September 27, 2015

Big Brother 17: Steve Is the Winner of Big Brother

9/27/2015 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 13 - Finale

The final three bask in their glory, before turning their attention back to the game. Steve knows Vanessa made a final two deal with Liz, though Vanessa denies it vehemently like all her lies. Liz is sure Vanessa will take her to the final two since they've had a tight bond, but Steve also wants to bring Liz since she'd be easier to beat than Vanessa. Then they reminiscence about times of Big Brother 17 yesteryear to create a clip show that I fast forwarded through.

The final Head of Household competition is played in three parts, with the winners of round one and two advancing to the live final competition at the finale. The first competition has the houseguests hanging on big fake apples over a pool of red "candy" that looks like a horror movie bloodbath. Of course the apples have to swing across the yard and slam the houseguests into a foam wall and constantly dip them into the blood candy. This looks like a carnival sacrifice on American Horror Story: Freak House. Vanessa wins part one after nagging Liz to death to drop and making a deal, which means Steve and Liz will compete in part two. The second HOH competition is trivia mixed with physical, traversing a giant wall to fill out a Big Brother crossword puzzle. In case you're wondering, of course I nailed it with answers. Steve finishes the crossword three minutes faster than Liz, which means he moves along to the final comp against Vanessa.

BUT FIRST, legendary Big Brother player and Botox enthusiast Dr. Will Kirby corals the jury together to hash out the potential finalists. Many are bitter, while a few can see deserving players and moves. Austin is all sour grapes on Vanessa and can't believe his love Liz still trusts her. Every single jury member admits they were eliminated due to Vanessa. James and Shelley give Vanessa respect because she has been strategic all summer, but Meg reminds everyone that the whole house was onto Vanessa they just let her get away with it. Indeed you fools did. However many dislike Vanessa's integrity and exaggerated deals. Steve is credited for winning comps when needed and throwing when it wasn't, not to mention being social in his own way. But Johnny Mac feels others shielded Steve the whole game. Liz is praised for surviving the Twin Twist and being good at competitions, but many felt she was moreso a duo with Austin (or Julia but even if the jury she's a non-entity). Should be an interesting vote at the final two... maybe.

Everything comes down to the live final HOH competition, the usual "Scales of Just Us" trivia competition to finish sentences answered by evicted jury members. It's a head-to-head battle for who will guarantee their final two spot and pick who joins them. Vanessa and Steve both want to take Liz to the end since she'd be easier to beat, yet both confident/arrogant enough to believe they'd take each other. Steve beats Vanessa 5-4, which makes sense since Steve would actually know/understand personal answers people might give as opposed to Vanessa who pretty much only talked game.

While Vanessa was his ally all game, Steve isn't an idiot and evicts Vanessa and brings Liz to the final two. Vanessa compresses her rage but you can feel the tension through the screen. One competition lost her the whole game, the game she controlled all summer. Vanessa may have irritated me to no end, and honestly removed a lot of the fun from the game, but she definitely would have deserved the title. But that's not the ending, and either Steve or Liz will be the champion of Big Brother 17.

The jury is brought on-stage to interrogate Steve and Liz to help decide which deserves the half million dollar prize. Right off the bat, the jury is super impressed that Steve had the balls to evict Vanessa. After a couple awkward audio problems on live television, Steve is really able to articulate his game and strategy, joining and being shielded by the Scamper Squad. Steve insists he was not a floater, being in alliances with several people and winning competitions when necessary. Liz is blissfully unprepared, which is crazy since she knew Vanessa was planning to take her. Her self-cited biggest move was aligning with strong people. along with winning comps. So yeah, even with slight stammering Steve definitely had the better answers and way better closing speech. The jurors cast their votes to win, then the show fills 10 minutes by bringing the pre-jury houseguests back to talk about life after the show and Vanessa admits she is a pro poker player. At last the keys are pulled to reveal the winner and Steve is crowned the winner of Big Brother 17. The other big shocker of the night: James was able to beat Johnny Mac for America's Favorite Houseguest. Expect the unexpected!

Well everyone it's been another fun summer with you all and I'll see you again next summer. Though in the meantime you can read my other show recaps, like the newly started Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance.

Most importantly, we've got some trophies to hand out. Three people chose Steve as their Pre-Show Winner Prediction. I don't have their Twitter names, but congratulations to you all - your [picture of a] trophy is below!






September 26, 2015

Survivor Cambodia - Second Chance: Baby Monkey, Bracelets, and Big Moves

9/26/2015 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Week 1

After fans furiously voted online for weeks, twenty Survivors were chosen to get a second chance at the game they failed at. The group departed immediately after the Worlds Apart finale and we've waited all summer to see what went down. Now Survivor: Cambodia is here and it's full of Jeff Probst's heavy-handed throwback moments to make you remember why these folks deserve a second chance.

Before setting off on their adventure, the survivors take a truck trek through the beautiful sights of Cambodia including jungles, temples, and bustling market streets. Pig head sighting alert, take a drink! It's the ideal time for each person to ponder their past mistakes in flashback form. Eventually everyone is put into boards and brought to sea to come face-to-face with Probst to rehash everything that he wants us to remember for personal narratives. Well mostly Kelly Wiglesworth, who is Probst's second chance obsession since she lost the very first season by one vote. The two tribes are marooned out at sea, getting minutes to ransack another boat for supplies. There's only big ass bag of rice available and it's placed on a second boat, which becomes a swimming race to retrieve the bag. Jeff Probst is almost killed by flying wood, baskets of crapped being tossed overboard, and Woo hugs the big bag of rice he outswam the others for. The game has officially begun.

Bayon seems like a big happy family, building shelter, weaving palm frons, and even being nice to Kass. Similar to his last season, Jeremy begins to acquire his alliance which this time acquires stronger alphas to shield himself instead of all women like last time. The Jeremy group includes himself, Tasha, Keith, Andrew Savage, and Joe (who Savage's daughters are crushing on hardcore). Jeremy's group might be broin' down, but not with all the men as he doesn't trust Stephen. Poor Stephen knows he's beyond screwed since he's a strategic target people want gone, has no allies, and lacks survivor skills. Perhaps his battle to break branches off a tree limb is some kind of deep metaphor. But alas, it just made me laugh. Already feeling pressure to survivor, Stephen sneaks into the woods to search for an idol but he's fooling no one. But overall Bayon is pretty chill which I guess you could attribute to their messiah Joe, maker of fire and leader of tribal yoga. No one can resist a manbun.

Ta Keo gets to work right away building their shelter, which happens to be a group of old school players including Kelly Wiglesworth, Terry, and Jeff Varner along with Woo, Spencer, and Vytas. Valuing shelter is definitely an old school trait, and it's clear there is a tribe divide between old school and new school (AKA schemers). The first Ta Keo scandal happens when Abi Maria can't find her bag to find her tacky bracelet and eventually finds it in Peih-Gee's bag. But credit due, old Abi would've gone HAM immediately but seemed slightly more level-headed (but way more passive aggressive) this time around even if you could see old Abi quickly coming to the surface. While Vytas wants to lay low, his attention-grabbing underwear and constant yoga teachings make him hard to miss. Shirin begins her scheming to target a well-connected Vytas and acquire the numbers to do so. Jeff Varner is like holy crap, this is a different game than season two. Basically, it's shelter people vs. beach people and Varner's in the middle. Beach person Kelley Wentworth takes a big step forward in her game, searching for an idol in the woods and finding the clue. TWIST! The hidden immunity isn't at camp but rather hidden at the challenge with exact instructions on the note how to find it. This challenge is about to get good. But first, an adorable baby monkey climbing a tree!

The first challenge of season 31 is a complete throwback to the very first challenge ever played on Survivor. Both tribes swim with a raft and have to use a torch to light a series of fire to get to shore, then tie a bunch of sticks together to reach a key. In case you don't remember, this plays into Jeff Probst's incessant reminders of Kelly Wiglesworth's performance in season one as she lost this challenge for her tribe back then too. Probst, WE GET IT. The tribes begin their Quest for Fire and what we're most interested in, besides immunity, is if Kelley will go for the idol. The idol is hidden beneath two poles on the raft stand. Kelley totally forgets to make the snatch and then spends minutes tortured over whether to turn around and snag the idol. It's brilliant intense editing as everyone is focused on Wiglesworth and Joe fighting to reach the key, while Kelley is torned about making an individual move. If only she had wizard powers and could be like, "Accio idol!" and it flew to her. Like a BOSS, Kelley finally takes the big step backward and grabs the idol and hides it away without being caught. Bayon wins the first immunity challenge and Ta Keo goes right into Tribal Council with no time to strategize.

Tribal Council time! The pressure to not be first boot is on because no one wants that humiliation, especially since this time lets down your family and all the fans who voted the person back on. Right away, the divide between the old school and new school players is brought up and how much their game styles differ. Not having time to strategize definitely throws things off, but at the same time both sides clearly had targets in mind. The old school/shelter people want to vote out Abi-Maria since she annoys everyone and it's pretty much known that she'll eventually snap. The shelter folks are all about tribe unity and think dumping Abi is smart for them to begin succeeding. Varner is clearly embracing the new way of playing which values mind over brawn and has to make a choice between the sides. The new school way of playing Survivor is how the vote plays out at Tribal Council, as Vytas is voted out in a 6-4 vote.

[All images credited to CBS]


September 20, 2015

Big Brother 17: Surprise, You're Shoeless and Evicted

9/20/2015 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 12


The houseguests continue navigating gold eggs across a chicken wire arch in attempt to win HOH. Everyone is really playing to win to secure their spot in the final four, though winning this HOH also makes this week's ruler really vulnerable going into the final week. This competition is beyond boring to watch, but I'll always enjoy the sound effects of a goofy egg drop and loud crack of the shell. Vanessa narrowly beats Johnny Mac and becomes HOH yet again, and while it guarantees her safety it also means she has to choose between her two alliances.


Liz wins the luxury prize which is a day outside the Big Brother house with Frankie Grande. Hard pass, I'd stay locked up in the house. He arrives covered in glitter and jumping around desperate for attention. Liz chooses Vanessa to accompany her on a "grande experience" to see Frankie's super famous sister Ariana Grande perform in concert. Despite having a private suite to watch from, the show doesn't want the houseguests identified so they put on disguises like an episode of Undercover Boss. Basically, Vanessa looks like the bass player of The Beets from Doug and Liz looks like she should be a parent on Dance Moms. Both meet Ariana and get swag as a way to just publicize more Ariana BS. The house does not care in the slightest about the recap of the night's events.


Everyone feels good about Vanessa winning because everyone has an alliance with her. The question is which side will she move ahead with? Vanessa begins her grand inquisition to compare everyone's stories and deals to find reasons to justify nominating someone. Steve's stories do line up, but he admits to Vanessa that he made a deal with Liz that would save him in a tiebreaker situation if she had won HOH. Liz insists she would've broken the deal and her targets were Steve and John. Then she gets annoyed at Austin for making deals with both Steve and John, but she specifically told John to make the deal. Basically, Vanessa is annoyed that any people dare make deals that don't involve her. Since competition wins are a deciding factor at this point, Vanessa decides to turn on John and make him the target. Vanessa doesn't believe a final three with Steve and John will happen, while Steve points out this totally screws their numbers. Numbers be damned as Vanessa nominates Steve and John for eviction, despite their once solid final three alliance.

Vanessa cries in the house after betraying Steve and John yet again and they're over her phoniness. She assures Steve he is safe and that John is her target, which he totally senses and offers to throw the veto to Austin or Liz in order for them to break their deal with Vanessa. They like this idea a lot but of course can't keep ANYTHING secret and tell Vanessa. Why does everyone insist on telling Vanessa their secrets?? It's only during the magnetized puzzle about some upcoming CBS show that John makes the game-time decision to win the veto for himself because you can't trust any of these goons and Steve was almost able to save himself. John saves himself at the veto ceremony so Vanessa does the "fair" thing and nominates Austin since Liz was nominated last week. Vanessa and John collaborate on who to eliminate this week, choosing between Steve or Austin. Vanessa wants to eliminate Austin since Steve will take them to final three, but John is a crazy person who would keep a showmance just to spite Vanessa.

The house is totally shocked on "Tuesday" (Monday in actual time) when Julie Chen summons them all to the living room for a surprise eviction. Steve and Austin deliver their final speeches on the fly and then the vote happens. Liz votes to evict Steve and John votes to evict Austin, which forces HOH Vanessa to break the tie. Vanessa faces the two nominees and two past allies, and stresses that as a game move she had to vote to evict Austin. He's shocked, annoyed, and barefoot. Of course, Vanessa cries. Austin is upset because Vanessa would've gone to the final three regardless and didn't need to "'Judas' Judas." But hey he found love with Liz and fulfilled his entertainment dream, and now my mom can watch the feeds with a little less hatred. The night ends with Steve winning the Head of Household competition to guess bleeped words said by previous houseguests. HAHA she said "lost" friends but it sounded like "f***" friends! Speaking of F friends, this week will be a huge screw you to someone as their final three dream ends.

Steve is the new HOH and knew he would be safe since minutes before the surprise eviction John and Vanessa told him to trust them. Liz is tired of Vanessa's crying and it's like girl, grab one of those teeny deli counter tickets and get in line with the rest of us. But Liz's options for an ally are limited since she can't stand Steve and John so of course, she aligns with Vanessa AGAIN. One final two deal isn't enough for Vanessa, so she makes deals with Liz AND Johnny Mac. Oh she never lies, guys. At least it's nice to see her face on the memory wall as a nominee alongside perennial nominee Johnny Mac.

The goal of the Power of Veto competition is don't let Vanessa win, because she would have all the power, immediately go to final three, and slaughter them all in the finals. Each dressed in a karate gi, the houseguests enter the backyard for the Beastmode Cowboy hosted Power of Veto competition. You might think this competition looks familiar because the show literally painted over the boxing number punch from last season and turned it into karate dudes. After everyone reiterates the importance of Vanessa not winning, she wins. This means Vanessa holds all the power this week and will cast the only vote to evict. Vanessa saves herself with the veto, forcing Liz to become the replacement nominee. Vanessa stands in front of the room and casts her sole vote to evict Johnny Mac since he had alliances with others and she couldn't trust him. Says Vanessa, the woman with alliances with everyone. But John admits he totally would've booted Vanessa and probably should have made changes to his game that could've let him win.



September 16, 2015

Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance Pre-Show Winner Prediction

One week until the Hunger Games Quarter Quell! Sorry, I mean Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance. The fans voted from a pool to select 10 men and 10 women to give a second chance to play Survivor. This is totally different than Survivor: Fifth Chance - Another Rupert Season. These 20 survivors have only played once before, so it's nice to see some fresh faces even if it's heavily skewed in a recency bias. However so many of my past faves or nightmares are returning, so this should be an interesting season. I foresee a lot of backstabbing and pettiness, which makes for a great Survivor!

As I do every season, and poorly I might add, I try to predict who I think will win the season. This one has been giving me a real headache. I've got back and forth and finally I decided to go with what my gut told me. And my gut said....

MELISSA PREDICTS



Kelley Wentworth will win Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance

I've wracked my brains on this one and had to go with what my first instinct was. Kelly is a player we didn't get to see a lot of on Survivor: San Juan Del Sur since she was taken out by one of those dopey Christy brothers. But Kelley is a superfan and hungry to really play the game. I think while she could be seen as a target, there's far bigger fish to try. Or rice to pee on. I really waved between Kelley and her SJDS ally Jeremy, who I think this time around is the alpha surrounded by more alphas. I see Jeremy going far. I mean, I did pick him to win last time so I clearly like the dude! I'm going to throw out a wildcard for Monica to swoop in for the kill and potentially win, but I saw her video where she said no one would expect the cute girl to align with quirky people and I rolled my eyes so hard I almost got a migraine. But let's add that there are a lot of other people I'm ecstatic are back, but sadly I can't pick them all to win.

Who do you think will win Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance? Now is your time to vote! Use the form below to submit your winner prediction. Poll closes at 8pm ET on the night of the premiere!



[All images credited to CBS]


September 12, 2015

Big Brother 17: One of the Twins Says Goodbyeuhhhhh

9/12/2015 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 11


The house applauds themselves for surviving the Double Eviction, especially Vanessa who is relieved her #1 target was eliminated. The house is split 3-3 now, well unless the Austwins come into power because you know Vanessa would side with the power. The houseguests compete in the next HOH competition which is to determine which houseguest isn't featured in a scroll of "trading cards" and construct their face as a puzzle. I'm all-in to this competition due to the baseball theme specifically have a team called the "Big Brother Squirrels." I love comp squirrels! Austin earlier pondered throwing the competition since he has deals with everyone, but ultimately gives it some effort but is eliminated second. Julia is eliminated after Austin, which means their threesome is in jeopardy. Steve beats Johnny Mac in the final round and becomes the new HOH.

The only person that's more excited than Steve about his HOH is Vanessa, who can let her puppet do all the dirty work of breaking up the Austwins while she skates on by. The twins are nervous that Steve will put them on the block together, and Austin sees this as the end of the Scamper Squad. Austin finally remembers he's playing a game for himself, not a group, so he can't keep his entire alliance together. Looks like Austin is ready to sacrifice one twin to advance his game, and it's definitely not the one he's making out with on the reg. The Austwins seem to think one of them will be a pawn next to Johnny Mac or not nominated at all since a deal was previously made before the Double Eviction occurred. But just in case it's not solid, the twins kiss major Steve ass. Steve's plan was to nominate both twins, but Vanessa points out to Steve that if the person not on the block wins the veto, they save one of them and control the votes. It's an excellent point because all this could backfire spectacularly, which is what I want because I need some chaos/karma. Steve nominates Austin and Liz for eviction, because Julia is unlikely to win veto given her less-than-stellar history in competitions. Steve assures Austin the target is Liz, not him, but is also ready to eliminate him if necessary.

Liz leaves the nomination ceremony early and heads to her bed to cry. Steve feels his big move will show how great he is to the jury and be his selling point should he make it to the end. Basically, all hope for the Austwins lays with Julia winning veto and well, we know how she ususally does. The veto competition is Bowlerina and features a special guest: Jessie AKA Mr. Pectacular, who we had been given a reprieve from for years. The challenge is to spin around 15 time to lower a gate and have 15 seconds to bowl and knock down their pins. The goal for the players is to win, but the goal of production is for someone to hurl on the lane. In the "Vanessa Rules Everything" Moment of the Night, she convinces Julia to challenge ally Austin to ensure Julia can't be nominated as a replacement ("Julia" sure, I think you mean yourself Vanessa). Basically, Julia fudged it all up because Austin was planning to throw it all to Julia at the end to ensure the trio's safety. Fueled by anger, Austin beats Julia and then everyone else once he sees Vanessa is also subtlety against him. He then slaughters the rest of them to ensure his own safety and thus giving him more chance to blab about vengeful Judas.

The twins realize they got plaaaaaayed by Vanessa and now both sisters will be sitting on the block next to each other. The twins confront Vanessa, which is a losing game since we know Vanessa can talk and cry her way out of anything. She succeeds with convincing Julia, by asking why didn't Austin throw the challenge to her anyway? Austin admits to Liz that yes he played along with earlier convos about being OK with the twins going, but he obviously wants them around. Liz is so mad that her boyfriend turned on them. Chaos erupts in the alliance with everyone turning against each other, and Austin is heartbroken that the girl he loves is basically dumping him. Then they get back together. It's all the twins whining you can tolerate in one hour, culminating in their sitting side-by-side in the nomination chairs at the Veto Ceremony.

The twins begin their process of mourning while Steve's side is secretly excited they kept their three safe. Neither twin wants to campaign since money doesn't compare to their twin bond, but someone has to go. Vanessa is this week's swing vote, as Austin will vote to keep Liz while Johnny Mac wants to evict Liz, a bigger threat. The Austwins can see that Liz is the target since she is the one houseguest that wouldn't take Vanessa to final two. Julia is willing to give up her game to let her sister, the better competitor, stay and hopefully win. But easier said than done because it requires getting either John or Vanessa to flip. Austin pleads with Vanessa to let the twins choose who stays, so she agrees but forces her to make a crazy deal for her safety, her to have voting power, and taking her to the finals. "Seems fair, right?" GIRL, too many contingencies.

Before sending one twin home, the houseguests all get video messages from home and the jurors react to Meg and James arriving after the Double Eviction. Then the action shifts to the live vote where the twins deliver two overly rehearsed speeches before the house votes to evict. Julia is evicted in a 3-0 vote and leaves her Liz crying upon departure. Julia says no regrets, though she realizes maybe she shouldn't have challenged Austin in bowling. She now kinda likes "Liztin" together, in case anyone cares. Just to leave Julia with one last cringey moment before jury, Austin's goodbye video says he loves Liz with his whole heart and maybe he'll see her at Christmas dinner. Christmas is CANCELLED.

The four remaining houseguests compete in the "Under the Rainbow" HOH competition which is a twist on the typical chicken wire competition. This time, the eggs must be moved over a rainbow arch instead of sideways. But there's a luxury prize up for grabs too in the form of a "once in a lifetime trip outside the house." A sweet Irish jig plays as the competition begins oh so slowly. The arches are big, so expect this to take a long, boring time.




September 7, 2015

Bachelor In Paradise: Roses, Breakups, and a Proposal

9/07/2015 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 6 - Part 2 - Finale

Everyone is still reeling over the breakup of Kirk and Carly, which makes them think it could happen to them too. Could love survive outside of Paradise? The answer is doubtful but let's roll with it because it's time for Fantasy Suite dates AKA bone zone.


Basically everyone's overnight date is the exact same, which involves having dinner and drinks but all at different hotels. Nick and Samantha sip margaritas while having the same amount of chemistry as last night's date: zero. She barely kisses back and looks so uncomfortable, but hey let's move it to the bedroom. Justin and Cassandra are moving quickly since this show gave them a deadline after what, 48 hours together? Cassandra declines the Fantasy Suite since she is a single mom and wants to keep it appropriate and slow, though Justin wonders if it's because she's not interested. Ugh dude, listen to her. Tenley has a little more trepidation about everything given her recent heartbreaks, but Joshua would still like to see what a life could be like together outside of Paradise. They slip the ol' "Do Not Disturb" sign (in Spanish!) on their door. Jade worries she could end up like her bestie Carly, but that's not likely since Tanner tells Jade he loves her and she says she loves him too. They spend the night in the Fantasy Suite and wear the hotel robes, which I hope they stole afterwards.


The couples return back from their lame-o final dates and get a speech from Chris Harrison about the final rose ceremony. The roses handed out this time mean you want a life together outside of Paradise. So everyone gets gussied up for the final rose ceremony and ponders over balconies what may happen. Except Tenley, who close-talks with Joshua about if their long-distance relationship is feasible. See, some people do actually use their minds AND hearts on this show!

Justin and Cassandra are first at the rose ceremony podium and they both accept each others roses, looking to pursue this relationship for a more extended period than a long weekend in Mexico. Nick talks about how beautiful Samantha is and she says they were meant to be, so they happily exchange roses. Part of me is not surprised Samantha accepted a rose because I think she wants to save face, but I thought maybe she'd decline since she appears 40% invested in this. Tenley arrives at the podium looking absolutely stunning, while Joshua can't be bothered to tuck in his shirt. Joshua's speech is about how unexpected this love has been, but wants to try to pursue a relationship beyond this paid vacation. Tenley gets teary about Joshua restoring her ability to love, but him living in Idaho and their lifestyle difference is a major hindrance. While she wants to try, she knows it is the right thing to end this fling now. But all love is not lost! Paradise saved the best (and most predictable) for last. Jade expresses her love in a beautiful speech to Tanner, then he tells Jade at the rose ceremony he can't give her a rose... because he's giving her an engagement ring! More shocking: it's not a double halo ring! Horizontal emerald-cut vintage style ring, wow! And fine yes, I smiled and thought this was sweet because even if they dated like what a month they're pretty perfect together. See, you CAN find love in Paradise!



September 6, 2015

Bachelor In Paradise: Let the Breakups Begin!

9/06/2015 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 6 - Part 1

Ashley I. and Jared head off on their overnight date, which begins with champagne and untouched snacks on an oddly sized couch bed. Ashley is down for Jared to take her virginity since he's a nice guy and she's waiting for love, so why not on a reality show where you've known each other three weeks tops. They head to the Fantasy Suite, which is a door ten feet away from their initial location, and the cameras give them their alone time. The whole house speculates whether they did the deed or not, but are underwhelmed when they return and can't be read. Ashley is swooning even harder for Jared than before, but Jared STILL doesn't feel like their relationship is going anywhere (nothing happened in the Fantasy Suite apparently). The last week of Paradise is supposed to be for serious couples and he's ready to peace out immediately. Aaaaaaand the Ashley I. tears begin.

Jorge the Bartender (my new best Twitter friend) giggles with Juelia over her feelings for Mikey. "I've always liked Mikey," she says, forgetting when she blew him off. Unfortunately, the read is off on Mikey and he delivers the bad news to Juelia that he's only feeling the friend vibe with her. Juelia cries, then scurries off to tell everyone she is leaving Paradise to be with her daughter.

But taketh one single mom and giveth a new on. Cassandra comes to Paradise and invites Justin out on her date card, except he's double booked after accepting Jaclyn's invite, still hanging after losing her chance with Jared. That's a lot of dates for a day, so Justin picks the one he deems hotter and rejects Jaclyn's invite. She's not pleased. But it's a good thing for Cassandra and Justin who really hit it off on their horseback riding date, bonding over their kid stories. Sparks fly right away with some beach makeout time. Jaclyn's unused date card ends up being used by Nick, who rolls in the sand as penance for Bachelor Pad 3 to get the card from former enemy Jaclyn. Nick wants to take out who else but Samantha, the queen of texting. They have a quiet meal in a hotel prepared by a private chef and it's as boring as the last time they did that this season. It's only interesting when Samantha clearly is angling for a rose by lightly suggesting it to Nick, then kissing him. Back at the house, all the girls see through Samantha and are sure she's not here for the right reasons.

There are four women in Paradise that aren't in "committed" relationships yet, so they are all hoping the cocktail party will give them a little more time to make connections. TWIST! Chris Harrison cancels the cocktail party and stresses this night is for serious relationships only. Ashley I. willingly steps down and leaves, giving one last ugly cry in the Uber to the airport. The Rose Ceremony begins but Chris Harrison advises/warns them all that this is about starting the new great love story not just getting more open bar time. The obvious roses are for Carly and Kirk, Jade and Tanner, Samantha and Nick, and Tenley and Joshua. Justin gives his rose to Cassandra, which we suspected, and I guess this is yet again someone else Dan was interested in and lost out to. Stumped at rose time, Dan basically cycles through the girls he courted and rejected, then decides to leave Paradise since he didn't find love. Goodbye rose! Mikey offers the last rose of the night to Mackenzie, but she declines the rose and instead wants to go home. AWK-WAAAAARD! With no other options, Mikey doesn't give out his rose either and goes home. This leads to a mass exodus of the remaining women of Amber, Ashley S, Chelsie, and Jaclyn.

The rose ceremony survivors are all wondering what is to come other than easier access to Jorge at the bar. Answers arrive when Chris Harrison shows up to deliver his monologue. The new arrivals are over and instead this week is for the five couples to see if their love can exist past an all-expense paid vacation. Everyone gets all-day fantasy suite dates to see how their relationships progress. While the girls express nerves and excitement, Kirk is torn. The last few days Kirk realized maybe he's not ready for this relationship or as connected as she is, so while she's giggling and unaware Kirk is wondering when he has to break the bad news. The time is now, Kirk. So after Carly continues to babble on about how perfect their life will be together, Kirk grabs her for "the talk." He thanks Carly for the best five weeks ever, but he's nowhere as close to being in love with her as she is with him. Carly is shocked by this coming out of left field and Kirk admits he's had these mixed feelings for a week. She doesn't want to have the conversation, so she runs. Literally. Carly is furious, crying along with her friends, who can't believe Kirk led on this relationship so long. Kirk tries to talk to Carly again but it's too late; she ain't having it! Both Carly and Kirk leave Paradise, one heartbroken and the other unable to explain why he didn't end things sooner.




Big Brother 17: Goodbye Goblins

9/06/2015 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 10

A new week of Big Brother begins with the current houseguests and jurors competing in an endurance competition to hang and get slapped around by a foam hand. If you watched the live feeds, you'll know this competition barely lasted past the end of the live broadcast, but the show has time to fill. The houseguests all fear different returnees they betrayed, while the jurors have different potential targets should they return and hold all different people accountable. Basically, trust no one except yourself and win because everyone in this house is a liar. The last remaining current houseguest is Vanessa battling against all four returning jurors, but the jurors begin to slip until it's just Vanessa and Johnny Mac. John was barely gone a half hour before returning to the game, so let's hope he smartens up this time. But the luck ends there because Vanessa holds on longest and wins Head of Household. Let's hope her HOH basket has a new hat.

The Austwins panic that John will come after them now that he's back, but we know his dumb ass wanted to target Meg when he spoke to Julie. Vanessa is able to convince that group that James is a bigger threat to all their games. John and Steve celebrate their reunion, while Vanessa approaches John to see if he's still open to their earlier discussion of working together. Vanessa needs a trio to go against Austin and the twins should she need backup, so she's covered her butt yet again. And always two steps behind, James and Meg wonder if Vanessa's target is on them instead of the Austwins. James and Meg are clearly a tight pair, crying over the possibility of the other being a pawn, but their inability to dime out Austin this week gives Vanessa the reason she needs to not target Austin. Since the nominations of Meg and James are obvious, the rest of the episode is filler including Grandma Meg (a live feed fave), Austin and Liz making it official (puke), and Julia scaring Austin.

Meg is crushed to be nominated alongside her best friend AGAIN. Meg's friends have been picked off one by one, which isn't surprising given her game stupidity at times. Vanessa's main concern is James winning the veto as that would require her naming new nominees, and making herself a new enemy besides every single person she was responsible for evicting (which BTW is literally everyone except Jace and Da'Vonne). The veto competition is Hide and Go Veto, which has each houseguest hide veto cards and then everyone else gets timed runs to seeks them, completely destroying the Big Brother house in the process. The veto card that isn't found, AKA the best hidden, will be the person that wins the Power of Veto. Hiding spots for veto cards include cushions, pizza boxes, and under beds. But the best hidden veto belonged to James, who put his under the living room rug but behind the sofa where most wouldn't look. Sorry 'bout it, Vanessa! (not at all, I love James)

The house tries to get back in order, literally and metaphorically since the play is a hot mess and now a replacement nominee has to be chosen. Vanessa's screwed because she has alliances with every single person in the house and has to put one of them up. Oh and because pawns always go home and a flip could screw her over royally. Vanessa believes Austin and Liz are bigger targets than Julia, so Julia should be the pawn since she has less enemies. Julia's not super keen on the idea since breaking up the twins is everyone's goal. Later, Vanessa totally flips out on James after he says she "plays too hard" and she is going to evict Meg to get revenge on James. Bitter much? At the veto ceremony, James saves himself and Vanessa places Julia as the replacement nominee. Will the house flip or follow?

Meg is pissed to discover the replacement nominee is another person as weak as her, which means she's the target. Vanessa is confident she has the votes to keep her word to Julia and boot Meg as Steve will do whatever she tells him to and she has a final two with John. James and Meg try to flip the votes, the smartest thing they've tried, because the other side of that house will control the whole game now. John's pretty game at first because he sees the inevitable picking off of him and Steve. But Steve ruins it all by telling Vanessa, trying to explain that if Meg stays they would target the Austwins. Steve's stress gets him so worked up he gets the dry heaves. And all for nothing because of course they don't flip. Meg is evicted by a 4-1 vote because these idiots can't see game moves that are clear as day. Meg doesn't regret evicting Shelli because she would've been targeted by her as well. And she loves James as a bestie, despite his crush, so no showmance will come of this.

Then the Double Eviction shizzshow begins. All the houseguests besides outgoing HOH Vanessa compete in the "BB Roadtrip" HOH competition and answer true/false questions about some Photoshopped pics of the evicted houseguests on fake roadtrips. The competition becomes a battle of the twins, with Liz besting Julia and winning the title of HOH. With a few minutes to scramble, Liz nominates James and John for eviction which every single person saw coming. You can see the faces of regret forming for not flipping because if luck wasn't on their side, this would end poorly. The houseguests compete in the veto competition to roll 2 balls around a giant boomerang into a numbered slot. John and James both roll their balls off the edge, so there goes any chance of them changing their fate. Julia gets the highest cumulative score and wins the Power of Veto, and you can hear everyone Big Brother fan groan at the same time. Obviously Julia doesn't use the veto and then the house evicts James by unanimous vote. So long, most entertaining houseguest for live feeds. Now our only source of entertainment is John's Diary Room shouts. James knows his last big move could be to break out the Austwins and didn't play aggressively since those people got voted out ealier.