August 16, 2015

Bachelor in Paradise: Players Gonna Play

8/16/2015 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 3 - Part 1

I'd say another day in Paradise begins, but it's not another day since last week ended in a cliffhanger. A three hour episode and they still had to have a cliffhangers. Roses were handed out (how did I miss that Tenley picked Joshua?!), but dramatic Clare had to go to the side to let her emotions out and everyone rolled their eyes. Chris Harrison talks her down, which Ashley I. smartly points out is probably because he got paid. When Clare finally returns to the Rose Ceremony, she gives her rose to JJ. The final rose of the night is Juelia's, which she gives to manipulative Joe - bleckh. It's the end of the road for Mikey, Jonathan, and Michael, who I think got maybe under 48 hours in Mexico. Good news is he doesn't have to use up all his vacation days.

Maybe one of these guys should check up on Clare's house, because apparently a raccoon took it over, threw a rager, and is chewing on an iPhone.

Joe's horrible manipulations are rewarded when Samantha arrives in Paradise and picks Joe for her date card. Here's where it gets juicier: Joe and Samantha were in touch before the show began and are lying about it. Joe and Samantha go to a beautiful hotel for a photoshoot with People Magazine celebrating hot bodies and it'll be on the website and in the magazine. Samantha gets to straddle Joe to cover his self-declared dad bod, then climb and sit top of him clothed, and makeout in a shower. I think People expected a lot of clicks except it's this piece of garbage. The photoshoot ends and they drink beers and makeout in a hot tub.  Juelia is stunned and in tears because she fell for Joe's bullshit and can't comprehend he'd want to date another person. While Jared encourages Joe to apologize and set the record clear that he didn't user Juelia, it makes Joe smirk because DUH JARED, Joe totally used Juelia for a rose. Juelia and Joe do talk, but he's pretty vacant and non-apologetic. Juelia can see she was totally played.

A date card arrives and the only person more excited about the reveal than the cast is Jorge the bartender. The date is for Carly and she chooses Kirk, who she's super into and ready to move into the sexy time zone. Kirk is a little taken aback at how fast their relationship is moving and unsure if he's ready for the bone zone so soon. Carly and Kirk go to the same hotel as Samantha's date, but instead sit on a candlelit couch outside. Apparently Carly is missing her brother's birthday for this show/experience and it's like, ummm you could meet all these people at the bar you all hang out at. Kirk's fresh out of a relationship and Carly is looking to find the one and start the next chapter of life. It's a lot of talk about how fast this is all going with intermittent Carly giggles. A cell phone magically appears for Carly to call her brother, which I hope is not mid-wedding fantasy suite, and it's a bizarre first date phone call. Seeing how open and embracing Carly is, Kirk puts the fear side to follow his heart and just kiss Carly beneath fireworks, up against hotel hallways, and in a camera-free fantasy suite. A night of sexin' washes away all fears and life is A-OK for the couple.

Speaking of Jorge the bartender, he becomes the star of this week's episode. He's excited for date cards, he got to added to the opening credits, and he's become a therapist for Ashley S. Jorge isn't as sure about the Ashley/Dan coupling, but she is in fact falling for Dan. Jorge's intuition is right, as Dan is noticing some compatibility red flags (off-camera craziness is implied), so he is unsure about their connection. They later have a talk on some random bed near the ocean, and Dan mentions that this experience brings out a lot of feelings (good and bad) fast. Dan thinks their personalities are different and they were just riding that initial Paradise high. Ashley likes Dan but if he doesn't think what they have is real, she wants to leave, shocked by this turn of events.

Megan from Chris Soules' fake gets lost on her way to Paradise with an entire cameracrew and producers, but at least is able to pick up a souvenir sombrero on the way. Actually it's because the airline lost her luggage and she had nothing so... great money choices. With her options between Dan and JJ, she's got some real fine pickins. Megan wakes up JJ to invite him on her date, because his sense of humor, unemployment status, and living in his mom's loft charmed her. But I guess that's to be continued?

Juelia's still taking it all hard, wondering if Joe lied about everything (um, yes). Ever since Samantha arrived, her and Joe have been attached at the mouth, giving off a vibe that indicates they were together well before Paradise. It irks people most because Joe used Juelia, a widowed single mother, all for personal gain to bone Samantha on a free vacation. Joe admits he and Samantha spoke for a month beforehand but supposedly didn't scheme, but yes there was an interest. The whole house is Team Juelia and they simply want a confession from Joe, and ideally him to leave since no one likes him. Dan confronts Joe, and then Joe mocks Dan for being a 30-something on reality TV. Let's save this clip for a few years down the line when Joe becomes a yearly regular on the Bachelor franchise spin-offs as the season villain. Joe gets dragged into another conversation with Juelia, who feels irrelevant now that Joe/Samantha are paired up. Juelia feels played and believes Joe full well knew Samantha was coming and would do what it took to meet her. Joe continues to deny and put the blame on nosy other people, but eventually says he's sorry IF Juelia felt played, a way to make sure his bases are covered if/when they spill to Samantha. And then Samantha walks into the conversation and Joe realizes he'll be ruined.

Want to know what happened on part 2? Click to read Part 2's recap.