August 30, 2015

Big Brother 17: Swipe Right on Zingbot 9000

8/30/2015 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 9

The "Ready, Set, Whoa" Head of Household competition continues from last week after Meg was easily eliminated first. Half the house is trying hard to win so that they can finally eliminate Vanessa, but we know good things never happen. Despite his earlier considerations to throw the competition to let someone else do the dirty work, Austin wins and becomes the HOH. Ughhhhh. Now we get another week of Austin and Liz's creepy HOH bed makeouts (and more, but ew that's just for live feeds).

Austin's big decision of the week is whether to be himself or his evil alter-ego Judas and betray someone. I think we all know what situation will likely happen but let's continue the recap like something interesting will play out, shall we? Austin has deals with everyone in the house which means an overabundance of horrible alliance names. Everyone thinks they're good with Austin, which makes this entertaining since he'll be screwing someone over. Austin would prefer to keep James and Meg in the house because they're a duo to target but also fun in the house. This leaves John, Steve, and Vanessa as his only nomination options, but all three think Austin has their back. To cover herself, Vanessa throws John and Steve under the bus by outing their final two deal. All it means to Austin is Vanessa holds onto secrets, which is only more apparent when she denies making James throw the Battle of the Block to try to backdoor Austin weeks ago, then has to come clean later after tons of times caught lying.

Steve is very hesitant to be the pawn since pawns go home. Steve will agree to be the pawn, but not besides Johnny Mac because he believes this means Austin doesn't value the five person alliance with the two of them and would rather align with James and Meg. Vanessa uses Steve's hesitance to her advantage, pointing out this means Steve values John most and he'd betray Vanessa. Austin picks his side and chooses what he thinks is the easiest of Johnny Mac and Steve, leaving Vanessa open as a backdoor candidate. This of course happens after a nonsensical nomination speech, and if this is Austin's wrestling character my god he'll never return to the ring. Seriously Austin, WTF was that speech?

Steve is totally impressed that Vanessa wiggled out of nomination again, as we all are because WHAT THE HECK. Vanessa cries tears of thank youbecause all she does is get overemotional or talk game. Austin is still wary of fully trusting Vanessa, but the twins want to split up Johnny Mac and Steve. 

The show decides to bring something interesting into the house: Zingbot 9000, who is allegedly an upgrade to the 3000 model but hardly an upgrade in the jokes. His zings weren't so awesome, with many feeling like recycled zings from season's past. High points were zings on Julia ("Lizzzzzzz, I'm confused. Suddenly you're less attractive, less intelligent, and less charming. Oh wait, that's just Julia.") and John ("Five out of five dentists agree, the only thing less attractive than your laugh is your backhair. Liz is shamed about fooling around with Austin for having a girlfriend, yet his zing is about his smelling (again) instead of him being the cheater. But maybe Zingbot sympathizes with Austin's goal to "get some," as apparently Zingbot's wife has left him and now he spends his nights trolling the dating app "Zinder." No one seems concerned that Baby Zingbot will now grow up fatherless in a cruel, robot world. The Power of Veto competition has the houseguests swiping through "Zinder" to identify the houseguest face mash-ups of Fembots he wants to bang. Vanessa ends up winning the veto and feels "super blessed" but she didn't say "#blessed" because she sucks.

Confident in her place now that she's safe, Vanessa starts prowling the house, wheelin' and dealin' to make sure she's security. Vanessa suggests to Austin that she use the veto and eliminated Meg or James, which gets nixed quickly. John realizes he has no other options but Vanessa, so he might be stuck working with her if he stays. He even outs his five person alliance with the Austwins and Steve to get ahead. Vanessa confronts Liz about this alliance, so Liz puts all the blame on Steve. Vanessa is hurt by the actions or her friend and ally, so she confronts Steve and gets pretty pissed. Ultimately, Vanessa doesn't use the veto which means either Steve or Johnny Mac will be eliminated.

And which one will be eliminated? Who the hell knows. Vanessa is seething about Steve, while Austin and the twins are annoyed Johnny Mac outed the five person alliance. Liz confronts John about him outing the deal and he reminds her that the deal was kind of broken when the alliance nominated two members, plus he knows they like Steve more than him. Basically John needs to hustle for votes to stay either from the twins or James/Meg, with Vanessa as his swing, so he makes lots of promises to get by through. The Vanessa show continues as she addresses her beef with Steve, who can't formulate any articulate sentences to defend himself.

Despite the editing to make it seem like he had a chance, Johnny Mac is unanimously evicted from the Big Brother house. Julie is quickly alarmed by the loudness of John's laugh in person, but checks herself to get her interview skills on. He admits he got played by Austin and the twins, and losing comps didn't help him make any steps further. John explains he would've had to work with Vanessa had he stayed since there are so many other tight alliances he couldn't break. The goodbye videos are all lies wishing they could've worked together sooner, all a bunch of butt kissing for jury votes. Johnny Mac's target should he return: Meg. God Johnny Mac, sometimes you are so tone deaf in terms of strategy.

The jury members have a segment watching the week play out before returning to the Big Brother house to compete for a chance to re-enter the game. After lots of screaming and hugs, everyone heads into the backyard for dual competitions. All the houseguests and jurors hold and hang on ropes as they get slapped by a big foam hand that makes them spin. The last juror standing will get to return to the game, while the last remaining hanger will become HOH (be it a houseguest or juror). The shows ends in a To Be Continued AKA time to watch live feeds.