Shawn warns Kaitlyn about his two older sisters, but according to Kaitlyn "sisters are my jam." Kaitlyn meets Shawn's dad, sisters, and aunt (mom couldn't make it on this little vacation to Utah). The family gets so excited to find out Shawn is in the final two, seeing the connection between them. Kaitlyn tells the sisters how there was an instant attraction as soon as he exited the limo, but their connection has grown over time to be more that physical. Kaitlyn is beaming as she talks about Shawn to his sisters, really hoping she passed the sister test (of course she did). But dad is worried this is more lust, or excitement from the reality TV dating process. Meanwhile, Shawn and Dad are totally twinning in chambray shirts. Dad's apprehension changes pretty much instantly because... TV. In wrapping up their day together, Shawn and Kaitlyn head to a couch and he tells her he is in love with her.

With family meetings over, Kaitlyn heads to her hotel balcony to cry and ponder whose heart she will have to break.

July 12, 2015

Big Brother 17: At the End of the Da'

7/12/2015 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 2

It's day 15 after an excruciatingly long beginning to the summer, but I say that every year. Shelli and Becky are the co-HOHs and it should be an easy week with the house having their eyes on eliminating one person. That easy target is Audrey, who has been planting lies for the first two weeks that caught up to her fast. One big lie Audrey started is that Vanessa was masterminding an all girl alliance, and this info was relayed to Vanessa and put the blame onDa'Vonne. After Vanessa addressed this rumor in front of both Audrey and Da'Vonne, Da'Vonne is livid and assembles a house meeting to out Audrey's 5am meeting and the lies she creates to instigate conflict. Audrey is in post-HOH comp hiding, realizing she's totally screwed from overgaming but in better shape since her friend Shelli is HOH.

With Audrey the target, that means all the nominees this week will be pawns with a backdoor plan. Becky begins seeking out pawns to nominate, basically telling everyone the plan is Audrey so just keep it on the DL. Thing is, Shelli (and Clay) don't trust Da'Vonne (Da' AKA Mama Da') and Audrey is "too easy" for them. Shelli wants to nominate Da'Vonne and a pawn to throw the Battle of the Block, enlisting Doctor John the Dentist to be said pawn yet again. He's half on board for but also wondering why he has to be the Big Brother house's weekly pawn. The nomination ceremony happens and as expected Shelli nominates John and Da'Vonne, then Becky nominates Jason and Steve. Becky reassures Jason and Steve that Shelli is in on the plan, but Jason and Da'Vonne know better that Shelli is coming for them.

Oh and BTW, a year ago Becky was hit by a train. A freaking train! She put her head out past a van and the front of a train hit her in the face with severe injuries, like REAL severe, yet healed with no plastic surgery.

The Battle of the Block has the competitors being camera operators for the hot mess of a movie "Ginger Fever" again. A shot list is playing on one screen like "gumball machine" or "Dr. Squirrel" (yay!), then the two pairs adjust the camera angles to make those shots in the bedroom set laid out in the backyard. But what's a Big Brother competition without some goofy twist, so the pairs are put into a joint shirt and pants, perfect for a pair of conjoined twins. John doesn't have to throw the competition too hard since Da' makes the initial wrong mistake of turning on all the cameras first, instead of just a couple at a time to understand which cameras are active. Jason and Steve took the latter approach and that helps them win the BotB. Looks like Shelli's masterplan might work out as Da'Vonne remains nominated. Not Mama Da'!

Becky is kind of happy she was dethroned because she made friends and Shelli is left to do the dirty work. But Shelli isn't getting rid of Audrey, but Audrey is unaware and panicked since no one talks game to her after being caught at the house's crappiest liar. Eventually Clay rolls out of spooning with Shelli in the HOH bed to tell Audrey the bigger plan that Da' is the target, not her. Da' begins to comprehend how incredibly screwed she is and that the veto is dire to her game survival.

Shelli, John, Da'Vonne, Clay (Shelli's choice), Meg, Steve are selected to play in this week's "High Maintenance" Power of Veto competition. The rules are to find an item missing from Kathy Griffin's assistant's list, which they identify from a corny stock photo of an overwhelmed assistant. Because Kathy always leaves behind her fire extinguisher, giant Slinkie, and comically large bottle of champagne. What makes this cutthroat is that it's head-to-head, meaning the houseguests have to pick a person to compete against and eliminate. Right away, John knocks out Da'Vonne so yeah, she's screwed. But when John wins the veto she sees it as a possible saving grace, as John will save himself from elimination and hopefully Audrey will go on the block.

A replacement nominee will have to be picked and Shelli decides it's time to let Becky know the target has changed from the original agreement. Becky should be a little more annoyed since there's a good chance Audrey will find out she was Becky's target, but Becky smiles and walks away. But those idiots in charge (Shelli and Clay) try to urge John to not use the veto and guarantee safety. Since he's not a complete moron like Clay is, John obviously plans to decline this terrible idea. Clay's reign of stupidity includes also being a piece of condescending garbage to Audrey to that he like runs everything and he's the sole reason she's being saved. Running out of pawn ideas, Shelli tells Liz she'll be the pawn which sends her downstairs crying to Becky and Austin. To save his ally, Austin spins a lie that Meg is involved with a large plan with Da' to take down Clay and Shelli. Plus Meg's a great pawn because she's well-liked and no one would vote her out. And so when the nomination ceremony happens, John saves himself (DUH) and Meg takes his spot as the other nominee.

Meg cries about being the pawn that will evict her friend Da'. Shelli cries that she has to be the person to do the dirty deed of sending Da' home. And Da' just hopes a miracle saves her. Cue that horrendous BB Takeover music! A big red phone booth gets dropped into the living room and Kathy Griffin explains there are 15 phone calls coming, but one of those phone calls will have the twist to nix three votes come eviction this week. So everyone starts answering the phone and all we care about is call #7, the winning call. "Seven's my lucky number," Clay says because it's literally everyone's cliche lucky number including Da'. Da' is the one who gets that seventh phone call and the power of the Last Laugh, keeping her cool by suppressing the news before dancing happily in the storage room. Now Da' can nix three votes and has to get five on her side to save her, immediately campaigning. With a happier mood than usual, Clay and Shelli suspect Da' could have the power and might screw up all their plans.

Da' is on a real role this week as she finally puts together the Twin Twist. Da' notices that the twins body types and faces have changed over time, not to mention one twin is friendlier than the other. Big Brother historian Jason knows this has been done before, pointing out one twin is fatter than the other (both are like rails so "fatter" is relative I guess). Soon half the house is gossiping and stalking Liz around the house. Da'Vonne needs to use this knowledge to her advantage and approaches Liz (who is actually Julia) about the house gossip, suggesting they work together as two targets. It seems to work, but really this seems like a secret Da' (and Jason) should've kept more quiet from their houseguests/

At the live eviction, Julie Chen reveals the houseguests that don't get to vote (but doesn't name who had the power). Becky, Jeff, and Jackie are removed from this week's vote and then the rest of the house votes. Jason and Audrey (!) vote to save Da'Vonne, but the rest of the house evict her. Eliminated from the game, Da' acknowledges she used her twin twist knowledge not to her best advantage but also wouldn't change the way she played if she could play again. Most interesting, she feels like no houseguest wants to be the person who nominates and eliminates the first transgender houseguest on the show and believes Audrey will sail through the game and win. We'll have to wait and see. Just know, I'm very bummed to see Da'Vonne leave.

The BB Takeover music plays and New England Patriots star Rob Gronkowski appears on the TV screen, because apparently he's too good to make an in person appearance. Given his lunkhead status, it's no surprise he suggests a "party all week" which removes Have Nots and encourages winning. The Head of Household competition is "Gronk Pong" which is to launch balls into giant solo cups that are numbered (blue cups are the highest numbers, red are lower). Would've preferred to see a fly Jazz Cup because I like to live a fancier life. Austin gets the highest score with 28, then Liz, James, and Vanessa end up in a three-way tie at 23. The three head to a tie-breaker round and a 52 wins it for Vanessa. Vanessa has made a lot of allies so this could be a mess in a good way, but mostly I foresee a week of Clay/Shelli getting by and that disappoints me. But who knows, expect the unexpected?

July 6, 2015

The Bachelorette: Shawn Learns the Truth and Stares into Space

7/06/2015 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 8

Still in Ireland, Kaitlyn takes Ben H on a choppy rowboat ride for their date which docks at a beautiful island. They play hide and seek among the castle relics, apparently not remembering how dumb Chris Soules looked when he did it. Kaitlyn calls Ben husband material, then share Guinness and whiskey by a roaring fire while Ben is serving Mr. Rogers realness. Ben shares his greatest fear with Kaitlyn, which is that he fears he is unlovable after his prior relationship. This is such Bachelor lead setup moreso than Kaitlyn's choice, but she still says she's falling in love with him. When it comes to the overnight dates, Ben mentions he can't wait to "talk all night" and Kaitlyn's like "Ohhhh god is this guy a virgin?" But he's not so "talk all night" is just a good euphemism.

Nick, Shawn, and Joe get a three-way date with Kaitlyn to make things as much of a bro-down as possible. It just involves sitting outside some fancy estate drinking booze, so not much effort thrown into this one. After one night together not kissing, Kaitlyn and Shawn quickly make up for that before Kaitlyn starts wondering when she should tell him about banging Nick. But then Nick steals her away so they can talk about their awkward post-sex relationship and then kiss. Joe, well he gets his alone time which we know is totally hopeless. The leading questions about being ready for engagement and pulling away from when he kisses should've been a giveaway, but he's reaaaaally not into picking signs. Sure Joe says he's in love with her, but Kaitlyn isn't feeling Joe at all and dumps him. Kaitlyn returns back to Shawn and Nick but decides to not give out the rose because she's not in a mood for it, because god forbid Kaitlyn even respect the power of roses. However she's not ready to be alone, sending Nick back to the hotel and bringing Shawn along for some nightime date fun.

Kaitlyn and Shawn share drinks and laugh at a pub, though of course Kaitlyn wants to tell him about her sexin'. But she knows honesty is important in this relationship progressing and Shawn should know everything. And so Kaitlyn comes cleans and tells Shawn that on her date with Nick it went too far and they had sex. Shawn takes it with a horrified nod, slowly scanning the room in terror. Shawn asks if she regrets it and she says she felt guilty, worried it would impact their relationship. Dude needs a minute to compose himself, aimlessly searching the pub for the bathroom - or I guess they'd call it the loo in Ireland. After some bathroom pondering, Shawn thanks for her the honesty, reiterates he doesn't like Nick, and plans to "man up" and move on since he's into her.

Chris Harrison lets the guys know Kaitlyn's mind is made up and there's no cocktail party, just a Rose Ceremony (finally!). Jared is nervous since he hasn't seen Kaitlyn for four days, and Shawn's now having second thoughts about Kaitlyn because she banged Nick. When Kaitlyn offers the first rose to Shawn, he requests a private talk because OF COURSE. Shawn B is always over-dramatic. Shawn's been thinking (brooding) and couldn't sleep because he doesn't understood why Nick of all guys. Again with the "You told me I was the one" thing, so Kaitlyn tells him she made a mistake especially with other relationships going. Kaitlyn is here to explore other relationships because there's a good chance she'll only have one for the rest of her life after this (good luck with this show's track record). So they go back to the Rose Ceremony and Shawn accepts the rose like we all knew he would. Kaitlyn also gives roses to Ben J and Nick, eliminating Jared and his spotty facial hair.

Still in Ireland, the overnight Fantasy Suite dates begin. Nick has his date first where they explore the town, learn about Nick's torrid church confessionals, talk first kisses, and barely understand locals. Kaitlyn begins to realize her feelings for Nick aren't just physical and there is an emotional connection. Their night date involves a cozy couch in yet another castle looking place and Nick calling Shawn out for his past sex antics with a country singer. Eskimo brothers? Whoa. Nick says he's tried to be friends with all the guys but Shawn sucks, and Kaitlyn says the other guys hate Nick and doesn't understand why. Nick's all sorry not sorry I love you, so after laughing at all the creepy castle stuff, they eventually peace out to the Fantasy Suites for more alone time so of course we know what's going to happen. BONE ZONE. And an early morning breakfast sesh because of course, bon appet.

But Nick's happiness is going to be short-lived because Shawn B. called the front desk for Nick's hotel room number. BRO-DOWN SHOWDOWN! Shawn thinks better guys deserve a spot than Nick, claiming he's here for the wrong reasons. To be continued!